Parenting Teens

Is your teen one of those who likes to participate in every activity coming and going? My daughter doesn’t really participate in that many extracurricular activities, but the ones she does like are very time-consuming. With school back in session, all those activities make our schedules a lot more hectic!

To handle all those activities, and mesh them with your own schedule, you’ll need a good calendar-probably more than one! Keep And Share offers a wide variety of calendars-many of which you can print out. But the best part is that they offer free online calendars, which you can share with others and keep private via the use of passwords. These online sharing calendars are great!

If your teen finds an activity in which he/she would like to participate, they can first check your schedule on the calendar to find out if you have any conflicts. Likewise, you can easily check your schedule from work or home-or anywhere else, if you carry a PDA-to check your child’s schedule if you need to do so.

These calendars are great for keeping up with your whole family’s schedule at once, since they can be changed easily on your computer, without doing a lot of erasing or marking out, and they let anyone in the family see what’s going on, helping prevent scheduling conflicts. Great, especially, for moms, dads and busy teens! Try one!

teens, teenagers, calendars, online calendars, family calendars, planning calendars, schedules, scheduling, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

In one of my recent web searches for news involving teenagers, I ran across a lot of disturbing news stories. One article, on Tennessean.com, involved a woman who was being held responsible for a number of teenagers drinking at her home. Here’s an excerpt:

Claudia D. Allen, 45, pleaded guilty to contributing to the delinquency of a minor on Tuesday, though she says she never condoned underage drinking. Allen had also been charged with violating the state’s liquor law for purchasing alcohol for a minor, but that charge was dropped.

Officer Brent Rose said he received a call on April 1 from a neighbor of Allen’s who suspected there were minors drinking at her home. Rose stated in a report that he arrived at Allen’s home, 2205 Winder Circle, and observed six teenagers, including her 17-year-old daughter, drinking on the back deck with her.

“There were two half-cases of Bud Light and a couple of mixed drinks,” Rose told The Tennessean. “There were around nine to 12 kids there.”

Rose said several of the teens ran toward a fence when they saw him. He caught two. Another officer found girls inside Allen’s home with alcoholic beverages, according to Rose.

The woman was sentenced to five days in jail, a year of probation, and fined $500, all the while protesting that the officer had lied, that she had never condoned the teenagers drinking, that someone else had brought the beer to her home, etc. A neighbor had called the police.

Parents drinking with their underage kids is disturbing enough. But the comments that this article received were even worse. Following is just a sampling of the comments.

“Another holier-than-thou, can’t keep his nose in his own business neighbor. I love you freakin’ moralists that have nothing better to do than condemn others. Kids are going to drink, we don’t need to condone it but we don’t need to act like it is a capital offense either. Any neighbor of mine who steps across the property line yelling and screaming at my guests best have packed a lunch, he is gonna be in for a long day.”

“This cop is a real *hole. This is harassment. And the neighbor needs to mind his own damn business.”

“You guys are judgemental losers. You were probably big goobers in high school and have painful memories of being left out by the kids who were having fun. Obviously you can’t handle your liquor if you think a 12-pack’s gonna get 10 kids drunk. Cop is a jerk, too, and the neighbor needs to get a life.”

This is but a small sample of the wonderfully enlightened and intelligent comments which were left by readers. Underage drinking being allowed by parents? And these people think those who put a stop to it were the ones in the wrong?

This is one of those “I don’t know what the world is coming to!” moments!

teens, teenagers, teen drinking, teenage drinking, underage drinking, parents, parenting, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

Dear Abby is teaming with the Federal Citizens Information Center to provide a Health Information Packet celebrating National Women’s Health Week, May 13-19. The kit consists of publications usually offered separately by the FCIC, but are being offered in a packet for the first time. The kit contains publications on the following conditions and topics:

*Allergies
*Asthma
*Cholesterol
*Depression
*Diabetes
*Food Safety
*Heart Disease
*High Blood Pressure
*Listeria
*Mammography
*Sleep Disorders
*Smoking
*Strokes
*Sunscreens
*West Nile Virus

The kit is free, and is available for order at the above link, or by calling 1-888-878-3256. This is great information for all women (including moms!) and some of it could be useful for teen daughters as well! Order yours today!

