Parenting Teens

….of the American Teenager. My daughter (14) is OBSESSED with this show. Ok, maybe not obsessed with Johnny Depp level obsessed, but obsessed none the less. She hasn’t missed an episode and also makes me DVR them for her BFF who’s been out of town. I must confess, I haven’t missed an episode either - and not just because she watches each of them several times. (Wait! Come back! I’ll explain! Maybe…)

I find myself oddly charmed by the whole cheese factor of the show. And it is VERY cheesy! It boasts family values, while dishing on teenage issues with extreme stereotypical character types. I mean, do we even have ‘homes for girls in that… predicament’ any longer? And each teenager is the extreme example of their stereotype - from the Christian Cheerleader, to the High School Jock, to the nerdy guy, the cool drummer, the slutty baton twirler, and the nosy gossipy friends.

The cheese factor is saved though by the lead, Shailene Woodley’s ability to let her emotions filter across her face. She can turn on the waterworks in ways my kids WISH they could, because it ups the sympathy factor.

The uber-Christian Cheerleader cracks me up, mostly because I went to a small Christian School and I’m pretty sure I met several versions of her during those years. Of course, the other cheerleaders were much like the baton twirler who adores sex. And if we’re being completely honest here (and when aren’t I?) I was a cheerleader too for a year. But I was neither extreme, and leaned more towards the innocent side, thank you very much. (Stop laughing!)

While I applaud the premise of the show, it’s done what we expected and drawn controversy due to their extreme pro-life standing, even as they discuss the possibilities of abortion and the like. Parents are upset that Amy turned to her friends first, but any parent of a teen knows that was one of the more realistic portions - no teen goes to their mom first. They go to their friends.

The most realistic part of the show is how fast the story got around the school. Unrealistic is expecting us to believe the time frame - just HOW pregnant IS Amy? One minute she’s showing already, the next she’s not so much, and they’re talking about abortion after she’s already showing and even skinny folks don’t start showing until 4-5 months which is second trimester and treading that fine line of yes it can happen and no it cant? However, the show did deliver one of the Best Lines Ever!

Amy: “I mean, it was only a couple of seconds, I’m not sure it really WAS sex, at least, until THIS happened…”

Best. Line. Ever.

Anyway, the little PSA at the end about talking to your kids is an important one - even if it, too, is cheesy as hell. I’ve never had much problem talking to my teenagers about sex and the consequences thereof. No, really! The conversation goes like this:

Me: (Singing, of course) Let’s talk about SEX baby… let’s talk about you and NO ONE ELSE EVER!
Teenagers: (Much rolling of eyes.)
Me: Alright. The first four words of EVERY conversation on this subject are….
Teenagers: (Rolling eyes, counting them off, mouthing along with me…)
Me: I WILL KILL YOU. Right. Rule number two about Fight Club?
Teenagers: oh GAWD mom. Seriously.
Me: RULE NUMBER TWO!
Teenagers: (Singsong) Condoms are not water balloons.
Me: And they are…
Teenagers: Above the kitchen sink in the basket.
Me: Because?
Teenagers: It drives Nana nuts.
Me: Um. uh. yeah, that too - but the OTHER reason?
Teenagers: (singsong) You’d rather have them there and not needed then needed and not there.
Me: And finally?
Teenagers: You keep count. We know. Can we go now?

Sure, we had the serious conversations first, I’m not completely insane. (What did I say about that laughing?) We don’t have to have them repeatedly though, and the above mostly happens in front of their friends. Because I’m the ‘cool mom’ and love to embarrass my kids - and the house rules apply to everyone, even friends. Also, I found out a long, long time ago that lessons taught with humor stick longer then lessons taught too large a dose of seriousness.

Mostly, I’m too young to be a grandma, heck - I’m too young to have two kids in high school! So I’d rather they think now, and know to protect themselves, before the petting gets to heavy and they forget to think at all. If watching The Secret Life of the American Teenager helps aid them in that thought process? I’m all for it, cheese factor be damned.

