Parenting Teens

Do you know anything about the dropout rate in your local school system? Do you have a daughter who may be in danger of dropping out of high school?

The National Women’s Law Center has a new report titled When Girls Don’t Graduate, We All Fail: A Call To Improve High School Graduation Rates for Girls

The statistics truly are alarming. The report states that 1,000 high school students drop out of school each hour in America. This means that 30% of the class of 2007, or 1.2 million students are estimated to have dropped out of school last year.

Also according to the report, one in three boys, and nearly 50% of some racial and ethnic groups will not graduate with a diploma in four years of high school. Among girls, one in four overall will not graduate from high school. One in two Native American girls will not graduate; four in ten African-American girls, and nearly four in ten Hispanic girls do not graduate each year.

The study gives the following recommendations for dealing with dropout prevention:

* Combating sexual harassment in schools. Both boys and girls report that they drop out in part because they do not feel safe at school. Download a fact sheet on sexual harassment for schools or for students.
* Providing better support for pregnant and parenting students. Pregnancy and parenting responsibilities play a significant role in many girls’ decisions to drop out of school.
* Ensuring equal access for girls to career and technical education classes. These classes provide training for high-skill, high-wage jobs. Offering career education programs that emphasize the link between academic work, college success, and careers has been proven to reduce dropout rates.
* Ensuring equal access for girls to after-school programs, including athletics programs. Studies have shown that participation in after-school programs improves graduation rates and academic achievement.

Do you know anything about the dropout rate in your local schools? Even if you don’t have teens at risk of dropping out, you should be concerned. We’re raising the generation who will, one day, be in charge of things and, hopefully, taking care of us!

Volunteer to help in efforts to curb dropout rates. Our teens and the rest of society will be better for it.

For more on parenting, see Parenting The Adopted.

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Are your teen’s teachers male or female? Does that question ever come up for you? Do you consider whether your student is getting good role models from both sexes?

Nationally, the number of male teachers in classrooms is declining, especially in elementary schools. According to Scholastic,
in 1980 about 17 percent of teachers in elementary school classrooms were male, compared with 14.2 percent today. In secondary schools, the number of men in classrooms has dropped from just over 50 percent in 1980 to less than 40 percent today.

The National Education Association (NEA) puts the percentage of male teachers nationwide at a 40 year low. And, according to NEA president Reg Weaver, the scarcity of male teachers is unfortunate, given the high divorce rate and men increasingly absent from the home. He says that male teachers are increasingly needed as role models for children.

“…one of the reasons colleges of education find it difficult to attract men into the profession (is) because of the outdated notion that teaching is a woman’s profession,” Weaver said. “And that could not be further from the truth.” The perception of teaching as a woman’s profession is still there, as is the reality of low pay and men needing to be breadwinners. However, more reasons than those are also part of the decline.

According to Steve Peha, president of Teaching That Makes Sense, Inc., other factors are more important. Many male teachers go into administrative positions to be more upwardly mobile. Others may not like being one of the few male teachers in a school, where they experience loneliness. And many feel threatened in a society where parents are likely to bring sexual misconduct charges at the drop of a hat. “I’ve had plenty of principals admit to me in private that they just don’t want to deal with men in the primary grades at all,” Peha says. “It’s not prejudice, it’s politics. They know that women in those positions will be more readily accepted by parents.”

It’s our children who lose because of these attitudes, most especially, perhaps, the boys. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, in 2006, 12.9 million households were headed by single parents, with 10.4 million of those headed by single mothers. Boys need role models in a society where men may increasingly be absent from the household on a full-time basis.

As a single mother who raised a daughter alone for several years, I can also attest to the fact that girls need good male role models. My daughter had the best in my father and my brother, but I also appreciated the male teachers that she did have in her elementary school years, and I continue to be grateful to the positive male role models in her high school.

This is an issue to think about, as well as to encourage young men who have an interest in teaching to pursue that interest. Male teachers are in high demand, and there is a very real service that they provide-not just by being teachers, but by being role models for those who need them.

