Parenting Teens

Back-to-school can be the best time of the year to teach your teen that money doesn’t grow on trees! A study by Capital One Financial Corporation found that 52% of parents have not talked to their teen about the differences between “needs” and “wants.” Thirty-six percent of parents haven’t talked to their teens at all about back-to-school finances.

Before hitting the stores, help your teen come up with a budget, and a list of things they really need. After buying all the needed items, you can talk with them about spending any leftover money in the budget for less-essential things. Be sure to talk with your teens about the differences between something they need and something they want. Stress that just because other kids have certain items (iPods or fancy cell phones), doesn’t mean that they’re a necessity.

Back-to-school can sometimes be a painful time for parents. You want your children to have what others have, but sometimes there’s just not enough money. Realize that you are doing the best you can do, and be sure to remind your teens that school is really about the education you’re getting, and is not meant to be a fashion show, or a place to show off electronic gadgets.

With back-to-school, shopping, you can teach your teen excellent lessons about the value of money, about budgeting, and about the difference between necessities and luxuries. They’re lessons that they’ll put to good use for the rest of their lives!

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High school is so much more complicated now than when I was a teenager! My 16-year-old daughter begins her junior year this Monday, August 13. Of course, things really got started about three weeks ago, when she received her schedule for the upcoming year. Almost none of the classes were classes that she had requested.

This past spring, she had spent a couple of weeks working out her schedule for the coming year. She had talked with her teachers, her counselor, counselors at a couple of the colleges she’s interested in attending-she had really covered all the bases! I was proud of all the work she had put into it. Then, the official schedule arrived in the mail. It was all wrong!

Both she and I spent another couple of weeks talking with teachers and her counselor again. Turns out, her schedule had been mixed up with that of another girl, who has the same first name, and whose last name has the same three first letters. Getting it straightened out was a nightmare! But we finally had it.

Then, for the past two weeks, she had band camp for marching band. The school has a new band director. There was a new camp schedule, new music to be learned, new rules to learn and follow, etc. Then, the weather threw its two-cents-worth into the mix, gifting us with record high temperatures. The band was unable to practice on the football field, where they needed to be, which necessitated more schedule changes-resulting in drop-off and pick-up times which threw our carefully worked out schedule into more disarray.

Finally, we had made it through these last three weeks, exhausted and with our minds reeling from all the changes. Last night was open house, when we were able to meet her teachers. First, there was a general assembly with the principal introducing himself and new teachers. Then, there was an amusing little play by the school theater group, detailing the major policies of the school-dress code, no food and drink in the classrooms, no cell phones, no MP3 players, etc.

After assembly,we fought our way through the mob to get a copy of her final schedule, and then to go meet her teachers. The schedule was still wrong! So, we were off to the counselor’s office, where she made a couple of final (hopefully!) changes to my daughter’s schedule. We then met her teachers, who all seem to be nice and helpful, thank goodness!

This semester, my daughter’s taking Advanced Band, Advanced Physics, Advanced American Literature, and Trigonometry. After the past three weeks, that schedule should be a breeze!

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Even though it seems as though school just ended here, it will soon be time for kids to head back to classes! That means one of the most expensive times of the year for many families is coming up. Clothes and supplies for school can add up quickly, especially if you have teenagers who are already into adult sizes!

Luckily, many states now have sales tax holidays, when clothing, supplies, and other items have no sales tax applied to them. It can mean great savings for many people. I know that I usually buy the bulk of my daughter’s clothes and supplies during our annual tax holiday.

Below is a list of the states offering tax holidays, the dates, and the items which are exempt. I’ve collected these from several different sources. If you know of any other states having tax holidays, please feel free to post them in the comments. Happy shopping!

Alabama
When? August 3, 4 and 5
What’s exempt? Clothing up to $100, computers up to $750, school supplies up to $50, books up to $30

Connecticut
When? August 19-25
What’s exempt? Clothing up to $300

District of Columbia
When? August 4-12
What’s exempt? Clothing up to $100, school supplies up to $100

Florida
When? August 4-13
What’s exempt? Clothing up to $50, school supplies up to $10

Georgia
When? August 2, 3, 4 and 5
What’s exempt? Clothing up to $100, school supplies up to $20, computers up to $1,500.

