Parenting Teens

It’s happened. For the past few weeks we’ve been getting fliers in the mail, brochures from Colleges around that have gotten word that I’ve a junior in high school that should have some idea what he wants to do with his life after high school.

Of course, if you ask him, he’ll tell you he has no idea. It’s not exactly true, as of right now he has no plans to attend college, so all the fliers tend to end up in the circle file as soon as they arrive. I think part of it is that he knows I can’t afford to help him pay for it, as I’m still paying off my own loans. He’d have to get his grades up, decide what direction he wants to go in AND get funding to get there. Yeah, I have a feeling he’ll be living in my shed for some time after graduation!

But at least he’s started to think about it, think about sticking with his current job, possibly moving on to follow his friends out of state, sticking around and helping out here. He has options, he’s just not quite ready to contemplate them yet. I’m sure some of you understand that - while other’s have kids already on the scholarship track, already knowing which direction they’re headed after graduation. We’ll tackle those kids first!

Holly, our buddy over at THE LEAGUE has a scholarship opportunity, through the John S and James L Knight Foundation that promotes excellence in journalism worldwide. Since 1954, the foundation has given more then $300 million in journalism grants. The KNIGHT scholarship is a national competition where three students will receaive $5000 each for their writings or reflections on civic experiences in one of three categories: Persuasive Essay, Personal Narrative, or News Story. This opportunity is open to high school seniors - and you don’t have to be part of a LEAGUE classroom to apply! You can apply at The LEAGUE starting January 5th, 2009, and the deadline is March 6th, 2009. I encourage you to check it out!

Now, for those teens that aren’t exactly sure what they want to be or do? Have I got the site for you! Me, I’m just a mom who gets paid to bitch about her teens, and I love that. This guy, though. Wow. This guy is a whole lot of motivation in one snarky chia-pet headed package. I’ve added his link to the sidebar, and encourage you to go and check out Hey Josh as soon as you’re done here, then send the link to your teen. He answers questions, he does reviews, he has a sort film series that tackles that most difficult of questions “What am I supposed to be when I grow up!” and encourages teens to really think about that, giving guidelines on how they might come up with something they can be happy doing. Check out his “Factory” below!

Now tell me that your kids wouldn’t get motivated by that?! If that’s not enough - check him out slinging advise on TRL on MTV - how much fun is he?

There’s also a new series on the site he’s starting called Smarty Pants TV this month, and the upcoming World Domination videos, all of which are aimed and helping our teens better themselves. Not a damn thing wrong with that, now, is there? Josh made me laugh, and nod along in agreement, and snicker some more. So what are you waiting for? Check out Hey Josh yourself!

Since we’re talking about confessions (what? weren’t we?) I thought I’d toss another one on the pile, lest you think my family is perfect. Weird, but perfect. Because we’re totally not - perfect that is. Weird we most certainly are. ANYWAY.

When I was growing up, I was expected to get good grades, I was expected to shoulder the burden of A’s and B’s and be happy about it, dammit. For the most part, after I hit 9th grade and realized HOLY CRAP I’ve only got 4 years to make up for all the slacking off I’ve been doing the past 8 years, I put my nose to the grindstone, my pedal to the metal, and buckled down and finished with a 3.64 GPA. Yes, I know it’s not perfect. There was this little matter of a Science Fiction extra credit class that spent a whole semester on the book DUNE which I did and still do hate with a passion. 3 extra credit projects brought my final grade to a D so that I could graduate. Heh. Mom is still not happy about that, though my 3.99 GPA for my bachelor’s degree a few years back took away most of the sting. I think. Maybe.

My sister, on the other hand, didn’t take so well to school. They PAID her for all her A’s because she had to work so hard for them. Not that I didn’t work hard, but WHATEVER. She’s the baby, spoiled and everything. (that groan you just heard was my mother telling me to build a bridge and get over it. *L* Fortunately, I have been for years - but it makes for good blog fodder to pretend, right? Right!) Even so, I began to have a bit more sympathy when my kids started showing signs they were more like their dad and aunt then me when it came to buckling down and slogging through schoolwork.

All of my kids got a rough start reading, but once they were able to flip that understanding switch, there’s no way to get a book OUT of their hands. Of course, that doesn’t mean they remember to turn in their reading logs, which is why the grades are so low. Some things come easier to one kid then another - The Girl has an inate understanding for math and how it all works together, as well as how to write a paper with her eyes closed - while the boy would rather gouge his eyes out with a metal spork then tackle a language arts project, and sure he’s GOOD at Math, but doesn’t see the use in it at all. Foods class, however, he excels at. Go figure. The pup is champion for reading all the time, but forgetting her reading logs, while she struggles a bit with math and getting her mind to work fast enough for the math facts computer program she’s fallen behind on.

In short, they’re all typical kids, who struggle at times, and excel at others. This year the boy wanted to take matters into his own hands, take responsibility, so I’m not riding him as hard as I used too, only asking on occasion. Of course, if he fails his Junior Year, there will be hell to pay, but he understands that. The Girl has been doing extracurricular activities so has to keep her grades up, so she’s doing well. The pup is struggling a bit, but trying hard, which is really all I ask of her. We’re a normal family, with normal frustrations.

