Parenting Teens

Over at MotheringDotCommune (which is another great place to hang out and discuss kids and other family issues) one of the discussions currently going on involves teens and their chores-i.e. whether they should have them, whether they should be mandated to do them at a certain time or have the freedom to decide when themselves, whether they should be paid to do them, etc.

These questions always make for interesting discussion. Apparently, one mom has a teenage son who says that his friends either don’t have chores at all, or they get paid to do them, while she expects him to do chores for (gasp!) free! Now, I’d tend to take a report like this, from a teen who doesn’t want to do chores, with a grain of salt. Most of the teens I know have parents who expect them to do at least a few things around the house.

Now, some people do pay their kids for chores. One parent I know makes the argument that, since she doesn’t get paid for all the housework she does, she doesn’t see any reason why her teenager should. I’m sure many people consider that a valid argument. Personally, I’ve always been in favor of paying my daughter for doing chores. For one thing, it provides a good lesson in the consequences of not doing things for which you are responsible. No chores, no money. It also makes her responsible for earning her money, rather than having it simply given to her, as an allowance does. I know parents don’t get paid for doing housework (believe me, I know!), but then, unless teens are old enough and working at jobs, they don’t have any other way of earning money.

Another issue raised was whether teens should have a say in when they do the chores, or should those rules be set by the parents. Apparently, one mom’s son wants to do his chores after he goes out with his friends, and when he’s not tired from other things like school, sports and friends. Personally, I think this is best handled (at least for me) by having it both ways.

I usually tell my daughter in the morning that her chores have to be done by a certain time-say dinnertime, or 8:00 pm. Then, it’s up to her when, during that span of time she wants to do them. This is the same on weekdays and weekends, so that on weekends, she might have around a 12-hour or so window during which she can do those chores. She can get them done right away, wait until the last minute, or any time she feels like it. This gives her a feeling of some control. It’s not all entirely up to mom when she does something.

A lot of the issues surrounding chores make for good parenting discussions. Does your teen have chores? Is he/she paid for doing them? Do they decide when or do you? I’d really like to hear from some of you out there!

[tags]parents, parenting, parenting teens, parenting teenagers, teens, teenagers, chores, allowance, responsibilities[/tags[