Parenting Teens

…join em! And let them laugh at you while they win.

Yes, I’m talking about video games, as well as MMO gaming on the internet. When’s the last time you played with your teenagers? A while back, Nik Yee over at Incredible Internet surveyed 300+ parents who do exactly that, play onlin games with their kids so that they have a better idea about what’s going on, and how to parent their children in regards to online activities. He has talked with teens and parents over the past year about the experiences and created a podcast to talk about his findings.

Basically - those who play with their kids, have a much better idea of what is really going on. As Parents, we often tend to automatically veto any activity we aren’t sure about. We tend to say no before we even know all the details - and how better to get the details then to jump in and play? Sure, your kids might think your spying on them, but give them the joy of beating you a couple times as you flounder around trying to figure out HOW DO I JUMP OMG QUIT HITTING ME and laugh along with them, and soon they’ll a- be teaching you the ropes, b - be telling your friends that your hopelessly dorky, but in a kinda cool way and c - know that you care enough to be involved, and to help them make the right choices along the way. He’s even got a contract to sign between parents and children that can help all sides feel better about internet use and gaming.

So check out the podcast below, the website as well and get involved with your kids! Who knows, maybe you’ll get good enough to beat THEM!

The chances are good that your teen or tween has a cell phone. According to Linda Barrabee, a wireless market analyst for The Yankee Group, 56% of 13-to-17-year-olds have cell phones, compared to just 5% in the year 2000. What are kids doing with all those phones?

Originally, cell phones were used to make calls in case of emergency. A car broke down or you were stuck at a meeting somewhere. Cell phones eliminated the need to make sure you had quarters for the pay phone, and that you could find a pay phone when you needed one! Great idea, right!

That was until teenagers became one of the primary markets for cell phone manufacturers. Now you can do anything with a cell phone. Not only can you make calls and send text messages, you can take pictures, surf the web, play video games, watch movies and music videos (although those tiny screens are murder!). The cell phone has become a mini-computer-much smaller and easier to carry than a laptop.

My 17-year-old uses her cell phone primarily for texting friends. By paying an extra ten dollars per month, she gets unlimited texting. That’s actually a bargain, considering the amount of texting she does. She does use it to stay in touch with me when she’s at afterschool activities, on school trips, or just out shopping. She does that with actual phone calls. I just can’t get into texting. Call me an old fogey, but all those text abbreviations bug me (bff-best friend forever, idk-i don’t know). I just prefer to use whole words!

However, with cell phones being put to so many uses these days, some parents are becoming concerned about the kinds of things their kids have access to on them. At home, you can monitor your kids’ computer usage and block sites that you don’t want them to visit. It’s not so easy on their cell phones.

More and more cell phone manufacturers are seeing the need to give parents some control over what their kids have access to via a phone. Erinn, over at Parenting Our Children has a review of a new phone that allows parents to decide when the phone will be on and what features kids will be allowed to use.

If your tweens and teens carry cell phones, you might want to look into any controls that your company or phone allows you to have over your kids’ phone usage. These days, strangers have access to your kids via their cell phones. And that’s not a good thing.

teens, teenagers, phones, cell phones, teen cell phone use, teenagers and cell phones, parenting, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

Is your teen into video games? Does he/she spend a lot of time playing them at the video game console or at the computer? My daughter spends a fair amount of her free time with her Wii. She’s been into video games forever-since my younger brother gave her his Super Nintendo set years ago. She still has that Super Nintendo console, along with a Playstation, Playstation 2, Gameboy Advance, Gameboy DS, PSP, and, of course, her Wii. (For great Wii information, visit Tim over at Wii Rally.)

Does all this gaming confuse you? Being a self-confessed, life-long nerd myself, I hate to admit this, but it confuses me! I haven’t been into video games since waaay back when the old Atari systems were out. My nerdery (I love that word!) falls into the category of things like Star Wars, Star Trek, sci-fi, horror, writing fan-fiction, etc. It’s not that I’m not interested in gaming. It’s just that-between work, home, and my other interests-I don’t have the time to really get into gaming. After all, gaming takes time. I know this from my daughter, and from friends who play. You don’t just pick up a controller and immediately become a superhero!

Back in late November, I wrote about standing in line with my daughter for twelve hours to get a Wii console. Friends thought I was crazy, especially since the weather was really cold and windy that night. I may not be into gaming myself, but I feel a certain kinship with those who are into them. After all, nerdery is nerdery, despite the different genres into which it falls.

I have stood in long lines in my lifetime to get into Star Wars movies, sci-fi conventions and various other nerd-related functions! I still wear Starfleet and New Republic pins as jewelry. Where the living rooms of other women my age are tastefully and sedately decorated, I have sci-fi movie posters framed on my living room walls! I drink my coffee out of a Pitch Black coffee mug, with a picture of Vin Diesel as Richard B. Riddick on the side of it.

