More on Myspace - Ask Lessa edition!
So, my comment in answer to a question on the last Myspace Post became, well, a whole ‘nother post, so I thought I’d move it here, in case someone else had the same type of question, and would benefit from seeing the answer.
Avrum Nadigel said:
Parent’s have asked me how to ensure their kids aren’t creating alternative identities at their friend’s place… internet cafes, etc.
Any advice?
The other issue is that, regardless of prep, parents can’t control how other teens use their child’s info. It’s truly the Wild West out there.
My advice is what it always is - TALK to the kids. It’s hard to start now if they haven’t built a foundation already, but it’s better to start now then not at all, you know? Also, know your kids’ friends. Know their parents. And check THEIR profiles on occasion too. I’m lucky in that my kids’ friends all seem to like me alright, they call me mom, and my house -closest to their school- is the local gathering spot for their group. I make an effort to Scare get to know each of the newcomers that show up, make them feel welcome, and let them know that it wasn’t so long ago that I was a teenager (They swear I’ve the mind of a 16 year old boy, anyway!) and I know, remember, and understand.
Kids are going to rebel. BEFORE that happens, we need to have already gotten into their heads that they CAN come to us and talk. If you haven’t already, it’s going to be a rocky process, but that’s better then discovering your kids doing naked body shots at a bar downtown with a fake id in their back pocket - discovered because pictures are on their myspace profile.
It’s also important to TRUST your kids. You’ve spent all this time raising them, do you doubt you’ve done a good job? Have the kids given you reason to fret, or are you just driving yourself mad with ‘what if…’ scenarios just for kicks? We have to let them stretch their wings sometime. We have to trust that they’ve listened when it’s important.
If they abuse that trust, that’s another scenario all together… the minute they do, all bets are off.
As for what other kids do - we can’t control that. We really can’t. So working ourselves into a tizzy about it only drives us more insane and causes us more ulcers. Know your kids friends. Hell, know their enemies. Listen when they talk - to you, to their buddies in front of you. If we stop yelling and panicking long enough to HEAR what they’re saying, we’ll all be in a better position to protect them when they need it.
August 13th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
“hear, hear!” Lessa. Nice post.
As for what other kids do - we can’t control that.
We can’t control each kid, but as a community, we could implement various strategies (legal, spiritual, education) to reduce the chances of cyber-bullying and other nasty e-behaviors.
Actually, I’m part of a University of Toronto think tank looking at these very issues i.e., cyber-bullying.
I wish all parents were as vigilant and knowledgeable (about teens and tech) as yourself. Unfortunately, it’s simply not the case. Moreover, with dual-income families being the norm, many parents don’t have the time to monitor their kids on-line use.
I’m enjoying your irreverent take on parenting.
August 29th, 2008 at 7:52 pm
[...] In fact, it didn’t take long at all for Papa Lohan to go to the press again, instead of talking to his daughter directly. He hit up abc news first off, and lashed out against Samantha and Lindsay: “Who’s out [...]
September 17th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
[...] we’ve talked a little about social media, Myspace in particular, and your teens here before, and I realize that not everyone has the kind of relationship with [...]
October 5th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
Hello. And Bye.
August 11th, 2009 at 6:24 pm
[...] we’ve talked a little about social media, Myspace in particular, and your teens here before, and I realize that not everyone has the kind of relationship with [...]