Parenting Teens

Yes, there are ways to tell that there is but a few days left before Christmas arrives in the House de Lessa. I’m sure these signs are seen all across the land, in various degrees, with the added style of your own unique family thrown in - so I’m sure you’ll recognize these in spirit, at least.

Number Five: The Annual Search for the Ornaments.
I know I put them somewhere special so that we wouldn’t forget where they were this time! They were in the green tub - no, the blue one! No, not THAT one… CRAP. Well, there’s the tree, pre-lighted even. Isn’t it lovely? Stop crying, we’ll find the ornaments! Somewhere… are you SURE we didn’t put them under the house again? No, the Garage? OH YEAH! There they are! Whew. It would have been a lonely Hannah Montana Ornament if we hadn’t found them!

Number Four: “Don’t worry Mom! We’ll clean up the living room and move the couches for you so we can put up the tree! Don’t you worry about a THING!”
Sudden attacks of niceness and sibling cooperation that last approximately .09281 seconds before they’re bickering like always because YOUR FOOT IS ON MY SIDE and HEY that’s MY priceless piece of crumpled paper how DARE you throw it away! MOOOOOOOOOM! Is it wrong to want to wrap them up in ribbon and duct tape and keep them under the tree? FOREVER?

Number Three: I want this, and this, and THIS, and OMG THIS!
Many, many crumpled pieces of paper are horded and EVERY TOY KNOWN TO MAN is written down, added too with every commercial, every trip to the store, every whispered conversation with BFFs, every second of every day - All in hopes that out of the FIVE GAZZILION THINGS wished for, Mom can pick out the one you REALLY want, REALLY REALLY bad…

Number Two: Ninja Present Watch.
Or alternatively ‘practice for future NYE Parties involving lampshades and beer bongs’. This time of year, the kids do seem to think that we don’t notice them lurking around the corners, holding fast to the childhood belief that “I can’t see MOM, so MOM can’t see ME!” all in hopes of discovering that mom DID listen and got that longed for really expensive present. Luckily they soon remember that “Curiosity killed the cat, then Mama took the presents back!”

And, the Number One Way to tell Christmas is Coming? Moments like these:
“Here you go, mom. A bow! That I made! To place upon you, for I am giving you YOU for Christmas! Want to know why? Because I wanted to give you something awesomely TOTALLY PERFECT!”

…awwwwww.

Shameless, the whole lot of them!

Laura asked a question on the post below this, and when my reply became a post in itself, I thought I’d move it to it’s own post here. Here’s her question:

Whats everyone doing for safety precautions for Halloween? My husband came across an article (http://i-newswire.com/pr220892.html) with some info about background checking neighbors. I thought that may be a little overboard, but it had some other good suggestions for some precautions I haven’t thought about. Last year my youngest son came down with a massive fever after Halloween. I almost thought about just taking the kids to our church’s fall festival this year instead of door-to-door to prevent that from happening again. I don’t know yet. What’s your advice? Am I over-reacting or just being a concerned mom?

Wow, maybe it’s because I’m the product of a small town, but that seems incredibly overboard to me. I can’t imagine letting my kids go trick or treating without me - but that’s probably because we have to drive to the “good neighborhood” that gives the good candy. *L* So that much is smart and I agree with - don’t let the kids go out on their own.

As for demanding to know why someone has a “No candy here” sign? Maybe they don’t celebrate, maybe they aren’t home, maybe they don’t like kids - it seems an incredible invasion of privacy to do ‘find out why’ as if it’s not their right to not have candy if they don’t want too. That’s going overboard. I’d be really pissed off if someone was running checks on me to see why I won’t put candy out - it’s not like I’m offering razorblades and crack in little packages - it’s no candy. Ya know? That’s ridiculous. If there’s “no candy” or the lights are off, then you move on to another house. Simple as that.

Personally, when we go trick or treating, we take the kids to walk two streets in the “good neighborhood” where they get a decent amount of candy, then we pop over to the local Boys and Girls Club for their Trunk or Treat, where they can get prizes and more candy, then to the local Elks club where they have a haunted house and games. That’s a good two hours, and aside from the actual door to door, everything is in a protected environment, and I’m with the kids every step of the way, either watching from the car on the street as I follow them through the walk in the neighborhood, or with them at the group functions.

