Parenting Teens

Do you suspect that your teenager might be in an abusive relationship? Abusive relationships can take many forms, and do not necessarily involve physical abuse. A fairly new website, Love Is Respect, provides resources for teenagers, parents, friends, etc., about abusive aspects of relationships. They are also a helpline, accessible via internet or telephone. The phone number is 1-866-331-9474.

The following is a quiz they offer to see if your relationship might be abusive:

Does your boyfriend/girlfriend:

Look at you or act in ways that scare you?

Act jealous or possessive?

Put you down or criticize you?

Try to control where you go, what you wear or what you do?

Text or IM you excessively?

Blame you for the hurtful things they say and do?

Threaten to kill or hurt you or themselves if you leave them?

Try to stop you from seeing or talking to friends and family?

Try to force you to have sex before you’re ready?

Do they hit, slap, push or kick you?

This is excellent information for your teenager to have. Share the website and phone number with them. Urge them to look over the information, and to use the website or phone number if they need help. With abusive relationships on the rise, both teens and parents can use all the information and resources they can get.

abuse, abusive relationships, boyfriends, girlfriends, relationships, Love Is Respect, teens, teenagers, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

It’s almost that time. Time for the school year to end. Another school year, another year of your teen’s life at home gone by. Many teens will be graduating high school, and moving on to college or work-maybe both.

How much quality time have you spent with your teen lately? Have you spent any time doing something fun with your teenager? This is a subject I like to which I like to return periodically, because it can be so easy to let that time slip away. To take it for granted.

One of my daughter’s best friends is graduating high school this year, and will be leaving for college the first of September. She’ll be working over the summer, but her mom (who happens to be my best friend!) is making a few plans for them to do things together-things that will fit into everyone’s work schedule and be fun for them, too. It isn’t easy.

But, hey, doing things together doesn’t have to mean a lot of time at once, or even a lot of expense. Go to a nice restaurant and have a lunch special a few times while you talk! Go to a movie you’ll both enjoy-a matinee; they’re cheaper! Go visit some relatives you haven’t seen in a while.

Time with your teenager doesn’t have to be forced, or something that you both dread. It can be a fun and relaxing experience for both of you, if you find something you both can enjoy doing. And time is very precious.

Virginia Tech will be having it’s graduation soon, following the mass shootings of April 16. It’s students, faculty, and families are preparing for graduation, while still mourning the loss fellow classmates and teachers. It is a reminder to all of us that time spent with loved ones can be cut short. Use it wisely.

tags]teens, teenagers, graduation, school, time with teens, Virginia Tech, Virginia Tech graduation[/tags]

This is a wonderful read for parents of teen and pre-teen girls. Stressed-Out Girls: Hleping Them Thrive In the Age of Pressure by Roni Cohen-Sandler deals with the stresses girls face today, and how parents can help them cope.

In this excellent book, which gives a lot of practical advice, Dr. Cohen-Sandler discusses how girls experience stress differently than boys:

• In general, girls report far more school-related stress than do boys. They believe that to be successful, they have to be extraordinary in every area of their lives: academic, social, extracurricular, and appearance.

• Compared to girls, boys report being less invested in school. They feel less connected, are less likely to feel successful, and have fewer worries about college.

• Although all teens report being burdened by too much homework and tests, girls are 55% more likely than boys to say they pressure themselves to get good grades and do well in school.

• Girls are also more stressed-out as they go through their school days because of social stress: they constantly monitor their relationships with peers and teachers.

• Heightened worries about appearance—body image, clothing choices, and make-up—further exacerbate the daily stress of teen girls.

• Whereas boys express stress more directly, girls keep their stress hidden.

In addition, she talks about the high levels of stress girls suffer:

• The majority of girls report feeling “too much� or “way too much� pressure to get good grades.

• More than 2/3 of girls in middle school say they “usually� or “always� pressure themselves to succeed. By high school, that number rises to _.