Some kids aren’t so lucky, and have even added pressures to face. Did you know that 4 out of every 10 teenagers will drop out of high school? That’s a very large number, and you know that even more have considered doing the exact same thing. My own son has - he simply doesn’t see the point. It’s a hard lesson to learn, that sometimes, we don’t ever see the point of something necessary in order to open doors in the future. He keeps slogging through though, as he knows that I care, AND I expect it. Despite what he says, he DOES care.

There are others that care, too. In fact, thanks to the lovely Lisa contacted me about her client The Ad Council, to let me know of their new campaign: BoostUp. BoostUp aims to encourage students to stick with school, to think about before dropping out. They have 11 kids in the campaign, and you can give them - or a kid you know - encouragement in several different ways. You know, give them a “Boost”! Even better, you can send them wake-up ringtones. (Ha! I don’t think my kids’ favorite ringtone would be very uplifting, for all the WAKEUP-ness it elicits. Hee.)

Right now, the BoostUp campaign is trying to get as many “Boosts” as possible to their kids, and others by adults who have been there, done that - as well as from encouraging friends and family. BoostUp.org includes the means to give the Boosts, the ringtones - and also a lot of information for parents and teenagers who are looking for information, signs to look for in your teens who may be considering dropping out, and things that you can do to help. The site is fun, colorful, and interactive of course. In fact, I’m on the way there right now to leave a Boost for all of their kids. Won’t you do the same?

It’s official. My teenage daughter has completed the Geek Trifecta: Choir Geek, Band Geek, Drama Geek. Now, around here, that’s not a bad thing at all, as it falls in the family tradition - I played piano, was in many renditions of choir, and also a drama geek. Nana was two of the three, though she didn’t play an instrument (unless we count playing Papa like a fiddle! badaDUM!).

Anyway, being in drama runs in the family, that’s all I’m sayin. And this weekend, The Girl officially took her place as the newest in a long line of Drama Queens, as the Cook Sarah, in The Man who came to dinner.

I saw the first and the third (final) shows, and was told I HAD to attend the last one, as in the show I missed, she flubbed one of her lines. The Drama Teacher Mrs. J didn’t even notice though, so I assured her it was fine, while telling her Drama Horror Stories of my own. (Cheaper by the Dozen. Act III. Two eerily similar lines. Said the second one first - thus skipping SIX PAGES of dialog. Calling one of the chars by a wrong name pales in comparison, don’tcha think? *L*)

The kiddos did a fine job showing off their acting chops. There were some shining stars, a couple of misses, but all in all it’s a very fun play that had us giggling and applauding throughout. When I asked one of my boys (Who played the lead, Sheridon Whiteside) how my daughter was as an actress, he said “Surprisingly good.” So I got him back after the first performance, and asked him WHEN he was gonna start acting, as all I saw in that rude ole boy was G. Ha!

As with any high school play - there were some missed cues, a couple of lighting mishaps, and a mishmash cross-section of High School Kids who had come together to create something they could - and should! - be proud of. There were geeks and jocks and cheerleaders/plastics and stoners and norms - and they all worked really hard over 8 weeks to make it all come together. I couldn’t have been prouder, even as I wished more folks had come out to support our kids and see the play.

Those of us who cared enough to go (multiple times in most cases!) however, made up for everyone who didn’t. There were flowers given, applause, and many accolades for our Drama Geeks - but we can always use more help.

Trust me on this one - if your local high school is putting on a show… go. You won’t be disappointed, and these young souls, the rising stars of tomorrow (or the Future Drama Geek Mama who couldn’t be prouder) deserve ALL the support we can give them!

So, have you ever sat down and READ the magazines your daughter is thumbing through and reading carefully and taking notes on? When Seventeen or Cosmo Girl arrives at our house, there’s giggling, and snorting, and ooohing and ahhing over fashions she’d never really wear, eager reading of the stories about celebs and general total immersion in the World Of Girly until she’s read every single word.

It’s frightening. But familiar, and typical.

So the other day, I found the latest magazine discarded into the Reading Pile (aka - stacked on the counter next to toilet) and decided to thumb through it. Ads, ads, ads, a little blurb here, a little blurb there, and - the Guide To Flirting In School.

WELL then.

Clearly, this was a must read for me, as I may eventually choose to date again. While I am not in high school (obviously - and thank you for keeping your laughter and pointing to a minimum), maybe there’s some tips to help me remember how to do it, as well as to prepare me for the shennanagans my daughter might be up too. So, I read the way to ’say the flirtiest things’ for when ‘your crush has you tongue-tied’, and couldn’t help but laugh. Maybe the boys back in my day were different, but none of these lines would have worked - not that I had tried them, of course. And even if I did, would I tell you? (…probably.) Or maybe I was just too much of a dork. I leave it up to you to decide.

