Parenting Teens

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. It’s the perfect time to talk with your teen about the dangers of finding themselves involved in a relationship with violence or the potential for violence. According to the website Choose Respect, 1 in 11 high school students report being the victim of physical dating abuse, and about one in four teens reports verbal, physical, emotional, or sexual abuse each year.

Following is the text of the Teen Dating Bill of Rights:

Accept responsibility for myself and my actions.
*********************************************************************************

Be sure to talk with your teenager (whether male or female), about violence in relationships. Have them be watchful about any treatment or attitudes which make them uncomfortable from a boyfriend or girlfriend. Getting into inappropriate relationships can become a pattern. Help your teens know how to set boundaries, and be aware of the behavior of those with whom they have relationships.

For more on emotional issues, visit

Mental and Emotional Health

teens, teenagers, domestic violence, dating violence, dating abuse, abusive relationships, parenting, parenting teens, parenting teenagers, Domestic Violence Awareness Month

I’ve posted several times before on the importance of communicating well with your teenager. However, this is one subject of which I think we can never really get enough!

During the teen years, children are making the dramatic transition to young adulthood. There is probably no other stage of childhood at which parents and children have more trouble communicating feelings. The child who once came to you with troubles, who liked getting hugs and kisses is now remote and uncommunicative. At the same time, a parent’s feelings toward a teen are becoming more complicated. You have pride in your child’s accomplishments and his becoming more independent, but at the same time, fear of your changing relationship, sadness at the end of his childhood, and frustration over losing some of your control over him.

Parents have preconceived ideas about what their teenager is or should be. This leads to many problems. A teenager is engaged in the process of becoming separate from mom and dad.

One good example of that struggle is appearance. Clothing, hairstyles, and makeup of which mom and dad don’t approve can be a major source of discord. A good rule of thumb to follow is that, if you can accept what

you

consider to be less-than-acceptable appearances in informal, everyday situations, it can give you some leverage in getting your teenager to dress more acceptably on more formal occasions.

By harrassing your teen about less important things like length of hair and style of dress, you allow more important issues to get lost in the shuffle. By respecting and accepting your teenager’s individuality in matters such as hair and dress, you help keep tension and strain between you at a lower level, allowing you to communicate more easily about the important things.

In short-don’t sweat the small stuff! Keep communications lines open for discussing really important issues!

For info and tips on communicating with younger children, check out:
Parenting Our Children
Parenting Toddlers

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One of the front page stories in today’s Atlanta Journal-Constitution is very relevant to this blog. It tells the story of what one family went through to get their teenage son into an intervention program, and how this program changed the entire family.

At age 16, Bubba Brocard, of Cobb County, Georgia, had become a menace. He punched holes in walls during outbursts of rage. He got drunk and belligerent one day, high and aloof the next.

“He was totally out of control,” John Brocard said. “He was using marijuana, was drinking alcohol, lying, stealing and manipulating us. He would verbally abuse me and cuss at me in front of my wife and challenge me to fight.

“His constant outbursts of anger and rage scared his older sister and younger brother to the point they were afraid to be around him. His mood affected our whole household and our marriage.”

Bubba’s parents, John and Fair Brocard, were so desperate to save him, and their family, that they arranged for Bubba to be kidnapped in the middle of the night at their home, and taken to an intervention program. The program is named in the article, so if you’re interested in it, please go to the link above. The purpose of this post isn’t to support or point out any one program, but to have you read the story of the Brocards.

It’s a remarkable story that led to the complete turnaround-not only of the Brocard’s son, who is now 25 years old, graduated from high school and college, and has a good job-but of his parents, who now run their own non-profit organization to help other families with troubled teens.

Read the article. You’ll get a lift, as well as, possibly, some inspiration, if you’re in a situation like the Brocards’. If any of you readers have serious problems with teens, please let me know about it. I can point you in the direction of some specific programs, if you’d like.

