Teen Virginity Pledges
Web MD has an interesting article concerning a study done by a Harvard graduate student, who analyzed data collected from approximately 15,000 teenagers. The teens were interviewed in 1995 and again in 1996. The title of the piece is Teen Virginity Pledges: Can They Work. According to the study, apparently not very well!
In the first survey, 13% of teens said they’d taken a virginity pledge. A year later, 53% of them said, “What pledge?”
Now, this could point to a need to conduct more studies on memory in teenagers! But I don’t think so! It sounds more like selective memory loss. Apparently, those teens who were already sexually active or had become sexually active were more likely to retract their virginity pledges.
The article goes on to talk about sex-education and religion, and the roles they play in how teenagers report sexual activity. The entire article is available at the above link. It’s a good read, so drop in.
However, I was more interested in getting some feedback from readers. As the parent of a teen, have you tried a virginity pledge with your son or daughter? What was the result? Do you think that a virginity pledge is something that teens would uphold? I’d like to know what other parents think of virginity pledges-whether you feel they’re a good thing, and why or why not?
parenting teens, parenting teenagers, teen sexuality, virginity pledges, WebMD, sexually active teenagers, teen sexual activity
April 2nd, 2007 at 3:02 pm
I have not idea if this would work in real life, but with my 12-year old, I simply harp on the importance of treating sex as something precious. I feel like it is a bit more realistic to encourage him to save it for someone special than until he’s married. But I’m jaded and bitter
April 2nd, 2007 at 5:32 pm
I talk this way with my daughter too, Kim. I feel as if asking her to make a pledge is just having something that she may have to feel guilty about breaking, on top of dealing with a very emotional time in her life!
April 3rd, 2007 at 12:31 am
In our DVD for parents of teenagers, we stress making a connection with your teenager. Tell him/her how special he or she is. Have open and honest discussions. Increase your teenager’s self-esteem and your child is much more likely to make healthy, positive choices for themselves!
April 3rd, 2007 at 6:03 pm
I’ve three kids, 15,12 and 7.5. I’ve always been open with my older two (and my youngster, when the time comes) and let them know they can talk to me about anything. My oldest teases me often about my “inner 15 year old boy” because he and I relate to each other so well.
.
The biggest joke, of course, is that I start all conversations with “I will KILL you…” which breaks the ice and we are able to laugh before getting down to the nitty gritty.
.
I know that asking them to make a pledge is a sure-fire way to have it broken. Sex happens. I encourage them to be sure they’re ready and to come into the decision openly and honestly. My son has known where the condoms are since he was 12. He also knows that I keep track of the box and the expiration dates to make sure everything is fine, and that if he wants to talk to me before he grabs one - or after he does - it’s ok.
.
My daughter also knows where the condoms are, of course, and also that it’s ok to talk to me about the pill and other forms of contraception.
.
Now, I know that a lot of folks think I’m just giving them permission to go out and bump uglies the first chance they get. I’m not. I’m giving them tools to protect themselves because the time will inevitably come when they feel they are ready for sexual experimentation. I want them to be comfortable talking to me, and know that I have their best interests in heart, and they won’t be punished for doing what comes natural.
.
After I “kill ‘em” of course. Heh.
.
(Note: I wouldn’t ACTUALLY hurt/kill them. It’s a figure of speech. No calls to CP needed. Heh.)
April 3rd, 2007 at 7:24 pm
Lessa, I agree with that asking for a pledge is just asking to have it broken! A pledge is a very clear boundary. Sometimes clear boundaries can be good, but with teens at their stage of life and development, it is better to be flexible.
April 4th, 2007 at 2:54 pm
My parents never had the talk with me when I was young (27 now). With the way the world was then and now, unless you start at about 7 with your kid, they’re going to hear about it in some form or fashion.
Instead, just live a good example. My parents were the typical 2 kids, 2 dogs, etc etc, and emphasized on my school and friends, so I never felt pressured to try anything I wasn’t ready for. When I finally did put my virginity out to pasture at college, it was just right, and no pressure or what not.
April 4th, 2007 at 4:05 pm
Thanks, Joshua, for giving a teen’s point of view. I hope I’ve been a good example for my daughter. She says she doesn’t feel any pressure, and she doesn’t seem to!