So here they are - what to say in different situations, levels of crush-dom, and what would have happened had I tried this in my day. Maybe your experiences were/are different - feel free to toss them in the comments if so. Or just laugh at me. It’s ok, I’m used to it!

~~~~

Section One! If you barely know him, the object is to get him to talk by asking questions that encourage him to give longer answers… So, try this when you are:

In class: Want to work with me on this? Rumor has it your an awesome lab partner!
When HS Lessa tries: uh, um, oh, shit I didn’t mean to spill that on you… it’s only a chemical burn, and you can totally have some of my butt skin for a graft if you need it…

In the Hallway: I love your shirt! Did you pick it out, or do you have a very stylish girlfriend?
Poor HS Lessa: Dude, ya mama dresses ya funny. Oh, your girlfriend picked it out? What’s the difference?

In the Lunch Line: Funny, I wouldn’t have pegged you as a pudding guy!
Hungry Lessa: HANDS OFF MY PUDDING, ASSHEAD!

At a Game: I just got here, did I miss any action in the first quarter?
Non-athletic Lessa has nothing to say, because she got kicked off the field/court for asking her crush, the star quaterback/point guard/totally unobtainable way out of her league guy, a question in the middle of the game. Duh.

Section Two! Now, there is, of course, a different strategy if you’re already flirty friends! Now, the object is to ask him to spend time with you in a cute and casual way. Needless to say, Lessa? She doesn’t do cute too well. Let’s look in on our poor high-schooler…

In Class: Studying for this test would suck a lot less if we did it together.. you in?
Semi-Desperate Lessa: What? sure, I’ll totally give you all my notes, and let you peek at my test. That’d be awesome! (Inside dialog: OMG HE TOTALLY DIGS ME!)

In the Hallway: Admit it, you keep passing my locker so that you can walk me to class…
Shy, blushing Lessa: Uh, um, sure, I’ll carry your books. And your soda. And your gym bag. No, I don’t mind that it’s completely on the other side of the school than my class at ALL! (Inner dialog: what’s another tardy? I’ve got 10 already!)

Lunch Line: I see you eying my fries! I could be in a sharing mood if you ask nicely.
Hungry Lessa: HANDS OFFA MY FRIES YA ZITFACED FREAK! (Inner dialog: HANDS OFFA MY FRIES YA ZITFACED FREAK!)

At a Game: Executive Decision: We’re all getting pizza after the game, and you’re coming too!
Too shy to exist Lessa to her BFF: YOU ask him, I can’t! No, YOU! YOU! Fine, wanna go.. hey? where’d he go?!

Section Three! You’re in the bigtime now, he’s gonna ask you out and you know it! All you need is an opening… So, if you’re hooking up (and Mama Lessa hasn’t locked you in your room FOREVER for even thinking of things like dates and stuff) you want to be flirty and bold, give him that opportunity to ask you out.

In Class: We should celebrate when this test is over - I promise we won’t talk about photosynthesis!
Tongue Tied Lessa: So, uh, you wanna come over later? Promise we won’t talk about this test on photosynthesis… because, you know, this is algebra. hahaaha! (Inner dialog: omgiwannadie..)

In the Hallway: You were in my dream last night! I can fill you in on the details this weekend!
Poor HS Lessa: Dude, I totally had a dream about you last night! We were… hey! Wait! Why you running away?! COME BACK!

In the Lunch Line: We should go out someplace real - where the food doesn’t come on plastic trays!
Hungry Lessa: FEEEEEEEEEED MEEEEEEEEEE…. McD run? I’ll buy!

At a game: Want to make a bet? If we win, Slurpees on you, if they win, my treat!
Dorkalicious Lessa to the nth degree: OMG I’m so sorry! I spilled my slurpee there on the court, I was gonna get a rag, but you slipped on it before I could! OMG, is the bone supposed to stick out of the skin like that? It’s only the championship - you can totally beat them next year!

~~~~

So there you have it. How to get that cute guy to either ask you out, or run away as fast as his legs can carry him. Life was so much easier when we could just throw rocks at boys and they’d love us forever… Good luck!

This morning, I got the call. Part of me knew it was coming, but I thought I’d have another year or so before I was faced with the decision, the question, the promises and pleadings. But no. Apparently, being a freshman gave her extra stand-up-to-mama powers - on Day Two.

Around here, your schedule in Jr. high is set in stone. If you’re lucky, you can switch from one teacher to another, if there’s room/reason/need and you have to jump through major hoops to do so. Part of the High School experience is learning to take charge of your own education, making sure you have the classes needed in line to graduate, as well as trying to get as many classes together with your friends as possible. It’s a fine line to walk, and I remember in my two years at the same school my kids attend now, feeling a little lost and doing whatever my councilors told me was needed. I can only remember one single class I switched out of in those two years - and it was my Senior year, because I decided I didn’t want weight training after all. I was a senior - I didn’t WANT a gym class!

Thus, I was a little surprised this morning to get a call from The Girl just minutes after her Papa had dropped her off at the front door. “Mom, would you be upset if I decided to drop band?”