Selling out concerts, that is! Now that ugly rumors of 14-year-old Miley Cyrus’ pregnancy have proven to be a hoax, she can concentrate once more on her upcoming tour. Those pregnancy rumors that abounded online were found to spring from an altered story from J-14 magazine.

The story had been modified to contain a supposed quote from Miley, which read “I’m going to take good care of my baby, I’ve already gained seven pounds. I was in real shock when it happened accidentally, I went a little to [sic] far. I’m sorry to all of my fans.”

The magazine was quick to deny any involvement in the rumors about Miley. Editor-in-chief Janet Giovanelli said, “Miley is an intelligent, respectable role model for young girls, and we at J-14 pride ourselves on presenting our readers with credible stories and information. This story is completely fabricated!”

So, now that that nasty rumor is history, Miley is back to her tour. For those parents who may be asking, “Who the heck IS Miley Cyrus?”, she plays the fanatically popular Hannah Montana on the Disney Channel’s TV show of the same name. I took the time to watch a couple of episodes.

The show is fairly innocuous. Miley Cyrus plays Miley Stewart, a teen who leads a double life. By day, she’s an everyday schoolgirl. By night, she’s a pop star. Her father is played by Miley’s real-life dad, country singer Billy Ray Cyrus. Is this confusing enough for you? Good. I’d hate to be the only one!

The show has proven to be a big hit for Disney. Disney has been very successful at turning out teenage singer/actresses-Lindsay Lohan, Hilary Duff, etc. And, personally, I don’t find Miley any worse (or any better) than the rest of them.

And her show is, apparently, carrying over well to the concert stage. On her tour, titled Best of Both Worlds, Miley sings onstage as both herself and her Hannah Montana character. And the tickets are going like hotcakes! ‘Tweens and teens can’t seem to get enough of Miley/Hannah. Shows are reportedly selling out within minutes.

So, if you have kids who want to see the show, good luck getting tickets! If you have kids who are going to the show, and dragging you with them-try to relax and enjoy it! The best thing about Miley is that, at least, she’s a better role model for your kids than lots of others out there!

Miley Cyrus, Hanna Montana, Disney Channel, Best of Both Worlds, Billy Ray Cyrus

Have you been following the controversy over nude pictures of 18-year-old “High School Musical” star Vanessa Hudgens? Seems nude photos of her have been leaked on the internet. Miss Hudgens has apologized for the photos, saying the following:

I want to apologize to my fans, whose support and trust means the world to me. I am embarrassed over this situation, and regret having ever taken these photos. I am thankful for the support of my family and friends.

What’s been interesting to read are some of the comments made about Miss Hudgens and the photos. Over at iVillage, the comments have run gamut from “She’s 18 years old, and these photos were done in private, so get over it!” to “Her career with Disney is over.” One of my favorite comments gave the opinion that “the world is not such an innocent place any more.”

What would your feelings as a parent be if a friend of your teen had nude photos on the internet? What if your own teen did? Personally, if my almost-17-year-old daughter has to apologize for nude pictures of her appearing on the web when she’s 18, it better be one “heck” of an apology!

It’s true that the world is not such an innocent place any more. I don’t necessarily think that’s a good thing. And I firmly believe that, whether or not they are considered legal adults, not all 18-year-olds are capable of making good decisions. These are the same 18-year-olds that are calling us from college because they need money, or they need mom to do their laundry next week! They’re having trouble with their coursework, and they need tutoring. We worry whether or not they’re living on pizza and cheeseburgers and never eating a green vegetable!

Sure, some of them are more mature than others. And if you think your daughter is capable of handling the kind of attention that comes with published nude photos of herself, and you’re okay with that-that’s up to you. Personally, I’m going to be here mourning that “more innocent” world we have lost-just for a little while!

teens, teenagers, Vanessa Hudgens, High School Musical, teen behavior, parenting, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

Opening this fall in Atlanta, Georgia, is a unique new middle school-The Ron Clark Academy. Undoubtedly, many of you know of Ron Clark from the Emmy-nominated TV movie, in which Matthew Perry played Clark. Ron Clark became known for his wacky personality and unique brand of teaching. His ability to take students others had given up on and turn them into motivated and accomplished students is excellent. Now, Clark is putting his personality and teaching abilities into a middle school which will be like no other.