Iowa
When? August 3 and 4
What’s exempt? Clothing up to $100

Louisiana
When? August 3 and 4
What’s exempt? Most individual items of for non-business use up to $2,500

Missouri
When? August 3, 4 and 5
What’s exempt? Clothing up to $100, computers up to $3500 and school supplies up to $50

New Mexico
When? August 3, 4 and 5
What’s exempt? Clothing up to $100, computers up to $1,000 and school supplies up to $15

North Carolina
When? August 3, 4 and 5
What’s exempt? Clothing, footwear, and school supplies up to $100, sports equipment up to $50 per item, computers up to $3,500, and computer supplies up to $250 per item

Oklahoma
When? August 3, 4 and 5
What’s exempt? clothing up to $100

South Carolina
When? August 3, 4 and 5
What’s exempt? clothing, school supplies, computers

Tennessee
When? August 3, 4 and 5
What’s exempt? clothing up to $100, school supplies up to $100 and computers up to $1,500

Texas
When? August 17, 18, and 19
What’s exempt? Most clothing and footwear priced under $100, backpacks under $100.

Virginia
When? August 3, 4 and 5
What’s exempt? Clothing up to $100, school supplies up to $20

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Recently, I ran across an article in the Atlanta Journal-Constitutionwhich brought a controversial issue up again for me. Should high school athletes by randomly tested for drugs? In my opinion, yes.

The story focused on the recent death of a high school quarterback in Georgia, who died in a car accident. The 17-year-old student was legally drunk and had cocaine in his system the night of his accident.

For many parents of teenagers, this brings up the issue of who is truly responsible for their children. I understand that issue. Being the parent of a 16-year-old myself, I feel that it is, ultimately, my responsibility to regulate my daughter’s behavior. That being said, however, when a child is representing the school by taking part in school-sponsored activities, I feel they have the responsibility to make sure the students representing them are doing so in a dignified and legal manner.

My daughter is not an athlete, but she does represent the school in marching band, as well as on the math and academic teams. If the school system decided to require drug testing for these activities, I would have no problem with it. No, I’m not in favor of taking away freedoms from our teenagers or anyone else. But I am in favor of teaching kids responsibility and, in my mind, showing them the consequences of participating in an illegal activity falls directly into that category.

The consequences for positive drug tests by schools mentioned in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution article were as follows:

First offense: mandatory follow-up testing and drug counseling with the student’s parents

Second offense: suspension from activity or sports for 30-45 days

Third offense: suspension from activity or sports for a year

I can promise you that, as a parent, the consequences I would hand out would be more severe. What about the rest of you out there? Do your teens participate in sports or activities where drug testing is required? Do you feel drug testing for school sports or other activities should be mandatory? Let me know how you feel.

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The New York Times, as well as most other news outlets is reporting on yesterdays Supreme Court vote on the use of race in helping to integrate schools. The following is an excerpt from the New York Times article:

With competing blocs of justices claiming the mantle of Brown v. Board of Education, a bitterly divided Supreme Court declared Thursday that public school systems cannot seek to achieve or maintain integration through measures that take explicit account of a student’s race.

Voting 5 to 4, the court, in an opinion by Chief Justice John G. Roberts Jr., invalidated programs in Seattle and metropolitan Louisville, Ky., that sought to maintain school-by-school diversity by limiting transfers on the basis of race or using race as a “tiebreaker� for admission to particular schools.

I’m divided on this issue. I can see both sides of the coin. I feel that the use of race in making these decisions is wrong. Yet, as a parent, I believe that attending schools with diverse racial populations better prepares children for life in the real world.

I’d like to hear from readers on this one. How do you feel about the Supreme Court decision? How do you feel that the use of race in making school attendance decisions affects your teens and younger children?

race, Supreme Court, schools, education, racial issues, Brown v. Board of Education, New York Times

When our children are elementary age and younger, most of us meet their teachers and other school personnel. There are usually a certain number of required parent-teacher conferences, school events, etc., which we attend. Also, when our kids are at those ages, we worry about how they are being treated, and if they are being protected from bullies, etc.