I shouldn’t have been surprised, really. In hindsight, the lack of practice this summer, and the fact she tried to hide from Ms. S. at orientation were a sure fire tip-off. But surprised I was, as a million things went through my head.

My daughter decided she wanted to play clarinet in the 5th grade band. We rented an instrument that year, to make sure she wanted to stick with it. The next year, for her birthday, her Daddy wheeled and dealed with a friend he worked with to get her a clarinet of her very own. He was so proud that he was able to trade one of his rifles for something for his daughter, something she really wanted. She named the clarinet Clarabelle, and was as thrilled to receive it as he was to give it.

It was the last gift he ever gave her - he passed away three weeks later.

And so, as she told me this morning that she wanted to drop out of band, there was a deeper emotional tug as well. I knew it affected her too when she said “I swear mama. I’ll still play Clarabelle at home… I just can’t handle Ms. S this year… is it ok?”

I had to think quickly, though the little waver in her voice nearly did me in. I probably wouldn’t have had the guts to change out of a class if I felt unable to handle a teacher. I was the type to just hide in the back row, grit my teeth and stumble through as best I could. I certainly wouldn’t have had the balls to call my mom and ask - though I know she would have been understanding and supportive… and probably made me stick with the class. (That may be my memory playing tricks on me - viewing life through aged teenaged glasses…) So what do I tell her? My little girl turning into a woman trying to stand on her own?

I questioned her quickly - is she doing this because her BFF is doing it? Are her reasons sound? Has she thought about it from Ms. S’s point of view? Is she taking the easy way out? Is this a decision for HERSELF and not anyone else? It was a lot to think about at 7:30 in the morning, for sure, on both our parts. In the end, however, I gave her permission to drop the class.

I’m not ashamed to say my heart broke a little bit when I did so, both for what she was giving up because of the emotional ties behind it, as well as for the fact that she was growing up so fast, and ready to make her first decision on that grown up track. Then the other reasonable though still sleepy part of the brain reminded me of something else - a benefit if you will.

In fact, the clouds parted, and I swear I saw rainbows backed by angels singing a hallelujah chorus as I realized what this really meant to me…

NO MORE BAND CONCERTS.

Maybe I should get that girl a pony….

Of course - you KNOW what happened while I was writing this, right? I received a text message from the Girl, saying she’s decided to give Ms. S. at least a year. She’s heard that she’s cooler in high school, after all. But if they don’t like it this year - they’re out next year.

Damn. There goes her pony!

…by now, that I’m not your typical parent, and I most certainly am not one that qualifies as a “Helicopter parent”. In fact, I hadn’t even heard that term until a couple days ago, then all I could do was nod and agree “Oooooooh I haaaaaaaaaate them kinds!” under my breath. For those that don’t know, a “Helicopter parent” is one that hovers over their kids, rescuing them from any hint of dismay or trouble, and thus not allowing their kids to breathe, or learn from their own mistakes. They’re the rescuers, the smotherers, the ones that make the rest of us roll our eyes and declare we’ll NEVER be that way.

And I’m not that way, at all. Which is exactly why I was so stunned to find myself surrounded by not only “my” 6 teenage girls, but 100 other freshman at the orientation last night.

It may or may not be apparent, but I’m usually not a fan of other people’s kids. Especially in large, noisy groups. I don’t like crowds, and people tend to get upset if you give their kid the stink eye for misbehaving, and it’s practically painful for me to keep my mouth shut for long periods of time. So, MY intention was to ignore freshman orientation, as it was for the teens, and parental attendance was not necessary. Then my daughter suddenly got worried.

“Mom? Her (the youngest) thing is tomorrow right? So you’ll go with me tonight, right? I want you there… please??!”

I’m often mean (just ask them) but I’m not completely heartless, so I said I would, made quick arrangements to have my sister watch my youngest and our schitzo dog, and went over to the orientation with her. And 5 of her best giggly girly friends. I then found myself holding all their purses, as they ran off together (rebelling against the ‘dot’ system that had put them in different groups and instead opting to hang together) on the various activities planned for the freshman that night, by the “E-group” of seniors.

I sat there, alone, with various knitted objects in my lap, with nary a teenager in sight, just some of the teachers who gave me a sympathetic nod. I listened to the bells ring every 15 minutes and cringed a little inside. I didn’t like high school the first time, and don’t EVEN remind me how awful I felt dropping off my son for his first day of high school… and now I have another one joining the ranks? Life is officially NOT FAIR.

About halfway through I was able to make my escape due to A - a personal matter that needed immediate attention, and B - Nana and Papa offered me Triple Chocolate Ice Cream if I could get there. If it were just A - I probably would have stuck it out a little longer, but we’re talking Triple Chocolate Ice Cream! A girl has her limits, you know…

I did make sure to check on the girls, give them back their purses, and give hugs where they were wanted/needed before I left. As I stepped outside of the door, though, I paused to look back for just a moment and watch my daughter. She’d gotten over her nervousness, and was huddled with her friends, giggling, as they moved to the gym for their next activity. There was laughter, smiles, hair flips, sassy remarks, and a variety of fashion choices that made me cringe a little inside… but most of all, there was the very beginnings of confidence.