For information on homeschooling, visit Mom Is Teaching

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The past week saw two more incidents involving school shootings or potential shootings by teenagers. On Wednesday in Cleveland, Ohio, 14-year-old Asa Coon shot two students and two teachers, before killing himself. Police are currently reviewing surveillance videos, trying to find out how the teenagers was able to enter SuccessTech Academy alternative school, while armed with two revolvers.

The teen also, apparently, had made threats the previous week, which went unheeded, along with other warning signs from the troubled boy. Asa Coon had been suspended the Monday before the shooting for a fight, but fellow students said that school personnel had not done anything about threats he had made the previous week to blow up the school and stab students. Rasheem Smith, 15, a classmate, said, “I told my friends in the class that he had a gun and stuff. We talked to the principal. She would try to get us all in the office, but it would always be too busy for it to happen.”

Asa’s older brother, Stephen Coon, 19, was arrested the day after the shooting for theft and parole violations. And an arrest warrant was issued for his mother, Lori Looney, for obstruction of justice, after she lied to police about the whereabouts of Stephen.

The second incident occurred in Philadelphia. There, police were able to prevent a planned attack at Plymouth Whitemarsh High School by another 14-year-old boy. The teenager had amassed an arsenal of including knives, swords, about 80 pellet guns-and a rifle bought for him by his mother. The mother, Michele Cossey, has been arrested and charged with providing a firearm to a minor, and contributing to the corruption of a minor.

Her teen son was arrested late Wednesday and told police he had been planning a “Columbine-type attack” on the high school. The boy’s parents had taken him out of middle school and homeschooled him for the past 18 months, because of bullying.

These are yet two more tragic and shameful incidents which plainly illustrate the ways in which we are failing our children. Failure to communicate with our teens, and failure to take action when signs of trouble or violence are seen has tragic consequences. Please stay in touch with what’s going on with your teenagers! If you see ANY signs of problems, take them seriously, and get help for your child. It can save grief and lives-including those of your teenager and yourself.

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College costs in danger of interfering with your teenager’s education? There’s lots of information out there about applying for federal financial aid, but there are plenty of other ways to get money and to save money on college costs. Here’s a few of them.

1. Out-of-state or in-state? In-state reciprocity is a deal whereby states agree to let their residents attend college at participating schools in other states at reduced rates. If your prospective student is interested in college in a nearby state, check with the school to see if this is a possibility, and if your student might qualify. You can also check with your state education department. Check at ed.gov/about/contacts/state to get help.

2. A financial aid decision can be appealed. Has your teen been denied for federal financial aid, or given too little? If financial pressures such as medical disability, a job status change, etc., have come up since aid was first applied for, some schools will review their decision on how much aid a student was given. If you do appeal, be prepared. Make an appointment with a financial aid officer, and get copies of financial statements, medical records, expense records, or anything else the financial aid office asks for, promptly.

3. Community service pays. Volunteer organizations connected with AmeriCorps will help pay for college if a student volunteers with them. Recent high school and college grads can work as a teacher, home builder, or community organizer. Americorps will give a student up to $4, 725 per year toward tuition, in return for a year of service. See their website for more information.

4. Private schools aren’t necessarily more expensive. Many private schools hand out more financial aid than their public counterparts. You might actually end up spending less on a private school.

5. Try CLEPping some classes. High scores on the College-Level Examination Program (CLEP) exams can allow you to get credit for classes on some basic required courses. Check with the college admissions office to see if you might qualify. Some colleges also give credit for advanced placement classes taken in high school.

6. Save hundreds with used textbooks. The cost of new textbooks is at an all-time high. Books for a single semester of college work can now cost in the hundreds. If the book your teen needs isn’t a new edition of an earlier textbook, buying used is the way to go. Some even find that information highlighted by students who previously used the book can come in handy, especially if they were good students!

There are all kinds of ways to get and save money for college. Sit down and brainstorm with your teenager on how they can save and you can help!

Check out the information on other parenting sites:

Mom Is Teaching
Parenting and Religion

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I belong to several groups dealing with parenting teenagers. The other day, the subject of discrimination against the mentally handicapped came up in one of those groups. One mother of a young teen in middle school brought up the report by her daughter that the word “retard” was used all the time by students at her school. Students apparently used the word as an adjective and as a derogatory remark against other students.