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For once, I’m going to recommend a book that I haven’t even read yet! Based on Newsweek’s interview with author Diana West, The Death of the Grown-up sounds like a fascinating book. Here’s a reprint of the interview:

NEWSWEEK: First, can you clarify how you are defining the term “grown-up”?
Diana West: What I’m mostly trying to define is the change in attitudes toward growing up. Reading Lionel Trilling, I was struck by what he saw. He noted the complete eradication of the notion of making a life with a beginning, middle and end. That would be the sea change, that aspiration has disappeared. It used to be a reflexive action to reject your growing years. People were expected to grow out of adolescence and lose certain traits such as the self-absorption, lack of identity and striving of a young person to find himself. We as a society no longer expect to find ourselves, it’s become an open-ended process.

Can you give an example of how you see adults behaving like adolescents?
Recently, the New York Times Style section’s lead story was about how “The Boys in the Band are in AARP” [American Association of Retired People], about retired men starting garage bands. It’s like a morphing of what was once considered countercultural with the most mainstream, middle-class, stalwart members of the community. That kind of image really encapsulates the phenomenon and shows how society thinks that it is completely unremarkable.

So are we really talking about the death of the adult male?
Where womanhood stands today is deeply affected by the death of grown-up. I would say the sexualized female is part of the phenomenon I’m talking about, so I don’t think they’re immune to the death of the grown-up. Women are still emulating young fashion. Where sex is more available, there are no longer the same incentives building toward married life, which once was a big motivation toward the maturing process.

You write that “it was during the period of peace, prosperity and bright futures that followed World War II that the adult began to ape the adolescent.” Do you think the experience of war is necessary for the maturing process?
I wouldn’t say war is a necessary experience, though it certainly is a transformative experience. The question is, what is the formative experience to make a perpetual adolescent? When you talk about the postwar period, the vast new affluence is a big factor in reorienting the culture to adolescent desire. You see a shift in cultural authority going to the young. Instead of kids who might take a job to be able to help with household expenses, all of a sudden that pocket money was going into the manufacture of a massive new culture. That conferred such importance to a period of adolescence that had never been there before.

Hasn’t there always been a culture clash between generations?
The main difference is that the counterbalance has been lost. When you come up with the latest outrage that seems to shock people—something like kids freak-dancing at the prom—the adults tend to retreat, talk amongst themselves, wring their hands, but never exercise the power they have as mentors and parents and teachers. They never instruct kids in basic civility, in basic male-female relationships. You lose your power when you don’t exercise it. The adults today have no confidence. I remember being at a high-school party, and at 12 o’clock the mother comes into the middle of the room and blows a police whistle and says, “Thank you for coming, goodnight.” What parent would do that today? It’s the same thing with the spring-break syndrome, where kids are planning expensive trips, going out unchaperoned, they are drinking, debauching, absolutely running amok, yet the parents say, “I can’t do anything about it.” Parents have abdicated responsibilities to give in to adolescent desire.

You quote the cultural critic Neil Postman (“Amusing Ourselves to Death”) saying that prior to literate adulthood, “everyone shared the same information environment.” Could we be seeing a return to that today, with the Internet allowing everyone access to the same information?
I think the Internet comes late to the game. It magnifies the ideas. The Internet is not a cause of the death of the grown-up, but maybe an extension, in the sense that it opened up the boundaries of accessibility to information. But so much of what we consider to be sophistication is just exposure, not really experience or achievement. This sort of exposure can be jading but not enriching.

What I hear you saying is that kids have become more adult in their behaviors just as adults have become more childlike. Is it the death of the grown-up, or the end of childhood?
It’s kind of like a blending that ends up yielding neither one nor the other. There is this sense of wanting to stay young, wanting to stay open, unformed, not wanting Lionel Trilling’s shaped life. You see quite a number of men and women aping the young in terms of everyday clothing, 10-year-olds and 50-year-olds are wearing chunky athletic shoes, T shirts and shorts, and they’re looking the same. It used to be a mark of passage when boys stopped wearing short pants. There’s not really a popular culture that’s geared toward adults. Will it stay with us forever? Will it be something we look back on as a funny blip? I don’t know, but I think it is something new.