Again, my town is small, so I may come at it from a different point of view - but I’d definitely check out some of your local area organizations and see what’s out there. More and more boys and girls clubs are doing what ours does with Trunk or Treat at their parking lot, a lot of shopping malls have indoor trick or treating Keep in mind I’m in Alaska, too, so our Trick or treating has to take weather into consideration. It’s COLD out there, and T or T doesn’t last too long, because omg COLD. IN fact right now, it’s a chilly 7 degrees outside.

I have my own personal annoyances with Church “Fall Festivals” but that’s just me. It’s a good alternative if you can convince your kids they don’t need that door to door, or do the “one or two streets” or only people they know, then a festival of some sort. Depending on how old they are, definitely talk to them and see what they’re thinking, and make a plan together. That’s the best advise that article had. My kids and I make our plan before we leave the door - which usually involves “Well go no, and when I’m done we’re going home.” *L* I’m all democratic like that.

Most of all - remember it doesn’t have to be an all night thing. When I leave, I tell the kids straight up - 2 hours, tops. To hit all the spots, before I can’t handle the crowds anymore and I’ll wanna come home. So they know off the bat there’s a time limit. As they get older, they start to lose interest anyway, and it’s more about parties, and group functions with their friends, which opens a whole NEW can of worms, hm? My son has to work this Halloween for the first time, but before that, he is much more of a help chaperoning the younger kids then he is going for Trick or Treating purposes. He’d rather buy his own candy.

Also - be SURE to check your paper, an your fire department possibly. See if someone local has set up an x-ray machine to check the candy if you’re worried about it to that extent. I always check the candy myself for my kids, or watch as they do. We don’t accept home made treats unless it is from someone we know, and everything needs to be in their original wrapping.

That’s just common sense - and checking the candy allows you to steal all the Reese’s cups. *shining grin*

There’s nothing wrong with being a concerned mom for sure, though sometimes it’s hard to let them go enough, but to keep them wrapped in Mom’s Bubble Wrap too. Hope this helped - lemme know if my rambling made any sense at all - or lack thereof.

We here at Parenting Teens would like to wish everyone a safe and happy Fourth of July! At our house, we’ll be cooking out with family, and going for a swim, as well as some other fun stuff! You’ll notice that when I looked for picture to go with this post, I couldn’t resist cookies. We’ll be having some of those, too!

We’ll be back with more info on parenting teens tomorrow. Enjoy!

parenting teens, parenting teenagers, Independence Day, Fourth of July, 4th of July

Parenting Teens would like to wish a Happy Father’s Day to my dad, my daughter’s dad, and all the other dads out there. May you have a wonderful, relaxing day, and lots of fun and happy times with your children and families!

Father’s Day, Happy Father’s Day

In the fine, old tradition of getting dad a necktie for Father’s Day, USA Weekend has published a guide to buying neckties! The article wasn’t really aimed toward buying neckties as gifts but-hey!-if you’re going to buy dad a tie, use this guide to get him one he might actually wear! Here are 5 of their tips:

1 Go for classic elegance. For a job interview, a wedding or a first date, “you can’t go wrong with a simple dark tie,” Rapoport says. “It can be solid or have a small pattern in it. You can even wear it in the summer, with a khaki suit. You don’t need to dress loudly to make a statement.”

2 Play with color. Ocean shades and pastels are hot this season, says Gregg Andrews, fashion director at Nordstrom. “We’re seeing light blue, aqua and sapphire blue, even lavender and lilac,” he says. “They look great with light shirts and can pop against a deeper-toned shirt.” Tip: Take your shirt to the store with you to test-drive ties. For Father’s Day: “Look at his [wardrobe] colors; if he doesn’t wear brown, don’t get an earth-toned tie.”

