Parenting Teens

A new University of Georgia study, published in the August, 2007 issue of Communications Research has found that the more exposure middle school students have to anti-smoking ads, the more likely they are to smoke! Talk about an opposite effect!

Hye-Jin Paek, an assistant professor at the University of Georgia, and co-author of the study, along with Albert Gunther from the University of Wisconsin-Madison, found that many anti-smoking ad campaigns have the opposite effect on teenagers. She says that they backfire because they encourage the rebellious nature of youth. “They don’t want to hear what they should do or not do,” she says.

According to Paek, peer pressure has the most direct effect. She says that ads should focus on convincing teens that their friends are listening to anti-smoking warnings.

“Rather than saying, ‘Don’t smoke,’ it is better to say, ‘Your friends are listening to this message and not smoking,”Paek said. “It doesn’t really matter what their peers are actally doing.”

Do any of your teens smoke, or have they tried smoking? What do you feel would be the best way to reach teens on this issue?

teens, teenagers, parenting teens, parenting teenagers, teen smoking, teenagers smoking, teens and smoking, University of Georgia, University of Wisconsin-Madison, Communications Research

I had planned a totally different post for today, but with all the hype and talk surrounding American Idol and 17-year-old contestant Sanjaya Malakar, I couldn’t stand not to speak my mind.

I think this guy is one plucky teenager-heck, he’s courageous for someone of any age! Week after week, he’s been coming out and singing with his chin up and a smile on his face. This, after receiving (usually) harsh criticism in front of millions of viewers from Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul, and Simon Cowell. Then, he’s usually skewered by the media and tons of bloggers for another full week, until it’s time for him to perform again.

A lot of adults can, and do, fold under a lot less pressure than this! Personally, I’m sort of in awe of the guy. I mean (to put it in a context more of us can identify with), suppose your boss called a meeting of the entire company every week and proceeded to criticize your work in front of everyone? One occasion of this would be bad enough, but imagine it was happening to you week after week? Wouldn’t it be even tougher for you to work, given that situation?

Sure, I know the contestants voluntarily put themselves in this position, but let’s give some credit where credit is due. If you were in a situation like this, you could break down and drop out. It would certainly be an easy way out. To choose to keep coming back week after week, to me shows courage, commitment and determination. Regardless of whether you think Sanjaya’s a good singer, you have to give him credit for his pluck factor.

I think Sanjaya Malakar’s parents have done an excellent job of parenting this particular teen.

American Idol, Sanjaya, Sanjaya Malakar, Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, Randy Jackson, parenting teens, parenting teenagers, teens, teenagers

For years, we’ve put our teens unusual behavior down to hormones and peer pressure. However, as it turns out, that may not be all there is to it! The Atlanta Journal-Constitution ran this front-page story on November 4:

What’s The (Gray) Matter With Teens?

It’s a very interesting article (with video) on brain development, presenting studies that suggest a teen’s brain is not as developed as an adult brain. It can give you some great insight into your teen’s mind, and why they make the decisions they make.

It might also be useful if you want to go back and explain some of your teenage behavior to your own parents. Give it a look!

brain development, teens, teen judgment, decision making, Atlanta Journal-Constitution

When should you allow your teen to begin dating? This is a question faced by every parent sooner or later. Opinions vary widely. If your teen wants to date someone at 13, should you allow it? Or should you insist that they wait until age 16? Or is there some other “magic” age that you have in mind?

First, you might have a talk with your teenager about what they consider to be “dating”. Some younger teens consider dating or “going with someone” to be mainly the contact they have at school. They may enjoy working on class projects together, or just hanging out together at lunch or recess. Knowing what your teen considers “dating” to be may help to lessen your stress about the situation.

Some concerns parents have include:

* Is my child responsible enough for dating?

* Will early dating lead to early sexual experimentation?

* Will my teen be safe on a date?

These are all valid parental concerns about teen dating.

David Elkind, professor of child study at Tufts University, and author of The Hurried Child lists several reasons why early dating (before age 14) can be a problem. Among these are that relationship skill may stay superficial. Boys and girls may use the impressions of relationships they see on TV and movies as guidelines for relationships. They may imitate the behavior of those relationships, rather than developing a real relationship with the other person.

Also, they may spend less time with same-sex friends. These relationships help teens learn many skills about getting along with others. These skills may not be developed as well if they begin dating early.

In addition, their personal identity may be underdeveloped at this age. People need a sense of personal identity in order to become close to another person. If a teen does not really know his or her likes and dislikes, and values, they may not be able to relate to a person in a healthy way.

Younger teens are more vulnerable to peer pressure. They may be pressured by partner into an early sexual relationship, if they begin to date too early. Research shows that teens who become sexual active early may have more difficulty in later relationships.

Dr. Elkind believes that 14 or 15 is the earliest age at which teens should start dating. Prior to those ages, parents can do several things to resist their teen’s pressure for early dating. Suggest group activities, such as sitting together at ball games and other school events. Have a frank discussion with your teen about your reasons for not wanting him/her to date early. Encourage your teen to be active in hobbies and activities that he/she enjoys, and stay involved with where your child is and what he/she is doing.

When your teenager does begin to date, set rules to help him or her get along better in dating situations. Set reasonable curfews. Not too early to allow time for conventional dates like movies or ball games. Not too late to allow your teen a lot of time afterward to be in an unsupervised situation. Set reasonable consequences as to what happens if your teen does not get home on time.

Plan activites such as inviting your teen’s date to a family dinner or out to a movie with the whole family. Allow some dates to take place at home, watching TV or movies, or playing video games, rather than going out. Allow reasonable amounts of time for talking on the phone, instead of always going out.

Keep lines of communication open with your teen, so that they will feel comfortable talking with you about dating situations. Above all, realize that parents are still one of the strongest influences in their teens’ lives. Your continuing involvement and participation in your teen’s life can help him or her to develop strong, healthy relationships with both sexes.

Source: The Hurried Child, David Elkind, Addison-Wesley

teen dating, teenagers, parents, parent involvement, relationships

This past week, I found a new reason to be proud of my 16-year-old daughter. She went to her school’s homecoming dance alone. Now, that may not seem like a big deal to some of you. It didn’t to her. “Mom, it’s no big deal. Lots of girls do it!”

To me, as a mom, it shows a lot of independence and strength of character. When I was 16 a girl wouldn’t dare show up at a school dance without a date at my high school. She would have been some sort of social outcast and been ostracized for the rest of her high school years!

Now, I know things are a little more relaxed these days. No one stones a girl for dressing Goth, or totally ostracizes her for being into math and science. But, from my point of view, I can’t help being impressed with my daughter.

I now daughters of friends and relatives who would be mortified to have to admit that they don’t have a boyfriend right now! They jump from one guy to another, simply because they think they have to be seeing someone to be okay in their own little social circle. It can be a vicious cycle in high school.

I think, what it really amounts to, is that I’m proud of my daughter’s ability not to knuckle under to peer pressure. If she can do something like this (even if she does say it’s “no big deal,” she’s a lot more likely to say “no” to alcohol and drugs, and to guys pressuring her for sex when she’s not ready. All this really means a lot to a mom.

peer pressure, teen socializing, teens, teenagers, high school