Virginia Tech Shootings: Helping Teens Cope In the Aftermath
Many of us are still in shock following the shootings at Virginia Tech two days ago. We see new pictures and hear new information, much of which is more frightening than before. And we feel grief for the victims and their families, even though we may not have known them. Unless we have lost a child ourselves, most of us can only imagine how these families must be feeling. And we fear for our own children now more than ever.
The most difficult part of this, for many of us, will be trying to explain this to our children. How do we explain something that we, ourselves, do not understand? How do we comfort and reassure children who may be frightened that something like this will happen in their own schools? There are no easy answers.
Explaining to teenagers may sometimes be more difficult than explanations to a younger child.
When discussing the shootings with your teen, it is best to be totally open and honest. After all, for most teens, many of the victims were only a few years older than they. If teens are worried about the possibility of such violence in their own school, acknowledge that, in today’s world, that is a possibility. Don’t tell them “It’ll never happen here.” Attempting to give them a false sense of security is something most teens will see through. As strong as the temptation may be, don’t do it.
Having acknowledged that it could happen, talk to them about the precautions that are taken to make sure that it doesn’t. If the school has metal detectors, security guards, etc., point these out to them. These precautions are not foolproof (as we saw), but in many situations they do help. Point out to your teen that, though these incidents are horrible and terrifying, they really do not happen often. That’s not saying “never”, just “rarely”.
Talk with your teenager about what they can do to protect themselves if such an event were to occur. Personally, I’ve told my daughter that, if she ever sees anyone with a gun or any other weapon at school, she is to report it immediately. I’ve also told her that, if she hears gunfire, she should immediately drop to the floor and stay there, not moving or even raising her head. In addition, one of the things that she and I have discussed is that she should notify someone if she feels any student or friend she knows is writing or talking about anything that threatens or condones violence. Teens will feel better knowing that, if a situation does come up, they are not helpless. There is something they can do to protect themselves.
Talk to your teens about doing something proactive. Virginia Tech has set up a memorial website to allow people to post tributes, memorials and condolences to family and friends of the victims. If your teen would like to post something there, share the site with them. Talk to them about putting together some sort of tribute at their own school-a display, a memorial, sending cards or letters to families, etc. Doing something proactive makes people feel better. If they feel there is something they can do-no matter how small-they will feel less helpless and frightened.
If your teen is so frightened or worried that they are refusing to go to school, or if they are so distracted by the recent happenings that they are unable to do homework, behave normally with friends, etc., you may need to contact their school counselor or another professional. School counselors will be happy to provide services individually or in groups for students who are having trouble dealing with this situation.
Give your teens all the love and reassurance that you can in these difficult times. They need your love and support more than ever.
Virginia Tech, Virginia Tech shooting, school violence, school safety, Virginia Tech memorial, parenting teens, parenting teenagers
April 18th, 2007 at 12:33 pm
As a stranger in this Country, I don’t understand, how cops couldn’t do better job? Hundreds cops and SVAT tim and even students couldn’t stoop only one person who wasn’t professional soldier or trained to kill? He killed 33 people in front of higgle trained Home land security professionals? And what could happened if there wasn’t only one shutter, if he didn’t kill him self, or he was enemy solder trend to kill. I think, a lat of mistake are made here and a lat of question must be answered.
- “THEY WERE AT WRONG PLACE AT WRONG TIME” president Bush set speaking about 33 people dead at Virginia Tech.
- How “COLLEGE” can be a “WRONG PLACE” and “STUDYING” at ” WRONG TIME”?
It is just shameless cowering of failure of this administration to make americens safe in there homes. Innocent people are paying price for that.
Do something. America.
Just changing politic, the leaders, and way of interacting with rest of the World after WWII, made Germany the most prestigious country at World today.
Wake up America. “COLLEGE” newer was “WRONG PLACE” and ” STUDY ” NEWER WAS ” at “WRONG TIME” (except in middle age) , but “OUR KNOWLEDGE” can be late, and price what 33 fallen heros at Virginia Tech payed, is to high. But, like all heros, they tried and they succeeded, living this world with powerful message : Coexistence and Peace at Earth.
Make your choice. You have so many good choices in next presidential election, and I hope, your choice will be “Peace”. And do not forget, I am telling you from refugees experience: only truly democrats can build democracy and make Peace work.
White, black, women,.. Doesn’t matter if Country or peace is in question.
- “Let America be America again”…
My condolences to You, to fallen American Heros families, and to all Mankind. It is really planetary tragedy for all of as. Ibrahim Pelesic
April 18th, 2007 at 9:17 pm
“Does Virginia Tech massacre make you want stricter gun control laws?�
I came across this “real time� poll website called BuzzDash.com and they currently have the subject, and are asking: “Does Virginia Tech massacre make you want stricter gun control laws?�
As of 7:03.48 PM-PDT today. This BuzzDash.com is a “up to the second sampling of close to 350 online users polled said – No!�
347 votes since 4/17
Yes, current laws are too lax– 44%
No, protection is our right – 55%
This site BuzzDash says it’s “a community-driven website that provides a real-time dashboard showing continuously updated snapshots of popular opinion and people can gauge the pulse of the nation on the Virginia Tech tragedy and whether it should affect current gun control laws.�
I say, whether “yes” or “no” America, PLEASE make your opinion known!
Darlene
Roanoke, VA
April 18th, 2007 at 10:38 pm
Mullah Cimoc say this part of destroying of usa for punish for war crime in iraq.
but go back long time. this because male of ameriki, and all western society, alienated or some say obsolete. this causing the frustration and go insane.
One famous ameriki satanist naming anton levay, him book call “secret life of a satanist”, him discussing this same subject so long ago and predicting accurately what happen this killing and why happenign this kind of the killing.
April 20th, 2007 at 1:50 am
‘IN MEMORY OF’ t-shirt will be a reminder.
http://moeschwag.com/hmet.html