Using proceeds from his New York Times best-selling book The Essential 55: An Award-Winning Educator’s Rules for Discovering the Successful Student in Every Child, along with corporate sponsorship and donations, Ron Clark and Atlanta teacher Kim Bearden founded the Ron Clark Academy, a private middle school serving 5th-8th graders in a low-income neighborhood in Atlanta. Tuition is based on ability to pay, and ranges from $30 a month to $14,000 a year.

The curriculum is based on the academic requirements according to the state of Georgia’s course of study, but will use many interesting and dynamic methods to teach this curriculum, and will also offer students the opportunity to learn and be involved in photography, dance, music production, the art of design, dramatic performance, and business leadership. The students will travel to six continents before they reach high school.

The school has a two-story, indoor slide in the atrium. It’s features include, mounted flat-screen TV’s, graffiti art on the walls, and a secret passageway leading to Clark’s classroom. But one of the best features about this academy will be that it will offer other teachers worldwide the opportunity to learn the unique teaching techniques which Ron Clark and the other teachers will use in the classroom. Successful techniques, which have been proven to work with even some of the most difficult students.

Learn more about this unique school by visiting the above website. Perhaps, one day, all of our ‘tweens and teens will be lucky enough to attend schools which offer so many opportunities, and so much learning!

teens, teenagers, ‘tweens, Ron Clark, Ron Clark Academy, private schools, middle school, teachers, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

All the drama! All the excitement! All the screaming! And that was just for Zac Efron! Efron and his High School Musical 2 costars won several awards at the Teen Choice Awards, as did Johnny Depp and his Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s Endcostars. A selected list of winners is below. For a full list of who teens picked as their favorites this year, go to Fox News.

Choice Movie: Action Adventure — “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End”

Choice Movie: Drama — “The Pursuit of Happyness”

Choice Movie Actor: Drama — Will Smith (”The Pursuit of Happyness”)

Choice Movie Actress: Drama — Jennifer Hudson (”Dreamgirls”)

Choice Movie Actor: Action Adventure — Johnny Depp (”Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End”)

Choice Movie Actress: Action Adventure — Keira Knightley (”Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End”)

Choice Movie Actress: Comedy — Sophia Bush (”John Tucker Must Die”)

Choice Movie Actor: Horror/Thriller — Shia LaBeouf (”Disturbia”)

Choice Movie Actress: Horror/Thriller — Sophia Bush (”The Hitcher”)

Choice Movie: Villain — Bill Nighy (”Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End”)

Choice Movie: Hissy Fit — Ryan Seacrest (”Knocked Up”)

Choice Movie: Breakout Female — Sophia Bush

Choice Movie: Dance — Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan (”Step Up”)

Choice Movie: Breakout Male — Shia LaBeouf

Choice Movie: Chemistry — Will Smith and Jaden Smith (”The Pursuit of Happyness”)

Choice Movie: Scream — Steve Carell (”Evan Almighty”)

Choice TV: Movie — “High School Musical 2″

Choice TV Show: Comedy — “Hannah Montana”

Choice TV: Reality/Variety Show — “American Idol”

Choice TV Actor: Comedy — Steve Carell (”The Office”)

Choice TV Actress: Comedy — Miley Cyrus (”Hannah Montana”)

Choice TV: Breakout — America Ferrera (”Ugly Betty”)

Choice TV: Male Reality/Variety Star — Sanjaya (American Idol)

Choice TV: Female Reality/Variety Star — Lauren Conrad (”The Hills”)

