Notice the Positives
How many of us who are parenting teens take time to notice the positive things? The challenges of parenting a teenager can seem overwhelming, especially to those who are dealing with them for the first time. Our teens can do so many things that cause annoyance or concern.
Your daughter often forgets her homework assignments, or spends so much time on the phone with friends or watching TV that she is up until all hours finishing homework. Your son stays out late every weekend and never seems to hear your reminders about his curfew. Your teen seems to spend almost all home-time in his/her room, never coming out to be with the rest of the family.
Sometimes, it seems as though every word you say to your teen is a reminder or a complaint. Think of it in terms of your work. You arrive on time every day, complete most of the tasks on your agenda for any given day and feel that, overall, you turn in a good job performance. But what does your boss notice? The one or two tasks that you DIDN’T get done! What does he mention? The one day out of the year you were late! Or some task that he feels was not done to his standards! And how does this make you feel? Low and unappreciated, if you’re like the rest of us!
Your teen can often feel the same way. The only time you say anything about his grades is when they’re bad. You never notice when she gets home on time, only when she’s late. You never thank him for taking out the trash. It can be easy to forget such things, especially when you think of them as things that are expected, and not as something that you should make a big deal over.
However, noticing the positive things your teenager does can make a big difference in your teen’s self-esteem, and have a positive effect on his/her relationship with you. Go out of your way to compliment or praise your teen every day. Thank him/her for doing the dishes, or for babysitting for a younger brother. Tell your daughter that the clothes she is wearing in the morning look good on her. When your son gets home on time, tell him how much you appreciate it.
It’s not really that difficult to find positive things to say to your teen, once you start actively thinking about it. And you may be surprised and pleased to discover how much both your relationship and your teen’s overall behavior will improve because of it!
teen behavior, teenage behavior, parent-teen relationship
November 1st, 2006 at 1:09 pm
Nice blog. I finally took time to read all your posts. I have 3 daughters. 2 teens, one leaving teenhood soon. I love having girls. We have the best time. One of our favorite things we do each year is a road trip. We started this when I was still married to their father. But it’s a great bonding time, and we have a blast. I’m 49 chronologically, but still very young at heart.
November 2nd, 2006 at 6:28 am
Tracey,
My daughter and I have some great bonding times. We take short trips together and, at home, we have favorite places we go to lunch and TV shows we watch.