• Almost 2/3 of girls in middle school and 3/4 of girls in high school believe the amount of free time they have is “too little� or “not nearly enough.�

• Nearly 2/3 of girls in middle school and high school report that the amount of homework they get is “too much� or “way too much.�

Other helpful topics include how stress for girls worsens over time, and what parents and teachers can do to recognize and help alleviate stress. Although many parents and educators endorse the book, some of the most telling comments come from the girls themselves. One girl wrote “I am currently reading your book Stressed Out-Girls, and I love it! I am probably one of the busiest and most stressed-out girls in my class. Being senior class president, the head of 2 clubs, varsity tennis captain, and taking eight classes in school (not to mention trying to get into college!) the word “pressure” is nothing new to me. I often take on too much, and find it hard to say “no” when asked to do something. I barely made it through Junior year, because I took on too much and had a huge mental breakdown. My grades went down and I wish I could just start over again.”

This book can really open your eyes to the sources of stress for your teenage daughter! Together, my daughter and I sat down and realized there were sources of stress of which she was not even aware! I’d recommend the book for any parents of teen and pre-teen daughters. If you’re a mom, it can also be an eye-opener to some of the sources of stress in your own teenage years!

stress, teen stress, teenage stress, teen girls’ stress, teenage girls’ stress, Stressed-Out Girls, Roni Cohen-Sandler, Ph.D., parenting teens, parenting teenagers, teen girls, teenage girls

Most of you who are parents of teens probably remember the “Home Alone” movies, and all the trouble one kid managed to get into, when left alone! One of the poll questions over at ClubMom (where they have lots of interesting subjects and information, no matter what the age of your kids) deals with letting your teenager stay at home alone for a few days. Would you or wouldn’t you?

It’s an interesting question. What do you picture in your mind’s eye when you think about your teenager home alone for a couple of days? Do you see a quiet time of doing homework, listening to music, watching movies and eating? Do you see your teen staying out until all hours, doing who knows what?

Do you picture a huge, wild party, with the house ending up in shambles, people drinking and taking drugs, and the police being called? Or do you maybe picture a wild party of just two, with your teen’s boyfriend/girlfriend staying over the entire time, and a possible pregnancy ensuing?

Personally, this question gave me a pause. I’d have to say that I would probably wouldn’t leave my daughter alone for a few days. Not because I don’t trust her, or I see ANY kind of wild party going on, but because of the possibility of crime. We live in a pretty nice neighborhood, but houses are still broken into occasionally. And it has happened when people are at home.

Now, my daughter likes a good time as well as the next teen, but her ideas of a good time are a bit tame. I’m sure she’d love to throw a party with the parents away. However, her parties usually consist of movies, music and video games. I know her friends well. Probably, about the wildest thing that would happen would be a few beers brought in by some of the guys. Now, I’m not crazy about that idea, and someone would definitely pay when I got home!

But I can think of a lot worse things happening if someone did break into the house when she was alone. Or, if she had some kind of accident and was unable to call for help. All the usual things come to mind. Now, statistically, I realize there’s probably less of a chance of anything like that happening, than there is that she would have a wild party! However, that doesn’t stop me worrying about it!

How would you feel about leaving your teen home alone for a few days? Would you do it? Why or why not?

teens, teenagers, teen parties, teens alone, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

Although we rightly worry about our teenagers’ online safety, a new study done by Pew Internet & American Life Project may provide us with a little hope. Apparently, many teenagers who frequent social networking sites such as MySpace and Facebook omit sensitive information in their profiles, such as their last names, addresses and phone numbers.

The study, titled Teens, Privacy and Online Social Networks was conducted by Pew between Oct.23-Nov.19, 2006. It surveyed 935 teens, ages 12-17. The following are the things teens said they revealed about themselves in online profiles:

When I first started writing for 451 Press in October, 2006, I was intrigued by the title of another blog in the network. It’s called Long Relationships. It’s actually about long romantic relationships, and RA does a great job of blogging about the ups and downs, ins and outs of day to day life in a relationship. Check it out! There’s some great stuff over there and, after all, couldn’t we all use all the help we can get in that area?!

