Dear Abby: Am I Promiscuous?
One of the questions currently making the rounds of Dear Abby is the following:
DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old high school senior. Last summer I lost my virginity. Since then I have slept with six guys. Do you think my future husband will be seriously upset about it, even though he will probably have been out there more than I have?
I guess I want to know whether you think I have become free-spirited or just promiscuous. — POSSIBLY PROMISCUOUS IN MURFREESBORO, N.C.
DEAR POSSIBLY: What I think is less important than what YOU think is appropriate behavior. And if you were comfortable with what you have been doing, you wouldn’t have written me.
If you continue on this path, you are in for trouble. The first thing that comes to mind is whether or not you know how to protect yourself from an unplanned pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease. If the answer is no, then you need to see a doctor or visit a Planned Parenthood clinic and learn about the real “facts of life.” These include being checked for any STD you might have already been exposed to.
In addition, you say that in the last seven or eight months you have slept with six different men. At the rate you’re going, in another six months that number could double, and by the time you are 25, the total could be close to 100. That is not what people refer to as “free-spirited.” It definitely is what they call promiscuous. So, please take a break from men for a while and think carefully about how casual sex could affect your future
I agree with Abby 100% on this one! Obviously, this girl is not comfortable with her own behavior, or she wouldn’t be questioning it.
What about your teens-both girls and boys? Have you talked with them about their sex lives lately? This goes for teens of legal age, as well as those who are underage. Are they sexually active? Are they comfortable with the way they are behaving, and with how they are expressing their sexuality?
This is an important issue, as it can affect the way they handle relationships for the rest of their lives. This type of issue can be very difficult to address, even with older teens, but find a way to do it. It can take away some of the constant worry you feel as a parent.
teen sexuality, teen relationship, teens and sex, parenting teens, parenting teenagers, Dear Abby, sexuality, sexual relationships
March 27th, 2007 at 8:57 am
I agree with you and Dear Abby - the girl can’t be comfortable with what she’s doing or she wouldn’t have asked the question.
Keep in mind that my oldest child is only 14 - he’ll be 15 in a few months. We talk very openly about sex, birth control and STD’s. He is as comfortable talking to me as he is to my husband. He says he’s not having sex and I believe him. He does have a condom that he carries in his wallet, but I think it’s a just in case thing. While I should probably be upset, and taking it away I won’t do that. There is some reassurance in knowing that he’s not having sex now - but that if the time does come he’s prepared to be protected against an unwanted pregnancy or an STD…
March 27th, 2007 at 3:27 pm
I think you’re right. Don’t take it away from him. Actually, maybe you should be more upset if he didn’t have it! Being prepared just makes sense. It’s great that he’s able to talk to both you and his father so easily. If only more teens could do that!