This member has a two-and-a-half year old nephew who has Down’s Syndrome. Her daughter is very close to her cousin, and was angered and hurt by the casual use of this word among her fellow students. We were all upset that this word would be used so callously by young teens. The girl’s parent felt that, since their school district sent all mentally handicapped students to one particular school, the causal use of this word was a result of these students not being exposed to their peers with mental disabilities. I have other ideas.

I place this squarely with the parents of students who would use such hurtful and derogatory remarks. As parents, we have a responsibility to teach our children to have compassion for others and to respect their feelings. The use of such words is, to me, a clear example that parents have not taught their children such compassion. Now, I realize that children can pick up on a word used by a peer and repeat it, sometimes not realizing how hurtful it can be. But such word use does not, originally, come from a vacuum. Children pick up on parents and other family members who do not have care and compassion for others. They will mimic not only words, but actions.

As a group we discussed this mother going to the school administration and/or the counseling office and requesting that the children receive some sensitivity training in this area. I’d suggest the same thing to any of you who have teens or any age children in a school where this type of thing goes on. It won’t stop all of the children from using such hurtful words, but it will reach some, who will realize that they are hurting the feelings of others. And be sure that you talk with teens, and any age children, about compassion and respecting others’ feelings.

The above Youtube video is a heartfelt speech by a high school student with a mentally handicapped sister. He talks about how he has learned more about life and love from his sister than from any classroom. Watch it, and share it with your teens. It has some very valuable lessons.

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Currently at issue in the state of Georgia, and in the county school system in our home county, is whether to require that all high school students earn the same diploma. Currently, our high schools have a “tiered” diploma system. Students who aren’t planning to attend a four-year college can graduate from high school with fewer math and science courses than their college-bound peers, and without taking a foreign language.

Our local paper wrote an excellent editorial supporting one diploma, rather than the tiered system, in which students can earn either a vocational-technical diploma, or a college-prep diploma. Students can also earn a dual seal(both diplomas) by taking the right course work. There are other voices on both sides of the argument.

Those include the voices of local educators (teachers and principals), and of parents and local citizens. Supporters of the dual diplomas believe that the option of earning a vocational-technical diploma, with less-rigorous educational requirements, prevents dropping out of school for many students who might otherwise do so. Supporters of the one diploma system believe that it is discriminatory toward some of the students and, also, that it would make streamline the high school system.

Personally, I fall on the side of supporting one diploma. Simply put, one diploma assures that all students graduate from high school with an equal education, and with equal educational opportunities in life, after high school.

We should educate with the idea in mind that all students are going out into the same world. The fact that they choose to pursue careers with different educational requirements is not an issue for educators at the high school level. Most high schools, whether public or private, do not educate students for a career. That is for college-level education, regardless of whether that is a four-year college or a vocational-technical school.

All students should go into the world beyond high school with the best possible education that can be provided for them. In today’s high-tech world, math and science are more necessary than ever, regardless of the type of career one chooses. And since we live in an increasingly more global society, foreign languages are also necessary, not just on a career level, but in our personal lives.

Do the high schools in your area provide different diploma options for students? I’d love to hear from any of you viewing this blog about the diploma system in your area, and your thoughts on whether a one-diploma system is the best system.

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I used the picture above only because I couldn’t find anything dealing with the expenses of juniors, or with high school expenses in general-but whew! Do you sometimes feel your middle or high school age teen is bankrupting you? My daughter’s a junior this year, and we’ve never put out so much money in our lives!

First, as she’s a member of the marching band, we had to lay out $150.00 in band fees, as well as buying shoes, gloves, etc. Then, there’s the expense involved with the upkeep of her clarinet (we won’t go into what we paid for it three years ago), and what seems to be the almost constant buying of reeds for it. Then, as the marching band appears at all the football games, there’s the expense of buying two tickets for each home game for myself and her dad (we rarely go to away games, mainly to save money!). Then there’s the annual band trip, which will be to Disney World next spring, and which involves the outlay of several hundred dollars more. And none of this includes upkeep or anything else involving her bass guitar, which she plays in our church band and in jazz band at school, once the marching season’s over.