Everyone else writes their Mother’s Day posts before Mother’s Day! I, on the other hand, like waiting until after Mother’s Day. I like hearing how other moms and their families celebrated!

At my house, we went to the 8:30 am service at our church, where flowers were given to the youngest mother, the oldest mother, and the mother with the most children. I happened to be the youngest mother present! (Of course, there usually isn’t a huge turnout for the early service, so that helped!).

Then, we went home, where my daughter was presented with her Mother’s Day gifts-a card, flowers, and a new CD (all from her cat, Squirt!). After which, I was banned from the kitchen for two hours. (Any day I’m banned from the kitchen is a celebration for me!). I came back to the kitchen to find a luscious(!) chocolate cheesecake, topped with strawberries-along with my Mother’s Day gifts from my daughter and my fiancee-some die-cast Star Wars ships, a die-cast model of a 1963 Volkswagen Beetle (I’m crazy about those little cars), and a book on the history of the Beetle.

After all these goodies, we took a cake to my fiancee’s mother. We sat around their table eating cake and talking for a couple of hours. Then, back home, where my treat at dinner was homemade pizza and a newly rented movie. All in all a great day, despite the fact that I had an earache and a slightly sore throat. Why am I always sick at holidays?!

The only bad part of the day was missing my own mother, who passed away almost four years ago now. Mother’s Day and her birthday are always the worst days. My brother, sister, and I always get together and put flowers at the cemetery. It’s a wonderful way to memorialize, but it’s so much better when they’re actually here!

Anyway, how did you spend your Mother’s Day? You can discuss it here or over at Cafe Mom where there’s always a lot of good discussion on mothering!

Mother’s Day, mom, moms, mother, mothers, Star Wars, Volkswagen, Volkswagen Beetle, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

Do you enjoy hanging out on the internet and chatting with other moms-especially moms of other teens? Do you like having a place to ask for advice on what other moms would do in a certain situation? Having a place to vent about what’s going on with your kids, your significant other, your job, or just life in general?

While looking for other web sites with information on teenagers this past weekend, I ran across CafeMom It’s a great place for moms of teens, and moms in general, to hang out with other moms.

You creat your own profile page, including names and ages of kids, kids’ interests and challenges, your own interests and challenges, etc. On that page, you can upload photos of anything you want. You can choose friends from among other members. You have a journal where you can post thoughts and observations .

There are also forums where you can discuss anything you want-including some great ones for discussing teens! You can also join groups with different interests. There are groups based on everything from your kids’ ages to your favorite TV shows!

CafeMom is a great place to hang out and talk-about your kids or anything else!

CafeMom, moms, mothers, teens, teenagers, children, parents, parenting

Recent mother-teen daughter conversation, 10:00pm, typical weeknight:

Teenage Daughter(TD): Mom, I have to stay after school for a club meeting tomorrow. I need to be
picked up at 5:00..

Mom: Why am I only hearing about this now?

TD: Cause I forgot ’til just now. And I need $20.00 for club dues.

Mom(sighs as she reaches for her purse): It’s always something. Here’s 20 bucks. I’ll talk to my boss
in the morning and arrange to leave 30 minutes early to pick you up.

TD: Oh, I need to be at school 30 minutes early in the morning. Have to see my counselor.

Mom(feeling tension creep up the back of her neck): Have you done something?

TD: Yeah sure, Mom! I just need to talk to her about college applications.

Mom(feeling the tension moving up into her skull): Okay, I’ll set the alarm back, so we can be there.

TD: Oh, and I almost forgot- Tomorrow’s the last day to order yearbooks. I’ll need a check for $75.00.

Mom(getting exasperated and feeling headache setting in): What!? Now, this has to have been coming
up for weeks! Why didn’t you tell me about it before now!?