Choice Music: Single — “Girlfriend,” Avril Lavigne

Choice Music: Male Artist — Justin Timberlake

Choice Music: Female Artist — Fergie

Choice Music: Rap Artist — Timbaland

Choice Music: R&B Artist — Rihanna

Choice Music: Breakout Artist Female — Vanessa Hudgens

Choice Music: Breakout Artist Male — Akon

Choice Music: Love Song — “With Love” - Hilary Duff

Choice Music: R&B Track — “Beautiful Girls,” Sean Kingston

Choice Music: Payback Track — “What Goes Around..,” Justin Timberlake

Choice Male Hottie — Zac Efron

Choice Female Hottie — Jessica Alba

Choice Comedian — Dane Cook

Choice Summer Movie — Drama/Action Adventure — “Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix”

Choice Summer Movie — Comedy/Musical — “Hairspray”

Choice Summer Song — “Hey There Delilah,” Plain White T’s

Choice Summer Artist — Miley Cyrus

Choice Summer TV Show — “Degrassi”

Choice V Cast Video — “The Hills”

Teen Choice Awards, High School Musical 2, Zac Efron, Johnny Depp, Pirates of the Caribbean

The biggest illness affecting ‘tweens right now? According to ABC News it’s High School Musical 2. The sequel to the wildly popular first High School Musical is giving it’s young stars lots of media coverage-Zac Efron on the cover of Rolling Stone, Ashley Tisdale on lots of talk shows, the whole cast on “Good Morning America.”

Tweens and their spending power have made the Disney musical a hit-turning it into a $100 million dollar enterprise. According to Jane Buckingham, president of market research firm Intelligence Group, “They can spend about $50 billion. Increasingly they get their own allowances, they know what brands they like, they are very sure of what they want to buy.”

Director and choreographer Kenny Ortega said of the movies’ popularity among ‘tweens:

“It empowers young people … that they can take the responsibility themselves and be in charge of their own destinies, and that high school can be what they want it to be.”

Are your teens or ‘tweens fans of “High School Musical?” How do you feel about them spending their money on merchandise from the movie?

High School Musical, High School Musical 2, Zac Efron, Ashley Tisdale, Kenny Ortega, Disney, The Disney Channel, Good Morning America, Rolling Stone, Intelligence Group

It’s time once more for the Teen Choice Awards. The awards will be broadcast on Fox, August 26th. Your teen can vote by going to the above website. Here’s a complete list of nominees. Some really interesting choices on here!

Choice Movie: Action Adventure

300

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

Pirates of the Carribean: At World’s End

Spider-Man 3

Transformers

Choice Movie: Drama

Step Up

Stomp the Yard

The Departed

The Guardian

The Pursuit of Happyness

Choice Movie: Chick Flick

Georgia Rule

License to Wed

Music and Lyrics

The Holiday

The Last Kiss

Choice Movie: Comedy

Blades of Glory

Evan Almighty

Knocked up

Night at the Museum

Ocean’s Thirteen

Choice Movie: Horror/Thriller

Disturbia

The Number 23

1408

Hostel: Part II

Saw III

Choice Movie Actor: Drama

Ashton Kutcher - The Guardian

Leonardo DiCaprio - The Departed, Blood Diamond

Channing Tatum - Step Up

Adam Sandler - Reign Over Me

Will Smith - The Pursuit of Happyness

Choice Movie Actress: Drama

Angelina Jolie - A Mighty Heart

Jennifer Hudson - Dreamgirls

Lindsay Lohan - Bobby, Georgia Rule

Meagan Good - Stomp the Yard

Scarlett Johansson - The Black Dahlia, The Prestige

Choice Movie Actor: Action Adventure

Shia LaBeouf - Transformers

Chris Evans - Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

Johnny Depp - Pirates of the Carribean: At World’s End

Orlando Bloom - Pirates of the Carribean: At World’s End

Tobey Maguire - Spider-Man 3

Choice Movie Actress: Action Adventure

Jessica Alba - Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

Keira Knightley - Pirates of the Carribean: At World’s End

Kirsten Dunst - Spider-Man 3

Lena Headey - 300

Megan Fox - Transformers

(more…)

In the exciting aftermath of last night’s American Idol finale, Jordin Sparks emerged as the youngest-ever “Idol” winner. At 17, Jordin seems mature and powerful during her singing but, fittingly, nervous and somewhat giggly(just like a teenager) at other moments.

