In other news, Candice, who is lovely as well, dropped me a note on behalf of PATS (Parents Attitude Tracking Study) and the Partnership for a Drug-Free America. They recently conducted a survey to see how Dads are doing in helping their kids in the fight against Drug and Alcohol use. The data collected, reveals that dads tend to take a much more passive role than mom’s when it comes to those kinds of talks, which could mean their missing a valuable opportunity to hep teach their kids.

It seems that Father’s were 3x more likely to believe the teaching about drug and alcohol use and abuse should happen in school, and report having a greater difficulty reconciling the desire to have their child see them as a friend, rather than setting the rules - though the majority of parents believe a friendship with their kids is important too.

If you’re having problems talking to you kids about drugs/alcohol, then check out drugfree.org, and read through their helpful hints to get the conversation flowing. As with everyone else around here - my stand is exactly the same: TALK TO YOUR KIDS. You might find them a lot smarter than you think.

In that same line of TALKING TO YOU KIDS, Nana recently send me a copy of the newsletter she receives at work. My mom works with the local womens shelter, and also facilitates a batterers education group for those who have such classes mandated by the courts. Yeah, I know, she’s pretty freakin awesome, ain’t she? Anyway, the subject of this newsletter is respect.

When I’m out and about, something that drives me NUTS, is when a child is disrespectful, and the parent stands there and says “I don’t know WHERE s/he gets it!” and less then 2 seconds later, said parent is extremely disrespectful themselves. Respect is a LEARNED BEHAVIOR folks, and if they don’t see it at home, they sure as hell won’t practice it out in the world.

This leads into discussions about dating and violence. Parents say their kids aren’t getting the message, and I say it’s time for the parents to TALK MORE and get it out there. If you’re having problems getting those conversations started, giverespect.org has several tips for you, so that you can get your kids to realize what exactly a healthy relationship is. Be sure and check it out!

And hey - have a conversation with your Teen today, will ya? You’ve got no excuses now!

PS: Interested in things affecting your Teen’s health and well-being? Check out Ann Engelland’s blog and get some information straight from the doctor’s mouth, so to speak. hee.

St: Mom, why did you need SO MANY lightbulbs?
Me: because they all go out at once - speaking of, mr. tall boy, would you take care of the entry way and porch light on your way out?
St: (rolls eyes) Yeaaaaaaah.

So they move over to the entry way light, and suddenly, we’re wondering just how many teenage boys it TAKES to change a lightbulb - because St? He’s the biggest and tallest of the bunch… and his fingers barely fit in the opening of the light fixture. Then when he went to pull the bulb out - after OH SO CAREFULLY unscrewing it with TWO fingers…

…his hand was stuck. STUCK. G and I just laughed, and then G went over to help catch the bulb so St. could put the new one in. Then, just before he was BLINDED, he thought to ask “Hey, is this on? AUUUUGH! BRIGHT!”

Answer: It takes at least TWO Teenage boys to change a lightbulb - and one Mom to laugh and take a sneaky picture.

G: Hey St.? how many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two! but no one knows how they got in there!
Me: hahahah!
St: …. (blank look)
Me: screw… not screw in the lightbulb, but SCREW… in th…
ST: OOOOOOOOOOOOH! HAHAHAH fuuuuuunny
Me: HAHAHAH! Oh. Em. Gee, boyo, oh. em. gee.

You’d think that it was Grandkids that made having kids worth it. I beg to differ. It’s TEENAGERS. I know, I’m likely the only person on earth who thinks so, but I don’t know what I’d do without my kids, making me laugh as often as they do.

Even via text message.

B: MOM! I gotta JOB!
Me: WHOOOO!
B: Which means after tomorrow I won’t ask you for money any more!
Me: WHOOHOOO! I’m so proud of you!
B: I love you!
Me: Love you too, kiddo.
B: So can I have the change outa your car for gas?
Me: …

Ya know, if it weren’t for these kids of mine and all their friends, eating me out of house and home, making me groan, making me laugh - this Mom gig would be flat out boring.

For those that don’t know, my husband and the father of my children passed away in 2005, and while our life may not have been perfect, Kevin was a wonderful father, and his kids adored him. We talk a lot about him, we remember silly things, we remember not so silly things, we make sure that we keep him alive and well in our hearts and minds, to help ease the ache made by the loss of his physical presence. It’s not easy, it’ll never be easy, but it’s the hand we were dealt, and the one we do our best to cope with every day.

We all know someone who’s facing this same kind of pain today - one of our bosses here at 451Press recently lost her father too, and it’s not easy. There is no time limit on grief. There is no time limit on how long it hurts. There is no time limit on when you have to stop saying things like: When he died, before he died, he passed away, it still hurts.