I agree with most of the things Ms. West says in this interview. And I believe that one of the reasons for the erosion of parental authority over teenagers is that parents seem “less grown-up” to their teens that my own parents seemed to me. It often does seem that, when I was a teen, no matter the size of the kid, you could tell parent from child merely by the clothes they were wearing. Now, my daughter and I tend to wear the same styles-mostly jeans and tops.

However, clothes are only an outward sign. I think one of the biggest problems is this fear that many parent seem to have to really discipline their kids. Adolescents have become a group with a lot of power, while parents seem to have less authority over them. And parents need to take back that authority.

I can’t wait to get my copy of this book! How do you feel about your authority over your children? Does it seem to you that teens and adults have become more “blended” and that the lines are becoming blurred? Is this a bad or good thing? Let me know how you feel.

teens, teenagers, adolescence, parental authority, Diana West, The Death of the Grown-up, teens and authority, parenting teens, parenting teenagers, parental responsibility

CosmoGirl! has included a wonderful booklet inside their latest print issue that includes many great tips for teens entering college. Although geared toward girls, most of the tips apply to guys as well. Several of my daughter’s friends found them helpful. Here’s five of the best:

1. Clean up your online profile. Those inside jokes posted on your Facebook or MySpace page won’t seem nearly as funny to your new friends at school. Plus, a simple profile lets you reveal your personality to the new people you meet at your own pace.

2. Make nice with Mom and Dad. Leave a handwritten note, or frame a picture of the three of you to show how much you love and appreciate them. College will be fun and exciting, but you’re going to miss your parents (and need their support), so give good old Mom and Dad some TLC before you leave.

3. Learn to do laundry. Ask your parents for pointers, and test your skills. Keep it simple and buy just one detergent and a color-safe bleach for both light and dark loads.

4. Get on a budget. Write down every dollar you spend for a month. Then talk to your parents about what costs you’ll be responsible for in college. Plan two weekly trips to the ATM: one on Monday for the school week, and one on Friday for the weekend’s expenses.

5. Mind your p’s and q’s. Write thank-you notes to your favorite teachers and bosses. Personalize your message and describe how each one has influenced your life. You’ll make their year, plus you’ll kick off your new life at school with some good karma.

Pass these tips off to your college-bound teens! Especially the one about the TLC for Mom and Dad!

teens, teenagers, college life, college tips, college freshmen, entering college, CosmoGirl

The House debates today on funding for abstinence education programs, according to the San Francisco Chronicle. Abstinence programs across the country, such as Virginity Rules received their first cut in financing since 2001, this past June. So far, $176 million in funding has survived, up to the debates today. Will that funding be cut further?

There are some 700 abstinence education programs across the country. Eleven state health departments rejected abstinence education this year, while three states passed laws that could affect abstinence education in schools. This past spring, a comprehensive study of abstinence education programs found no sign that it delays sexual activity among teens. According to this article, however, teens are abstaining from sex more, and using contraceptives when they do not abstain.

Through a combination of less sex and more contraception, pregnancy and birth rates among American teenagers as a whole have been falling since about 1991. Texas, however, has seen the smallest decline despite receiving almost $17 million to promote abstinence.

I, personally, have no problem with abstinence being taught. However, I do believe that it should be taught alongside use of contraceptives, and other alternatives. How do you readers feel? Do you think abstinence education works, and should it be funded by the federal government?

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I’m very happy to announce that Parenting Teens now has parenting forums! I’ve been working on these forums for a while now(amongst other writing chores), and they are now ready for the general public!

Although they are administered by me through the Parenting Teens blog, they are not just for parents of teens. There are categories available for parents who have children of every age-baby through college age. There are also Just For Moms and Just For Dads categories, as well as areas for different types of families and for school issues.

These forums are something I have long wanted to do, and I am very excited about them! You can access the forums at any time by using the link in the “About” box just to the right of this blog, or by going to http://www.parentingteensblog.com/forums/ . So, please, drop by the forums, register, and return often to chat with other parents about parent and child issues. See you there!

