Parenting Teens

I have to admit, I’m not a joiner. While I have what seems sometimes to be infinite patience with my kids (…that sound? Them laughing…) I admit that I tend to think most other people suck. Not very generous of me, sure, but when they’re always wrong while declaring how perfect they are… I get frustrated. And a little snarky. And a little bitchy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’ll wait while all of you stop laughing now. I’m never a “little” anything!

Anyway - this rule of not being a “joiner” has followed my kids through school. I don’t volunteer to chaparone on field trips because other people’s kids are not my kids and you have to be too careful not to offend the parents of those kids when I get frustrated and dump their “perfect lil Johnny” over the side of the boat into the perfect Glacier Bay. I don’t volunteer in the classrooms, because my kids always behave better when I’m not there, rather than when I am - and same rules of frustration apply to “perfect lil Susie” in the classroom. When it comes to PTA - I’ve never joined that either, because tha’ts where Perfect Lil Johnny and Susie’s Mom hangs out. It’s not to say I’m not involved, it’s just on a far less ‘in the open in your face’ manner.

Sometimes Parenting is all about knowing your limits.

All of that above, though, is not meant to suggest I don’t appreciate the PTA - both local and National - and what they do for our kids in school, and it certainly doesn’t mean I don’t applaud their efforts, and their progress over they’re 113 year history. Especially now… for the first time in it’s history, the PTA will install a father as it’s national president!

The lovely Julie emailed me recently to let us know we can be there during an exclusive Live Webcast Wednesday, June 24, 2009 - 2:00 PM Eastern, to see it all go down, and be the first to meet the new National PTA President, Chuck Saylors. You can register for the webcast here, and watch as Byron Garrett, the PTA’s first-ever male CEO, offers the parents that can’t attend the convention the ability to ask questions via email and have them answered live. Saylors and Garrett will focus many of their upcoming efforts on getting parents and teachers involved via Facebook, Twitter, and other Social Media platforms. They’ll also cover other important topics such as:

1. Strategic planning and priorities for the National PTA for the next two years
2. How National PTA is working with the Obama Administration and reauthorization of NCLB
3. Positive impact of male involvement and ways in which men can get involved
4. Summer tips to stay ready for back to school season
5. And so much more!

So what are you waiting for? Go sign up!

Thanks Julie for the heads up!

Recently, the lovely Deb invited me to check out @15, including watching the 1 hour panel discussion to unveil a new research report all about our 15 year olds in the US. It was hosted at http://at15.org, on June 8th. While I missed the original webcast, I have recently gone back to watch it, and encourage all of you parents to do so as well.

The website itself is pretty damn cool! It’s geared at the teenagers, determined to give Teens a voice, and helps them get involved in issues that affect them directly, and listening to their ideas about everything from the environment to education. Teens can join the site, and earn points, as well as vote on the ways that Best Buy will help support teens in a variety of ways, including voting to decide exactly how Best Buy would divide up and donate to a variety of organizations.

@15 and Best Buy partnered with Search Institute and created the Teen Voice 1009: The untapped Strengths of 15-year-olds and you can download the report right here as a PDF. And if your teen wants to get more involved, @15 will soon be accepting applications to become an @15 Teen Spokesperson too.

Best Buy, and @15.com is determined to look at Teenagers through a positive lens, instead of of negative. I highly encourage you to go and watch the webcast, and check out the site on your own, as well as get your teen involved, too! Isn’t it about time we hear some GOOD news about our Teens instead of bad? Yeah, I thought so too. Help your Teen find their Voice, today!

And we continue our theme today, by classifying it “Safety day” and adding the lovely Julie to the mix! She dropped me a line a while back to let me know of a new website that’s an interactive guide aimed at internet safety of our tweens n teens. With the internet so readily available, we often forget to talk to our kids about how to be safe online, and protect from some potentially negative effects.

The Girl Scouts of the USA and Microsoft Windows have started the initiative LMK (Let Me Know in text speak) which provides parents and girls with resources catering to both generations, aiming to bridge the digital gap between parents and teenagers. There’s two sections to the website, one aimed at the girls (lmk.girlscouts.org) and one for the parents (letmeknow.girlscouts.org).

On the girls side, teens find interactive quizzes, videos and expert articles that will help educate them about being safe online in a fun way. Girls can comment, share their thoughts and experiences on more than just the safety issues - commenting on many things that teens face and deal with everyday, from “Sexting” to “cyber-bullying” and everything in between. There is new content periodically and it’s for all teenagers - not just Girl Scouts!

On the parents side, they can sign up for an email newsletter written by a team of LMK Teen Editors, who share their knowledge about how teens are using technology and help the parents understand it all. Parents have the chance to learn need-to-know skills which will help them keep up to speed with what their kids are doing online. There’s also expert advise on many issues offered as well.

As with everything, I encourage you to educate yourself and talk to your kids! So what are you waiting for? Check out the LMK sites today and LMK how it goes!