If someone looks at you, and has the nerve to say “you time limit for grief is up, move on”, and makes your almost grown son upset enough to cry, it’s ok to call that neighbor an asshat all over the internets and to any real live flesh and blood that will listen. I give you permission - not that you need it, but I give you permission to threaten to rip his arms off and beat him about the head and shoulders with them (only threaten though - your kids/family still needs YOU - don’t risk jail time!).

Most importantly (again not that you need it) - I give you permission to grieve as long as you need too, to hold on to your family, to gather them close and remember all the things that made you smile, made you laugh, even made you frustrated and angry. Remember every second. Talk to you kids - make sure THEY remember ever second, and keep your loved one’s alive.

Those asshats? Someday they’ll understand, and someday, they will appreciate that you didn’t rip their arms off and beat them about the head and shoulders, and someday, karma will take care of what you can’t.

Despite them, you’ll have the memories:
- memories of a son who didn’t know that Oreos had “stuff” in them until he was two, because Daddy always loved the stuff and hated the cookie.
- Memories of a five year old son who - when asked why he bloodied his buddies nose while trying out his new boxing gloves, replied with “he left his nose open!”- saw the look of absolute pride on his father’s face.
- Memories of a one year old daughter in a pink swimsuit, curled up in her daddy’s lap outside, sound asleep while daddy rested the leg he broke three days before.
- Memories of that same daughter screaming with delight as they right the Ferris Wheel that her mama can’t be paid enough to get on.
- Memories of the youngest daughter, chasing her daddy down the hallway with her puppetbear, growling and laughing while the grown man screamed in pretend fear, and that same daughter getting to ride the ‘little kid’ version of the grown up ride all alone with her daddy, because she wasn’t tall enough for the big version with her siblings.
- And so, so, so, so many more…

All the asshats will have is the universe looking to kick them in the ass.

Seems fair to me.

PS: Happy Father’s Day to MY dad, too. You’re the best, and I’m so glad MY kids get you in their life too. Thank you. I love you.

This goes straight to the “WTF?” file. The Dayton Daily News recently published an article about “needless hugging” and asked what teens would think of next - stating that this hugging was another faction on the endless campaign to confound their elders. By doing the unthinkable - and hugging their friends. I dug up the NY Times article they referenced, to find that yes, indeed, this hugging thing is becoming an epidemic.

Hugging.
Epidemic.

Now, I was raised in a family of easy contact - from hugging to the occasional slap on the behind, or punch on the arm, to the knock down drag out wrestling matches with my sister. (Don’t let her fool you - she was PERFECTLY WILLING!) We, predominantly Irish and HillBilly, were as easy with our affection as we were with our ire. I hug my children, a lot. My husband did too before he passed. We will stop anything to give a brief hug to our kids, whether it’s a long involved snuggle, or a quick squeeze in passing. And of course, we often add a poke in the side, a tickle, or an eyeball lick.

(…what?)

So this whole uproar about HUGGING seems absolutely ridiculous to me. My kids hug their friends, too. I mean, EVEN THE BOYS ARE DOING IT! At home, at school, there’s a whole lotta hugging going on, and while people like Noreen Hajinlian are banning “needless hugging” in their schools, I’m sitting here wondering what the heck the big deal is. Many schools have various bans on PDAs (Public Displays of Affection) but even the teens themselves admit this is not something sexual at all, it’s just a way of greeting between friends. Good Ole Noreen there says that’s not the case, because greeting happens before school, not between classes.

(…did ya hear my eyes roll? Did ya?)

So maybe the kids like to hug, because most of the rest of the time they’re only connected by the thumbs and texting - or maybe they’re just overly friendly. Some school officials and parents though, are worried:

• A parenting columnist for the Associated Press admits that she is baffled.

“It’s a wordless custom, from what I’ve observed,” she writes in her book, “13 is the new 18.” “And there doesn’t seem to be any other overt way in which they acknowledge each other. No hi, no smile, no wave, no high-five — just the hug.”

• Experts have been consulted to delve into what this threat of teenage hugging is all about.

“Without question, the boundaries of touch have changed in American culture,” declares a Virginia sociologist. “We display bodies more readily, there are fewer rules governing body touch and a lot more permissible access to other people’s bodies.”

• Attorneys are standing by to fight for the constitutional rights of students who might feel pressured by their peers into hugging. The day after the Times story was published, a legal Web site in Michigan warned that parents “should be alert to the potential downsides” of hugging.

