Parenting Teens

Char over at Weary Parent has come up with a good Group Writing Project and Contest for parenting bloggers. She has challenged us to write about some advice that our parents or another influential adult gave us as teens, that we really took to heart.

I’ve received lots of really good advice from my parents over my lifetime. The advice I’d like to share was never really spoken, at least not that I remember. But it has been modeled for me over my entire life. It began when I was a child, but really began to sink in during my teen years.

That advice is to put family first. Both my parents have done this for as long as I remember. I know that my father worked jobs that he didn’t like-in fact, he downright hated them at times-because he had his family to support. He sacrificed doing things that he wanted to do, jobs that he might have enjoyed more, to work at jobs which gave him enough money to support a wife and three children. He’s retired now, but is always ready and willing to help us out with projects around the house, taking us somewhere if we have car problems-even offering us money if he feels we might need it.

My mother, who passed away four years ago, also sacrificed for her family. We were poor when I was growing up. I can remember many a time when my mother did not buy things that she, herself, really needed, to buy things for her children. No matter how tight the budget was, we always had our new school clothes and anything else we needed (and even things we just wanted), before she thought about buying things for herself. We went to the doctor for very minor illnesses, when she could have used the money to buy things which would have made her life easier. Even at the end, she thought more about how the rest of the family was reacting to her illness than about herself.

Since I’ve been a parent (and, particularly, now that I’m the parent of a teen), I’ve been trying hard to instill in my daughter that putting family first brings much richer rewards to one’s life than putting job or anything else first. We make trips to visit family and to family reunions sometimes at the expense of missing other things. We do this because we love family and we love seeing family. I bend my own schedule into a pretzel to be able to accomodate her activities and other family obligations.

More than any other piece of advice I could give her, I hope that my daughter retains this strong sense of family. It has brought wonderful richness and rewards to my life, and I know that it will to hers.

family, family relationships, advice, teen advice, parenting advice, teens, teenagers, parenting teens, parenting teenagers, Weary Parent

I have a guest columnist today-my 16-year-old daughter, Sarah. She’s going to be talking about her relationship with her stepfather. To me, the relationship looks pretty darn good, but I promised to stay out of it-other than to give this brief intro. So, without further ado, here’s Sarah to give you her thoughts.

My dad first came into my life when I was six years old. Of course, technically, he’s my stepdad, but I’ve always thought of him as just dad, ’cause he’s the only father I’ve ever known. My biological dad dropped out of our lives when I was one year old, so I don’t remember him.

My mom was going to college at the time and Richard (my dad) was one of her friends. She had a bunch of college friends who came over for study groups and stuff (mostly other parents who had gone back to college like her), so I was used to that. I liked Richard, but I didn’t think much about him other than that.

Then, after awhile, he started to come over for dinner on nights when there wasn’t any study group. And sometimes, he’d stay to watch movies with us. He’d talk to me and play with me, and I started liking him more. At some point, I started wondering if he’d be my dad.

My mom had told me that, someday, she might get married, and I’d have a dad. I hadn’t really thought about it much, though. As far back as I could remember there’d never been a dad in my life. I had my grandpa and my uncle, who both did lots of things with me, but, in our house, there had always been just my mom and me.

Then came the first time mom asked if it was okay if Richard came to a school program with us. I think it was an awards ceremony. I said sure, and asked her straight out if he was going to be my dad. I remember her saying, “Well, he and I have been talking about that, and we’d like to sit down and talk about it with you, too.” So, after that awards program, we all came home, sat down with bowls of ice cream and talked about becoming a family.

At that point, Richard and my mom had been friends for two years, and had been dating for a year. I was eight years old. They asked how I’d feel if Richard moved in with us, and became my dad. They told me I didn’t need to call him “dad” unless I felt comfortable doing it. But he’d live with us and come home every night just like my mom did. He’d be around to play and do things with me, and help me with my homework (of course, he’d been doing those things already).

I was happy having a dad at home with us, but nervous, too. It changed some things between my mom and me, and that was hard to adjust to, at first. Luckily, they were both there to talk with me, and to ask me how they could help. My mom also took me to a child psychologist for a few months. She was really cool and helped me see things differently.