When I first saw the title, though (given that I was blogging about parenting), I thought of all the different types of long relationships a person has throughout their life-relationships with pets, friends, parents and children. After all, when you think about it, isn’t the longest relationship of your life with your parents? They’re there from the time you’re born! It may not always be a good relationship. These relationships have their ups and downs just like any other and, if we’re all honest with ourselves, we all know about the downs!

Then, as parents ourselves, there are our relationships with our own children. These, too, are very long relationships, seeing as how they begin with the births of our children and end (hopefully) when we die. Good relationships with our children don’t just happen. They are built, nurtured and worked on-just as are good long-term romantic relationships. I think, sometimes, parents forget this. Our children are separate, unique personalities. We have to get to know them, the same way we get to know a romantic partner-by talking, doing things together, sharing life experiences, etc.

Getting to know your kids, especially teenagers, can be a very unique and rewarding experience. My own daughter is 16 years old. The more time goes by, the more I grow to appreciate her as a person. She has a unique sense of style, talents I wouldn’t have dreamed of (since some of them are talents I’ve never had), and her own opinions on things like politics, social issues, etc. She’s not just a younger version of me, and, though she obeys me (for the most part!), she doesn’t always do it unquestioningly. I’ve learned to listen to her reasons for questioning me, and for disobeying me.

Working to build this relationship is sometimes different for both of us. Though there are things we have in common, there are also things we most definitely don’t have in common, so we’ve learned to have our time apart, but we’ve also learned that, sometimes, we have to endure some things just because the other enjoys it. My daughter, for example, (like lots of other teenage girls) loves to spend hours shopping at the mall. I can spend an hour or so there, but after two hours, I start to grit my teeth at the thought of going into yet another clothing store! But I do it at times, just because she loves it and watching her shop can be quite an experience!

There is music we both like (Daughtry, John Mayer, Aerosmith, and The Beatles, e.g.), and then music that one of listens to, but the other would rather hang their head out the window of the car than hear! There’s TV we both like (The Gilmore Girls, American Idol, e.g.), and then TV that makes one of us prefer to do housework while the other watches.

At this point, we both have a fairly good idea of each other’s likes and dislikes. We also have a pretty good record of listening to, and respecting, each other’s opinions. It’s a good relationship, overall, and my life is much fuller because of it. Even when there are bad times, I’m very glad that it’s here.

How’s your long relationship with your teenager? Spend some time this weekend evaluating it and trying to make it better. It will be one of the longest relationships of your life. Make it a good one.

parenting teens, parenting teenagers, relationships, long relationships, Daughtry, John Mayer, Aerosmith, The Beatles, The Gilmore Girls, American Idol

Yahoo News recently posted a story regarding a club in a Miami, Florida high school which promoted tolerance of gays: Judge: School’s gay rights club can meet. A U.S. District judge ruled that the school must grant the same priveleges to the Gay Straight Alliance that it grants to other school clubs, per federal law. Following is a quote from the article.

The
American Civil Liberties Union sued the Okeechobee school board in November on behalf of the high school’s Gay-Straight Alliance after school officials said the group was a “sex-based” organization that would violate its abstinence-only education policy.

Why is it that these people would see the word “gay” in the name of a club and automatically assume that this club violates an abstinence-only policy? We see this a lot. Apparently, people have the idea that “all the sex you can get” is an integral part of the definition of the word “gay”! Apparently, the club should have begun its message of promoting tolerance of gays with the school board!

By automatically making such assumptions and by attempting to deny such clubs the right to meet, we are expressing our ignorance and intolerance in a big way. As adults and parents, we are supposed to be setting a good example for our teenagers. This is not the way to do it.