I watch Twilight Zone marathons. I collect all types of sci-fi toys-figures, ships, puzzles-and other memorabilia. Other women get flowers and candy on Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, etc. I get the latest Star Wars toys, and gift certificates to the local bookstores, where I can browse the sci-fi sections to my heart’s content. My mother once told me that I had never grown up. Sorry, mom, but I just grew up differently!

I don’t believe that, if you’re a true nerd, you ever grow out of nerdery. You just grow into new ways of expressing it. It’s in my daughter’s very blood and, although she’s not as much into Star Trek as I would like, that’s one of the things I love most about her. She’s not afraid of labels-of being called a nerd! For a 16-year-old girl, that’s a wonderful thing. I’m proud of her.

Wii, Wii Rally, Playstation, Nintendo, Gameboy, PSP, Star Wars, Star Trek, Pitch Black, Vin Diesel, Twilight Zone

My 16-year-old daughter, S, had a party this past weekend. Normally, when she has people over, it’s only one or two at a time-which is how mom prefers it! However, she has redecorated her room, and she got a Wii for Christmas, and all sorts of things were going on at school. She was feeling the urge to have one of those gatherings where a lot of people come over and hang out. She has these very infrequently mind you, because I usually end up exhausted and with a headache the next morning-sort of like a hangover, but without the benefit of a drink.

Anyway, including S, there were twelve teenagers ranging in age from 15-17 at our house on Saturday night. They took over three rooms-the den (where the gaming was going on), the living room (which served as the movie viewing room), and the dining room (food and music). I’m a veteran of several of these get-togethers by now, and I know what to expect-fairly subdued muttering and comments from the movie room, loud talk and noise from the food and music room, and an absolute din from the den (gaming room), where people are yelling about the cool graphics, “wow, did you see that” or complaining at the top of their lungs that someone else is cheating.

My fiance (R) and I bear up well under all this knowing that, at least, the next day will be fairly quiet all day. We get along with S’s friends pretty well. We even get brownie points as cool parents for our geeky hobbies-R for his Lego collection and his love of video games, me for my Star Trek and Star Wars collection and for listening to groups like The Fray, Nickelback, and Hinder. There are some of her friends, though, that just bug me!

There’s E, who talks endlessly about boys and who she’d like to go out with next and what she’s going to wear. These kinds of girls are common among teens, I suppose, but really-can’t she think about anything else at all?! Or maybe it’s just that I’m getting older and have less tolerance for this kind of thing. Or, maybe, if I want to delve deeply into my psyche, it’s that I’m jealous that I can no longer wear junior size jeans and talk about who I’m going to go out with next?

Then there’s S’s friend, K, who has every video game system ever released, and a seemingly endless collection of games. Everyone in the crowd considers him the authority on all things gaming. But, really, does he have to be so overbearing about it? Interrupting other people’s games to tell them what they’ve just done wrong, telling someone who’s just been killed by a drug overlord how he could have avoided being ambushed, grabbing the phone to call tech support when he wants to prove a point and win an argument.

There’s T, who’s the sports fanatic of the group. He only wants to play sports-related video games and keeps tuning the radio or the TV to ball games over the loud objections of everyone else. By the end of the evening, he’s usually somewhere with headphones on, listening to the latest scores, and eating an entire bag of Tostitos and two jars of salsa.

Then, there’s my own personal favorite, M, who’s the reader of the group. She starts out the evening talking, eating and playing games. Then, before the evening’s half over, she has managed to find some relatively quiet corner and is absorbed in the book that she takes everywhere.

As you’ve probably figured out by now, I know my daughter’s friends pretty well. Most of them she’s had since elementary or, at least, middle school. I try to make it a point to get to know them a little. Aside from making these get-togethers go a little more smoothly, it’s comforting to know who she’s spending her time with when she’s away from me.

I won’t have that luxury a lot longer. When she goes away, I won’t always be able to meet her friends. It helps that I at least know the kinds of people that she’s drawn to as friends.

teens, teenagers, parents, parenting, friendships, Wii, The Fray, Nickelback, Hinder, school

My 16-year-old daughter and I had a great experience together this past Saturday. We waited in line for a Nintendo Wii-myself for 12 hours and my daughter for eight hours. Now, this topic is usually best handled by BB over at 1pstart, but we had such a good time, I wanted to include it in my own blog.

My daughter wasn’t too wild about the Playstation 3. None of us had time to camp out for days and she had heard rumors that there were still lots of bugs in the PS3. However, she was adamant about getting a Wii. Only problem was the lines were going to be forming early and she was going to be at an Academic Team competition until 4:00 pm. Not to mention mom wasn’t too wild about the idea of her 16-year-old standing in line alone until midnight! Not after all the PS3 horror stories!