That was eight years ago and, now, it seems Dad has always been in my life. He’s been here for me through everything. We’ve done lots of great things together. I spent two years racing junior dragsters, with Dad as my pit crew and mechanic! I think that was the most fun we’ve had together-so far!

He tells me that his favorite memory, up to this point, was the time I was talking to some other kids in an elementary school class. I pointed to him and said, “There’s my dad!” He says that’s the proudest moment of his life.

There’s no doubt in my mind that he’ll always be there for me. His not being my biological dad doesn’t matter. He’s here when I need something, and when I just want to talk. Those are the important things.

dad, dads, fathers, stepfathers, daughters, teens, teenagers, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

I found the following study results at New Scientist:

Celebrity worship may play an important part of growing up, suggest the results of a UK study.

Star-struck teens are generally emotionally well-adjusted and popular, with their celebrity interests forming a healthy part of adolescent development and bonding, say psychologists from the Universities of Leicester and Coventry.

However, those with extreme celebrity fascination, are likely to be lonely children without close attachments to friends or family, suggests the new study.

John Maltby and David Giles surveyed 191 English schoolchildren between the ages of 11 and 16. They found that those who avidly followed celebrities’ lives were the most popular.

For about 30 per cent of the children, gossiping about favourite celebrities with their peer group took up much of their social time. These children were found to have a particularly strong and close network of friends and to have created a healthy emotional distance from their parents.

“As children grow up, they start to transfer their attachment from parents to their peers. Celebrities start to take on the hero status role that their parents formerly fulfilled when the children were younger and it seems to be a healthy part of development,” explains Maltby, who led the study.

“The main function of celebrity attachments in adolescence may be as an extended social network - a group of ‘pseudo-friends’ who form the subject of peer gossip and discussion,” he told New Scientist. “The ongoing subject of celebrities’ lives can provide a valuable bonding tool among their friends, while enabling them to be emotionally autonomous from their parents.”
Mildly pathologic

Evolutionary psychologist Francisco Gil-White, from the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia, says humans have a biological predisposition towards recognising prestigious individuals and acting sycophantically towards them. “In the ancestral environment, prestigious individuals would be followed by people who wanted to gain information about successful living,” he says.

“Modern-day children who follow celebrities may be more popular because they are using this inbuilt mechanism to determine who and what is ‘cool’,” he suggests.

However, about eight per cent of the children surveyed were fanatically devoted to their celebrity “friends”. These children felt they had an intense personal relationship with the famous person, describing them as “soul mates”.

This type of celebrity worship was seen by the psychologists as more problematic and mildly pathologic. These children were lonely individuals with few friends, but also less attached to their parents.

“Intense attachment to celebrities was best predicted by low levels of security and closeness. It may be that intense relationships with celebrities develop during times of stress, or for individuals who are lonely or isolated, or lack social skills,” Maltby suggests.

Journal reference: Personality and Individual Differences (vol 36, p 813)

In light of the recent behavior by Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, and other celebrities who have, typically, been teen favorites, all this is pretty disturbing. I’d hate being the parent of a celebrity! However, if I’d been the parent of any of these young ladies while they were still in their teens, you can bet that a lot more discipline would have been introduced into their lives. And none of them would have lasted a day around my own mother, who firmly believed in spankings!

Who do your teens idolize? What do you think of their choices? Share with the rest of us!

celebrities, teen idols, New Scientist, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, teen discipline, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

Char over at Weary Parent has been nominated for a Grasshopper New Media Parents Hot Stuff of the Week award!

She received the much-deserved nomination for her post 13 Things We Need to Teach Our Teens, written back on April 19, just after the tragedy at Virginia Tech. Here’s an excerpt from her post:

1. You can’t always be first
2. You can’t always win
3. Not everything in life will be easy
4. How to deal with bullies, mean people and rude people
5. How to cope with the end of a relationship or break up
6. How to resolve a dispute with a teacher, boss or other superior
7. We all make mistakes and can learn from them
8. How to ask for help
9. Signs that a friend or loved one may be suffering (from an addiction, depression, etal)
10. How to make decisions by weighing pros and cons
11. Not all gratification can be instant - some things are worth the wait
12. Everyone has something to contribute to society - it just might take a little exploration
13. How to be a good friend

Make sure you go and read her entire post. She’s a great parent blogger! Also, make sure you go and vote for her! You can vote at: Hot Stuff: Vote For Your Favorites. Char’s one of the best!