It’s refreshing to see someone like Jordin win. At 17, she seems very much the quintessential teenager. I get an impression of what my 16-year-old daughter would be like, if she were up on that stage!

I hope that Jordin stays her sweet, unassuming self for a few years at least. It was such a treat to see her parents crying and hugging in the audience. Their pride was evident. To raise a teenager who seems unspoiled and hardworking enough to do what Jordin has done is a great accomplishment. They should be proud.

For more on American Idol, visit Reed over at Watching American Idol. He’s done an incredible job of covering the show this season, and will have more on the winner and other contestants coming up.

American Idol, Jordin Sparks, teens, teenagers, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

It’s finally happened. Maybe the world will be a slightly happier place today. Seventeen-year-old Sanjaya Malakar has finally been eliminated from American Idol.

During country music week, the much-maligned Sanjaya just couldn’t onto his fan base (or lack thereof). That leaves only 17-year-old Jordin Sparks to carry the banner for teenagers on American Idol this year. Personally, I admired Sanjaya’s grit. He came back week after week and put himself out there with a smile, despite all the negative publicity and negative comments from judges Paula Abdul, Randy Jackson and Simon Cowell.

Something tells me that we haven’t seen the last of Sanjaya, though. Although many of us may not be able to put our collective fingers on his appeal, he definitely seems to have it! I think we’ll see more of this teen somewhere in the show business arena!

[tags]American Idol, Sanjaya Malakar, Jordin Sparks, Paula Abdul, Randy Jackson, Simon Cowell, parenting teens, parenting teenagers[/a]

By now, everyone’s heard about the remarks, apologies, and subsequent firing of Don Imus. Imus referrel to the women’s basketball team at Rutger’s as “nappy-headed hos” has overshadowed even the war in Iraq as the biggest news over the past several days. I’ve read a lot about it. I’ve listened to Imus and everyone else talking about it. CBS News is running an interesting story called Revisiting Don Imus, which aired on 60 Minutes.

But what can all of us, including our teenagers, learn from Imus’ remarks and his firing? First, would you speak to a friend or even an acquaintance as Imus did to the Rutger’s basketball team. I would hope not. Those remarks were insulting, thoughless and horrible. One would hope that decent, civilized people would refrain from using such rude and hurtful remarks toward anyone.

Second, and more importantly, in my opinion, is that our teens can, hopefully, learn the very important lesson that there are people out there (and there always will be) who will say thoughless, rude and hurtful things about you. You cannot control them. You cannot get rid of them. You may fire them and not hear or see them on the airwaves, but you will not get rid of them. They will be back in some other public forum-perhaps smaller, but still out there.

The only thing you can control is how you respond to them. The Rutger’s women’s basketball team responded by accepting Imus’ apology. That is both a healthy and graceful way to handle such a situation. They should be both an example and an inspiration to us all. These young women were shocked, hurt and angered. They showed that they were more capable than Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, and Imus himself of handling a very uncomfortable public situation.

If your teen finds him/herself in a situation where they are being embarrassed or humiliated by others, hold these young women out as an example. They are true champions.

60 Minutes, CBS News, Don Imus, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

The good folks over at iVillage have section on Family Entertainmentpage which provides reviews of TV shows and recommendations for the age groups for which they are appropriate. It’s a really good site for checking out the various TV shows to decide which ones you think are okay for your kids to watch.

I’m putting a brief list of some popular shows, along with their age-appropriate ratings from iVillage. Visit their site to read reviews of the shows and get more information on how each show stacks up in regard to different age groups.

Shows which are covered by 451 Press bloggers have links to the sites. Check out these sites for some REALLY good coverage of these shows!