Throughout my daughter’s school career, though, I have noticed that a certain number of parents do not meet, or maintain a working relationship with, their children’s teachers-beginning in middle school and through high school. Getting to know your teen’s teachers is just as important at these grade levels. Here are a few reasons why:

1. Maintaining grades-older children are less likely to share their grades and progress with you, particularly
if the news is bad. Being in touch with a teacher via phone or email allows you to keep on top of any
problems they may be having, and to help deal with them if tutoring or more study time is needed.

2. Discipline problems-Again, teens are less likely to share any problems they may be having at school
with their parents. Whether a discipline problem is with your teen, or another teen who is
bullying or bothering your child, you need to be informed. When you can talk with teachers, principals,
or counselors about these things, you can be there to help your teen deal with them.

3. Career choices-High school students are on the verge of discovering what they will be doing with their
lives after school, whether it be work, college, the military, etc. Communicating with teachers and
counselors can give you a great deal of information about your teen’s interests and abilities. It can
give you valuable insight into helping your child make decisions that are right for them.

4. Getting to know your teen-Your child is changing fast and growing into an adult. Having other adults
discuss their impressions and insights about your teenager can help you get to know this maturing
maturing person that you have raised. You can appreciate things about your teen that you might not
have noticed yourself. The knowledge that teachers and other school personnel have about your teen
can help you transition from a strictly parental role in your child’s life to having a more adult relation-
ship with him or her.

These are a few reasons to continue having good parent/teacher relationships with your teen’s teachers. Make time to become acquainted with your teenager’s teachers, counselors, and principals. Find out contact information about them (phone numbers, email addresses), so that you can periodically ask how
your child is doing. There are many valuable reasons to do so.

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Here’s a great contest for any of your preteens or ‘tweens, ages 10-14, who have an artistic side. The publishers of the book “The Smart Start Guide to Junior High” are looking for someone in this age group to design a cover for the book. The book has lots of advice and information for students and their parents on transitioning and adjusting to middle school. The prize is $50. Here are the contest rules:

Contest Rules:

1. The contest is open to kids and teens age 10 -14.

2. All book cover designs must measure 5 ½” wide by 8 ½” high.

3. The only required parts of the design are the book’s title, “The Smart Start Guide to Junior High” and the author’s name, “Joe Bruzzese”.

4. If the design is created with a computer program please save the file in either gif, jpg or pdf format.

5. If the design is hand drawn, color may be added with crayons, colored pencils or markers.

6. Create and enter as many designs as you like.

7. All designs must be received by Friday, July 13th in order to qualify for the contest.

8. Designs will be posted, without the designer’s name or contact information, at http://www.squidoo.com/thinking-forward/ beginning Sunday, July 15th. Voting begins on Monday, July 16th and ends on Saturday, July 21st. Anyone can vote, however you may only vote once, so tell your friends to vote for you. Visit the web site, http://www.squidoo.com/thinking-forward/ for more information about how to vote for your favorite design.

9. If you have any questions about the contest send an email to contest@thinking-forward.com

10. Did we mention the winning designer receives a cash prize of $50?

Book cover designs may either be submitted via regular mail to:

Thinking Forward
417 Pitzer Court
Goleta, CA 93117
Please include the entrant’s contact information, including email address and phone number, so we can contact you if you win.

Or by e-mail to:
contest@thinking-forward.com
If you are sending a design by email please send the computer file in one of the following formats: jpg, gif or pdf.

Voting for the winning design will take place online. Beginning Monday, July 16th you can vote for your favorite design by returning to this site. The rules and instructions for voting will be posted at that time.

So, if you have an artistic student, get him/her drawing and designing! This could be a good opportunity!

pre-teens, parenting pre-teens, tweens, parenting tweens, contests, art, artistic, book covers, The Start Smart Guide to Junior High, Joe Bruzzese, junior high, middle school

College tips will be a semi-regular feature during the summer months. With many parents having teens ready to go off to college for the first time, information is the most helpful thing available! Today’s tip deals with something that many people don’t think about beforehand-your son or daughter’s medical records.