Grasshopper New Media, blog awards, Weary Parent, parenting teens and ‘tweens, Virginia Tech, teen values, teenagers’ values, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

Tracey over at Paris Hilton Watch is doing a great job keeping up with all Hilton’s latest antics. As a parent, however, I felt a strong urge to say something after hearing about Paris’ latest woes.

Hilton was recently sentenced to 45 days in jail after being caught driving on a suspended license, for the second time. Apparently, upon hearing that she would be required to spend all of about 23 actual days in jail (taking into account time off for good behavior, which I wouldn’t bet on with Paris Hilton), and spending it in a “special needs facility” separated from the general inmate population, poor Paris had a nervous breakdown! She immediately started a petition asking for a pardon from Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger (who reportedly said that he had not seen a petition, but that he had more important things to do, anyway)!

The most upsetting thing to me about all this is that there are still teen and preteen girls out there who still see Paris Hilton as a role model, and haven’t figured out that (even though she’s 26 now), most teens and preteens are more mature than Paris!

Apparently, this childish woman has NEVER learned that her actions have consequences, that she is not above the law, and that she must be responsible for herself. Parents, please, teach your children right from wrong. Teach them that they must pay for their mistakes.

Make them think that they are special, yes-but not so special that they can get away with things for which everyone else must take responsibility. Don’t let them reach the age of 26 thinking that money, fame, or anything else puts them above the law. The last thing we need is any more Paris Hiltons out there!

Paris Hilton, parents, parenting, Arnold Schwarzenegger, teens, teenagers, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

I’m getting on my soapbox today, about an issue that I’ve seen discussed a lot of places, but I don’t see any results from all the discussion!

Last night, I attended the annual Awards Night at my daughter’s high school (she brought home awards in Math and Band, her two favorite subjects!). The program we were handed at the door was very nicely done. You could tell that a lot of hard and thoughtful work had gone into it. The school auditorium and it’s lobby were nicely decorated. The refreshments served were delicious. The principal, teachers, administrators and invited guest speakers were articulate, friendly, and obviously enthusiastic and enjoying this program. The one thing that threw a monkey wrench into the evening was that only about half of the approximately two hundred students who were being honored with awards bothered to show up!

Now, I realize that there are emergencies and, sometimes, scheduling conflicts that people simply can’t work around. It’s impossible to attend every school event. However, I believe I lay this particular problem right where it belongs: at the feet of parents who are so apathetic and unimpressed with academic achievement that they do not encourage their kids to show up at such an important event!

I know a lot of the parents who have children at my daughter’s school. I talk with them when they do attend school events and during morning and afternoon dropoff and pickup times. I did not see quite a few parents and teens at the awards ceremony, who show up for every ball game! Even though they don’t have teens who are players, cheerleaders, or otherwise have to show up!

I have, at long last, reached some sort of breaking point when it comes to parties and sports being put before academic achievement! I have tolerated this for many years, even while fighting against it. My daughter has never been into athletics. From the start, her achievements have come in the classroom and in more academic extracurricular activities-the academic team and math team, for example.

It’s a wildly celebrated (though very rare) event when the football or basketball team makes it into the playoffs. In the past year alone, the varsity and junior varsity math teams brought home more trophies for the school than all the football and basketball teams combined have brought home in the last ten years! The school’s academic team is going to the national championship this year. Neither of these teams have been mentioned at all in our local newspaper, yet football and basketball scores are there the day after every game!

The sports teams have buses which transport them to every game all year. This year, the math teams and academic teams had bus transportation to only about half of their competitions. The rest of the time, parents provided the transportation and paid entrance fees for their kids to compete. The sports teams have their uniforms provided. The math team members and parents did two fundraisers, just to be able to buy t-shirts for the team.

It’s not like I don’t know this inequality hasn’t existed for a long time. As I said, I’ve lived with it. And I enjoy a good ball game as much as anyone. But something about people not showing up to celebrate their children’s academic achievements when they show up for sporting events finally made me snap!

