Parenting Teens

As a social worker, one of my favorite sites is Psychiatry Matters. I get updates from them on all kinds of psychiatry and counseling-related issues. I got an update the other day that is good news for parents who have teenagers with depression.

According to a study from England, a majority of adolescents with major depressive disorder have a favorable outcome. They tested 523 adolescents by interviewing them twice, fifteen months apart. 90 of the adolescents, with the average age of 14, were diagnosed with major depressive disorder in the first interview. Just 24% of those 90 still had a diagnosis of depression 15 months later. For a very few, depression had been replaced by other problems-including anxiety disorders or substance abuse.
Factors that were present in teens with ongoing depression included substance abuse, parents with alcohol problems, presence of negative life events, suicidal thoughts, as well as several other factors.

Basically, the good news is that only a small number of teenagers have an ongoing problem with depression. That’s always great news for parents! Do you have a teen suffering from depression? Feel free to comment here.

parenting teens, parenting teenagers, depression, teen depression, adolescent depression, Psychiatry Matters

I couldn’t let this week pass by without mentioning National Eating Disorders Awareness Week. Eating disorders affect millions of people each year, including a disturbing number of teenagers. As someone who has struggled with eating disorders, I know firsthand the anguish and difficulties that can go along with them.

As a teenager, I suffered from binge eating-recurrent episodes of compulsive overeating. In my twenties, I did a complete 180-degree turnaround and suffered from anorexia nervosa-self starvation and excessive weight loss. At nearly 5 feet, 8 inches tall, I weighed only 100 lbs. at one point! My body image was terrible. No matter how much or how little weighed, all I saw was fat! I look back at pictures of myself now, and realize that I was skin and bone at one point, but I couldn’t see it.

I was helped by a combination of mental health counseling and good nutritional counseling. I learned to look at the state of my health, rather than the look of my body. Having learned so much from those days, I’ve tried to put it to the best use as the parent of a daughter.

Basically, I’ve never made weight an issue with my daughter. We talk about health rather than weight. We discuss healthy eating and exercise habits, as well as healthy body image. When we look at teen and fashion magazines, we discuss whether the models look healthy, and what both my daughter and I should do to maintain healthy weight.

After years of walking and using a “Gazelle” for working out, I joined “Curves” a few months ago. I’ve been really enjoying the program. The variety of exercises done in 30-second increments helps avoid boredom, and the complete workout in 30 minutes makes it easy to fit into my schedule. Recently, my daughter asked to join with me. She doesn’t feel she’s overweight, but she wants to do some tightening and toning. I’m really looking forward to it, as time we can spend together doing something worthwhile!

National Eating Disorders Awareness Week’s website offers tons of information on the different types of eating disorders, how you can get involved in educating the public on them, different types of treatments, and many other aspects of eating disorders. It also offers ways to improve body image and offers you a chance to register with their Parent and Family Network to receive updates.

If you suspect your child or teen has an eating disorder, make an appointment with a doctor right away. Eating disorders are often deadly diseases and, even when they are not, they cause lifelong physical and emotional problems. Make sure you are proactive in dealing with them.

eating disorders, binge eating, anorexia nervosa, National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, exercise, healthy eating, Curves, teens, teenagers, parents, parenting

The issue of health care for children affects teens, as well as younger children. Governors from several states representing both parties are opposing President Bush’s budget for a health care program which insures the children of the working poor. The President’s budget will not provide adequate funding for these programs which provide insurance for 6 million people, mostly children. The program covers uninsured children whose families earn too much for them to covered under Medicaid.

Fourteen states, including New Jersey and Georgia are expected to run out of money for the program before the next budget year begins in October. Both as a parent and as a former social worker, I know how vital it is that this program remains in place. At the time I was in college, my daughter was insured under this program in the state of Georgia. It was a godsend.

Without it, all of her doctor’s visits would have been to the emergency room, where the bill would have gone unpaid. Despite the fact that I was working (and earning just about five dollars a month too much for her to qualify for Medicaid!), my job did not provide insurance to cover her. I could not afford to pay the premiums for private insurance. Her biological father could not be found to provide insurance for her. Had it not been for this program, which is called PeachCare in Georgia, my daughter’s health could have been severely affected. My PeachCare premium for my daughter was $7.00 per month. It was affordable and covered dental care, vision care, and mental health care, as well as medical.

Later, as a social worker, I saw many families in the same boat. PeachCare was the only thing saving their children from either going without medical care or running up hospital bills which they could not pay. This program is vital. We have done much to provide insurance coverage for children over the past few years. Let’s not go backward and leave these children without care now.