Unless your teen is going to a college in his/her hometown, and will be seeing the same doctor as before, getting copies of medical records can be a very useful thing to do! Whether your teenager will be going to the campus health clinic or will be finding a private physician in the area where they will be attending college, their medical history can be important to their continued medical care. Whether you call them medical records or a Personal Health Record, which is the current term favored by the American Health Information Management Association(AHIMA), and whether you keep a paper or a computerized record, having them can be essential.

This tip is being discussed at the beginning of the summer because it can take time to obtain copies of medical records. Obtaining these records will probably require a trip to each physician and/or hospital who has seen your teen since childhood. If your teenager is under 18, you will need to sign a release form for his/her records. If a teen is over 18, he/she will be required to sign for themselves.

It can be a hassle and take a lot of time, but it will be well worth it. If your teen has a chronic illness or condition for which he needs ongoing treatment, or if he has allergies, or any other condition which needs to be considered during medical treatment, his new physician/clinic will need to know.

The link above provides a checklist for medical information which is useful. In the midst of all the college planning, take time to obtain your teen’s medical records. And keep a copy for yourself! You never know when you might need them.

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Graduation time is upon us all-students, parents, families, and friends! Need some ideas for what to get the teenager in your life for his/her graduation? Here’s a few suggestions for affordable, and useable, gifts:

*CD’s-in this case, music CD’s! They’re affordable and, if you know the graduate’s
favorite types of music and favorite artists, this one’s easy!

*Books-but books that the graduate will actually like to read! Those books of
verses for graduates are beautiful little gifts, but many graduates don’t even read them. They’re
impersonal. Choose a book from a genre or series that you know the graduate enjoys. Or a nice
bookstore gift card!

*DVD’s-another good, affordable gift-again, if you know the graduate’s favorite
movies or genres. Actually, these first three are good, all-purpose gifts for just about any
occasion, as long as you know what the recipient likes!

*Gift cards-Speaking of gift cards, they make nice, useful gifts no matter where
they’re from! Restaurant gift cards are great, since most teens list eating as a favorite hobby!
Gas gift cards are great right now, with the price of gas going up daily. If the teen will be going
off to college soon, gift cards to stores such as Wal-Mart or Bed, Bath & Beyond can be really
helpful, allowing them to buy (or at least defray the cost of) some of the things they will need.

*Money-Apparently, Miss Manners frowns on giving cold, hard cash, but I’m not
with her on this one. Money is something everyone can use, especially graduates who are either
headed for college, or will be looking for a job! If you’re worried about the amount you can afford
to give, don’t! Anything from $5 on up can be helpful. Or get a group of relatives and friends
together to each contribute what they can afford. Then, give the entire amount with a single
card signed by everyone. The graduate will be happy! Trust me!

If you’re a parent or family member who wants to give a more substantial gift, consider a certificate of deposit or savings bond. These are gifts which can be saved, or spent if an emergency arises.

Remember that, whatever you give, graduation from high school comes once in a lifetime! Make sure that one of the things you do is let the graduate know how happy and proud you are!

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This is a wonderful read for parents of teen and pre-teen girls. Stressed-Out Girls: Hleping Them Thrive In the Age of Pressure by Roni Cohen-Sandler deals with the stresses girls face today, and how parents can help them cope.

In this excellent book, which gives a lot of practical advice, Dr. Cohen-Sandler discusses how girls experience stress differently than boys:

• In general, girls report far more school-related stress than do boys. They believe that to be successful, they have to be extraordinary in every area of their lives: academic, social, extracurricular, and appearance.

• Compared to girls, boys report being less invested in school. They feel less connected, are less likely to feel successful, and have fewer worries about college.

• Although all teens report being burdened by too much homework and tests, girls are 55% more likely than boys to say they pressure themselves to get good grades and do well in school.

• Girls are also more stressed-out as they go through their school days because of social stress: they constantly monitor their relationships with peers and teachers.

• Heightened worries about appearance—body image, clothing choices, and make-up—further exacerbate the daily stress of teen girls.