Have any of you dealt with this issue in the schools your children attend? Please let me know about it!

gay, gay teens, gay teenagers, school clubs, parenting teens, parenting teenagers, Gay-Straight Alliance, ACLU, American Civil Liberties Union

With the exception of a select few, my magazine reading has fallen woefully off lately. Same old, same old. Too much to do. Too little time. However, I was browsing the online site of one of my favorite women’s magazines, Family Circle recently, and came across this letter on teenagers and lying. It has some really good advice on how to handle one particular lie, at least-teens and friends of whom you disapprove.

Q: My teenage son lies to us all the time. The other night he said he was going to one friend’s house, but he actually went to another kid’s house—a bad kid we don’t want him to hang out with. When we asked him where he had been, he lied right to our faces!

A: All teens lie, particularly when their backs are to the wall. If your son thinks he’ll get grounded by telling you the truth, he’s going to stick to his story with punishing intensity. He may even turn the tables and accuse you of never trusting him. Rather than get sucked into a discussion about who can trust whom in your family and who’s lying to whom, stay focused on the behavior behind the lie. Before you even broach the topic of good and bad friends, make it clear that you must know at all times where to find him. Explain with no equivocating that if he lies about his whereabouts again, he’ll pay the consequences. (You and your husband need to figure out what those consequences should be.)

When things have cooled off, try to find out a little more about the kid you think is bad; rather than forbid the friendship, which is guaranteed to backfire, ask your son what he admires in this young man, what they have in common. Suggest he invite him over, and then try to observe what they’re like together. Until you’ve given their relationship the benefit of the doubt, you won’t be able to reach a compromise or to teach your son that friendship is built on respect, shared values and the freedom to be oneself without fear of ridicule or criticism. Your goal is to help your son decide if this relationship fills the bill.

I pretty much agree with this wholeheartedly. Particularly with the advice about inviting the friend over and trying to get a good picture of who he is and what your teen sees in him. Sometimes, we judge our teens friends on what we hear from other teens and even parents, without making an attempt to get to know them for ourselves.

What do you think about this advice? Would you handle this problem a different way? Let me hear from some of you about your experience with your own teenagers.

parenting teens, parenting teenagers, teen lying, teenage lying, Family Circle, teens, teenagers, teens and friends, teenagers and friends

Web MD has an interesting article concerning a study done by a Harvard graduate student, who analyzed data collected from approximately 15,000 teenagers. The teens were interviewed in 1995 and again in 1996. The title of the piece is Teen Virginity Pledges: Can They Work. According to the study, apparently not very well!

In the first survey, 13% of teens said they’d taken a virginity pledge. A year later, 53% of them said, “What pledge?”

Now, this could point to a need to conduct more studies on memory in teenagers! But I don’t think so! It sounds more like selective memory loss. Apparently, those teens who were already sexually active or had become sexually active were more likely to retract their virginity pledges.
The article goes on to talk about sex-education and religion, and the roles they play in how teenagers report sexual activity. The entire article is available at the above link. It’s a good read, so drop in.

However, I was more interested in getting some feedback from readers. As the parent of a teen, have you tried a virginity pledge with your son or daughter? What was the result? Do you think that a virginity pledge is something that teens would uphold? I’d like to know what other parents think of virginity pledges-whether you feel they’re a good thing, and why or why not?

parenting teens, parenting teenagers, teen sexuality, virginity pledges, WebMD, sexually active teenagers, teen sexual activity

One of the questions currently making the rounds of Dear Abby is the following:

DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old high school senior. Last summer I lost my virginity. Since then I have slept with six guys. Do you think my future husband will be seriously upset about it, even though he will probably have been out there more than I have?

I guess I want to know whether you think I have become free-spirited or just promiscuous. — POSSIBLY PROMISCUOUS IN MURFREESBORO, N.C.

DEAR POSSIBLY: What I think is less important than what YOU think is appropriate behavior. And if you were comfortable with what you have been doing, you wouldn’t have written me.

If you continue on this path, you are in for trouble. The first thing that comes to mind is whether or not you know how to protect yourself from an unplanned pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease. If the answer is no, then you need to see a doctor or visit a Planned Parenthood clinic and learn about the real “facts of life.” These include being checked for any STD you might have already been exposed to.