3 Pay attention to proportion. “Younger, hipper dressers may go for skinny ties, but they only work if the suit has a narrow lapel,” Rapoport says. “The widest part of the tie should be about the same as the widest part of the lapel.” The knot also should match, but “unless you’re a hip-hop mogul, avoid an oversized tie knot.”

4 Avoid flashy prints. Subtle pin dots and stripes are fine. (If you’re matching a pinstriped suit, try a wider stripe.) “If you want a tie that reflects a hobby or a profession, it should be understated,” Andrews warns. “Nobody needs a tie with a big golf club on it.”

5 Vary fabrics. “You can always wear a silk tie,” Rapoport says. “But if I’m at a summer wedding, it’s completely appropriate to wear a nice cotton seersucker or madras tie with a cotton suit.” Whatever the material, always check how a tie knots. It should have one pleat (the “dimple”) and no corners or sharp edges.

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Everyone else writes their Mother’s Day posts before Mother’s Day! I, on the other hand, like waiting until after Mother’s Day. I like hearing how other moms and their families celebrated!

At my house, we went to the 8:30 am service at our church, where flowers were given to the youngest mother, the oldest mother, and the mother with the most children. I happened to be the youngest mother present! (Of course, there usually isn’t a huge turnout for the early service, so that helped!).

Then, we went home, where my daughter was presented with her Mother’s Day gifts-a card, flowers, and a new CD (all from her cat, Squirt!). After which, I was banned from the kitchen for two hours. (Any day I’m banned from the kitchen is a celebration for me!). I came back to the kitchen to find a luscious(!) chocolate cheesecake, topped with strawberries-along with my Mother’s Day gifts from my daughter and my fiancee-some die-cast Star Wars ships, a die-cast model of a 1963 Volkswagen Beetle (I’m crazy about those little cars), and a book on the history of the Beetle.

After all these goodies, we took a cake to my fiancee’s mother. We sat around their table eating cake and talking for a couple of hours. Then, back home, where my treat at dinner was homemade pizza and a newly rented movie. All in all a great day, despite the fact that I had an earache and a slightly sore throat. Why am I always sick at holidays?!

The only bad part of the day was missing my own mother, who passed away almost four years ago now. Mother’s Day and her birthday are always the worst days. My brother, sister, and I always get together and put flowers at the cemetery. It’s a wonderful way to memorialize, but it’s so much better when they’re actually here!

Anyway, how did you spend your Mother’s Day? You can discuss it here or over at Cafe Mom where there’s always a lot of good discussion on mothering!

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Okay, so the two bunnies and the little chick are a bit too cutesy and gushy for teenagers! I’m feeling a touch of spring fever and all into the season. So, sue me! No, wait, don’t! Steve, Chris and Kim at 451 Press will get all upset over that! Just send me private emails with all your complaints.

Do you still give Easter baskets to your teenagers? My daughter’s 16 now, and will probably still be getting them when she’s 80-if I’m still around, that is! Do you find it tougher to figure out what to put in them at your kid’s current stage in life? Following are a few suggestions:

The old standards:
*chocolate bunnies
*jelly beans
*Peeps
*Cadbury eggs(my own personal favorite)

If none of those work, pick out your teen’s favorite candy or snacks. I know parents who have put in bags of Doritos and a 2-liter coke!

*stuffed animals (or, these days, you can go with a stuffed version of a favorite TV character or a microbead
pillow)
*CD’s (these will go into any size baskets, and will be much appreciated)
*DVD’s of favorite movies or TV shows
*iTunes gift card
*movie theater gift card
*T-shirts with favorite characters or funny sayings on them
*pre-paid cell phone (or one with a family plan, if you’ve been planning to get them any way)
*minutes for pre-paid cell phone
*gift card for favorite eatery
*books(always great gifts for teens who like to read)
*carry bag or other accessories for mp3 player
*video game

These are just a few ideas. Also, you don’t have to use a standard basket any more (since they’re probably not going to use it to hunt eggs!). Stuff their gifts into some type of colorful storage bin they can use later. If they could use a new backpack, stuff candy, etc., into one of those. A friend I know used a plain brown grocery bag and had her younger children decorate it with Easter drawings, stickers, etc., then stuffed it with her teenage sons favorite snacks and drinks!