But enough about instruments. There’s still plenty of other expenses. She’s also on the academic team and the math team. Upcoming overnight trips for these two teams to compete will involve at least spending money, and some of the money for the travel expenses as well, since these teams don’t receive enough money from the school system to pay expenses. The jury’s still out on how much we will put into these two activities by the end of the school year.

On top of everything else, her academic team adviser is putting together a student trip to Germany, which will take place at the end of the school year, but we have to start making monthly payments of about $250.00 a month on it now. No, this trip isn’t absolutely necessary, but we’re determined to send her. She’s had several invitations to go on overseas trips since starting high school, but we haven’t been able to afford them and we’re determined to send her on this one.

Oh, yeah, then there’s the upcoming homecoming dance for which she’ll need a dress, shoes, and her hair and nails done! Then, in the spring will be her prom-involving another outlay of precious cash for finery. And, lest I forget, she came home yesterday with the news that she needs to buy her class ring this year-in order to get her cap and gown for next year’s graduation free.

And her birthday’s almost here, which involves a party, not to mention gifts! It’s a good thing she’ll be getting that cap and gown free next year! Her prom date for next year can plan to pick her up at the poorhouse! It’s where we’ll be living by the time her junior year is over!

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As a parent, do you do everything possible to assist in your teen’s education? Do you participate in school activities and parent organizations? Do you attend parent/teacher conferences and accept suggestions about what you can do to help in seeing that your teen gets the best education possible?

Teachers (and many parents) have long been concerned that parents are not involved enough when it comes to their children’s education-particularly in high school. The National PTA has a list of ten things that teachers most wish parents would do to become involved.

* Be involved. Parent involvement helps students learn, improves schools, and helps teachers work with you to help your children succeed.

* Provide resources at home for learning. Utilize your local library, and have books and magazines available in your home. Read with your children each day.

* Set a good example. Show your children by your own actions that you believe reading is both enjoyable and useful. Monitor television viewing and the use of videos and game systems.

* Encourage students to do their best in school. Show your children that you believe education is important and that you want them to do their best.

* Value education and seek a balance between schoolwork and outside activities. Emphasize your children’s progress in developing the knowledge and skills they need to be successful both in school and in life.

* Recognize factors that take a toll on students’ classroom performance:
1. Consider the possible negative effects of long hours at after-school jobs or in extracurricular activities. Work with your children to help them maintain a balance between school responsibilities and outside commitments.
2. View drinking and excessive partying as serious matters. While most parents are concerned about drug abuse, many fail to recognize that alcohol, over-the-counter drugs, and common substances used as inhalants are more frequently abused than illegal drugs.

* Support school rules and goals. Take care not to undermine school rules, discipline, or goals.

* Use pressure positively. Encourage children to do their best, but don’t pressure them by setting goals too high or by scheduling too many activities.

* Call teachers early if you think there’s a problem while there is still time to solve it. Don’t wait for teachers to call you.

* Accept your responsibility as parents. Don’t expect the school and teachers to take over your obligations as parents. Teach children self-discipline and respect for others at home — don’t rely on teachers and schools to teach these basic behaviors and attitudes.

Do you do these things, or at least some of them? Do you feel you’re involved enough in your teen’s schooling and eduction? Read over these suggestions carefully and start doing at least one that you’re not doing now. Your child will benefit, and so will you!

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The biggest illness affecting ‘tweens right now? According to ABC News it’s High School Musical 2. The sequel to the wildly popular first High School Musical is giving it’s young stars lots of media coverage-Zac Efron on the cover of Rolling Stone, Ashley Tisdale on lots of talk shows, the whole cast on “Good Morning America.”

Tweens and their spending power have made the Disney musical a hit-turning it into a $100 million dollar enterprise. According to Jane Buckingham, president of market research firm Intelligence Group, “They can spend about $50 billion. Increasingly they get their own allowances, they know what brands they like, they are very sure of what they want to buy.”