I’ve stood in line plenty of times myself-for movies, sci-fi conventions, concerts, etc. So, I braved the possible snickers and whispers from all the younger people who wanted the Wii and packed up my folding chair, a couple of books, and a blanket and went over to the local Wal-Mart at noon on Saturday. When I got there, I found a very disorganized “line”. However, when I asked where the end of the line was, the guys there said “We have a sign-up sheet going” and I put my name on the list at number 18.

The next 12 hours were really enjoyable. It was like being at a mini-convention! I found a spot for my chair, got something to drink and settled down with my book. But I really didn’t have time to read. Although, I’m not much of a gamer myself, the other people in the group (mostly early to late-20’s, with a couple of teenagers) were also fans of science fiction, horror, comic books, TV, movies-you name it. We talked a lot.

The employees were great! Shortly after I arrived, a couple of them came out to announce that they would have 18 Wii’s available. They wanted to let us know, so that the people who had arrived after number 18 (me, luckily!) would not be waiting around unnecessarily. At that point 25 people had signed up. Number 19 elected to stay, with the hope that something might happen so he could get one. The rest packed up and left, with a few grumbles.

Another employee brought an extension cord with several outlets. People promply brought out laptops. One guy went to his car and returned with a 13-inch portable TV and his PS2 and some games! People broke up into small groups to have a good time, while informing everyone who arrived to join the line that all the Wii’s at this site were already taken!

My daughter was delivered to the line with her chair and blanket by her dad at a few minutes after 4:00 pm. Everyone went between groups, keeping themselves and each other entertained! There was a gaming group around the TV and PS2 (which, after sunset was utilized for watching movies). Another guy set up his laptop and played horror movies. Yet another group gathered around a laptop to watch episodes of “Southpark”. Everyone watched each other’s stuff while we went to the restroom, walked to stretch our legs, or went for food.

When the night manager came on duty, he came out to take our list and promised us that he would go by the list and the 18 Wii’s that they had available would be given to the 18 people who had signed up and had been waiting. Later, he brought cookies out to us from the store’s bakery!

We talked gaming, movies, politics and every other conceivable subject! The time actually went by quickly, up until the last couple of hours, when people started to get excited. Friendships were made. Phone numbers and email addresses were exchanged. We had formed some good bonds.

Close to midnight, more people arrived. A few wanted to get angry and try to shove their way into line. However, the manager stuck to his word. At ten minutes to midnight, two employees and a security guard came out to get us. They lined us up according to our numbers on the list!
We walked in in a very orderly, if excited, line and got our Wii’s!

We clapped and cheered as each one of us walked away from the checkout with his game system and whatever games and accessories he had bought. We walked each other to our cars for security and said goodbye with promises to call and email each other.

My daughter and I agreed that the time spent in line was almost as great an experience as getting the Wii! It was one of the best parties either of us had been to in a long time! Thanks to those people and the employees who made this such an enjoyable experience!

Nintendo Wii, Wii, Wal-Mart, gaming, teens, parenting, Playstation 3

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution recently published this Q&A with internet safety expert Parry Aftab. To me, the most telling quote in this interview is in the first sentence: “I am the parent.”

In the interview, Parry talks about the most valuable thing a parent can do for their child-maintaining communication. She also stresses our responsibilities as parents. These things have long been two of my favorite subjects to talk about when it comes to parenting.

Parry takes the approach that simply banning teens from the internet is not the answer. Rather, parents should take the responsbility to keep up with how their teenagers are using the internet and with what they are posting. My personal opinion is that banning a teen from the internet is like telling him/her that they can’t date a certain person. It will almost certainly backfire on you. It will make the internet seem much more attractive than it is already.

Additionally, the internet has permeated our society. The internet is, to teens today, what the telephone was to our generation. It is their way of staying in touch, and keeping up with what their friends are doing, in addition to being necessary to doing their homework, how they listen to music and play games, and a myriad of other activities. Banning is the wrong approach.

Although our teens may seem to need us less than they did when they were younger, the opposite may be true. So, rather than feeling that your responsibilities as a parent lessen as your child moves into the teenage years, take the opposite approach. It’s simply that they don’t need you to fix snacks, get drinks and a lot of the simpler things you used to do for them.

They’re now moving into a higher tech age-computers, video games, etc.,-and, like it or not, you have to move with them. So, if you don’t know how to do these things, don’t just throw up your hands. Start researching. Learn how your kids are using their computers. Find information about the video games they’re playing. The sources are out there.

They may be teens now, but they’re still your kids-and they need you as much as ever-just in different ways.

internet, internet safety, teens, teenagers, computer safety, Atlanta Journal-Constitution

Is your teen into video games? If he or she is and you like to check out the games before they buy or play them, let me direct you to BB over at 1PStart.

His most recent review is Final Fantasy XII for Playstation 2, which is rated for teens. Check out this and all his future reviews to find out which games you find suitable for your teens. Or for yourself!

Final Fantasy XII, Playstation 2, teens, video games, teenagers