Parenting Teens

(Homecoming Bonfire, 9-19-08)

So. Homecoming is this weekend, and you know what THAT means… Exactly. SHOPPING. (what were YOU thinking?!)

Now, sometimes I quite enjoy shopping. When it’s Christmas time and I’m searching for just the right thing to make my family smile, when it’s a special birthday, or just a quick ‘i love you’ moment to help make someone’s day… those are times I don’t mind the press of the crowds and the multitude of faces, or even the fat lady that walks around on my knees all day making them ache. (I really should have a talk with her, you know!)

But then.. then there was last Friday night, and The Homecoming Shopping Excursion! Since The Girl’s BFF (no, not Jill! MK!) is going with my son, it was decided that a joint shopping trip was needed, so that they could make sure they looked fabulous, and also because I told them they could help pick out The Boy’s outfit too. Color the teenagers happy! I should have known better.

You see, not only was it a Friday night in our small town where there’s only one real clothing store to speak of until our Walmart is built and finished… it was also Dividend Day. Dividend Day is quite simply the day where all Alaskan’s who signed up for direct deposit of their Alaska Permanent Fund Dividend, suddenly had money in their pockets and a determination to spend it all RIGHT NOW.

I know. I’m an idiot. But, it was the one night that both girls could shop together, so I braved the wilds Of the Myer de Fred, with two giggly teenage girls in tow.

It was packed, but there were also racks upon racks of things that were 60% off, which made Mama happy, as we began our search. First, neither girl was certain what size they wore, in ANYTHING, or what they were looking for other then “Something… (gestures vaguely) …pretty.” It took four trips to the dressing room with multiple items each, where they shared the room and whispered to me to come check and discarded outfit after outfit. I also was the one in charge of making things work. (Hello, Tim Gunn!) I went back and forth between the racks, remembering where in the Sea of Sale that we found each item, in order to find the next size up, or the next size down, or no remember this one came in PURPLE too, can we try THAT one? Because changing the color would make it fit, rather then changing the size. Srsly.

There was a lot of laughter, giggling, grumbling, muttering, and even an excited squeal or two - one from me, as they declared something PERFECT at LAST! - and an infinite amount of patience so as not to beat down those who were just as eager to find that Perfect Something To Spend Their Money On. Also me.

Then after the dresses, there was 5 minutes spent picking out the boys outfit (because I am that good! And also, boys are easy.), on to the jewelry counter for accessories, hosiery for tights, and then… shoes.

OMG the shoes. These were too girly, they make me walk like a girl and I hate walking like a girl (this would be the one wearing PINK head to toe..) those are too sporty, these too big, those PERFECT but too small, those too tight, those OMG my feet would DIE, those perfect, but not in black (which I insisted on so that they could be use for concerts this year, too. Mama ain’t no dummy!), these ones are… you get the drift.

It also took three and a half HOURS, people. 3.5 HOURS! The last hour and a half? The Shoes. Finally, we were able to get out of there, with two very happy hungry freshman girls, and one exhausted and hungry mama. We made a pit stop at Taco Hell, and then it was home at last, where they naturally had to try everything on, AGAIN. Fortunately, they were still happy, though I came to one, very important conclusion through this experience:

I shoulda had all boys. It would have been SO much easier!

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