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Char over at Weary Parent has come up with a good Group Writing Project and Contest for parenting bloggers. She has challenged us to write about some advice that our parents or another influential adult gave us as teens, that we really took to heart.

I’ve received lots of really good advice from my parents over my lifetime. The advice I’d like to share was never really spoken, at least not that I remember. But it has been modeled for me over my entire life. It began when I was a child, but really began to sink in during my teen years.

That advice is to put family first. Both my parents have done this for as long as I remember. I know that my father worked jobs that he didn’t like-in fact, he downright hated them at times-because he had his family to support. He sacrificed doing things that he wanted to do, jobs that he might have enjoyed more, to work at jobs which gave him enough money to support a wife and three children. He’s retired now, but is always ready and willing to help us out with projects around the house, taking us somewhere if we have car problems-even offering us money if he feels we might need it.

My mother, who passed away four years ago, also sacrificed for her family. We were poor when I was growing up. I can remember many a time when my mother did not buy things that she, herself, really needed, to buy things for her children. No matter how tight the budget was, we always had our new school clothes and anything else we needed (and even things we just wanted), before she thought about buying things for herself. We went to the doctor for very minor illnesses, when she could have used the money to buy things which would have made her life easier. Even at the end, she thought more about how the rest of the family was reacting to her illness than about herself.

Since I’ve been a parent (and, particularly, now that I’m the parent of a teen), I’ve been trying hard to instill in my daughter that putting family first brings much richer rewards to one’s life than putting job or anything else first. We make trips to visit family and to family reunions sometimes at the expense of missing other things. We do this because we love family and we love seeing family. I bend my own schedule into a pretzel to be able to accomodate her activities and other family obligations.

More than any other piece of advice I could give her, I hope that my daughter retains this strong sense of family. It has brought wonderful richness and rewards to my life, and I know that it will to hers.

family, family relationships, advice, teen advice, parenting advice, teens, teenagers, parenting teens, parenting teenagers, Weary Parent

My plans to do college tips got somewhat offtrack but, hopefully, I can still get in a few useful tips for those of you who have teens going off to college for the first time! Today’s tip is about dorm life. Remember good old dorm life?! If you’ve never lived in a dorm (or if it’s been so long you’ve forgotten about it!), share the following with your teen. Also, check out the College page of the Love To Know site. This site has lots more great tips on college life, so be sure to check it out.

Many colleges now require freshmen to live in a dorm room for their first year. It can make it much easier to get acclimated to college life, and is often closer to classes, the library, dining hall, etc., than living off-campus.

One of the first things that many students must get used to is sharing a room. For many teens, college may be the first time in their lives that they’ve had to share a room with someone else. Most dorm rooms these days are set up in one of two ways:

The old standard room for two, featuring two of everything-beds, desks, closets, etc. The room may have a private bath, or a shared bath for all the dorm rooms on a particular floor.

The suite, which generally has two bedrooms housing two students each, with a shared bath and living area. This means that, while a teen will be sharing the bedroom with one other student, the bath and living area will be shared among four students.

Generally, unless a student is rooming with someone he or she knows, they will receive their roommate’s name, address and phone number during the summer. This can give them a chance to get to know one another a little over the phone, as well as discussing whether some items in their room can be shared-such as a microwave, refrigerator, TV, etc. Space in a dorm room is usually at a premium, so if some items can be shared, it will save room for both of them.

Speaking of space, there’s never enough of it! Urge your student to take the least amount of stuff they can live with, at least for the first few weeks. They may need to get a little more organized and creative-with storage containers, closet organizers, under-bed storage, etc. If it all possible, visit the dorm room the summer before college begins. Check out closets, desks, drawer space, etc., and take measurements. This can give you and your student a chance to explore storage options and find out just how much stuff they can accomodate. If the school allows it, building a loft is always an option to create more space.