It’s happened. For the past few weeks we’ve been getting fliers in the mail, brochures from Colleges around that have gotten word that I’ve a junior in high school that should have some idea what he wants to do with his life after high school.

Of course, if you ask him, he’ll tell you he has no idea. It’s not exactly true, as of right now he has no plans to attend college, so all the fliers tend to end up in the circle file as soon as they arrive. I think part of it is that he knows I can’t afford to help him pay for it, as I’m still paying off my own loans. He’d have to get his grades up, decide what direction he wants to go in AND get funding to get there. Yeah, I have a feeling he’ll be living in my shed for some time after graduation!

But at least he’s started to think about it, think about sticking with his current job, possibly moving on to follow his friends out of state, sticking around and helping out here. He has options, he’s just not quite ready to contemplate them yet. I’m sure some of you understand that - while other’s have kids already on the scholarship track, already knowing which direction they’re headed after graduation. We’ll tackle those kids first!

Holly, our buddy over at THE LEAGUE has a scholarship opportunity, through the John S and James L Knight Foundation that promotes excellence in journalism worldwide. Since 1954, the foundation has given more then $300 million in journalism grants. The KNIGHT scholarship is a national competition where three students will receaive $5000 each for their writings or reflections on civic experiences in one of three categories: Persuasive Essay, Personal Narrative, or News Story. This opportunity is open to high school seniors - and you don’t have to be part of a LEAGUE classroom to apply! You can apply at The LEAGUE starting January 5th, 2009, and the deadline is March 6th, 2009. I encourage you to check it out!

Now, for those teens that aren’t exactly sure what they want to be or do? Have I got the site for you! Me, I’m just a mom who gets paid to bitch about her teens, and I love that. This guy, though. Wow. This guy is a whole lot of motivation in one snarky chia-pet headed package. I’ve added his link to the sidebar, and encourage you to go and check out Hey Josh as soon as you’re done here, then send the link to your teen. He answers questions, he does reviews, he has a sort film series that tackles that most difficult of questions “What am I supposed to be when I grow up!” and encourages teens to really think about that, giving guidelines on how they might come up with something they can be happy doing. Check out his “Factory” below!

Now tell me that your kids wouldn’t get motivated by that?! If that’s not enough - check him out slinging advise on TRL on MTV - how much fun is he?

There’s also a new series on the site he’s starting called Smarty Pants TV this month, and the upcoming World Domination videos, all of which are aimed and helping our teens better themselves. Not a damn thing wrong with that, now, is there? Josh made me laugh, and nod along in agreement, and snicker some more. So what are you waiting for? Check out Hey Josh yourself!

Since we’re talking about confessions (what? weren’t we?) I thought I’d toss another one on the pile, lest you think my family is perfect. Weird, but perfect. Because we’re totally not - perfect that is. Weird we most certainly are. ANYWAY.

When I was growing up, I was expected to get good grades, I was expected to shoulder the burden of A’s and B’s and be happy about it, dammit. For the most part, after I hit 9th grade and realized HOLY CRAP I’ve only got 4 years to make up for all the slacking off I’ve been doing the past 8 years, I put my nose to the grindstone, my pedal to the metal, and buckled down and finished with a 3.64 GPA. Yes, I know it’s not perfect. There was this little matter of a Science Fiction extra credit class that spent a whole semester on the book DUNE which I did and still do hate with a passion. 3 extra credit projects brought my final grade to a D so that I could graduate. Heh. Mom is still not happy about that, though my 3.99 GPA for my bachelor’s degree a few years back took away most of the sting. I think. Maybe.

My sister, on the other hand, didn’t take so well to school. They PAID her for all her A’s because she had to work so hard for them. Not that I didn’t work hard, but WHATEVER. She’s the baby, spoiled and everything. (that groan you just heard was my mother telling me to build a bridge and get over it. *L* Fortunately, I have been for years - but it makes for good blog fodder to pretend, right? Right!) Even so, I began to have a bit more sympathy when my kids started showing signs they were more like their dad and aunt then me when it came to buckling down and slogging through schoolwork.

All of my kids got a rough start reading, but once they were able to flip that understanding switch, there’s no way to get a book OUT of their hands. Of course, that doesn’t mean they remember to turn in their reading logs, which is why the grades are so low. Some things come easier to one kid then another - The Girl has an inate understanding for math and how it all works together, as well as how to write a paper with her eyes closed - while the boy would rather gouge his eyes out with a metal spork then tackle a language arts project, and sure he’s GOOD at Math, but doesn’t see the use in it at all. Foods class, however, he excels at. Go figure. The pup is champion for reading all the time, but forgetting her reading logs, while she struggles a bit with math and getting her mind to work fast enough for the math facts computer program she’s fallen behind on.

