Parenting Teens

I knew it would. I mean, part of me hoped it would sooner or later, though if I’m perfectly honest, I was pulling for the ‘later’. Then I found, when it DID happen, that just saying the WORD made me want to cry. So here it is.

My son, my strong, quiet, shy, loving and lovable child of just 16 years old, has his first girlfriend.

Ouch. That hurts. And don’t think I miss the irony of having written this post just 24 hours beforehand - or that Nana wrote this one yesterday, either!

You see, before this, all the jokes were of the “you know, it’ll happen EVENTUALLY” variety. Now, all of the sudden, eventually seems a whole lot closer then I was ready to acknowledge! I know that it was luck that had him quietly NOT dating this long, but now all bets are off. So the questions start.

Did I really teach him well enough?
Will he be respectful to her?
Will she break his heart and am I going to REALLY hurt her for doing so?
Will they wait (omgwaitPLEASEWAIT) until they’re (..I’m! Wait until I’m…) ready before taking things farther then the kiss (OMG HE GOT HIS FIRST KISS!?!)
What is the expiration date on those condoms, anyway and HEY! WHY ARE SOME MISSING? (I’m looking at YOU Z/B! How could you forget Rule Number Two?)

To be honest, I know the answers to those questions already, but the mom in me can’t help but wonder, as my heart breaks just a tiny bit. He was bound to grow up - hell, the child has been taller then me since he was 13, and he stands a towering 6 foot tall now over my mere 5′6″. And he’s built like a freakin linebacker, to boot. Even so, he’s always been my baby - my firstborn, my only son.

His daddy was very big on respect toward women, and those lessons are impossible to forget, as he’d heard them since he was born. Open the doors, carry the bags/books, be polite, be respectful, never EVER raise your hand against a lady in anger. He also had my influence too, of course. Girls like this, HATE that, find someone you can talk too, chemistry is nice but forever is a LONG TIME, take your time, be their friend first - everything else will come, talk to me, talk to me, talk TO ME.

As such, The Boy has always been ‘the friend’ to the girls in his group of peers, as well as his sister’s friends, and random girls who’s lockers were near his. He gives great hugs, and has strong shoulders that can carry any load. Girls talk to him, they seek him out when they need reassurance in the form of a hug and quiet, non-judgmental understanding. And even so, my shy boy never once thought he was noticed, never thought the girls knew he existed. “They know,” I’d tell him often. “They know - just wait and see. The smart girls marry their friends, like I did. Your time will come.”

His time is here. We’ve teased him for months that this co-worker liked him. We’d pointed out all of the evidence, but he’d just shake his head, maybe blush a little. We teased, but we knew he’d have to be ready, and he’d take his time. Then, with one last nudge of his friend Z who wrote the all important txt message that opened the conversation, holding it to The Boy’s hand so that he actually pushed send, he made his move. A move she’d obviously been waiting for. (She did, however, make him ask her out in person, not in text. That gets points with Mama!)

So there it is. I’ll have to get used to saying it. My son has a g…gi…gir…girlfriend. We’ve waited for it, expected it, wondered when it would happen - and now? All I want to do is take it back, take it ALL back, and go back to when he ran up and down the hallway screaming “Mama I LOVE you!” at the top of lungs, while I chased his tiny 2 year old form until I caught him, and we hugged and laughed until we couldn’t breathe.

Now I have to share his heart, and I’m not sure I’m ready for that. I guess I should have paid attention to all those books we read about sharing when the kids were younger. I didn’t, and thus - in the immortal words of those same kids - I’ll end with this:

“BUT I DON’T WANT TO!”