TD: ‘Cause I forgot! The order form’s been in the bottom of my backpack. I just picked up another
one today, ’cause I figured it’d be easier than trying to find the original.

Mom(signing check): You have GOT to get better organized! Okay, okay! Here’s a check. Don’t put it
in your backpack, or you’ll never see it again!

TD: Thanks, Mom. Oh, and just so you know ahead of time, we have a band trip this Saturday. We’ll
be gone overnight. I have to get packed and pay $25.00 for it on Friday. And I’ll need some
spending money, too.

Mom(sarcastically, and with splitting headache now): Thanks for all the notice. Is there anything you
don’t need money for?

TD(sighing): Mom, you’re so overly dramatic! This stuff isn’t expensive! Next week, we have to buy
prom tickets. Now, my dress and getting my hair styled-that’s going to be expensive!
Not to mention a manicure! Oh, and the pictures! And then there’s next fall, when I need a new
clarinet!

Mom(helpless and defeated): I’m going to bed. Wake me when you graduate! Here’s a signed check
made out to you. Just call and find out what my balance is and write it in. Here’s a savings
withdrawal slip that’s already signed, too. Just withdraw everything! Here’s my credit cards.
Don’t spend everything at the mall or you won’t have any money left for lunch! If you need any
more money between now and graduation, you’ll just have to call dad!

TD(giving me a hug): ‘Night, mom, and thanks! You know, that’s one thing I really love about you.
Your terrific sense of humor!

Do any of your conversations with your teens sound like this? Let me know, so we can commiserate!

teens, teenagers, parents, parenting, parenting teenagers, financial issues

Is your teenage daughter sexually active? Does she use contraceptives? It’s a difficult thing for parents of teen daughters to think about, but not thinking about it could turn out to be even more difficult-both for parents and daughters.

A study appearing in the January issue of The American Journal of Public Health suggests that 86% of the decline in teen pregnancy rates resulted from improved contraceptive use. The authors of the study, Dr. John Santelli and colleagues, concluded that the study raises serious questions about the value of the federal government’s funding of abstinence-only education programs that prohibit information about the benefits of condoms and contraception.

Personally, as the parent of a teenage daughter, I’ve long questioned the value of those programs. Yes, I’d prefer that my daughter not have sex without being in a serious relationship. But I’d prefer even more that she protect herself from unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease like HIV.

We cannot prevent our teens from having sex. It is a natural, normal part of being human. It will happen-with or without our consent or approval. Isn’t it more important that our teens be protected from pregnancy and disease than that our personal ideas of morality be upheld?

Have you talked with your daughter about sex, relationships and contraceptives? If not, do it right away. If she is sexually active, see to it that she has an examination by a gynecologist and has access to contraceptives. You can, and probably will, discuss your personal objections to her behavior many times. First, see to it that her life is protected.

teens, teenagers, parents, parenting, teen pregnancy, teenage pregnancy, teenage sexuality, American Journal of Public Health

I want to wish everyone a happy new year and apologize to readers of this blog for my long absence. For the past several months, I’ve found myself having a classic “sandwich generation” crunch. My father (who’s in his late 70’s) has had a serious illness and needed someone to stay with him. Unwilling to trust him to strange caregivers, unless it was absolutely necessary, my brother, sister and I split up the task.

Since my work hours are more flexible than theirs, I tended to stay more often. Wouldn’t have a really big problem updating my blog except that he lives three hours away from me. I spent a great deal of my time driving back and forth-trying to make sure I spent time with my daughter and fiance, as well as with my dad. Also, unfortunately, my dad has no internet connection at his house so, when I was there, I was totally disconnected!

He’s now recovered to the point where he can stay on his own most of the time, with frequent visits from my brother and sister, who both live much closer to him, and I’m now making my visits on weekends. He should be making a full recovery soon.

Now, a bit more about handling “sandwich generations” problems when you have a teenager. My 16-year-old has been a BIG help to me during the past months. She has cooked, cleaned and done a lot of things which made being away from home so much a bit easier-all while keeping up with her schoolwork, and getting ready for the holidays. I don’t think I could have done it without her! Luckily, I had no younger children who had to be cared for, and my fiance was there to help her with transportation to school and activities.