• Whereas boys express stress more directly, girls keep their stress hidden.

In addition, she talks about the high levels of stress girls suffer:

• The majority of girls report feeling “too much� or “way too much� pressure to get good grades.

• More than 2/3 of girls in middle school say they “usually� or “always� pressure themselves to succeed. By high school, that number rises to _.

• Almost 2/3 of girls in middle school and 3/4 of girls in high school believe the amount of free time they have is “too little� or “not nearly enough.�

• Nearly 2/3 of girls in middle school and high school report that the amount of homework they get is “too much� or “way too much.�

Other helpful topics include how stress for girls worsens over time, and what parents and teachers can do to recognize and help alleviate stress. Although many parents and educators endorse the book, some of the most telling comments come from the girls themselves. One girl wrote “I am currently reading your book Stressed Out-Girls, and I love it! I am probably one of the busiest and most stressed-out girls in my class. Being senior class president, the head of 2 clubs, varsity tennis captain, and taking eight classes in school (not to mention trying to get into college!) the word “pressure” is nothing new to me. I often take on too much, and find it hard to say “no” when asked to do something. I barely made it through Junior year, because I took on too much and had a huge mental breakdown. My grades went down and I wish I could just start over again.”

This book can really open your eyes to the sources of stress for your teenage daughter! Together, my daughter and I sat down and realized there were sources of stress of which she was not even aware! I’d recommend the book for any parents of teen and pre-teen daughters. If you’re a mom, it can also be an eye-opener to some of the sources of stress in your own teenage years!

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I’m getting on my soapbox today, about an issue that I’ve seen discussed a lot of places, but I don’t see any results from all the discussion!

Last night, I attended the annual Awards Night at my daughter’s high school (she brought home awards in Math and Band, her two favorite subjects!). The program we were handed at the door was very nicely done. You could tell that a lot of hard and thoughtful work had gone into it. The school auditorium and it’s lobby were nicely decorated. The refreshments served were delicious. The principal, teachers, administrators and invited guest speakers were articulate, friendly, and obviously enthusiastic and enjoying this program. The one thing that threw a monkey wrench into the evening was that only about half of the approximately two hundred students who were being honored with awards bothered to show up!

Now, I realize that there are emergencies and, sometimes, scheduling conflicts that people simply can’t work around. It’s impossible to attend every school event. However, I believe I lay this particular problem right where it belongs: at the feet of parents who are so apathetic and unimpressed with academic achievement that they do not encourage their kids to show up at such an important event!

I know a lot of the parents who have children at my daughter’s school. I talk with them when they do attend school events and during morning and afternoon dropoff and pickup times. I did not see quite a few parents and teens at the awards ceremony, who show up for every ball game! Even though they don’t have teens who are players, cheerleaders, or otherwise have to show up!

I have, at long last, reached some sort of breaking point when it comes to parties and sports being put before academic achievement! I have tolerated this for many years, even while fighting against it. My daughter has never been into athletics. From the start, her achievements have come in the classroom and in more academic extracurricular activities-the academic team and math team, for example.

It’s a wildly celebrated (though very rare) event when the football or basketball team makes it into the playoffs. In the past year alone, the varsity and junior varsity math teams brought home more trophies for the school than all the football and basketball teams combined have brought home in the last ten years! The school’s academic team is going to the national championship this year. Neither of these teams have been mentioned at all in our local newspaper, yet football and basketball scores are there the day after every game!

The sports teams have buses which transport them to every game all year. This year, the math teams and academic teams had bus transportation to only about half of their competitions. The rest of the time, parents provided the transportation and paid entrance fees for their kids to compete. The sports teams have their uniforms provided. The math team members and parents did two fundraisers, just to be able to buy t-shirts for the team.

It’s not like I don’t know this inequality hasn’t existed for a long time. As I said, I’ve lived with it. And I enjoy a good ball game as much as anyone. But something about people not showing up to celebrate their children’s academic achievements when they show up for sporting events finally made me snap!