She had needed me, just for that little bit, and I was there. I didn’t, and won’t, hover, but I’ll always be ready to drop everything and be there to back her up when she needs it - even if it’s only to be in the same building for a half an hour while she gets her bearings.

….of the American Teenager. My daughter (14) is OBSESSED with this show. Ok, maybe not obsessed with Johnny Depp level obsessed, but obsessed none the less. She hasn’t missed an episode and also makes me DVR them for her BFF who’s been out of town. I must confess, I haven’t missed an episode either - and not just because she watches each of them several times. (Wait! Come back! I’ll explain! Maybe…)

I find myself oddly charmed by the whole cheese factor of the show. And it is VERY cheesy! It boasts family values, while dishing on teenage issues with extreme stereotypical character types. I mean, do we even have ‘homes for girls in that… predicament’ any longer? And each teenager is the extreme example of their stereotype - from the Christian Cheerleader, to the High School Jock, to the nerdy guy, the cool drummer, the slutty baton twirler, and the nosy gossipy friends.

The cheese factor is saved though by the lead, Shailene Woodley’s ability to let her emotions filter across her face. She can turn on the waterworks in ways my kids WISH they could, because it ups the sympathy factor.

The uber-Christian Cheerleader cracks me up, mostly because I went to a small Christian School and I’m pretty sure I met several versions of her during those years. Of course, the other cheerleaders were much like the baton twirler who adores sex. And if we’re being completely honest here (and when aren’t I?) I was a cheerleader too for a year. But I was neither extreme, and leaned more towards the innocent side, thank you very much. (Stop laughing!)

While I applaud the premise of the show, it’s done what we expected and drawn controversy due to their extreme pro-life standing, even as they discuss the possibilities of abortion and the like. Parents are upset that Amy turned to her friends first, but any parent of a teen knows that was one of the more realistic portions - no teen goes to their mom first. They go to their friends.

The most realistic part of the show is how fast the story got around the school. Unrealistic is expecting us to believe the time frame - just HOW pregnant IS Amy? One minute she’s showing already, the next she’s not so much, and they’re talking about abortion after she’s already showing and even skinny folks don’t start showing until 4-5 months which is second trimester and treading that fine line of yes it can happen and no it cant? However, the show did deliver one of the Best Lines Ever!

Amy: “I mean, it was only a couple of seconds, I’m not sure it really WAS sex, at least, until THIS happened…”

Best. Line. Ever.

Anyway, the little PSA at the end about talking to your kids is an important one - even if it, too, is cheesy as hell. I’ve never had much problem talking to my teenagers about sex and the consequences thereof. No, really! The conversation goes like this:

Me: (Singing, of course) Let’s talk about SEX baby… let’s talk about you and NO ONE ELSE EVER!
Teenagers: (Much rolling of eyes.)
Me: Alright. The first four words of EVERY conversation on this subject are….
Teenagers: (Rolling eyes, counting them off, mouthing along with me…)
Me: I WILL KILL YOU. Right. Rule number two about Fight Club?
Teenagers: oh GAWD mom. Seriously.
Me: RULE NUMBER TWO!
Teenagers: (Singsong) Condoms are not water balloons.
Me: And they are…
Teenagers: Above the kitchen sink in the basket.
Me: Because?
Teenagers: It drives Nana nuts.
Me: Um. uh. yeah, that too - but the OTHER reason?
Teenagers: (singsong) You’d rather have them there and not needed then needed and not there.
Me: And finally?
Teenagers: You keep count. We know. Can we go now?

Sure, we had the serious conversations first, I’m not completely insane. (What did I say about that laughing?) We don’t have to have them repeatedly though, and the above mostly happens in front of their friends. Because I’m the ‘cool mom’ and love to embarrass my kids - and the house rules apply to everyone, even friends. Also, I found out a long, long time ago that lessons taught with humor stick longer then lessons taught too large a dose of seriousness.

Mostly, I’m too young to be a grandma, heck - I’m too young to have two kids in high school! So I’d rather they think now, and know to protect themselves, before the petting gets to heavy and they forget to think at all. If watching The Secret Life of the American Teenager helps aid them in that thought process? I’m all for it, cheese factor be damned.

Do you know anything about the dropout rate in your local school system? Do you have a daughter who may be in danger of dropping out of high school?

The National Women’s Law Center has a new report titled When Girls Don’t Graduate, We All Fail: A Call To Improve High School Graduation Rates for Girls

The statistics truly are alarming. The report states that 1,000 high school students drop out of school each hour in America. This means that 30% of the class of 2007, or 1.2 million students are estimated to have dropped out of school last year.

Also according to the report, one in three boys, and nearly 50% of some racial and ethnic groups will not graduate with a diploma in four years of high school. Among girls, one in four overall will not graduate from high school. One in two Native American girls will not graduate; four in ten African-American girls, and nearly four in ten Hispanic girls do not graduate each year.