I’m sure there are some out there who share my viewpoint, and some who do not. Please let me hear from you about this! If I haven’t put you off with my ravings, that is!

public schools, academic achievements, academic awards, math, science, education, public education, education funding, parent apathy, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

Most of you who are parents of teens probably remember the “Home Alone” movies, and all the trouble one kid managed to get into, when left alone! One of the poll questions over at ClubMom (where they have lots of interesting subjects and information, no matter what the age of your kids) deals with letting your teenager stay at home alone for a few days. Would you or wouldn’t you?

It’s an interesting question. What do you picture in your mind’s eye when you think about your teenager home alone for a couple of days? Do you see a quiet time of doing homework, listening to music, watching movies and eating? Do you see your teen staying out until all hours, doing who knows what?

Do you picture a huge, wild party, with the house ending up in shambles, people drinking and taking drugs, and the police being called? Or do you maybe picture a wild party of just two, with your teen’s boyfriend/girlfriend staying over the entire time, and a possible pregnancy ensuing?

Personally, this question gave me a pause. I’d have to say that I would probably wouldn’t leave my daughter alone for a few days. Not because I don’t trust her, or I see ANY kind of wild party going on, but because of the possibility of crime. We live in a pretty nice neighborhood, but houses are still broken into occasionally. And it has happened when people are at home.

Now, my daughter likes a good time as well as the next teen, but her ideas of a good time are a bit tame. I’m sure she’d love to throw a party with the parents away. However, her parties usually consist of movies, music and video games. I know her friends well. Probably, about the wildest thing that would happen would be a few beers brought in by some of the guys. Now, I’m not crazy about that idea, and someone would definitely pay when I got home!

But I can think of a lot worse things happening if someone did break into the house when she was alone. Or, if she had some kind of accident and was unable to call for help. All the usual things come to mind. Now, statistically, I realize there’s probably less of a chance of anything like that happening, than there is that she would have a wild party! However, that doesn’t stop me worrying about it!

How would you feel about leaving your teen home alone for a few days? Would you do it? Why or why not?

teens, teenagers, teen parties, teens alone, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

Although we rightly worry about our teenagers’ online safety, a new study done by Pew Internet & American Life Project may provide us with a little hope. Apparently, many teenagers who frequent social networking sites such as MySpace and Facebook omit sensitive information in their profiles, such as their last names, addresses and phone numbers.

The study, titled Teens, Privacy and Online Social Networks was conducted by Pew between Oct.23-Nov.19, 2006. It surveyed 935 teens, ages 12-17. The following are the things teens said they revealed about themselves in online profiles:

When I first started writing for 451 Press in October, 2006, I was intrigued by the title of another blog in the network. It’s called Long Relationships. It’s actually about long romantic relationships, and RA does a great job of blogging about the ups and downs, ins and outs of day to day life in a relationship. Check it out! There’s some great stuff over there and, after all, couldn’t we all use all the help we can get in that area?!

When I first saw the title, though (given that I was blogging about parenting), I thought of all the different types of long relationships a person has throughout their life-relationships with pets, friends, parents and children. After all, when you think about it, isn’t the longest relationship of your life with your parents? They’re there from the time you’re born! It may not always be a good relationship. These relationships have their ups and downs just like any other and, if we’re all honest with ourselves, we all know about the downs!

Then, as parents ourselves, there are our relationships with our own children. These, too, are very long relationships, seeing as how they begin with the births of our children and end (hopefully) when we die. Good relationships with our children don’t just happen. They are built, nurtured and worked on-just as are good long-term romantic relationships. I think, sometimes, parents forget this. Our children are separate, unique personalities. We have to get to know them, the same way we get to know a romantic partner-by talking, doing things together, sharing life experiences, etc.

Getting to know your kids, especially teenagers, can be a very unique and rewarding experience. My own daughter is 16 years old. The more time goes by, the more I grow to appreciate her as a person. She has a unique sense of style, talents I wouldn’t have dreamed of (since some of them are talents I’ve never had), and her own opinions on things like politics, social issues, etc. She’s not just a younger version of me, and, though she obeys me (for the most part!), she doesn’t always do it unquestioningly. I’ve learned to listen to her reasons for questioning me, and for disobeying me.