The dorm will most likely have a Resident Assistant(RA), who is in charge of the dorm floor. The RA serves as a mentor and a resource to the students, helping them with any questions they may have about the dorm, or about college life in general. The RA also serves as a monitor, helping to keep the peace by issuing citations for things like noise violations. The RA will also call floor meetings and plan floor events, which can be fun ways to get to know the other dorm residents. Let your teen know that they should not be hesitant to go to their RA with questions or problems.

With security an ever-present issue, most dorms will require a key to enter the main doors of the dorm, or scanning a student ID to get in. Remind your student never to leave a main door half-open or propped open, as this can allow others easy access to their dormitory. Also, remind them to keep room doors locked.

Most dormitories also have some form of student goverment (like student council in high school). The dorm council helps plan social and educational events for the hall’s residents. Urge your student to get involved in this, if they have time. This can be a great way to get to know other people, and get involved in campus life.

This is only a brief look at dorm life. For more information, go to the website above, and check out your teen’s college website and catalog.

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A new study from Johns Hopkins Children’s Center talks about the sexual health of teenage boys. The survey of boys ages 15-19 shows that boys who can talk more openly with both parents about their sexual health are more likely to see a doctor for preventive care.

This should send a strong message to all parents about the health of their teen sons. Prevention of sexually transmitted diseases is all about acting responsibly. And where do teen boys learn about sexual responsibility? From both fathers and mothers.

The study also showed that boys with stereotypes about masculinity promoted thinking that seeking medical care is a sign of weakness, and that those types of beliefs could be a risk factor in and of themselves.

Talking with your teen about sexuality can be one of the most difficult things a parent of a teenager can face. It’s not easy, particularly if your own parents had difficulty talking to you about the subject.

But think about how much you love your son, and about how you’d feel if something happened to him that you could have helped prevent by talking with him. Both fathers and mothers should talk with their sons about sexuality and how to protect themselves. Boys can gain very different perspectives on sexual relationships from their fathers and mothers. Those different perspectives are very important to good and safe sexual relationships.

Do you, or have you, talked with your teenage son about sexual health? I’d love to know how you dealt with it, and how it worked out for you and your son.

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A wonderful website I ran across called Dads and Daughters, is about just that-the relationship between dads and daughters, and how dads can nurture and strengthen that relationship. They have a great quiz that lets a father assess his relationship with his daughter.

They also offer the following tips:

1) Listen to girls. Focus on what is really important–what my daughter thinks, believes, feels, dreams and does–rather than how she looks. I have a profound influence on how my daughter views herself. When I value my daughter for her true self, I give her confidence to use her talents in the world.

2) Encourage her strength and celebrate her savvy. Help my daughter learn to recognize, resist and overcome barriers. Help her develop her strengths to achieve her goals. Help her be what Girls Incorporated calls Strong, Smart and Bold!

3) Urge her to love her body & discourage dieting. Growing girls need to eat often and healthy. Dieting increases the risk of eating disorders. Advertisers spend billions to convince my daughter she doesn’t look “right.” I won’t buy into it. I’ll tell my daughter that I love her for who she is, not for how she looks.

4) Respect her uniqueness. See my daughter as a whole person, capable of anything—and make sure she knows that’s how I see her. My daughter is likely to choose a life partner who acts like me and has my values. So, treat her and those she loves with respect. That will help my daughter choose someone who respects and nourishes her long after she’s left my home.

5) Get physically active with her. Play catch, tag, jump rope, basketball, Frisbee, hockey, soccer, or just take walks…you name it! Help her learn all the great things her body can do. Physically active girls are less likely to get pregnant, drop out of school, or put up with an abusive partner. Studies show that the most physically active girls have fathers who are active with them. Being physically active with her is a great investment!

6) Get involved in your daughter’s school. Volunteer, chaperone, read to her class. Ask tough questions, like: Does the school have and use an eating disorder prevention or body image awareness program? Does it tolerate sexual harassment of boys or girls? Do more boys take advanced math and science classes and if so, why? (California teacher Doug Kirkpatrick’s girl students weren’t interested in science, so he changed his methods and their scores soared!) Are at least half the student leaders girls?