I’m sure there are some out there who share my viewpoint, and some who do not. Please let me hear from you about this! If I haven’t put you off with my ravings, that is!

public schools, academic achievements, academic awards, math, science, education, public education, education funding, parent apathy, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

This is one of those fun times when I get to use my blog as a parent to brag about my daughter! On May 25-27, the National Academic Quiz Tournaments, LLC will host the 2007 High School National Championship in Chicago, IL. My daughter, who is a sophomore (and the youngest person on her team) will be attending with her high school academic team, who will be competing in their first national event ever!

If you’d like to know how difficult this tournament is, check out the above website. They have a section titled You Gotta Know…, which is really extensive. Any of the subjects in their lists might show up in the questions. It might also be handy to study this site if you’re thinking of trying out for Jeopardy!

There’s also a packet of sample questions from a previous national tournament available in pdf format. Try reading through some of them. If you can answer more than a few, you’re doing much better than I did!

I’m really proud of my daughter for this, and all parents whose teens will be competing in this tournament, or who compete on their academic teams or quiz bowl teams, should be proud of their kids, too. So often, sports teams are given priority over academics in our public schools. This is a chance for the academic competitors to shine!

If your teen is interested in trivia (be it pop culture, history, or any other subject), suggest that they give their academic team or quiz bowl team a try. The competitions are fun and interesting. Both kids and parents learn a lot!

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Well, it’s that time of the school year-almost the end! Most teens are looking forward to vacation, but first they have to get through their last rounds of finals. And, boy, can those be daunting! There seem to be so many of them!

My daughter has three weeks of school left, and we recently discussed her end-of-the-year test schedule for the second time. She has final exams in all four of her classes. In addition to those, for two of her classes, she has end-of-course tests, which are required to be passed in order to pass the class. On top of all that, two of her classes are Advanced Placement, for which she’ll receive college credits-but she has to pass an extra test (aside from those already mentioned) in order to receive the credits! It’s enough to stress anyone out!

That much testing alone is enough to make a teenager need a vacation! Then, there are the seniors who’ll be graduating and taking SAT’s and/or ACT’s, and need to worry about those, as well as all their college plans-which are only a few short months away. As parents, we need to do what we can to make all these anxieties more bearable, at least.

Here are a few things you can do to help:

*Talk with your teen about his/her testing schedule. Find out when each test is schedule, how much
time there is between tests, and how much each weight each test is given in calculating their final
grade in a class. Also review their grades up until this point, and be aware of which tests they need
to do really well in to bring up, or maintain, their grades in each class.

*Help them plan a study schedule. Or have them do it, and then you review it. Plan an adequate
amount of study time for each test, depending on how well they are already doing in a class, as well
as whether or not they need to bring up a grade. Allow more study time for the classes in which
they have the most difficulty.

*Make sure they have plenty of time to relax, as well as time to study. Too hard a push for tests can
totally wear out a student, and make him/her burned out by the time test time actually rolls around.
Make sure they have time to do enjoyable things, as well as just to rest, and get plenty of sleep.

*Give them plenty of encouragement and help. If they’re worried about a particular test or class, do
anything you can to help them prepare for the test. Ask questions. Help make flash cards. Have
them write chapter summaries and then check them. And make sure you give them plenty of praise
encouragement about the amount of work they’re doing. It’ll give them a boost in confidence, which
can always help.

*Get tutoring for them, if they need it. If they are having real difficulty in a class, make sure they get
the help they need. Call the school counselor’s office or your teen’s teacher about tutoring. Find
out if they can recommend a program, or someone else from the class who can help.

Testing at the end of the year can produce a lot of stress and anxiety. Do all you can to help your
teenager do his/her best and get through it. For study tips and help with things like test anxiety, visit Test Taking Tips. It’s a great site with lots of help for both students and parents.

tests, exams, test taking, finals, final exams, school, parenting teens, parenting teenagers, tutoring

Many of us are still in shock following the shootings at Virginia Tech two days ago. We see new pictures and hear new information, much of which is more frightening than before. And we feel grief for the victims and their families, even though we may not have known them. Unless we have lost a child ourselves, most of us can only imagine how these families must be feeling. And we fear for our own children now more than ever.

