Parenting Teens

…you can’t pick you family, but you can pick your friends. But don’t pick your friends nose…

Or something like that. All I know is that as the kids got older, I worried about what friends they would choose. Would they be good influences, or bad? Would I love them or hate them? Would we get into fights and would I have to pull the ultimate ‘you can’t see them’ card?

It’s easier when they’re little - then, as the parent, you’re in control of the play dates, of who they get to see and when, and no one blinks twice if you suddenly decide that’s enough at the playground because you have a “meeting” and pull your child away from the snot-nosed little bully that needs a good talkin’ too. You’re expected to protect them at that stage, see, and whether you go overboard (OH MAH PRESHUSH! -first baby syndrome!) or let them learn fundamental truths on their own (Told ya it was hot. Betcha won’t do THAT again! -3rd baby syndrome) - you are still in control.

Then they go to school. And make friends without you.

For the first years, you still maintain a bit of control - sleep overs become the norm, but you still hold veto power - but it seeps away a little more every year… and by Middle School? We, as parents, are doomed.

At this point, all you can do is hope. Hope they have chosen wisely, hope that all the lessons you’ve taught them are still embedded somewhere in the depths of their subconsciousness, and they will remember them when the time is right. Even if they think it’s their OWN idea - that’s ok too! At least we still have some tiny medium of control…

I will state right now, though, for all to see. When it comes to my kids and their friends? I got lucky. DAMN lucky. EXTREMELY LUCKY. In fact, while I may like a few friends better than others, there is not a single teenager or preteen in the group that I dislike so intensely that I’d not let them come over. Their parents, though… (Just kidding!)

I wish I could give you a formula on how to raise kids that choose great friends. I can’t. I just raised them up the best I could, and trusted they would choose well. From middle school on, The Boy has chosen friends with the same sense of humor he possesses, the same like of sharp and pointy things, the same grounded sense of reality and strength that he possesses himself. From fifth grade on, Peppermist and her BFF group - Micky, The Twins, Micky2 - and an ever present rotation of others as well, show a different pattern, a diversity in likes and dislikes, a mishmash of personalities, strengths and weaknesses that somehow comes together as a glorious, supportive, solid whole.

Both groups have made me laugh, have made me want to hug them like crazy, have called me mom, and have become my extended family - which is odd since I hate kids, but what are ya gonna do?

But a couple friends made themselves stand out above the rest a couple of weekends ago. They did something so shocking, so stunningly amazing, something that not even my OWN kids would ever do willingly, that I’ve since branded the Twins as my favorites de jour.

They scrubbed my kitchen floor, on hands and knees.

You’re totally jealous now, aren’t you? Not only did they do that, and loaded the dishwasher and cleaned off the stovetop and counters?

THEY CLEANED OUT MY FRIDGE!

And it was their idea. Because they were bored, and thought it would be fun - and it was, it seemed, judging by the laughter from them and Peppermist while this astonishing feet was accomplished. Which means?

I AM THE LUCKIEST MOM IN THE WORLD.

I just hope that ‘fun cleaning’ gene rubs off on Peppermist sometime soon… her room scares me.

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PS -
I want to apologize for the lack of posting this month! I also cover Big Brother over at Big Brother Craze, and it’s taken over my life. Usually we get house guests that are night owls or early birds - this year we have BOTH! The amount of posting and work there is astonishing. So - rest assured, I have not forgotten my other beloved blogs, and I will post as often as possible over the rest of the Big Brother Season.

And if your a BB Fan - come join us BBCrazies!