Additionally, it makes no fiscal sense to underfund these programs. Are we trying to save money? This will not do it. Just as would have been the case with my daughter, parents without medical coverage for their children will end up taking them to hospital emergency rooms. The bills will be outrageous and the parents will be unable to pay them. This will result in millions of dollars in unpaid hospital bills, which will, in turn, result in a further rise in health care charges and health care premiums for those who can pay. This, in turn, will cause parents with no insurance coverage for their children to run up even larger bills when taking their children to hospital emergency rooms.

This vicious cycle has to be broken somewhere along the line. Let’s not throw away what little progress we have made in this area. Funding for these programs is definitely money well spent.

health care, children’s health care, State Children’s Health Insurance Program, SCHIP, teens, teenagers, parents, Peachcare, Georgia, New Jersey, President Bush

In my search of newspapers for current events dealing with teenagers, I came across a wonderful story in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.

This story concerns a young woman who was a troubled teen herself. She spent time in foster care and a home for troubled teens. Distrustful of people she turned to horses, from whom she “…learned patience and nurturing and caring…”

Her name is Lissa Corcoran and she now runs a program called Flying Change Equine Therapy. This particular article is involved more with the efforts of the program to save one of its horses, which was injured, than with the program itself. However, the program website at http://flyingchange.org gives more in-depth information on the non-profit organization-such as the services it provides and why horses make wonderful partners in therapy.

Give the article a read and check out their website. For troubled teens, such as Lissa herself, who may get along better with animals than with people, this type of program could work miracles.

teens, teenagers, troubled teens, troubled teenagers, parents, parenting, therapy, horses, Flying Change Equine Therapy

At what age does your child become an adolescent? Is there a point at which you can put your finger on it? A certain birthday when you can say for sure that your child is now an adolescent?

Today, it is common to hear parents comment that their 10- or 11-year-old is “acting like a teenager.” It is no longer uncommon for children of these ages to begin acting out adolescent behavior. Although most people equate being an adolescent with being a teenager, this is an arbitrary classification.

Basically, adolescence begins when puberty starts. The beginning of adolescence depends on a child’s emotional and physical maturity and varies from child to child. Other factors affecting the beginning of adolescence include the stressors of a child’s environment and the influence of their peers.

Obvious physical signs of puberty in boys are:

*facial or chest hair
*deepening of the voice
*increased awareness of their sexuality

Obvious physical signs for girls are:

*beginning menstruation
*development of their breasts
*voice changes (more subtle than those in boys)

A recent study by the American Academy of Pediatrics revealed that physical signs of puberty occur in girls as young as 7 or 8, although such early signs of puberty are not as common in boys.

How should a parent handle early onset of puberty? Make a visit to your pediatrician or family physician and have your child checked to make sure there are no problems you should know about. Beyond that, as a parent, you need to have talks with your child about their physical and emotional changes-probably much earlier than you expected.

As a parent and a social worker, I know these conversations can be difficult-especially with younger children. If you need help with approaching the subject, talk with your child’s doctor, a school counselor or some other trusted professional about the best way to handle the situation. It will be an adjustment for you and your child but, if handled correctly, will leave both you and your new “adolescent” feeling good about yourselves!

adolescent, adolescence, parents, parenting, teens, teenagers, American Academy of Pediatrics, physical signs of adolescence

Is your teen exhibiting signs of a problem? Have there been major changes or issues in the family recently? Has he had problems at school, such as being bullied or, perhaps, showing signs of bullying himself? Has a close friend moved away?

A good place to turn when your teenager is experiencing emotional problems is his or her school counselor. At the high school level, counselors are often seen mainly as a source for help in getting the right courses to graduate, or as someone to help with the college application process and finding financial aid.

However, high school counselors also still work with teens who have emotional and social issues.
Members of the American School Counselor Association say that they are often overlooked when it comes to dealing with emotional issues at the high school level. They are ready and willing to help students in this area, but they get few such requests from parents or students.

This may be due, in part, to parents seeing counselors at the high school level as only being there to help their teens with their plans after high school. It may also be due to teenagers reluctance to seek help with emotional issues-especially when they are not that familiar with the counselor.

Just remember that, if your high school or middle school-aged teen is facing emotional problems, the school counselor is a good place to start. He or she can often talk with students or counsel them at school, and may be able to solve the problem. If they feel a student needs help-whether it be academic, or professional counseling-they can make recommendations and help you find what your teen needs.

School counselors are a wonderful resource. Make use of them.

school counselors, counselors, high school, middle school, teens, teenagers

For years, we’ve put our teens unusual behavior down to hormones and peer pressure. However, as it turns out, that may not be all there is to it! The Atlanta Journal-Constitution ran this front-page story on November 4:

What’s The (Gray) Matter With Teens?

It’s a very interesting article (with video) on brain development, presenting studies that suggest a teen’s brain is not as developed as an adult brain. It can give you some great insight into your teen’s mind, and why they make the decisions they make.