However, no amount of help can make up for missing family members and friends. When I was with my father, I constantly missed my daughter, fiance, and friends. When I was at home, I constantly missed, and worried about, my father. I’ve gone through this before, with my mother’s illness and passing almost four years ago. However, although the outcome is better this time, things seemed a bit more poignant with my daughter being older.

Since she began her sophomore year in high school this year, there seems to be a tiny clock ticking away in the back of my mind-a bit like the biological clock, but this one constantly reminds me that my at-home time with my daughter is slipping away. We have always had a very good relationship and I know we’ll continue to be close when she leaves home for college, work, etc., but the relationship will be different.

These past few months have reminded me to cherish every moment with her, because soon her “childhood” will be a thing of the past, and we’ll be relating to each other more as equals. Not that this is a bad thing. My relationship with my own mother was very good when I became an adult and had adult issues to discuss with her. But it means the passing of one era of her life and the beginning of another. My role in her life is changing. I’m wondering if it would be different if I still had younger children at home. Maybe some of you out there could let me know your thoughts on that?

Well, I’ve rambled on enough! This is the reason why I’ve been absent for the past several months. I’m happy to be back, and here’s wishing all of us a happy and productive year!

New Year, parents, teens, teenagers, sandwich generation, relationships, parenting

My 16-year-old daughter and I had a great experience together this past Saturday. We waited in line for a Nintendo Wii-myself for 12 hours and my daughter for eight hours. Now, this topic is usually best handled by BB over at 1pstart, but we had such a good time, I wanted to include it in my own blog.

My daughter wasn’t too wild about the Playstation 3. None of us had time to camp out for days and she had heard rumors that there were still lots of bugs in the PS3. However, she was adamant about getting a Wii. Only problem was the lines were going to be forming early and she was going to be at an Academic Team competition until 4:00 pm. Not to mention mom wasn’t too wild about the idea of her 16-year-old standing in line alone until midnight! Not after all the PS3 horror stories!

I’ve stood in line plenty of times myself-for movies, sci-fi conventions, concerts, etc. So, I braved the possible snickers and whispers from all the younger people who wanted the Wii and packed up my folding chair, a couple of books, and a blanket and went over to the local Wal-Mart at noon on Saturday. When I got there, I found a very disorganized “line”. However, when I asked where the end of the line was, the guys there said “We have a sign-up sheet going” and I put my name on the list at number 18.

The next 12 hours were really enjoyable. It was like being at a mini-convention! I found a spot for my chair, got something to drink and settled down with my book. But I really didn’t have time to read. Although, I’m not much of a gamer myself, the other people in the group (mostly early to late-20’s, with a couple of teenagers) were also fans of science fiction, horror, comic books, TV, movies-you name it. We talked a lot.

The employees were great! Shortly after I arrived, a couple of them came out to announce that they would have 18 Wii’s available. They wanted to let us know, so that the people who had arrived after number 18 (me, luckily!) would not be waiting around unnecessarily. At that point 25 people had signed up. Number 19 elected to stay, with the hope that something might happen so he could get one. The rest packed up and left, with a few grumbles.

Another employee brought an extension cord with several outlets. People promply brought out laptops. One guy went to his car and returned with a 13-inch portable TV and his PS2 and some games! People broke up into small groups to have a good time, while informing everyone who arrived to join the line that all the Wii’s at this site were already taken!

My daughter was delivered to the line with her chair and blanket by her dad at a few minutes after 4:00 pm. Everyone went between groups, keeping themselves and each other entertained! There was a gaming group around the TV and PS2 (which, after sunset was utilized for watching movies). Another guy set up his laptop and played horror movies. Yet another group gathered around a laptop to watch episodes of “Southpark”. Everyone watched each other’s stuff while we went to the restroom, walked to stretch our legs, or went for food.

