Parenting Teens

…but I’d rather let him sleep!

Lest I paint the picture that all is sunshine and roses here at Casa de Lessa, here’s a little dose of reality. Last week, the boy - normally well behaved and sweet as the day is long - woke up on the wrong side of his couch. (Yes, he has a bed. He prefers to sleep on his couch. I don’t know why. He’s a teenager - do we REALLY need any other explanation?! That’s what I thought.) It took several alarms, several knocks on his door, and one very large crane to hoist his ass off the couch and into the car. (J/K on the crane part, though it would have been helpful!)

He, with just 1 minute to spare before time to leave for school, slammed through the house, slammed doors, kicked a wall, hit another, and schlumped into the passenger seat so that he could slam the car door. When I told him (and not nicely, to be honest) to knock it off - he responded by giving me the finger.

Now, I’m all for things done in jest. We cuss around here, we flip each off on occasion, we tell each other to shut up (no YOU shut up!) and we wrestle, a lot. What we don’t do is any of those in anger. That’s crossing the line. I didn’t respond well, I’ll admit that. It wasn’t pretty at all, and to be honest, I wasn’t angry, I was hurt. Very hurt.

So, he stewed all day at school, then wanted to go to his friends house that afternoon. He sent in said friend to ask me. I wasn’t about to fall for that, said no. He had to face me, and now was the best time to do so. The boy stuck his head into the door and said “Can I go to G’s Thanks Bye” and shut the door.

…
Oh no he DID-N’T!
(Oh. Oh, yes ye did.)
…

I had a choice. I could yell. I could scream. I could throw things and hit walls and doors (Hey, I never said his temper didn’t come from me, did I?). Or? I could talk to him, honestly and calmly. I chose the latter.

I give my kids a lot of leeway, probably more than most. Part of it is because their Daddy was always the fun one, and I have to balance the disciplinarian with being fun too, as I’m all they have. (They have my parents and sister too, but you know what I mean.) It’s not an easy line to tread. I’m more than their mom, I’m their friend, and sometimes, we both need reminding that Mom trumps Friend when the situation demanded it.

It turned out fine, though, as my son is one of the better kids out there. He’s smart, he’s sensitive, he’s strong, he’s a good, decent, loving and lovable human being. The discussion ended in a hug, with some tears, and apologies as we came to a meeting of the minds, and made sure we were on the same page once again.

Point is - don’t be afraid to get angry at your kids. It’s going to happen. Conversely, also be unafraid to be just as teenage angsty as they are. That’s going to happen too. The thing is to relate to your kids on the same emotional playing field, but do so in a calm and loving manner. And if you blow up - don’t be afraid to apologize. If you make a mistake, don’t be afraid to admit it. They’ll respect you more for showing them how to man up and take responsibility, than they ever will for seeing you play the unflinching deity in their life.

And for heavens sake - let grumpy sleep in once in a while. Naps do wonders for the teenage soul!