• And school officials, naturally, are having trouble getting their arms around this latest form of teenage rebellion. Some have instituted a “three-second rule” to limit the length of a hug. A few years ago, in Bend, Ore, a middle school girl received detention for illegal hugging.

“Touching and physical contact is very dangerous territory,” notes the principal of a high school in New Jersey, where student — and, presumably, faculty — hugging was banned two years ago. “It was needless hugging — they are in the hallways before they go to class. It wasn’t a greeting. It was happening all day.”

So here’s my question to you - where do YOU stand on the whole hugging debate? Is it really a gateway to bigger and harder and more dangerous drugs? (…I mean sex, ya’ll. *L*) Or is it as harmless as it seems? Do you think kids will actually feel left out if they choose NOT to hug, any more than they have before? Are you a hugger or non-hugger yourself? Is this REALLY something we need to be obsessing over when there are so many OTHER things that can go wrong? Sound off in the comments below!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’ll wait while all of you stop laughing now. I’m never a “little” anything!

Anyway - this rule of not being a “joiner” has followed my kids through school. I don’t volunteer to chaparone on field trips because other people’s kids are not my kids and you have to be too careful not to offend the parents of those kids when I get frustrated and dump their “perfect lil Johnny” over the side of the boat into the perfect Glacier Bay. I don’t volunteer in the classrooms, because my kids always behave better when I’m not there, rather than when I am - and same rules of frustration apply to “perfect lil Susie” in the classroom. When it comes to PTA - I’ve never joined that either, because tha’ts where Perfect Lil Johnny and Susie’s Mom hangs out. It’s not to say I’m not involved, it’s just on a far less ‘in the open in your face’ manner.

Sometimes Parenting is all about knowing your limits.

All of that above, though, is not meant to suggest I don’t appreciate the PTA - both local and National - and what they do for our kids in school, and it certainly doesn’t mean I don’t applaud their efforts, and their progress over they’re 113 year history. Especially now… for the first time in it’s history, the PTA will install a father as it’s national president!

The lovely Julie emailed me recently to let us know we can be there during an exclusive Live Webcast Wednesday, June 24, 2009 - 2:00 PM Eastern, to see it all go down, and be the first to meet the new National PTA President, Chuck Saylors. You can register for the webcast here, and watch as Byron Garrett, the PTA’s first-ever male CEO, offers the parents that can’t attend the convention the ability to ask questions via email and have them answered live. Saylors and Garrett will focus many of their upcoming efforts on getting parents and teachers involved via Facebook, Twitter, and other Social Media platforms. They’ll also cover other important topics such as:

1. Strategic planning and priorities for the National PTA for the next two years
2. How National PTA is working with the Obama Administration and reauthorization of NCLB
3. Positive impact of male involvement and ways in which men can get involved
4. Summer tips to stay ready for back to school season
5. And so much more!

So what are you waiting for? Go sign up!

Thanks Julie for the heads up!

Recently, the lovely Deb invited me to check out @15, including watching the 1 hour panel discussion to unveil a new research report all about our 15 year olds in the US. It was hosted at http://at15.org, on June 8th. While I missed the original webcast, I have recently gone back to watch it, and encourage all of you parents to do so as well.

The website itself is pretty damn cool! It’s geared at the teenagers, determined to give Teens a voice, and helps them get involved in issues that affect them directly, and listening to their ideas about everything from the environment to education. Teens can join the site, and earn points, as well as vote on the ways that Best Buy will help support teens in a variety of ways, including voting to decide exactly how Best Buy would divide up and donate to a variety of organizations.

@15 and Best Buy partnered with Search Institute and created the Teen Voice 1009: The untapped Strengths of 15-year-olds and you can download the report right here as a PDF. And if your teen wants to get more involved, @15 will soon be accepting applications to become an @15 Teen Spokesperson too.

Best Buy, and @15.com is determined to look at Teenagers through a positive lens, instead of of negative. I highly encourage you to go and watch the webcast, and check out the site on your own, as well as get your teen involved, too! Isn’t it about time we hear some GOOD news about our Teens instead of bad? Yeah, I thought so too. Help your Teen find their Voice, today!

(The same thing we do every night, Pinky - try to take over the world!) (Wow, that previous paranthetical aside totally made me old, didn’t it? Sigh. Pinky and the Brain, kids. Educate yourself! )

Now, if your a hip parent (and I TOTALLY AM, though my lameness increases with each declaration of my hip status. This parenting thing is CONFUSING!)you text your kids, too, and your kids send you back messages filled with abbreviations and acronyms that you don’t understand. It’s ok. We’ve all been there and know there’s a learning curve. The Webopedia is even here to help with a list of 1,125 entries of what your kid might possibly be trying to tell you.