The Office (15+)
Wildfire (13+)
Battlestar Galactica (14+)
Lost (14+)
Lincoln Heights (14+)
Scrubs (15+)
Monk (14+)
Desperate Housewives (15+)
My Name is Earl (14+)
CSI (15+)
Veronica Mars (15+)
Heroes (14+)
Bones (15+)
Grey’s Anatomy (16+)
House (16+)
30 Rock(14+)
Prison Break (16+)
Gilmore Girls (14+)
24
Jericho (14+)
Supernatural (16+)

And, last but not least, three of my own personal favorites:

Law & Order (15+)
Law & Order: SVU (16+)
Law & Order: Criminal Intent (15+)

parenting teens, parenting teenagers, television, TV, The Office, Wildfire, Battlestar Galactica, Lost, Lincoln Heights, Scrubs, Monk, Desperate Housewives, My Name is Earl, CSI, Veronica Mars, Heroes, Bones, Grey’s Anatomy, House, Prison Break, Gilmore Girls, 24, Jericho, Supernatural, Law & Order, Law & Order: SVU, Law & Order: Criminal Intent

I had planned a totally different post for today, but with all the hype and talk surrounding American Idol and 17-year-old contestant Sanjaya Malakar, I couldn’t stand not to speak my mind.

I think this guy is one plucky teenager-heck, he’s courageous for someone of any age! Week after week, he’s been coming out and singing with his chin up and a smile on his face. This, after receiving (usually) harsh criticism in front of millions of viewers from Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul, and Simon Cowell. Then, he’s usually skewered by the media and tons of bloggers for another full week, until it’s time for him to perform again.

A lot of adults can, and do, fold under a lot less pressure than this! Personally, I’m sort of in awe of the guy. I mean (to put it in a context more of us can identify with), suppose your boss called a meeting of the entire company every week and proceeded to criticize your work in front of everyone? One occasion of this would be bad enough, but imagine it was happening to you week after week? Wouldn’t it be even tougher for you to work, given that situation?

Sure, I know the contestants voluntarily put themselves in this position, but let’s give some credit where credit is due. If you were in a situation like this, you could break down and drop out. It would certainly be an easy way out. To choose to keep coming back week after week, to me shows courage, commitment and determination. Regardless of whether you think Sanjaya’s a good singer, you have to give him credit for his pluck factor.

I think Sanjaya Malakar’s parents have done an excellent job of parenting this particular teen.

American Idol, Sanjaya, Sanjaya Malakar, Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, Randy Jackson, parenting teens, parenting teenagers, teens, teenagers

I came across this story on USA Today’s website, and was intrigued by it. The term “nigger” is one that I would never have dreamed of using as a teenager, and still would not dream of using today. I’d also punish my daughter for ever using it in any context, unless it had to do with a history assignment.

I’m a white person who was raised in the rural south. My parents used that word. They were raised using it, and did not mean it in a derogatory way, but that still does not excuse them. I learned early on from watching TV (one of TV’s positive influences) that people were insulted by the use of the N-word. I tried to get my parents not to use it, but to no avail. After my daughter was born, I refused to allow her grandparents to use it in front of her.

I still find the use of it uncomfortable, but, apparently, some teenagers do not. This USA Today article deals with attempts to ban the N-word. It also mentions that the word has has been adapted by black entertainers and youth as a term of endearment. What I found really interesting were the quotes by teenagers concerning the use of the word.

*”We grew up saying it, and it’s what I say all the time,” said Tiara Smith, 17, of Dallas.
“It’s not going to stop anybody from saying it.”

*”Some people are really offended by it, but me personally, I think there is much more out
there to worry about than some word. There are actual, physical problems that can be
fixed,” said Sabrina Vidal, 19, of New York, who says it doesn’t bother her to hear the
word in music lyrics.

Are these teens being more mature than I am? Does that word really not matter so much any more? I’d like to hear from others out there how they feel. Do you think use of the word should be banned? Do your teens use it, and how do you feel about that?

race, race relations, racial slurs, USA Today, teens, teenagers, parents, parenting

Carrying on the “American Idol” talent contest genre, 19-year-old Houston, Texas native, Robyn Troup was the winner of “My Grammy Moment.” As the winner of the talent competition, she perfomed onstage with Justin Timberlake at last night’s Grammy Awards. Rapper T.I. also joined the performance.