In addition, you say that in the last seven or eight months you have slept with six different men. At the rate you’re going, in another six months that number could double, and by the time you are 25, the total could be close to 100. That is not what people refer to as “free-spirited.” It definitely is what they call promiscuous. So, please take a break from men for a while and think carefully about how casual sex could affect your future

I agree with Abby 100% on this one! Obviously, this girl is not comfortable with her own behavior, or she wouldn’t be questioning it.

What about your teens-both girls and boys? Have you talked with them about their sex lives lately? This goes for teens of legal age, as well as those who are underage. Are they sexually active? Are they comfortable with the way they are behaving, and with how they are expressing their sexuality?

This is an important issue, as it can affect the way they handle relationships for the rest of their lives. This type of issue can be very difficult to address, even with older teens, but find a way to do it. It can take away some of the constant worry you feel as a parent.

teen sexuality, teen relationship, teens and sex, parenting teens, parenting teenagers, Dear Abby, sexuality, sexual relationships

I’ve posted once before on CafeMom and what a good place it is to hang out and get some good advice on parenting teens-or to ask for advice from other moms if you need it. I’ve started a discussion group there called Moms of Teenagers. I’m happy to say that the membership has been steadily growing and there have been some interesting topics have been brought up by members.

I want to share one of those topics with you here and find out if any readers of this sight have anything to add to the discussion. A mom of two teenage sons recently posted this:

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“My name is Dana, and I am “Mom” to two teenage boys ages: 15 and 19. I need some advice regarding my fifteen year old. He has a girlfriend that he has been “dating” for a little over a year now. It started out innocent enough - he could barely even talk to her. I was friends with her mother and he was also friends with the girl’s younger brother. The problem I have is, the girl is way too controlling, and my son for some reason allows her to be this way towards him. Even his friends notice the short chain she keeps him on, but yet he still continues to be led around like a puppy! He doesn’t do anything with any other friends and gets angry if I don’t allow him to see this girl almost every day. It is causing a strain on my repoir with him which in the past, has always been good.. Please advise.”
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Have any of you out there with teenage sons or daughters faced the “too-controlling girlfriend or boyfriend” issue yet? Please share your thoughts on handling this. Or maybe you faced that issue as a teen yourself and could talk about how it turned out for you.

I’d also like to invite Char over at Weary Parent andGayla’s Place to join in on this discussion. It would be great to have some input from fathers as well.

I came across this story on USA Today’s website, and was intrigued by it. The term “nigger” is one that I would never have dreamed of using as a teenager, and still would not dream of using today. I’d also punish my daughter for ever using it in any context, unless it had to do with a history assignment.

I’m a white person who was raised in the rural south. My parents used that word. They were raised using it, and did not mean it in a derogatory way, but that still does not excuse them. I learned early on from watching TV (one of TV’s positive influences) that people were insulted by the use of the N-word. I tried to get my parents not to use it, but to no avail. After my daughter was born, I refused to allow her grandparents to use it in front of her.

I still find the use of it uncomfortable, but, apparently, some teenagers do not. This USA Today article deals with attempts to ban the N-word. It also mentions that the word has has been adapted by black entertainers and youth as a term of endearment. What I found really interesting were the quotes by teenagers concerning the use of the word.

*”We grew up saying it, and it’s what I say all the time,” said Tiara Smith, 17, of Dallas.
“It’s not going to stop anybody from saying it.”

*”Some people are really offended by it, but me personally, I think there is much more out
there to worry about than some word. There are actual, physical problems that can be
fixed,” said Sabrina Vidal, 19, of New York, who says it doesn’t bother her to hear the
word in music lyrics.