The study gives the following recommendations for dealing with dropout prevention:

* Combating sexual harassment in schools. Both boys and girls report that they drop out in part because they do not feel safe at school. Download a fact sheet on sexual harassment for schools or for students.
* Providing better support for pregnant and parenting students. Pregnancy and parenting responsibilities play a significant role in many girls’ decisions to drop out of school.
* Ensuring equal access for girls to career and technical education classes. These classes provide training for high-skill, high-wage jobs. Offering career education programs that emphasize the link between academic work, college success, and careers has been proven to reduce dropout rates.
* Ensuring equal access for girls to after-school programs, including athletics programs. Studies have shown that participation in after-school programs improves graduation rates and academic achievement.

Do you know anything about the dropout rate in your local schools? Even if you don’t have teens at risk of dropping out, you should be concerned. We’re raising the generation who will, one day, be in charge of things and, hopefully, taking care of us!

Volunteer to help in efforts to curb dropout rates. Our teens and the rest of society will be better for it.

For more on parenting, see Parenting The Adopted.

teens, teenagers, high school, high school dropouts, school dropouts, dropping out of school, graduation rates, high school graduation rates, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

Are your teen’s teachers male or female? Does that question ever come up for you? Do you consider whether your student is getting good role models from both sexes?

Nationally, the number of male teachers in classrooms is declining, especially in elementary schools. According to Scholastic,
in 1980 about 17 percent of teachers in elementary school classrooms were male, compared with 14.2 percent today. In secondary schools, the number of men in classrooms has dropped from just over 50 percent in 1980 to less than 40 percent today.

The National Education Association (NEA) puts the percentage of male teachers nationwide at a 40 year low. And, according to NEA president Reg Weaver, the scarcity of male teachers is unfortunate, given the high divorce rate and men increasingly absent from the home. He says that male teachers are increasingly needed as role models for children.

“…one of the reasons colleges of education find it difficult to attract men into the profession (is) because of the outdated notion that teaching is a woman’s profession,” Weaver said. “And that could not be further from the truth.” The perception of teaching as a woman’s profession is still there, as is the reality of low pay and men needing to be breadwinners. However, more reasons than those are also part of the decline.

According to Steve Peha, president of Teaching That Makes Sense, Inc., other factors are more important. Many male teachers go into administrative positions to be more upwardly mobile. Others may not like being one of the few male teachers in a school, where they experience loneliness. And many feel threatened in a society where parents are likely to bring sexual misconduct charges at the drop of a hat. “I’ve had plenty of principals admit to me in private that they just don’t want to deal with men in the primary grades at all,�? Peha says. “It’s not prejudice, it’s politics. They know that women in those positions will be more readily accepted by parents.�?

It’s our children who lose because of these attitudes, most especially, perhaps, the boys. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, in 2006, 12.9 million households were headed by single parents, with 10.4 million of those headed by single mothers. Boys need role models in a society where men may increasingly be absent from the household on a full-time basis.

As a single mother who raised a daughter alone for several years, I can also attest to the fact that girls need good male role models. My daughter had the best in my father and my brother, but I also appreciated the male teachers that she did have in her elementary school years, and I continue to be grateful to the positive male role models in her high school.

This is an issue to think about, as well as to encourage young men who have an interest in teaching to pursue that interest. Male teachers are in high demand, and there is a very real service that they provide-not just by being teachers, but by being role models for those who need them.

For information on homeschooling, visit Mom Is Teaching

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The past week saw two more incidents involving school shootings or potential shootings by teenagers. On Wednesday in Cleveland, Ohio, 14-year-old Asa Coon shot two students and two teachers, before killing himself. Police are currently reviewing surveillance videos, trying to find out how the teenagers was able to enter SuccessTech Academy alternative school, while armed with two revolvers.

The teen also, apparently, had made threats the previous week, which went unheeded, along with other warning signs from the troubled boy. Asa Coon had been suspended the Monday before the shooting for a fight, but fellow students said that school personnel had not done anything about threats he had made the previous week to blow up the school and stab students. Rasheem Smith, 15, a classmate, said, “I told my friends in the class that he had a gun and stuff. We talked to the principal. She would try to get us all in the office, but it would always be too busy for it to happen.”

Asa’s older brother, Stephen Coon, 19, was arrested the day after the shooting for theft and parole violations. And an arrest warrant was issued for his mother, Lori Looney, for obstruction of justice, after she lied to police about the whereabouts of Stephen.

The second incident occurred in Philadelphia. There, police were able to prevent a planned attack at Plymouth Whitemarsh High School by another 14-year-old boy. The teenager had amassed an arsenal of including knives, swords, about 80 pellet guns-and a rifle bought for him by his mother. The mother, Michele Cossey, has been arrested and charged with providing a firearm to a minor, and contributing to the corruption of a minor.

Her teen son was arrested late Wednesday and told police he had been planning a “Columbine-type attack” on the high school. The boy’s parents had taken him out of middle school and homeschooled him for the past 18 months, because of bullying.