However, this year, it was slightly older artists, rather than teen favorites who took the major awards. Some favorites of mine, the Dixie Chicks, won Albums of the Year, Record of the Year and Song of the Year for “Not Ready to Make Nice.” Mary J. Blige won Best R&B Album and and Best R&B Song for “Be Without You.”

My 16-year-old and I watched the show together, as usual. She was happy with the wins by Blige and Ludacris for Best Rap Album and Rap Song for “Moneymaker.” Both of us were happy with the wins Gnarls Barkley.

Do you keep up with your teen’s favorite music? Watching awards shows can be a great way to connect with your teenager. It’s a good chance to talk about your favorite music as well as theirs. My daughter has grown up with a good mix of musical tastes, as Ilike to listen to rock, pop, country, jazz and classical. She’s heard everything from the Rolling Stones to Willie Nelson and can identify the artist of just about any song that comes on the radio. In addition, she’s introduced me to a lot of newer artists that I might not have listened to otherwise-John Mayer, Hinder, The Killers, etc. It’s been a great way for us to connect.

Start listening to the radio and watching some videos with your teens. It’s a good way to get involved!

Grammy Awards, American Idol, Robyn Troup, Justin Timberlake, T.I., Dixie Chicks, Mary J. Blige, Ludacris, Gnarls Barkley, Rolling Stones, Willie Nelson, John Mayer, Hinder, The Killers

Where have you learned what you know about parenting? From your own parents? From books you’ve read? From friends? From parenting classes? We tend to get useful information on parenting from a variety of sources in our lives. But who would think that reality TV juggernaut “American Idol” could teach us anything about parenting?! A few weeks ago, I certainly wouldn’t have said so!

However, it occured to me over the last few weeks, as my daughter and I watched the auditions together, that there was a very important lesson in all this for parents of teenagers. As one hopeful teen after another came out to sing for the judges and was rejected, I found myself asking “Who on earth told this kid that he/she could sing?!”

The answer, at least for some of the teens, was: their parents. Parents who had accompanied their teens to auditions would be waiting outside those doors, many disbelieving that their son or daughter had not been selected to go to Hollywood. Some even tried to persuade judges Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson, and Paula Abdul that they had made a mistake-that their teen was really a wonderful singer.

For some of these teens, obviously, this was a very big deal. Despite terrible auditions, they were devastated when they were not chosen to go on. They sobbed, begged and pleaded for another chance. They made excuses for why their auditions had gone so badly-they were really nervous, they had had colds, etc., etc.-one contestant even protesting that it was the bare floor which had made her sound so bad (she was just as bad on the carpet)!

I can’t help thinking that some of the parents of these teenagers have been overzealous in supporting their kids’ ambitions. Should you support your teen? Yes. Absolutely! Should you support them in aspiring to a career in a field for which they do not have what it takes to make it? No. Look at it this way. If your teenage daughter barely makes it through math classes with help from tutors, would you tell her to consider a career in accounting? No. If your son is a couch potato who is clumsy as well, would you tell him he could make it in pro basketball? Probably not.

In our entertainment-saturated culture, many teenagers aspire to be celebrities. They want to be the next Britney Spears, the next Lindsay Lohan, the next Justin Timberlake-the next American Idol. They want it so much that they forget that they must have a certain amount of talent to get there.

We all want to support and encourage our teens to be the best they can, to do the best they can. We want them to have a life that they enjoy. But what we shouldn’t do is lie to them. Don’t tell your son he’s a great basketball player if he can’t make a free throw to save his life. Don’t tell your daughter that she sings great if she can’t carry a tune. Basically, don’t give them false hopes.

You don’t have to be as harsh with your comments as Simon Cowell! Just remember to compliment and support your teens’ strengths, rather than their weaknesses. Help them develop interests at which they have real talents. Encourage them to explore new areas and find new interests. Teach them to set goals which are attainable.

Teens’ lives will contain disappointments and setbacks. Don’t help set them up for more disappointments if they have no chance of succeeding. And another thing: teach them to accept criticism and disappointment with grace and dignity. That’s an important life lesson for all of us.

American Idol, Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul, Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Justin Timberlake, teens, teenagers, adolescents, parents, parenting