As a for-instance, my daugher’s basket is going to be a wicker clothes hamper (which she desperately needs!), stuffed with a body pillow(something she’s been asking for), a new CD, a gift card to the coffee shop she and her friends like to visit after school, and a t-shirt, along with some candy. With teenagers, you can be creative-giving both things they can use and things that are fun!

If you have ‘tweens, try looking in on Char’s post on Easter baskets for ‘tweens at Weary Parent. Hope everyone has a great Easter!

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Let’s face it, parents. Going back to school after the holiday break is as much of a drag for teenagers as going back to work is for us! Actually, worse, because most of us don’t get as much time off, so we don’t have time to get really accustomed to a more relaxed schedule!

Help your teen adjust by urging him/her to go to bed a little earlier and get up a little earlier a few days before the holiday ends. On one hand, this almost seems unfair. They only have a few more days to stay up late and sleep in before the rigid schedule begins again. On the other hand, this actually can make the transition back to school easier.

Another hint that can ease the return to the grind is having them do some reading and reviewing for a little while each day. Don’t ruin their last few days of the holiday. Just 30 minutes a day can actually help their return to the daily homework schedule.

Hopefully, both they and you have had a chance to relax, unwind, and enjoy the holidays, and everyone can go back to work and school feeling refreshed!

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I want to wish everyone a happy new year and apologize to readers of this blog for my long absence. For the past several months, I’ve found myself having a classic “sandwich generation” crunch. My father (who’s in his late 70’s) has had a serious illness and needed someone to stay with him. Unwilling to trust him to strange caregivers, unless it was absolutely necessary, my brother, sister and I split up the task.

Since my work hours are more flexible than theirs, I tended to stay more often. Wouldn’t have a really big problem updating my blog except that he lives three hours away from me. I spent a great deal of my time driving back and forth-trying to make sure I spent time with my daughter and fiance, as well as with my dad. Also, unfortunately, my dad has no internet connection at his house so, when I was there, I was totally disconnected!

He’s now recovered to the point where he can stay on his own most of the time, with frequent visits from my brother and sister, who both live much closer to him, and I’m now making my visits on weekends. He should be making a full recovery soon.

Now, a bit more about handling “sandwich generations” problems when you have a teenager. My 16-year-old has been a BIG help to me during the past months. She has cooked, cleaned and done a lot of things which made being away from home so much a bit easier-all while keeping up with her schoolwork, and getting ready for the holidays. I don’t think I could have done it without her! Luckily, I had no younger children who had to be cared for, and my fiance was there to help her with transportation to school and activities.

However, no amount of help can make up for missing family members and friends. When I was with my father, I constantly missed my daughter, fiance, and friends. When I was at home, I constantly missed, and worried about, my father. I’ve gone through this before, with my mother’s illness and passing almost four years ago. However, although the outcome is better this time, things seemed a bit more poignant with my daughter being older.

Since she began her sophomore year in high school this year, there seems to be a tiny clock ticking away in the back of my mind-a bit like the biological clock, but this one constantly reminds me that my at-home time with my daughter is slipping away. We have always had a very good relationship and I know we’ll continue to be close when she leaves home for college, work, etc., but the relationship will be different.

These past few months have reminded me to cherish every moment with her, because soon her “childhood” will be a thing of the past, and we’ll be relating to each other more as equals. Not that this is a bad thing. My relationship with my own mother was very good when I became an adult and had adult issues to discuss with her. But it means the passing of one era of her life and the beginning of another. My role in her life is changing. I’m wondering if it would be different if I still had younger children at home. Maybe some of you out there could let me know your thoughts on that?

Well, I’ve rambled on enough! This is the reason why I’ve been absent for the past several months. I’m happy to be back, and here’s wishing all of us a happy and productive year!

New Year, parents, teens, teenagers, sandwich generation, relationships, parenting

Halloween with teenagers can be tricky. Are they too old for trick-or-treat? Should they simply stay home and hand out candy? What kind of trouble could they get into if they go out with friends?