These are yet two more tragic and shameful incidents which plainly illustrate the ways in which we are failing our children. Failure to communicate with our teens, and failure to take action when signs of trouble or violence are seen has tragic consequences. Please stay in touch with what’s going on with your teenagers! If you see ANY signs of problems, take them seriously, and get help for your child. It can save grief and lives-including those of your teenager and yourself.

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College costs in danger of interfering with your teenager’s education? There’s lots of information out there about applying for federal financial aid, but there are plenty of other ways to get money and to save money on college costs. Here’s a few of them.

1. Out-of-state or in-state? In-state reciprocity is a deal whereby states agree to let their residents attend college at participating schools in other states at reduced rates. If your prospective student is interested in college in a nearby state, check with the school to see if this is a possibility, and if your student might qualify. You can also check with your state education department. Check at ed.gov/about/contacts/state to get help.

2. A financial aid decision can be appealed. Has your teen been denied for federal financial aid, or given too little? If financial pressures such as medical disability, a job status change, etc., have come up since aid was first applied for, some schools will review their decision on how much aid a student was given. If you do appeal, be prepared. Make an appointment with a financial aid officer, and get copies of financial statements, medical records, expense records, or anything else the financial aid office asks for, promptly.

3. Community service pays. Volunteer organizations connected with AmeriCorps will help pay for college if a student volunteers with them. Recent high school and college grads can work as a teacher, home builder, or community organizer. Americorps will give a student up to $4, 725 per year toward tuition, in return for a year of service. See their website for more information.

4. Private schools aren’t necessarily more expensive. Many private schools hand out more financial aid than their public counterparts. You might actually end up spending less on a private school.

5. Try CLEPping some classes. High scores on the College-Level Examination Program (CLEP) exams can allow you to get credit for classes on some basic required courses. Check with the college admissions office to see if you might qualify. Some colleges also give credit for advanced placement classes taken in high school.

6. Save hundreds with used textbooks. The cost of new textbooks is at an all-time high. Books for a single semester of college work can now cost in the hundreds. If the book your teen needs isn’t a new edition of an earlier textbook, buying used is the way to go. Some even find that information highlighted by students who previously used the book can come in handy, especially if they were good students!

There are all kinds of ways to get and save money for college. Sit down and brainstorm with your teenager on how they can save and you can help!

Check out the information on other parenting sites:

Mom Is Teaching
Parenting and Religion

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I belong to several groups dealing with parenting teenagers. The other day, the subject of discrimination against the mentally handicapped came up in one of those groups. One mother of a young teen in middle school brought up the report by her daughter that the word “retard” was used all the time by students at her school. Students apparently used the word as an adjective and as a derogatory remark against other students.

This member has a two-and-a-half year old nephew who has Down’s Syndrome. Her daughter is very close to her cousin, and was angered and hurt by the casual use of this word among her fellow students. We were all upset that this word would be used so callously by young teens. The girl’s parent felt that, since their school district sent all mentally handicapped students to one particular school, the causal use of this word was a result of these students not being exposed to their peers with mental disabilities. I have other ideas.

I place this squarely with the parents of students who would use such hurtful and derogatory remarks. As parents, we have a responsibility to teach our children to have compassion for others and to respect their feelings. The use of such words is, to me, a clear example that parents have not taught their children such compassion. Now, I realize that children can pick up on a word used by a peer and repeat it, sometimes not realizing how hurtful it can be. But such word use does not, originally, come from a vacuum. Children pick up on parents and other family members who do not have care and compassion for others. They will mimic not only words, but actions.

As a group we discussed this mother going to the school administration and/or the counseling office and requesting that the children receive some sensitivity training in this area. I’d suggest the same thing to any of you who have teens or any age children in a school where this type of thing goes on. It won’t stop all of the children from using such hurtful words, but it will reach some, who will realize that they are hurting the feelings of others. And be sure that you talk with teens, and any age children, about compassion and respecting others’ feelings.

The above Youtube video is a heartfelt speech by a high school student with a mentally handicapped sister. He talks about how he has learned more about life and love from his sister than from any classroom. Watch it, and share it with your teens. It has some very valuable lessons.

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Currently at issue in the state of Georgia, and in the county school system in our home county, is whether to require that all high school students earn the same diploma. Currently, our high schools have a “tiered” diploma system. Students who aren’t planning to attend a four-year college can graduate from high school with fewer math and science courses than their college-bound peers, and without taking a foreign language.

Our local paper wrote an excellent editorial supporting one diploma, rather than the tiered system, in which students can earn either a vocational-technical diploma, or a college-prep diploma. Students can also earn a dual seal(both diplomas) by taking the right course work. There are other voices on both sides of the argument.

Those include the voices of local educators (teachers and principals), and of parents and local citizens. Supporters of the dual diplomas believe that the option of earning a vocational-technical diploma, with less-rigorous educational requirements, prevents dropping out of school for many students who might otherwise do so. Supporters of the one diploma system believe that it is discriminatory toward some of the students and, also, that it would make streamline the high school system.