Are these teens being more mature than I am? Does that word really not matter so much any more? I’d like to hear from others out there how they feel. Do you think use of the word should be banned? Do your teens use it, and how do you feel about that?

race, race relations, racial slurs, USA Today, teens, teenagers, parents, parenting

Early this morning, I sat down to clean out the Inbox on the email account that I use most often. Like everyone else, I have the best of intentions. I mean to clean out that box every two days, or when I get a certain number of items in it-whatever standard I set. Then, I get sidetracked with something else and the junk emails and the emails I saved because I planned to reread them pile up. Hundreds, sometimes thousands. This morning, when I was cleaning out that Inbox, I reminded myself that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Now, what, you may be asking in complete confusion, does all this have to do with parenting teenagers!? Good question. For some reason, doing this reminded me of all the things (both big and little) that I mean to do with my daughter, or to talk about with my daughter. I started thinking about those things like a gigantic Inbox, with all of them piling up and not being cleaned out. That got me thinking about the fact that my daughter will be going away to college in a couple of years and I’ll have a lot less time with her-a lot less time to tell her things I want her to know, and a lot less time to spend doing things with her.

Have you parents of teens out there thought about this kind of thing? When your child is young, it seems as though you have forever to do things with them, to take them places, to tell them about things. Other things-like jobs, housework, etc.-get in the way and you put off doing these things. What kinds of things, you ask.

Well, in my case, it’s a lot of little things. I’ve been meaning for the two of us to go and have a manicure and pedicure together. Silly, right? But both of us enjoy these things and I’d like, just once, for it to be a shared experience. I’d like to take at least a weekend (preferably a week) trip together. Just drive to a larger city (maybe Atlanta, since we live in Georgia) and just hang out together. Do things like go to museums, go to the zoo, shopping-anything we’d both have a good time doing. Or, conversely, maybe just drive through the countryside looking at old houses and stopping at antique shops, since we both like those. At any rate, just a length of good, quality mother-daughter time without anything else getting in the way.

As far as the talks, there are lots of things I’d like to tell her about her grandparents, great-grandparents and other family members. Family has always been very important to me. My daughter knows this and has, for the most part, inherited that importance of family from me. But I still find myself thinking of things that I mean to tell her about family members and then forgetting. I’d like to have deeper, more meaningful talks with her about what, at this point, she sees her life being like.

I’ve had talks with my older sister where we mentioned questions that we would have liked to ask our mother before she passed away, or things we wish she had told us. I know my mom had the best of intentions for things like this too but, just as it does with us, other things get in the way and time just seems to slip away.

Anyway, I’ve resolved this morning that I’m going to do something about all this. I’m going to make a list of things that I’d like to do with my daughter. When I think of some little thing related to family that I’d like to tell her about, I’m going to write it down, rather than relying on my memory. And I’m going to make time, at least once a week, to either do something extra with her, or to just sit down and talk with her.

In the past, I’ve visited a website called 43 Things. You can create an account there and make a list of things you want to accomplish in your life. It’s a neat little site where they give you tips on getting started making your list (if you’re having trouble coming up with ideas) and where you can compare your lists with those of others. I’ve decided it’s also a good place to make a list of things I’d like to do with my daughter. Check it out and start your own list. Point your teen to it as well and urge them to begin making a list and setting goals for themselves.

If you’d rather not do it online, do it on paper. Think about all those things you’ve wanted to do with your children and make some time to actually do them. They grow up so fast.

teens, teenagers, email, goals, plans, parents, parenting, parenting teenagers

Yesterday was my father’s 78th birthday. While my brother and sister were both there for it, I won’t get to see my dad for another couple of weeks. So I decided to make today’s post about my dad. In keeping with the fact that this blog is about parenting teens, I’m going to talk about some memories of my dad from my teen years.

When I was 15, my dad took me to get my learner’s permit. It took the patience of a saint to teach me to drive. My dad didn’t have the patience of a saint! (How many of us do?) However, he did have the experience of having taught my older sister to drive just six years earlier. I remember all those times when I know he wanted to swear at me. And I can remember a few times when he actually did! Despite the rough spots, learning to drive from my dad is a pleasant memory. At the time I was learning, he owned a 1972 Plymouth Satellite. If you want any more information on that check out William’s blog over at Automotive Blogger. He does some great stuff on cars! I’d love to have some of you comment about what kind of car you learned to drive in, and your memories of learning to drive.