Working to build this relationship is sometimes different for both of us. Though there are things we have in common, there are also things we most definitely don’t have in common, so we’ve learned to have our time apart, but we’ve also learned that, sometimes, we have to endure some things just because the other enjoys it. My daughter, for example, (like lots of other teenage girls) loves to spend hours shopping at the mall. I can spend an hour or so there, but after two hours, I start to grit my teeth at the thought of going into yet another clothing store! But I do it at times, just because she loves it and watching her shop can be quite an experience!

There is music we both like (Daughtry, John Mayer, Aerosmith, and The Beatles, e.g.), and then music that one of listens to, but the other would rather hang their head out the window of the car than hear! There’s TV we both like (The Gilmore Girls, American Idol, e.g.), and then TV that makes one of us prefer to do housework while the other watches.

At this point, we both have a fairly good idea of each other’s likes and dislikes. We also have a pretty good record of listening to, and respecting, each other’s opinions. It’s a good relationship, overall, and my life is much fuller because of it. Even when there are bad times, I’m very glad that it’s here.

How’s your long relationship with your teenager? Spend some time this weekend evaluating it and trying to make it better. It will be one of the longest relationships of your life. Make it a good one.

parenting teens, parenting teenagers, relationships, long relationships, Daughtry, John Mayer, Aerosmith, The Beatles, The Gilmore Girls, American Idol

It seems as though we hear about school shootings every day. This one was reported by the Chicago Sun-Times and took place at the Chicago Vocational Career Academy.

Apparently, a teen brought a 9mm Ruger to school and was playing with it in a classroom when the gun went off, going through the thigh of the student, and into the thigh of the student sitting next to him. The 15-year-old student who brought the gun panicked, ran outside bleeding and threw the gun away. He later led police to the gun. The student who brought the gun to school was treated and released. The other student is in stable condition.

According to the article, swiping in each morning is required at the school, and neither student had done so that day. The student who brought the gun had also missed an earlier class where attendance had been taken. One theory for how the gun got in is that someone opened an outside door for the student carrying the gun.

This makes the third shooting at the school this year. It is the system’s largest school, covering approximately a block. Teachers and students report that the school does not have enough security.

There have always been some students who thought of school as prison. Schools such as this one make it almost a reality. Never knowing when a violent incident will occur. Swiping in to school each morning. Metal detectors. One of the biggest problems at the school being that there is not enough security. Doesn’t this sound more like a prison than a school to you?

One of the things I always want to know in a case like this is-where were this student’s parents? How did a 15-year-old get his hands on a gun to take to school without his parents knowing?

As a social worker, I was often accused of being too rough on parents. But my position has always been that parents are responsible for their children. I will continue to hold that position. It is not the school’s job to see that teens do not bring guns to school. It is their parents’ and guardians’ responsibility.

Schools have enough problems educating our children. It should not be their responsibility to police them as well. It takes up resources that could, otherwise, be used for education. When will parents take back responsibility for their children?

school shootings, school violence, Chicago Sun-Times, Chicago, Chicago Vocational Career Academy, parental responsibility, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

Yahoo News recently posted a story regarding a club in a Miami, Florida high school which promoted tolerance of gays: Judge: School’s gay rights club can meet. A U.S. District judge ruled that the school must grant the same priveleges to the Gay Straight Alliance that it grants to other school clubs, per federal law. Following is a quote from the article.

The
American Civil Liberties Union sued the Okeechobee school board in November on behalf of the high school’s Gay-Straight Alliance after school officials said the group was a “sex-based” organization that would violate its abstinence-only education policy.

Why is it that these people would see the word “gay” in the name of a club and automatically assume that this club violates an abstinence-only policy? We see this a lot. Apparently, people have the idea that “all the sex you can get” is an integral part of the definition of the word “gay”! Apparently, the club should have begun its message of promoting tolerance of gays with the school board!

By automatically making such assumptions and by attempting to deny such clubs the right to meet, we are expressing our ignorance and intolerance in a big way. As adults and parents, we are supposed to be setting a good example for our teenagers. This is not the way to do it.

Have any of you dealt with this issue in the schools your children attend? Please let me know about it!

gay, gay teens, gay teenagers, school clubs, parenting teens, parenting teenagers, Gay-Straight Alliance, ACLU, American Civil Liberties Union

With the exception of a select few, my magazine reading has fallen woefully off lately. Same old, same old. Too much to do. Too little time. However, I was browsing the online site of one of my favorite women’s magazines, Family Circle recently, and came across this letter on teenagers and lying. It has some really good advice on how to handle one particular lie, at least-teens and friends of whom you disapprove.