Director and choreographer Kenny Ortega said of the movies’ popularity among ‘tweens:

“It empowers young people … that they can take the responsibility themselves and be in charge of their own destinies, and that high school can be what they want it to be.”

Are your teens or ‘tweens fans of “High School Musical?” How do you feel about them spending their money on merchandise from the movie?

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High school is so much more complicated now than when I was a teenager! My 16-year-old daughter begins her junior year this Monday, August 13. Of course, things really got started about three weeks ago, when she received her schedule for the upcoming year. Almost none of the classes were classes that she had requested.

This past spring, she had spent a couple of weeks working out her schedule for the coming year. She had talked with her teachers, her counselor, counselors at a couple of the colleges she’s interested in attending-she had really covered all the bases! I was proud of all the work she had put into it. Then, the official schedule arrived in the mail. It was all wrong!

Both she and I spent another couple of weeks talking with teachers and her counselor again. Turns out, her schedule had been mixed up with that of another girl, who has the same first name, and whose last name has the same three first letters. Getting it straightened out was a nightmare! But we finally had it.

Then, for the past two weeks, she had band camp for marching band. The school has a new band director. There was a new camp schedule, new music to be learned, new rules to learn and follow, etc. Then, the weather threw its two-cents-worth into the mix, gifting us with record high temperatures. The band was unable to practice on the football field, where they needed to be, which necessitated more schedule changes-resulting in drop-off and pick-up times which threw our carefully worked out schedule into more disarray.

Finally, we had made it through these last three weeks, exhausted and with our minds reeling from all the changes. Last night was open house, when we were able to meet her teachers. First, there was a general assembly with the principal introducing himself and new teachers. Then, there was an amusing little play by the school theater group, detailing the major policies of the school-dress code, no food and drink in the classrooms, no cell phones, no MP3 players, etc.

After assembly,we fought our way through the mob to get a copy of her final schedule, and then to go meet her teachers. The schedule was still wrong! So, we were off to the counselor’s office, where she made a couple of final (hopefully!) changes to my daughter’s schedule. We then met her teachers, who all seem to be nice and helpful, thank goodness!

This semester, my daughter’s taking Advanced Band, Advanced Physics, Advanced American Literature, and Trigonometry. After the past three weeks, that schedule should be a breeze!

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Even though it seems as though school just ended here, it will soon be time for kids to head back to classes! That means one of the most expensive times of the year for many families is coming up. Clothes and supplies for school can add up quickly, especially if you have teenagers who are already into adult sizes!

Luckily, many states now have sales tax holidays, when clothing, supplies, and other items have no sales tax applied to them. It can mean great savings for many people. I know that I usually buy the bulk of my daughter’s clothes and supplies during our annual tax holiday.

Below is a list of the states offering tax holidays, the dates, and the items which are exempt. I’ve collected these from several different sources. If you know of any other states having tax holidays, please feel free to post them in the comments. Happy shopping!

Alabama
When? August 3, 4 and 5
What’s exempt? Clothing up to $100, computers up to $750, school supplies up to $50, books up to $30

Connecticut
When? August 19-25
What’s exempt? Clothing up to $300

District of Columbia
When? August 4-12
What’s exempt? Clothing up to $100, school supplies up to $100

Florida
When? August 4-13
What’s exempt? Clothing up to $50, school supplies up to $10

Georgia
When? August 2, 3, 4 and 5
What’s exempt? Clothing up to $100, school supplies up to $20, computers up to $1,500.

Iowa
When? August 3 and 4
What’s exempt? Clothing up to $100

Louisiana
When? August 3 and 4
What’s exempt? Most individual items of for non-business use up to $2,500

Missouri
When? August 3, 4 and 5
What’s exempt? Clothing up to $100, computers up to $3500 and school supplies up to $50

New Mexico
When? August 3, 4 and 5
What’s exempt? Clothing up to $100, computers up to $1,000 and school supplies up to $15

North Carolina
When? August 3, 4 and 5
What’s exempt? Clothing, footwear, and school supplies up to $100, sports equipment up to $50 per item, computers up to $3,500, and computer supplies up to $250 per item

Oklahoma
When? August 3, 4 and 5
What’s exempt? clothing up to $100

South Carolina
When? August 3, 4 and 5
What’s exempt? clothing, school supplies, computers

Tennessee
When? August 3, 4 and 5
What’s exempt? clothing up to $100, school supplies up to $100 and computers up to $1,500

Texas
When? August 17, 18, and 19
What’s exempt? Most clothing and footwear priced under $100, backpacks under $100.

