Parenting Teens

When I first started writing for 451 Press in October, 2006, I was intrigued by the title of another blog in the network. It’s called Long Relationships. It’s actually about long romantic relationships, and RA does a great job of blogging about the ups and downs, ins and outs of day to day life in a relationship. Check it out! There’s some great stuff over there and, after all, couldn’t we all use all the help we can get in that area?!

When I first saw the title, though (given that I was blogging about parenting), I thought of all the different types of long relationships a person has throughout their life-relationships with pets, friends, parents and children. After all, when you think about it, isn’t the longest relationship of your life with your parents? They’re there from the time you’re born! It may not always be a good relationship. These relationships have their ups and downs just like any other and, if we’re all honest with ourselves, we all know about the downs!

Then, as parents ourselves, there are our relationships with our own children. These, too, are very long relationships, seeing as how they begin with the births of our children and end (hopefully) when we die. Good relationships with our children don’t just happen. They are built, nurtured and worked on-just as are good long-term romantic relationships. I think, sometimes, parents forget this. Our children are separate, unique personalities. We have to get to know them, the same way we get to know a romantic partner-by talking, doing things together, sharing life experiences, etc.

Getting to know your kids, especially teenagers, can be a very unique and rewarding experience. My own daughter is 16 years old. The more time goes by, the more I grow to appreciate her as a person. She has a unique sense of style, talents I wouldn’t have dreamed of (since some of them are talents I’ve never had), and her own opinions on things like politics, social issues, etc. She’s not just a younger version of me, and, though she obeys me (for the most part!), she doesn’t always do it unquestioningly. I’ve learned to listen to her reasons for questioning me, and for disobeying me.

Working to build this relationship is sometimes different for both of us. Though there are things we have in common, there are also things we most definitely don’t have in common, so we’ve learned to have our time apart, but we’ve also learned that, sometimes, we have to endure some things just because the other enjoys it. My daughter, for example, (like lots of other teenage girls) loves to spend hours shopping at the mall. I can spend an hour or so there, but after two hours, I start to grit my teeth at the thought of going into yet another clothing store! But I do it at times, just because she loves it and watching her shop can be quite an experience!

There is music we both like (Daughtry, John Mayer, Aerosmith, and The Beatles, e.g.), and then music that one of listens to, but the other would rather hang their head out the window of the car than hear! There’s TV we both like (The Gilmore Girls, American Idol, e.g.), and then TV that makes one of us prefer to do housework while the other watches.

At this point, we both have a fairly good idea of each other’s likes and dislikes. We also have a pretty good record of listening to, and respecting, each other’s opinions. It’s a good relationship, overall, and my life is much fuller because of it. Even when there are bad times, I’m very glad that it’s here.

How’s your long relationship with your teenager? Spend some time this weekend evaluating it and trying to make it better. It will be one of the longest relationships of your life. Make it a good one.

parenting teens, parenting teenagers, relationships, long relationships, Daughtry, John Mayer, Aerosmith, The Beatles, The Gilmore Girls, American Idol