Q: My teenage son lies to us all the time. The other night he said he was going to one friend’s house, but he actually went to another kid’s house—a bad kid we don’t want him to hang out with. When we asked him where he had been, he lied right to our faces!

A: All teens lie, particularly when their backs are to the wall. If your son thinks he’ll get grounded by telling you the truth, he’s going to stick to his story with punishing intensity. He may even turn the tables and accuse you of never trusting him. Rather than get sucked into a discussion about who can trust whom in your family and who’s lying to whom, stay focused on the behavior behind the lie. Before you even broach the topic of good and bad friends, make it clear that you must know at all times where to find him. Explain with no equivocating that if he lies about his whereabouts again, he’ll pay the consequences. (You and your husband need to figure out what those consequences should be.)

When things have cooled off, try to find out a little more about the kid you think is bad; rather than forbid the friendship, which is guaranteed to backfire, ask your son what he admires in this young man, what they have in common. Suggest he invite him over, and then try to observe what they’re like together. Until you’ve given their relationship the benefit of the doubt, you won’t be able to reach a compromise or to teach your son that friendship is built on respect, shared values and the freedom to be oneself without fear of ridicule or criticism. Your goal is to help your son decide if this relationship fills the bill.

I pretty much agree with this wholeheartedly. Particularly with the advice about inviting the friend over and trying to get a good picture of who he is and what your teen sees in him. Sometimes, we judge our teens friends on what we hear from other teens and even parents, without making an attempt to get to know them for ourselves.

What do you think about this advice? Would you handle this problem a different way? Let me hear from some of you about your experience with your own teenagers.

parenting teens, parenting teenagers, teen lying, teenage lying, Family Circle, teens, teenagers, teens and friends, teenagers and friends

Thanks to Char over at Weary Parent for pointing me toward this story. Awhile back, I posted on the HPV vaccine and the controversy over whether it should be required for tween and teen girls.

Now, the folks at Connect with Kids have posted a story: Should Boys Get the HPV Vaccine?

HPV (human papilloma virus) is a sexually transmitted infection, which is the cause for cervical cancer. Because of this, the Centers for Disease Control have recommended that girls ages 9-26 get the new vaccine. But, wait a minute… HPV also causes cancer in men, even though it’s less common. In males, the virus can cause penile and anal cancer (and genital warts), as men get older. The HPV vaccine can protect males from these. And it can also help protect girls, who get HPV from their male sexual partners.

So far, the FDA has approved the vaccine only for girls, although studies are being conducted on its use for boys. However, some doctors already give the vaccine to young male patients. “I think it’s extremely safe. I prescribe a lot of it in my practice and no one has had any adverse side effects that I know about,” says Dr. Scott Parry of Intown Primary Care in Atlanta.

What about you parents of tweens and teens? Do you feel your sons should get this vaccination as well as your daughters, when it is approved for boys by the FDA? Chime in and let me know how you feel!

HPV, human papilloma virus, HPV vaccine, Weary Parent, Connect with Kids, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

The Associated Press has published an informative article regarding obesity surgery among U.S. teenagers. Essentially, it states that the number of teenagers having obesity surgery has tripled in recent years. The story is based on a study appearing in the Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine.

According to the study, the number of obesity surgery among teenagers had tripled from 2000-2003, reaching 771 surgeries among teens in 2003. Also, they report that the surgery appears to be slightly less risky in teenagers than in adults, with teens having shorter hospital stays than adults following surgery. Increased surgery among teens is, at least partially, attributed to publicity about celebrities having the surgery. They do provide the caveat that surgery should be a last resort for teens.

Of the 11 responses which had been posted when I read the article, almost all of them were something along the lines of parents being more responsible for their teens’ eating and exercise habits. The people who responded felt that teenagers watch too much TV and play too many video games while stuffing themselves with junk food.

I wholeheartedly agree with the idea that kids these days do not get enough exercise and eat too much junk food. These facts are evident everywhere around us. I was disturbed that both the study and the AP’s article talked about surgery tripling among teenagers without going into the reasons why it had tripled. There were a few quotes from a teenage boy who had undergone the surgery. That was it.