Virginia
When? August 3, 4 and 5
What’s exempt? Clothing up to $100, school supplies up to $20

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Recently, I ran across an article in the Atlanta Journal-Constitutionwhich brought a controversial issue up again for me. Should high school athletes by randomly tested for drugs? In my opinion, yes.

The story focused on the recent death of a high school quarterback in Georgia, who died in a car accident. The 17-year-old student was legally drunk and had cocaine in his system the night of his accident.

For many parents of teenagers, this brings up the issue of who is truly responsible for their children. I understand that issue. Being the parent of a 16-year-old myself, I feel that it is, ultimately, my responsibility to regulate my daughter’s behavior. That being said, however, when a child is representing the school by taking part in school-sponsored activities, I feel they have the responsibility to make sure the students representing them are doing so in a dignified and legal manner.

My daughter is not an athlete, but she does represent the school in marching band, as well as on the math and academic teams. If the school system decided to require drug testing for these activities, I would have no problem with it. No, I’m not in favor of taking away freedoms from our teenagers or anyone else. But I am in favor of teaching kids responsibility and, in my mind, showing them the consequences of participating in an illegal activity falls directly into that category.

The consequences for positive drug tests by schools mentioned in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution article were as follows:

First offense: mandatory follow-up testing and drug counseling with the student’s parents

Second offense: suspension from activity or sports for 30-45 days

Third offense: suspension from activity or sports for a year

I can promise you that, as a parent, the consequences I would hand out would be more severe. What about the rest of you out there? Do your teens participate in sports or activities where drug testing is required? Do you feel drug testing for school sports or other activities should be mandatory? Let me know how you feel.

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When our children are elementary age and younger, most of us meet their teachers and other school personnel. There are usually a certain number of required parent-teacher conferences, school events, etc., which we attend. Also, when our kids are at those ages, we worry about how they are being treated, and if they are being protected from bullies, etc.

Throughout my daughter’s school career, though, I have noticed that a certain number of parents do not meet, or maintain a working relationship with, their children’s teachers-beginning in middle school and through high school. Getting to know your teen’s teachers is just as important at these grade levels. Here are a few reasons why:

1. Maintaining grades-older children are less likely to share their grades and progress with you, particularly
if the news is bad. Being in touch with a teacher via phone or email allows you to keep on top of any
problems they may be having, and to help deal with them if tutoring or more study time is needed.

2. Discipline problems-Again, teens are less likely to share any problems they may be having at school
with their parents. Whether a discipline problem is with your teen, or another teen who is
bullying or bothering your child, you need to be informed. When you can talk with teachers, principals,
or counselors about these things, you can be there to help your teen deal with them.

3. Career choices-High school students are on the verge of discovering what they will be doing with their
lives after school, whether it be work, college, the military, etc. Communicating with teachers and
counselors can give you a great deal of information about your teen’s interests and abilities. It can
give you valuable insight into helping your child make decisions that are right for them.

4. Getting to know your teen-Your child is changing fast and growing into an adult. Having other adults
discuss their impressions and insights about your teenager can help you get to know this maturing
maturing person that you have raised. You can appreciate things about your teen that you might not
have noticed yourself. The knowledge that teachers and other school personnel have about your teen
can help you transition from a strictly parental role in your child’s life to having a more adult relation-
ship with him or her.

These are a few reasons to continue having good parent/teacher relationships with your teen’s teachers. Make time to become acquainted with your teenager’s teachers, counselors, and principals. Find out contact information about them (phone numbers, email addresses), so that you can periodically ask how
your child is doing. There are many valuable reasons to do so.

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