Personally, I fall on the side of supporting one diploma. Simply put, one diploma assures that all students graduate from high school with an equal education, and with equal educational opportunities in life, after high school.

We should educate with the idea in mind that all students are going out into the same world. The fact that they choose to pursue careers with different educational requirements is not an issue for educators at the high school level. Most high schools, whether public or private, do not educate students for a career. That is for college-level education, regardless of whether that is a four-year college or a vocational-technical school.

All students should go into the world beyond high school with the best possible education that can be provided for them. In today’s high-tech world, math and science are more necessary than ever, regardless of the type of career one chooses. And since we live in an increasingly more global society, foreign languages are also necessary, not just on a career level, but in our personal lives.

Do the high schools in your area provide different diploma options for students? I’d love to hear from any of you viewing this blog about the diploma system in your area, and your thoughts on whether a one-diploma system is the best system.

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I used the picture above only because I couldn’t find anything dealing with the expenses of juniors, or with high school expenses in general-but whew! Do you sometimes feel your middle or high school age teen is bankrupting you? My daughter’s a junior this year, and we’ve never put out so much money in our lives!

First, as she’s a member of the marching band, we had to lay out $150.00 in band fees, as well as buying shoes, gloves, etc. Then, there’s the expense involved with the upkeep of her clarinet (we won’t go into what we paid for it three years ago), and what seems to be the almost constant buying of reeds for it. Then, as the marching band appears at all the football games, there’s the expense of buying two tickets for each home game for myself and her dad (we rarely go to away games, mainly to save money!). Then there’s the annual band trip, which will be to Disney World next spring, and which involves the outlay of several hundred dollars more. And none of this includes upkeep or anything else involving her bass guitar, which she plays in our church band and in jazz band at school, once the marching season’s over.

But enough about instruments. There’s still plenty of other expenses. She’s also on the academic team and the math team. Upcoming overnight trips for these two teams to compete will involve at least spending money, and some of the money for the travel expenses as well, since these teams don’t receive enough money from the school system to pay expenses. The jury’s still out on how much we will put into these two activities by the end of the school year.

On top of everything else, her academic team adviser is putting together a student trip to Germany, which will take place at the end of the school year, but we have to start making monthly payments of about $250.00 a month on it now. No, this trip isn’t absolutely necessary, but we’re determined to send her. She’s had several invitations to go on overseas trips since starting high school, but we haven’t been able to afford them and we’re determined to send her on this one.

Oh, yeah, then there’s the upcoming homecoming dance for which she’ll need a dress, shoes, and her hair and nails done! Then, in the spring will be her prom-involving another outlay of precious cash for finery. And, lest I forget, she came home yesterday with the news that she needs to buy her class ring this year-in order to get her cap and gown for next year’s graduation free.

And her birthday’s almost here, which involves a party, not to mention gifts! It’s a good thing she’ll be getting that cap and gown free next year! Her prom date for next year can plan to pick her up at the poorhouse! It’s where we’ll be living by the time her junior year is over!

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As a parent, do you do everything possible to assist in your teen’s education? Do you participate in school activities and parent organizations? Do you attend parent/teacher conferences and accept suggestions about what you can do to help in seeing that your teen gets the best education possible?

Teachers (and many parents) have long been concerned that parents are not involved enough when it comes to their children’s education-particularly in high school. The National PTA has a list of ten things that teachers most wish parents would do to become involved.

* Be involved. Parent involvement helps students learn, improves schools, and helps teachers work with you to help your children succeed.

* Provide resources at home for learning. Utilize your local library, and have books and magazines available in your home. Read with your children each day.

* Set a good example. Show your children by your own actions that you believe reading is both enjoyable and useful. Monitor television viewing and the use of videos and game systems.

* Encourage students to do their best in school. Show your children that you believe education is important and that you want them to do their best.

* Value education and seek a balance between schoolwork and outside activities. Emphasize your children’s progress in developing the knowledge and skills they need to be successful both in school and in life.

* Recognize factors that take a toll on students’ classroom performance:
1. Consider the possible negative effects of long hours at after-school jobs or in extracurricular activities. Work with your children to help them maintain a balance between school responsibilities and outside commitments.
2. View drinking and excessive partying as serious matters. While most parents are concerned about drug abuse, many fail to recognize that alcohol, over-the-counter drugs, and common substances used as inhalants are more frequently abused than illegal drugs.

* Support school rules and goals. Take care not to undermine school rules, discipline, or goals.

* Use pressure positively. Encourage children to do their best, but don’t pressure them by setting goals too high or by scheduling too many activities.

* Call teachers early if you think there’s a problem while there is still time to solve it. Don’t wait for teachers to call you.

* Accept your responsibility as parents. Don’t expect the school and teachers to take over your obligations as parents. Teach children self-discipline and respect for others at home — don’t rely on teachers and schools to teach these basic behaviors and attitudes.

Do you do these things, or at least some of them? Do you feel you’re involved enough in your teen’s schooling and eduction? Read over these suggestions carefully and start doing at least one that you’re not doing now. Your child will benefit, and so will you!

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