When the night manager came on duty, he came out to take our list and promised us that he would go by the list and the 18 Wii’s that they had available would be given to the 18 people who had signed up and had been waiting. Later, he brought cookies out to us from the store’s bakery!

We talked gaming, movies, politics and every other conceivable subject! The time actually went by quickly, up until the last couple of hours, when people started to get excited. Friendships were made. Phone numbers and email addresses were exchanged. We had formed some good bonds.

Close to midnight, more people arrived. A few wanted to get angry and try to shove their way into line. However, the manager stuck to his word. At ten minutes to midnight, two employees and a security guard came out to get us. They lined us up according to our numbers on the list!
We walked in in a very orderly, if excited, line and got our Wii’s!

We clapped and cheered as each one of us walked away from the checkout with his game system and whatever games and accessories he had bought. We walked each other to our cars for security and said goodbye with promises to call and email each other.

My daughter and I agreed that the time spent in line was almost as great an experience as getting the Wii! It was one of the best parties either of us had been to in a long time! Thanks to those people and the employees who made this such an enjoyable experience!

Nintendo Wii, Wii, Wal-Mart, gaming, teens, parenting, Playstation 3

What’re our problems as parents of teens? I won’t pretend to know all the answers to that question! But I can give you one that I just found out about this morning. Apparently, our priorities are in desperate need of an overhaul!

This morning, my 16-year-old daughter needed to get to school 45 minutes early for a club meeting. Since these things alway work out this way, she ended up sitting up late last night to finish homework. This resulted in her not gathering up her things the night before.

Of course, everything else being as it was, we overslept this morning and had to rush to get out the door. I think my daughter now holds the record for shortest shower ever taken by a human being. I had to remind her to eat something, to which she replied, “Mom, it’s not that big a deal and I don’t have time!” (She ended up with a pop tart in the car.) I had to remind her to grab her clarinet, without which she would have gotten an F for band class for the day.

When we were finally in the car and I was ready to back out she yelled, “Wait a minute! I forgot something!” From the tone of her voice, I assumed it must be, at the very least, the essay she had stayed up writing for her history class. I handed her my door key, so that she wouldn’t have to dig around for hers.

She was back in the space of two minutes with…a CD? “Is that a recording for band?” I asked, as I backed down the driveway. “No, it my new Killers CD.” Now, I’ve listened to The Killers, and I think their music is pretty good. But I was a little puzzled. “What’s it for?”

“I wanna listen to it on the way to school.”

Narrowly avoiding missing our first turn, I said. “Let me get this straight. You risk life and limb taking a fast shower this morning. We rush around the house like mad, bumping into each other and everything else to get your things gathered. You end up munching a pop tart, instead of having a real breakfast. All that to get you to school for your meeting, and you waste precious minutes going back for a CD to listen to on the way to school?!”

“I’ve only listened to it twice so far.” She said this calmly and matter-of-factly, while breaking off pieces of pop tart and putting them in her mouth, while her music was playing loudly.

Obviously, my priorities have become somewhat mixed up with advancing age. Showers and breakfast have moved lower on the totem pole when it comes to must-do things in the morning. I have to listen to this CD again myself. Apparently, it’s more than just entertaining music. There must be something vital on there.

parenting, teens, teenagers, The Killers, priorities, relationships

Here’s a great way for a mom to get closer to her teenage daughter. Does your daughter get any of the teen magazines, like “Seventeen” or “Cosmo Girl!”? They have quizzes in them on friendship, boyfriends and other subjects pertinent to teens.

Get the magazine and take turns doing the quizzes with your daughter! You can either do the quizzes from your present point of view, or (more fun) try and answer the questions the way you would have when you were your daughter’s age. Then, you and your daughter compare your answers!

Another interesting variation is for each of you to try and guess what answers the other would give. Whatever way you answer, each of you must agree to give honest answers. It’s a fun way for mother and daughter to get to know each other better! So get out your pencils and get going!

mom, daughter, Seventeen, Cosmo Girl!, teen, teenager, parenting, parents