Once I learned how to drive, however, I had it made. My father was an auto mechanic for most of his working life. My father not only helped me pick out my first car (which was a 1974 Chevrolet Vega GT, yes, one of those rustbuckets!), he was always on hand to change my oil and fix the car when anything happened. Some of my fondest memories are of helping my father fix the car. He got to pass along some of his expertise and I actually learned a few mechanical things!

My dad and I have both always had strong political opinions. When I was a teenager, I began to be a lot less shy about voicing my opinions. My dad and I usually disagreed. I can remember some very interesting debates that stopped just short of shouting matches about immigration, the Vietnam War and lots of other things. Some of those debates were started by the TV show “All In The Family” which we always watched together. If you’ve ever watched it, you know that it often had politics involved.

I think my fondest recollection of my dad from my teen years involves “Star Wars”. When I became a teenager, I discovered horror and science fiction books and movies, and I’ve been into both of them ever since. My dad never understood the attraction. But he did take me to see “Star Wars” when it was released in 1977. I was a few months shy of my sixteenth birthday and I took a friend with me (she really didn’t see the attraction either). To save you working the math, that makes me 45 years old! My dad sat through it, since the movie theater was about a thirty-minute drive from home and he really didn’t want to drive home and then come back. His pronouncement after sitting through the movie which is MY favorite movie of all time? “I don’t know why anyone would want to sit and watch a movie full of tin cans!” (Referring to the ships and the droids!). I found this hilarious then, and I still find it hilarious today!

I’ll stop here, because I have so many recollections of my dad from my teen years that I could write a book. Fathers are so important to all kids, including teenagers. I can’t imagine those years without my dad, and I’m happy to say that we have an even closer relationship now, despite the fact that there’s more physical distance between us. I’d love to hear from some of you about memories of your fathers, especially from your teen years!

If you want more on fatherhood, visit Dave at All About Fatherhood.

fathers, dads, fatherhood, Star Wars, All In The Family, teens, teenagers, parents, parenting

Exactly what is hooking up? Author and journalist Laura Sessions Stepp in her new book Unhooked
writes that hooking up “isn’t exactly anything.” It may “consist entirely of one kiss, or it can involve fondling, oral sex, anal sex, intercourse or any combination of those things. It can happen only once with a partner, several times during a week or over many months. … It can mean the start of something, the end of something, or the whole something.”

In this new book, Stepp (who also authored Our Last Best Shot: Guiding Our Children Through Early Adolescence) examines the cultural practice of “hooking up.” She does this by following three high school girls and six college women through a year of their lives, chronicling their sexual behavior.

None of these girls are women date, form long-term relationship or, actually, any serious relationship of any kind. Instead, they “hook up.” The partners in hooking up agree that there will be no commitment or feelings. According to Stepp, college women say that they are too obsessed with academic and career success to have time for a real relationship. High school girls say that lovey-dovey relationships are “yucky.” Stepp wonders (as do I and, in my opinion, any other parents who want their children to have a happy life) how these girls will learn to establish and sustain long-term, intimate relationships.

I want my daughter to, eventually, have a life partner, someone with whom she can share the rest of her life, not just the physical and sexual aspects. Of course, I know that there will be some number of shorter relationships before that happens, but if she engage only in “hooking up,” how would she find out what longer-term, committed relationships are like. Indeed, how would she find out anything about a man other than physical characteristics?

This book looks as though it will raise any number of questions. Did you practice any “hooking up” when you were younger? Would you want your daughter or son to engage in hook-ups exclusively, rather than having long-term, committed relationships? Do you think hooking up would be an acceptable behavior earlier on in life, if your son or daughter later developed longer, more intimate relationships?”

I’m dying to know what other parents out there with high school and college age kids think about this. Get back to me on this one, everyone!

Laura Sessions Stepp, Unhooked, hooking up, hook-ups, teens, sexual behavior, teenagers, parents, parenting