7) Get involved in your daughter’s activities. Volunteer to drive, coach, direct a play, teach a class—anything! Demand equality. Texas mortgage officer and volunteer basketball coach Dave Chapman was so appalled by the gym his 9-year-old daughter’s team had to use, he fought to open the modern “boys’” gym to the girls’ team. He succeeded. Dads make a difference!

Help make the world better for girls. This world does hold dangers for our daughters. But over-protection doesn’t work, and it tells my daughter that I don’t trust her and her abilities! I can work with other parents to demand an end to violence against females, media sexualization of girls, pornography, advertisers making billions feeding on our daughters’ insecurities, and all “boys are more important than girls” attitudes.

9) Take your daughter to work. Participate in every April’s official Take Our Daughters to Work® Day and make sure my business participates. Show her how I pay the bills and manage my money. My daughter will have a job some day, so I need to introduce her to the world of work and finances!

10) Join with other fathers. When I share my commitment to make the world respect and nurture our daughters, I’ll be amazed at how many other fathers agree. We can learn a lot from each other. And we can have a lot of influence when we work together by becoming a member of (or renewing a membership in) Dads and Daughters. Encourage other fathers to join, too

Check out the site, and share it with all the dads and daughters you know!

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I have a guest columnist today-my 16-year-old daughter, Sarah. She’s going to be talking about her relationship with her stepfather. To me, the relationship looks pretty darn good, but I promised to stay out of it-other than to give this brief intro. So, without further ado, here’s Sarah to give you her thoughts.

My dad first came into my life when I was six years old. Of course, technically, he’s my stepdad, but I’ve always thought of him as just dad, ’cause he’s the only father I’ve ever known. My biological dad dropped out of our lives when I was one year old, so I don’t remember him.

My mom was going to college at the time and Richard (my dad) was one of her friends. She had a bunch of college friends who came over for study groups and stuff (mostly other parents who had gone back to college like her), so I was used to that. I liked Richard, but I didn’t think much about him other than that.

Then, after awhile, he started to come over for dinner on nights when there wasn’t any study group. And sometimes, he’d stay to watch movies with us. He’d talk to me and play with me, and I started liking him more. At some point, I started wondering if he’d be my dad.

My mom had told me that, someday, she might get married, and I’d have a dad. I hadn’t really thought about it much, though. As far back as I could remember there’d never been a dad in my life. I had my grandpa and my uncle, who both did lots of things with me, but, in our house, there had always been just my mom and me.

Then came the first time mom asked if it was okay if Richard came to a school program with us. I think it was an awards ceremony. I said sure, and asked her straight out if he was going to be my dad. I remember her saying, “Well, he and I have been talking about that, and we’d like to sit down and talk about it with you, too.” So, after that awards program, we all came home, sat down with bowls of ice cream and talked about becoming a family.

At that point, Richard and my mom had been friends for two years, and had been dating for a year. I was eight years old. They asked how I’d feel if Richard moved in with us, and became my dad. They told me I didn’t need to call him “dad” unless I felt comfortable doing it. But he’d live with us and come home every night just like my mom did. He’d be around to play and do things with me, and help me with my homework (of course, he’d been doing those things already).

I was happy having a dad at home with us, but nervous, too. It changed some things between my mom and me, and that was hard to adjust to, at first. Luckily, they were both there to talk with me, and to ask me how they could help. My mom also took me to a child psychologist for a few months. She was really cool and helped me see things differently.

That was eight years ago and, now, it seems Dad has always been in my life. He’s been here for me through everything. We’ve done lots of great things together. I spent two years racing junior dragsters, with Dad as my pit crew and mechanic! I think that was the most fun we’ve had together-so far!

He tells me that his favorite memory, up to this point, was the time I was talking to some other kids in an elementary school class. I pointed to him and said, “There’s my dad!” He says that’s the proudest moment of his life.