For the most part, it’s pretty easy to pick up - which is good, especially with the teenage “sexting” that’s going on, and how dangerous it is. If you happen to get a random text that was accidently sent to you (what? it happens!) and you don’t know what it means, Fox Atlanta has a list of some things you may want to be on the lookout for - just to make sure your kids are playing it safe. These are the top 50 text acronyms that all of us should know:

1 8 Oral sex
2 1337 Elite
3 143 I love you
4 182 I hate you
5 459 I love you
6 1174 Nude club
7 420 Marijuana
8 ADR Address
9 ASL Age/Sex/Location
10 Banana Penis
11 CD9 or Code 9 Parents are around
12 DUM Do You Masturbate?
13 DUSL Do You Scream Loud?
14 FB F*** Buddy
15
16 FMLTWIA F*** Me Like The Whore I Am
17 FOL Fond of Leather
18 GNOC Get Naked On Cam
19 GYPO Get Your Pants Off
20 IAYM I Am Your Master
21 IF/IB In the Front or In the Back
22 IIT Is It Tight?
23 ILF/MD I Love Female/Male Dominance
24 IMEZRU I Am Easy, Are You?
25 IWSN I Want Sex Now
26 J/O Jerking Off
27 KFY or K4Y Kiss For You
28 Kitty Vagina
29 KPC Keeping Parents Clueless
30 MorF Male or Female
31 LMIRL Let’s Meet In Real Life
32 MOOS Member Of The Opposite Sex
33 WYCM Will You Call Me?
34 MOS Mom Over Shoulder
35 MPFB My Personal F*** Buddy
36 NALOPKT Not A Lot Of People Know That
37 NIFOC Nude In Front Of The Computer
38 NMU Not Much, You?
39 P911 Parent Alert
40 PAL Parents Are Listening
41 PAW Parents Are Watching
42 PIR Parent In Room
43 POS Parent Over Shoulder or Piece Of Sh**
44 PRON Porn
45 Q2C Quick To Cum
46 RU/18 Are You Over 18?
47 RUH Are You Horny?
48 S2R Send To Receive
49 SorG Straight or Gay
50 TDTM Talk Dirty To Me

How many did you know? Pay attention to you kids - give them reasons to type out PAL and PAW more often, and as I ALWAYS stress - TALK TO YOUR KIDS.

In text speak, if you have too.

“RU SRS? GTYR, YG! 143.”

(Are you serious? Go to your room, you’re grounded! I love you.)

Good Morning America got the same reaction recently as they showed a segment talking about that and young girls passing out sexual favors like candy for gifts or money, and sliding into the realm or prostitution etc. Oh, and the “prettiest girls from the most successful families are the most at risk.” Naturally, it’s shock journalism at it’s best, but that isn’t to say that it’s not happening - otherwise there wouldn’t have been a story at all.

While many of the parents who watched this are now flipping out in shock all over the internets, I think the most telling part of this story is to read the comments that have been left on over at ABC.com. In between all of the Bible Thumpers blaming the devil and the general “Godless Living In America” and flailing about in a moral panic, are some interesting comments from those who are still teens, and who remember their teenage years without viewing them through parental outrage.

Some of the comments that jumped out at me were the parents that admitted to a lot of free lovin in the 60s, others who point out that the age group of the story included 18-19 year olds as “teens” and those “teens” are actually adults, and some of them are even married, and participating in sexual activities with their spouse.

But the most telling is one of the girls who was featured in the segment itself - and she denied doing anything for money, but doing it because she wanted too. And most important thing brought up is the fact that parents don’t talk to their teens about sex!

Say it with me now - ya’ll know my mantra here at PTB: TALK TO YOUR KIDS!

Look, it’s simple. It’s not rocket science. We were all teenagers once, and sex is not something dirty to be swept under the rug. Curiosity is normal, and shoving abstinence down a teenagers throat while ignoring everything else is going to make it a “forbidden fruit” and if you remember ANYTHING about being a teenager - that fruit tastes sweetest.

You want your kids to make smart choices? Then give them the information and tools they nee to have to do so. Don’t sit on the couch with your jaw dropped and shock written all over your face when you hear what’s going on. This has nothing to do with bible thumping, nothing to do with a godless America, nothing to do with a lack of morals. It has everything to do with human sexuality, puberty, and the joy of sex.

