Parenting Teens

Today I am tired. So tired my snark isn’t in full working order, and my furrowed brow’d confusion is much more the facial fare. It’s nights like last night that give wrinkles - fortunately my fool proof wrinkle solution is till fill them up with fat - round and wrinkle free! Whooo!

Anyway.

Part of being mom to my kids and all their friends, is being available to them in an emergency. Last night I received a phone call from B. She was tentative, and hesitant, and I knew right away something was wrong. She made sure I had gas, before asking me quickly if I could take her and her roommate to the emergency room, because said roommate had swallowed the rest of her pain pills.

My heart stopped. I won’t lie - I broke some speed limits to get to them. I made it to their place in less then 5 minutes, and to the hospital from there in less then 10. And thus began my 7 hour stay in the Emergency Room with one of my daughters of the heart rather then blood, and her newly inducted-to-the-mama-worry-club friend.

As we waited, I gathered the rest of the story - or what we knew. She’d taken the rest of her pain pills, 21 of them, because “no one cared”. She had heard some things through the grapevine that originated with family and what they were saying behind her back. Fortunately, she decided to text two of her best friends - B included - to tell them what she’d done. She found out quickly that people DO care. B called me, I came to get them, and the text messages were flying as people checked on her, and tried to figure out what happened and why.

Then we had a surprise - a nurses aid walked in, and said she was C’s grandma. This is where the confusion began for me. She knew what had happened, she read the chart, she got our stories, she patted C’s hand, made vague accusations about C and her ex-roommate that were completely false, and then… she left.

She left.

I’m sorry, but that makes zero sense to me. C wasn’t even mine, and I was there, helping her get undressed into her gown, helping her answer questions to the nurses, the doctor, holding her hand as she cried when the Vampire Lady drew blood for toxicology. I brushed her hair back, I let her know I was there, I told her where I was going when they kicked us out so she could talk to psych, I checked on her often from the waiting room…

and her grandmother left.

Not only that - she called her father, which was something C didn’t want to happen as these family stories that set off this episode originated there. (C is 18, and the hospital didn’t call anyway by her request.)

Her dad arrived, asked at the check in desk if she was there, and the receptionist pointed him to me. As she is his daughter, I filled him in on what had happened, and what we knew at the time - her blood tests had come back normal, she could sleep this off without doing irreparable harm to her body, but we weren’t sure she’d be coming home until she was awake enough to talk to psych. He mumbled something, then paced a bit, then went out for a smoke, came back, and looked worried - and pissed. And bored.

When C was released, they gave me her paperwork. She hugged her dad, then faced him to give him a general why/what happened. Then she came back to me, so that I could take her and B come around 4am this morning. Once there, I made sure that she knew she could call me to talk anytime, that I cared, that I was there if she needed me.

I gave Dad and grandmother my number, in case they needed to find her and couldn’t, as I have access to their friends. But I didn’t expect the call I got this morning - grandma made arrangements in C’s behalf - without C’s knowledge - to move her out of state with family she hardly knows, in order to escape the problems she’s had here. I promised to pass the message along, but she’d woken me up and I wasn’t about jump to her bidding right then. I passed it on, yes, but not until I was awake, and I did not call her back with B’s number, leaving the choice of contact up to C.

I just don’t understand some parents. I don’t do the helicopter hovering thing, but I certainly don’t ignore them and their needs either. Every one of my kids knows that I will drop EVERYTHING to get to them if they need me, no matter the time of day, no matter the cost involved, no matter what else is going on. My kids need me, and I’ll be there.

If you’re not willing to do that for your kids, why the hell did you have them in the first place?

ETA - 9/1: Thank you guys for your comments. I wanted to let you know that she’s been in contact with me several times since that night. She texted me this morning, thanking me again for being there, and promising that she’ll remember I’m always here for her just as I am for all of my ‘kids’. She was going dress shopping with her cousin for her cousin’s homecoming -she sounded better, and is doing OK. Thank you for keeping her in your thoughts and prayers. We appreciate it!