Parenting Teens

Ok, first off - how is it the middle of October already?! I mean, I know my parents (in one of their infinite moments of delusion!) used to complain that the years went by faster and faster as you got older, but this is ridiculous! People are talking about Christmas already, for heavens sake! We just HAD Christmas! Harumph. (I hear you laughing, Nana…)

Anyway, a couple of days ago was the my daughter’s first High School Band Concert. Now, I know I’ve bitched about band before, but I’m the first to admit that I’m glad we’ve made it through to the high school years, where they actually sound good almost all of the time! No clarinet squeaks, better music choices, leadership, ensembles and drumline - which we’ll get to in a moment.

Don’t they look nice?!

It was a relatively short concert, as it was only the high school band instead of both jr. high and high school - Mrs. S. teaches both. Along with the music choices, and the talent of the band, something else stood out to me that night - something a lot less pleasurable.

The audience. Or more exactly, the LACK of audience.

All through Grade school and Jr. High, it’s standing room only - friends and family, and random people with nothing better to do then count clarinet squeaks pile into the gyms, the auditoriums, the venues in order to support their children as they struggle to find their musical footing. At this weeks high school concert - their were more kids on the stage than people in the audience. Maybe it’s because high school kids drive themselves, but that’s no excuse. It’s really not.

I get a ton of referrals for people asking what their parental responsibility is for their teenagers. First and foremost, you are responsible to raise them well, to discipline them when called for, and to love and support them in every endeavor they choose to take on - every one of them. If you want your kids to make wise choices, then you have to be willing to put your money where your mouth is - or in this case, your ass in the auditorium seat - and support those choices, 100%.

You think those kids didn’t notices the empty seats? You think they didn’t notice who’s parents are there, and who’s aren’t? One teenager actually said in passing to mine “Oh! you’re mom is here! She’s always here, though, isn’t she? I forget that. Mine never are.” It was said matter of factly, but the look in her eyes betrayed the real thoughts behind it.

I’ve had my considerable behind shoved into many an uncomfortable seat over the years. Concerts and programs and plays and more concerts… I’ve sat through hours upon hours of practice leading up to the events, as well as more hours then I can count watching the performances too. I know we’re busy, we’re trying to support our kids in any number of ways - but don’t you think that being there is much more important than that extra hour of work? Don’t you think that showing up would mean more to them than having an extra gift come the holidays?

Times are rough all over right now, but trust me, the two hours spent in support of your teenager will go far in shaping the person they are to become. So its time to get off our asses, record Heroes like every one else in the audience did (or come to my house and watch it since I DID record it) and support your teenagers. They may act like it’s no big deal, but it is. They’ve just been trained to accept you won’t be there.

Surprise them.
Surprise yourself.
It’ll be worth it, to both of you, I promise.

Oh yeah - drum line. I’m doomed. My 9 year old watched their performance in AWE. “OMG MOM THAT WAS SO AWESOME!” Drums. Somehow, I think in a couple of years? I’ll be missing the squeak of the clarinet…