So don’t make it into what it’s not. Get up off your high horse and TALK TO YOUR KIDS. Give them the information they need. Be honest about your own experiences because if you’re preaching ‘virgin at marriage’ you damn well had better kept it in your pants until you walked down the aisle. Look your kid straight in the eyes and admit that you lost your virginity while a teen - or not. It wasn’t the best experience - or it rocked your socks off. Be honest about if you were ready or not, and how you felt emotionally about waiting or not. Let them know that oral sex is still sex (after all, it says it in the name!) and talk to them about petting, making out, oral sex, sexual intercourse and how each made you feel from an emotional point of view. Were you ready? Were you scared? Were you pressured? Did you stand firm and wait? How did it make you FEEL emotionally?

Moms, talk to your SONS about how a girl feels.
Dads, talk to your DAUGHTERS about how a boy thinks.

Be HONEST.

Your kids aren’t stupid. Stop treating them like they are.

Ok, so that’s not ENTIRELY true. I’ve seen her, but only in passing and never her full face. And I know exactly who is to blame.

Edward Cullen.

Don’t pretend you don’t know who he is! EVERYONE knows who he is. The movie version of him passes through my feed reader 87 times a day. (Which makes me want scream. Ugh. Some men make scruffy appealing. He ain’t one of them. ) Which means, of course, that the real blame falls on Stephenie Meyer, and the Twilight series of books. I say series, because the reason I haven’t seen Peppermist, is that she’s devoured the first 2.5 books over the past three days.

Part of me is proud, of course, because back in the day trying to get my kids to read involved things like hot pokers, water torture, threats and tears - mostly on my part. I was certain that they’d NEVER read, that they’d hate it with every fiber of their being. When the switch flipped in their head though, and words started making sense, they all discovered a love of the written word. They’ve never looked back.

Which is why I haven’t seen my daughter for THREE DAYS - unless it’s with a book in front of her face. The sun is shining, and she’s curled up in the corner of her bed with Edward and Bella. Finally, I had to grab the first one and see what all the hullaballu is about. I’ve heard the trash talk, I’ve heard the massive amounts of praise, I haven’t bothered to see the movie (Betcha I’m gonna have to NOW), etc. So I picked up Peppermist’s copy of Twilight, and started to read.

And I get both sides - I can see where some would call Meyer a talentless hack, but I also see the appeal of her story too, from a very teenage point of view. (Because inside my head, I’m still 16. Or 12. What-EV-er.) Her style is not very “grown up” but it IS engaging, and she does tell her story well in her own way. Edward Cullen is not the typical Vampire we’ve come to expect from horror stories, but Bella very much is a typical outcast teen. Maybe my understanding comes from years of playing ‘against the stereotype’ characters in various Roleplay venues (yes, my geek is showing), but I get it. I’m only halfway through the first book (…I don’t have 3 days off to do nothing but read like Peppermist!) but I can get why Meyer has legions of fans to go hand in hand with her critics. I also finally know where the Lamb/Lion quote comes from. (I’ll be happy if I never have to hear it again, too!)

I still can’t get the appeal of Pattinson, but that’s OK. Maybe the movie will change my mind. Maybe he’ll… I dunno, wash or something. And maybe? Just maybe… I’ll see Peppermist again soon. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go see why they wait for a thunderstorm to play baseball, and if they brought a snack.

..what?

Some of the features of the new wireless application is that it makes it easy to locate a family memeber’s phone via web browser - PC or Mobile style. It’ll let you see their whereabouts, as well as surrounding landmarks like schools and parks. You can also use the apps ’schedule checks’ which alerts parents at specified times via text or e-mail, which will tell them where their kid is, even while they’re driving so that it doesn’t distract them.

Here’s a video of how one mom uses the Map to help keep her family organized:

Now, when I told MY teens about the application (Which I can’t demo for ya’ll, as I don’t have AT&T service) they felt it could open the door to MOM SPY, which of course I explained is my right AS a mom. It’s in the fine print. So, as with everything, I encourage you to talk to your kids about it and set some mutually acceptable guidelines for what you’ll use the application for exactly. And most importantly, respect their feelings on the matter.

If you’d like to try FamilyMap, AT&T is offering a 30-day free trial*, then the application is available for $9.99 (2 phones) or $14.99 (up to five phones) per month. Note that AT&T FamilyMap privacy standards ensure that all users on an account will receive a text message when their phones first become locatable through the service, as well as periodic reminders that their phones can be located. An account owner has the option of notifying a phone every time location information is requested.

(*Users must cancel free trial of AT&T FamilyMap within 30 days or be automatically subscribed at a cost of $14.99 or $9.99 per month depending on plan. Customers can cancel from the “My Accounts” portal on their handset or by calling AT&T Customer Care.)

So, if your interested, be sure to check it out if your on AT&T, and be sure to let me know how it goes! Tell ‘em I sent ya.