Where are the reasons? Did the teens simply feel they were too overweight? Had they tried other approaches to losing weight? How many approaches, and how long did they try? How did they reach the decision to have surgery?

Also, how about some information from parents whose children have had the surgery? Obviously, with the exception of teenagers over 18, the parents had to have given their consent, since either they or their insurance plans had to pay for it! What convinced them to allow their children to undergo surgery? To what did they attribute their teens’ obesity? Too much eating and too little exercise? Or did some of these teens have medical problems which made losing weight any other way too difficult or even impossible for them?

While this article was informational in some ways, it left out what I felt was a lot of pertinent information. I can certainly see teens who have medical problems with losing weight undergoing the surgery. But are some teens and parents simply taking this as an easy out, rather than undergoing diet and exercise programs?

I’d like to hear from any parents and teens out there with opinions on this.

obesity, obesity surgery, teen obesity, weight, weight problems, parents, parenting

The debate over the vaccine for human papillomavirus(HPV) rages on. I haven’t joined the fray until now, mainly because my fellow 451 Press blogger, Erinn over at Parenting Our Children has had a couple of recent posts on it, and I didn’t want our blogs to overlap. Today, however, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported that the Georgia state senate approved a bill yesterday which would require that girls in Georgia who are entering the sixth grade be vaccinated against HPV. As a resident of Georgia, I decided it was past time for me to enter the fray.

To begin, U.S. Representative Phil Gingrey of Georgia (an OB/GYN and father, as well as a member of Congress) makes a good point in his Editorialin the same paper. Decisions about healthcare should be the responsibility of parents. He believes the Georgia Legislature should not take such a decision away from families. So do I-to a point.

However, I also noted some good point made in the replies to the paper’s Online blog. Among them:

*Nikki’s comment: …”I don’t think anyone wants to have to say to their adult daughter later in
life, ‘You might have avoided this terrible disease if I’d not thought that
getting vaccinated for it would make you promiscuous.’ …This vaccine isn’t
going to make anyone more or less likely to engage in sexual behavior, but it
will reduce the chance that your daughters will develop cancer.
I think that makes this a no-brainer.”

*JJMB’s comment: “This is a slam dunk. No brainer. One shot to prevent a common cancer.
Talk about a miracle.”

Now, of course, there are also a lot of good arguments the other way. Some of them, like Congressman Gingrey, are concerned with turning over too many rights to the government-always a concern. Some of them are religious. Some are concerned over side effects-also always a concern. Many make the tired old argument that giving girls this vaccine is saying to them “Go out and have all the sex you want!”

As far as my opinion on this goes, let me say first that I have a 16-year-old daughter who will definitely be given this vaccine. I’m concerned about side effects, yes,-but I was also concerned about side effects when she had all her normal childhood vaccinations. I’m basically with the contingent that doesn’t see what all the fuss is about. This vaccine can help prevent my daughter getting cancer. I’ve known people who died of cervical cancer. My own mother died of lung cancer. If I can do anything to help prevent my child from getting cancer- Well, like JMMB said, it’s a no-brainer.

I’m also not normally in favor of giving away our rights to the government. But, wait a minute. Aren’t these also our children’s rights that we’re talking about? Don’t they have the right to be given any protection available from a deadly disease? There are many parents out there who simply don’t keep up with things like this. So, what about the girls whose parents never find out about this vaccine? Also, having worked with a lot of children and families, I’ve seen first-hand that there are parents out there (divorced parents, never-married parents, and even parents who are married) who will oppose a medical treatment just to spite the other parents. You know the type. Those parents who turn their children into weapons on their battlegrounds.

So, what should the argument really be about? The rights of parents to make decisions about their children? The rights of children to be protected from this disease? Are they the same argument? Let me know how you feel about the HPV vaccine and the other issues I’ve raised.

Here are some other blogs discussing the same issue:

*Char at Weary Parent
*Gayla at Gayla’s Place
*Sarah Collins Honenberger at Read White Lies
*Angela at Herpes Simplex Help

HPV, HPV vaccine, human papillomavirus, human papillomavirus vaccine, Atlanta Journal-Consitution, Georgia, Georgia State Legislature, Phil Gingrey, teen healthcare, teens, teenagers, parenting, parenting teens, parenting teenagers