The most difficult part of this, for many of us, will be trying to explain this to our children. How do we explain something that we, ourselves, do not understand? How do we comfort and reassure children who may be frightened that something like this will happen in their own schools? There are no easy answers.
Explaining to teenagers may sometimes be more difficult than explanations to a younger child.

When discussing the shootings with your teen, it is best to be totally open and honest. After all, for most teens, many of the victims were only a few years older than they. If teens are worried about the possibility of such violence in their own school, acknowledge that, in today’s world, that is a possibility. Don’t tell them “It’ll never happen here.” Attempting to give them a false sense of security is something most teens will see through. As strong as the temptation may be, don’t do it.

Having acknowledged that it could happen, talk to them about the precautions that are taken to make sure that it doesn’t. If the school has metal detectors, security guards, etc., point these out to them. These precautions are not foolproof (as we saw), but in many situations they do help. Point out to your teen that, though these incidents are horrible and terrifying, they really do not happen often. That’s not saying “never”, just “rarely”.

Talk with your teenager about what they can do to protect themselves if such an event were to occur. Personally, I’ve told my daughter that, if she ever sees anyone with a gun or any other weapon at school, she is to report it immediately. I’ve also told her that, if she hears gunfire, she should immediately drop to the floor and stay there, not moving or even raising her head. In addition, one of the things that she and I have discussed is that she should notify someone if she feels any student or friend she knows is writing or talking about anything that threatens or condones violence. Teens will feel better knowing that, if a situation does come up, they are not helpless. There is something they can do to protect themselves.

Talk to your teens about doing something proactive. Virginia Tech has set up a memorial website to allow people to post tributes, memorials and condolences to family and friends of the victims. If your teen would like to post something there, share the site with them. Talk to them about putting together some sort of tribute at their own school-a display, a memorial, sending cards or letters to families, etc. Doing something proactive makes people feel better. If they feel there is something they can do-no matter how small-they will feel less helpless and frightened.

If your teen is so frightened or worried that they are refusing to go to school, or if they are so distracted by the recent happenings that they are unable to do homework, behave normally with friends, etc., you may need to contact their school counselor or another professional. School counselors will be happy to provide services individually or in groups for students who are having trouble dealing with this situation.

Give your teens all the love and reassurance that you can in these difficult times. They need your love and support more than ever.

Virginia Tech, Virginia Tech shooting, school violence, school safety, Virginia Tech memorial, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

It seems as though we hear about school shootings every day. This one was reported by the Chicago Sun-Times and took place at the Chicago Vocational Career Academy.

Apparently, a teen brought a 9mm Ruger to school and was playing with it in a classroom when the gun went off, going through the thigh of the student, and into the thigh of the student sitting next to him. The 15-year-old student who brought the gun panicked, ran outside bleeding and threw the gun away. He later led police to the gun. The student who brought the gun to school was treated and released. The other student is in stable condition.

According to the article, swiping in each morning is required at the school, and neither student had done so that day. The student who brought the gun had also missed an earlier class where attendance had been taken. One theory for how the gun got in is that someone opened an outside door for the student carrying the gun.

This makes the third shooting at the school this year. It is the system’s largest school, covering approximately a block. Teachers and students report that the school does not have enough security.

There have always been some students who thought of school as prison. Schools such as this one make it almost a reality. Never knowing when a violent incident will occur. Swiping in to school each morning. Metal detectors. One of the biggest problems at the school being that there is not enough security. Doesn’t this sound more like a prison than a school to you?

One of the things I always want to know in a case like this is-where were this student’s parents? How did a 15-year-old get his hands on a gun to take to school without his parents knowing?

As a social worker, I was often accused of being too rough on parents. But my position has always been that parents are responsible for their children. I will continue to hold that position. It is not the school’s job to see that teens do not bring guns to school. It is their parents’ and guardians’ responsibility.

Schools have enough problems educating our children. It should not be their responsibility to police them as well. It takes up resources that could, otherwise, be used for education. When will parents take back responsibility for their children?

school shootings, school violence, Chicago Sun-Times, Chicago, Chicago Vocational Career Academy, parental responsibility, parenting teens, parenting teenagers