There’s no doubt in my mind that he’ll always be there for me. His not being my biological dad doesn’t matter. He’s here when I need something, and when I just want to talk. Those are the important things.

dad, dads, fathers, stepfathers, daughters, teens, teenagers, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

Continuing with my focus on dads, I’d like to share the following quotes with readers. They come from many different sources (authors, actors, generals, etc.); some are serious, some humorous. But they all have something great to say about fathers! For more great quotes, you can visit Don’t Quote Me.

*Confucius (551-479 BC), (K’ung Fu-tse) Chinese philosopher
“The father who does not teach his son his duties is equally guilty with the son who neglects them.”

*Bill Cosby (1937-) U.S. comedian and actor
“If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.”

*Sheldon Glueck (1896-1980) U.S. (Polish born) professor and criminologist
“The most effective guard against delinquency is a father who is at the same time both strict and loving.”

*Billy Graham (1918-) U.S. evangelist
“A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society.”

*Kent Nerburn U.S. educator and author
“It is much easier to become a father than to be one.”

*William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English playwright and poet
“It is a wise father that knows his own child.”

*Mark Twain (1835-1910), (Samuel Clemens) U.S. author
“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.”

*Alice Walker (1944-) U.S. author
“It no longer bothers me that I may be constantly searching for father figures; by this time, I have found several and dearly enjoyed knowing them all.”

*Red Buttons (1919-2006), (Aaron Chwatt) U.S. actor
“Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.”

*Douglas MacArthur (1880-1964) U.S. statesman and military leader
“By profession I am a soldier and take great pride in that fact, but I am also prouder, infinitely prouder, to be a father. A soldier destroys in order to build; the father only builds, never destroys.”

[/tags]dads, fathers, quotes, dad quotes, father quotes, Confucious, Bill Cosby, Sheldon Gleuck, Billy Graham, Kent Nerbern, William Shakespeare, Mark Twain, Alice Walker, Red Buttons, Douglas MacArthur, parenting teens, parenting teenagers[/tags]

“One night a father overheard his son pray:
Dear God, Make me the kind of man my Daddy is.
Later that night, the Father prayed,
Dear God, Make me the kind of man my son wants me to be.”
Author Unknown

When you write a parenting blog as a woman (especially as a woman who was a single parent for several years), it can be easy to come across as being from a mom’s point of view most of the time. I’ve had several people tell me that’s true of my blog. So, with Father’s Day coming up on June 17th, I wanted to try and make up for some of that by focusing mainly on fathers during the upcoming two weeks.

One website that I’ve come across that I really like is My Hero. One of the site’s features is titled Family Hero: Father Figures. It talks about some famous father figures and what they do to help children. In addition, it has statements and essays from children and teens talking about their own fathers or father figures. Probably my favorite feature about this site, though, is that it provides a chance to participate. Anyone can create a web page about their heroes-be it fathers, father figures, or anyone else a person chooses.

Share this site with your teens, as well as your younger children. It gives them a chance to pay tribute to the father, or father figure, in their lives!

father, fathers, Father’s Day, dad, dads, father figures, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

Do you suspect that your teenager might be in an abusive relationship? Abusive relationships can take many forms, and do not necessarily involve physical abuse. A fairly new website, Love Is Respect, provides resources for teenagers, parents, friends, etc., about abusive aspects of relationships. They are also a helpline, accessible via internet or telephone. The phone number is 1-866-331-9474.

The following is a quiz they offer to see if your relationship might be abusive:

Does your boyfriend/girlfriend:

Look at you or act in ways that scare you?

Act jealous or possessive?

Put you down or criticize you?

Try to control where you go, what you wear or what you do?

Text or IM you excessively?

Blame you for the hurtful things they say and do?

Threaten to kill or hurt you or themselves if you leave them?

Try to stop you from seeing or talking to friends and family?

Try to force you to have sex before you’re ready?

Do they hit, slap, push or kick you?

This is excellent information for your teenager to have. Share the website and phone number with them. Urge them to look over the information, and to use the website or phone number if they need help. With abusive relationships on the rise, both teens and parents can use all the information and resources they can get.

abuse, abusive relationships, boyfriends, girlfriends, relationships, Love Is Respect, teens, teenagers, parenting teens, parenting teenagers