In short, they’re all typical kids, who struggle at times, and excel at others. This year the boy wanted to take matters into his own hands, take responsibility, so I’m not riding him as hard as I used too, only asking on occasion. Of course, if he fails his Junior Year, there will be hell to pay, but he understands that. The Girl has been doing extracurricular activities so has to keep her grades up, so she’s doing well. The pup is struggling a bit, but trying hard, which is really all I ask of her. We’re a normal family, with normal frustrations.

Some kids aren’t so lucky, and have even added pressures to face. Did you know that 4 out of every 10 teenagers will drop out of high school? That’s a very large number, and you know that even more have considered doing the exact same thing. My own son has - he simply doesn’t see the point. It’s a hard lesson to learn, that sometimes, we don’t ever see the point of something necessary in order to open doors in the future. He keeps slogging through though, as he knows that I care, AND I expect it. Despite what he says, he DOES care.

There are others that care, too. In fact, thanks to the lovely Lisa contacted me about her client The Ad Council, to let me know of their new campaign: BoostUp. BoostUp aims to encourage students to stick with school, to think about before dropping out. They have 11 kids in the campaign, and you can give them - or a kid you know - encouragement in several different ways. You know, give them a “Boost”! Even better, you can send them wake-up ringtones. (Ha! I don’t think my kids’ favorite ringtone would be very uplifting, for all the WAKEUP-ness it elicits. Hee.)

Right now, the BoostUp campaign is trying to get as many “Boosts” as possible to their kids, and others by adults who have been there, done that - as well as from encouraging friends and family. BoostUp.org includes the means to give the Boosts, the ringtones - and also a lot of information for parents and teenagers who are looking for information, signs to look for in your teens who may be considering dropping out, and things that you can do to help. The site is fun, colorful, and interactive of course. In fact, I’m on the way there right now to leave a Boost for all of their kids. Won’t you do the same?

One of the things I love about writing here for Parenting Teens Blog is all the people that contact me with exciting surveys, contests, and products for our teenagers. Some of the things I never would have thought to look at, others make me thing, and a lot of them I am pleased to pass on to you. So today, we’ve a collection of product reviews (Scroll down) as well as - in this post - some PSA type announcements, etc.

First off, there’s a FANTASTIC design contest for teenagers living in California. I know, it sucks that it’s only for you Cali-kids, but I know you’ll come up with some great designs that the rest of us will approve of. The contest is to create a t-shirt design for their Design Not Drama line. Check it out:

Interested? Click here for more info. Contest is open until December 5th, so get your entries in now!

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The lovely Monica recently wrote to me with some more tips and tricks and stats for teens on behalf of the Office of National Drug Control Policy. They recently released data that highlighted teen and tween exposure to violent behavior and substance abuse via popular youth websites and social networks. We’ve talked before about how I handle the use of Myspace and such in my home, but it never hurts to take a second look and make sure that your chosen strategies are working for you.

Partnered with Nielsen Online, the Drug Czar tracked the online viewing habits of teens. They found that:

• Nearly one in 20 teens online viewed drug-related videos during a one-month period; 35 percent were under age 16 (Nielsen Online Custom Study);
• Almost 40 percent of drug-related videos contain explicit use of drugs and/or intoxication (Nielsen Online Custom Study);
• Even the youngest kids have access to dangerous online content. More than 8.9 million (8,934,000) two- to 11-year-olds viewed video online in August (Nielsen Online, VideoCensus);
• The average age of first Internet exposure to pornography is 11 years old. Eighty percent of 15- to 17-year-olds have been exposed to hardcore porn multiple times (Internet-Filter-Review.com);
• More than one in eight teens say someone has spread a rumor about them online. Nine percent of teens who use social networking sites say someone has posted an embarrassing picture of them online without their permission (“Cyberbullying and Online Teens.” Pew Internet & American Life Project: Data Memo);
• Nearly a third of students say their parents would disapprove if they knew what they were really doing on the Internet (i-SAFE Survey);
• Drug use and underage drinking don’t make parents’ top 10 list of concerns of their kids’ online computer use (State of Internet Security: Protecting Children Online.” Webroot Software).

ONDCP has several tips that they recommend for us parents, to be sure that we know what our children are doing while they’re online. They’re common sense - but it never hurts to mention them again!

• Do Your Homework: Check out the popular teen sites like MySpace and YouTube. See for yourself the kinds of images and video teens can find by searching basic keywords like “teens” and “drugs”;
• Set Rules and Consequences: Be explicit about the behaviors and activities that are acceptable in your family and set rules to establish when and how new technologies can be used; and
• Monitor Your Teens: Know who your teen’s friends are and where they go, on and offline. Check your computer’s browser history and downloads, cell phone text messages, and incoming/outgoing phone numbers.

As always, I stress that the MOST IMPORTANT thing in any conversation about limits placed on our kids, the most IMPORTANT thing is communication without accusations. Talk to your kids. Let them know your concerns. Come to a consensus that you both can live with. You’ll be surprised how far mutual respect will take you! For more help, check out the AntiDrug website.