Actually, there are really good Halloween activities for teens. Sometimes, it just takes a little more work. Personally, I don’t find anything wrong with teenagers going trick-or-treating, as long as they’re well-behaved. I enjoy seeing their costumes at my door just as much, and sometimes more than, those of younger children. However, this particular activity is up to the teen, the parents, and the attitude of the neighborhood in general!

If the school, church or a local civic organization is having a party, fall festival or some other type of celebration that your teen wants to attend, you’re all set! There are also volunteer opportunities for teenagers to help out at parties and festivals for younger children, and if your particular teen is into that kind of thing, great!

A lot of teens (like their younger siblings) just want to have some fun on Halloween night. Who can blame them? After all, what other time of year can you dress like one of your favorite characters and not be talked about (in a negative way) at school the next day?! A good Halloween party is the best bet to make sure that teenagers have fun and stay safe

You’ll notice I said a “good” Halloween party, which is, usually, a lot different for teens than for younger children. This means letting the teen take care of most of the party planning. Your teen knows his/her friends and what they enjoy. You may not like some of the things your teen chooses to do but, unless you find them totally unacceptable, bite your tongue and let them have the party their way.

One sure bet is that they will want music-loud music-and lots of it! Let them choose their own. You may not like listening to it, but you can stand it for one night, can’t you? After all, don’t you, from time to time, force them to listen to your music, at least on the car stereo?

Horror movies are another great bet. Some teens may like the original classics, such as “Dracula,” “Frankenstein,” “The Wolfman,” or any number of others. Then there’re the classics like “Halloween,” “Nightmare on Elm Street,” and “Friday the 13th.” More recent fare includes movies like “Scream,” “The Ring,” and “The Grudge.” There’s a ton of great movies out there for Halloween. Your local video store will usually have an entire section devoted just to horror. One idea that my teenage daughter has used is to provide a selection of different movies, and allow her guests to vote for their favorites at the beginning of the party.

Lots of teens will also want video games at a party. Now, obviously, there’s lots of controversy about video games and the violence they contain these days. If you, or the parents of some of your teen’s friends are worried about this, you might want to allow games, but restrict the more violent ones. BB, over at 1pstart.com has some great game reviews. Or ask at your local game store. Video games are usually big hits at my daughter’s parties.

Of course, you’ll want lots of food! There’s plenty of staples like popcorn, chips, etc., but have some interesting Halloween goodies too. Red punch with floating candy eyeballs and gummy worms is terrific! So are homemade spiders, bats and various “body parts.” You’ll find some good recipes at “Halloween Recipes.”

Decorating for the party is actually one of the fun parts-if you like this kind of thing. (It’s a lot more fun putting spider webs up, than sweeping them down!) You can make it as simple or elaborate as your teen wants. There are lots of department and party stores out there with everything you can possibly imagine and more! You can have witches, skeletons, bats, spiders, mummies, coffins-anything! Just take a quick tour through a party store at this time of year and you’ll be amazed! Decorating is limited only by your budget and imagination.

A good costume contest is often a great idea for a teenager’s Halloween party. Most teens are imaginative and creative when it comes to costumes. They do everything from movie and TV characters to the old standards like Dracula and ghosts. I always enjoy seeing the costumes at my daughter’s parties. Give out gag gifts for the winners. There’ll usually be a couple of teens who wouldn’t show up at a party in costume for anything in the world. Make them part of the action by designating them the judges for the contest. Everyone will have lots of laughs and a good time.

One of the most important things you, as a parent, can do at a teen party is stay out of the way, as much as possible. One of the great things about a party is that it can be chaperoned and supervised, but if a parent stays right there all the time, the kids won’t have fun. Help get things started and then disappear. You can stick your head in occasionally, to see if anything’s needed but, unless something is going on that shouldn’t be-STAY OUT OF IT! Let them have their own fun. That’s the purpose of the party, after all.

Personally, I’m a big fan of Halloween. I love horror movies. I love decorating for Halloween. I also love going to haunted houses, and being scared to death! But I try to let my teenage daughter have her own fun You’ll find that you can give teens some freedom at Halloween, without them taking advantage of it.