It might also be useful if you want to go back and explain some of your teenage behavior to your own parents. Give it a look!

brain development, teens, teen judgment, decision making, Atlanta Journal-Constitution

“For a boy to reach adulthood feeling that he knows his father, his father
must allow his emotions to be visible-hardly an easy task when most
males grow up being either subtly or openly taught that this is not
acceptable behavior. A father must teach his son that masculinity and
feelings can go hand in hand.”

Kyle D. Pruett, professor and child psychiatrist, in The Nurturing Father(Warner Books, 1987). After 20 years, this quote is still timely and, in the case of many men, still a difficult thing to do, especially with teens.

This book is still an exceptionally good, and highly recommended, book for fathers to read. Pruett based this book on his findings in a five-year study of 17 two-parent families, in which the father was the primary caregiver. This book is highly supportive of fathers and talks about the ways in which fathers can and should share their emotions with their children. It was Pruett’s conclusion in this book(and most of us will agree) that father’s nurture well, but differently.

As a father, how do you feel you relate to your teenage son? How your own father related to you will, no doubt, be a large factor. Although men showing emotion has become more acceptable, it is often still not easy to incorporate this into parenting, especially when your sons become teenagers.

To a large number of men, there is still something almost taboo about showing emotion, even occasionally. Men must be strong and unyielding-providers and protectors. However, letting your teenage son know that showing his emotions is okay is especially important during the teen years.

Teenage boys too often suppress their feelings, which can lead to depression and behavior problems. Teen boys need outlets for their emotions, and who better to give them an outlet than their fathers. Let your teenage son know that it is acceptable to you to cry when he’s unhappy, to vent when he’s angry, to show his happiness when he’s feeling good.

Often, it is not easy to model this type of behavior for your teen son, especially if your own father did not model it for you. Reading The Nurturing Father can be a good beginning to helping your teenage son toward a more healthy outlook-and to being a good father to his own children one day.

fathers, sons, teenage sons, father-son relationships, teen emotions

I ran across an article online yesterday that gave me a lot of reasons to think-both as a citizen and as the mother of a teenager. The article, headlined “Students Can Be Punished for Postings Online,” was in the Indianapolis Star. It concerned a local school board who had approved a new policy which “informs students and teachers that they will be held legally responsible for anything posted online, including material deemed defamatory, obscene, proprietary or legally libelous.”

The funny thing about all this is that, according to an article by an attorney in the American School Board Journal, titled “Slamming in Cyberspace,” this issue has already been pretty well covered by the courts in Indiana. Did this school board not research the issue throughly, or did they just feel a need to reinvent the wheel? However, the diligence (or lack thereof) by this school board is not the issue.

This is hardly the first time I have faced this issue. There has been a lot of recent controversy on this particular subject. It has also hit a bit closer to home for me. It was recently an issue at my daughter’s high school, concerning a student’s critical blog postings on one of his teachers and the principal.

Aside from the Constitutional issues involved here, I have another concern. As a social worker, I’ve worked in the juvenile justice system. There, I dealt with teens who felt isolated and ignored. They felt they had no one with whom to discuss their problems.

My question, as both a parent and a social worker, is “Do we want to take away what, for many teens, may be one of the few outlets they have to vent feelings like anger, frustration and fear?” My own answer, as both a parent and a social worker is “No. I, at least, do not.”

Consider this: A troubled teen, who is angry at someone (a teacher, friend, classmate, etc.) for whatever reason has few friends, feels that he cannot talk to his parents or to anyone else. He goes to his MySpace blog and posts about these feelings. This is, in a sense, his outlet, his support system. This is sad, but true, in some cases.

Are we really making this situation better by taking this away? Keeping such feelings pushed down and bottled up only makes this teen’s anger and frustration worse. Over a period of time, having not had any outlet in which to deal with his feelings, this teen explodes. Who knows what form this explosion may take? This particular teen may turn to alcohol or drugs. He/she may get into fights or consider (or even attempt) suicide.

Now, in an ideal world, we would want our teenager to be able to talk with his parents, a school counselor, a teacher-anyone who could help him or her, or get some professional help for the teen. But this is not an ideal world. The teen may feel that the anonymity of cyberspace is the safest place to turn.

In addition, this is an excellent example of how we, as parents, are allowing school and government to take away our parental rights and responsibility. We have a responsibility-both to our children and to society-to keep up with what our teenagers are doing. This includes keeping lines of communication open, so that, as well as sharing good things, our teens feel safe and comfortable sharing their problems with us. It is a big responsibility. It may seem overwhelming to some of us. If WE feel that way, think about how our teens feel.

Sources:

Indianapolis Star, Students Can Be Punished for Posting Online

American School Board Journal, Slamming in Cyberspace

teenagers, teens, blogging, MySpace, students, cyberspace, student discipline, posting