Parenting Teens

Do you have a teenager with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)? Does he or she often feel overwhelmed. For most of us, the feeling of being overwhelmed comes along with a big project or some kind of stressful event. For a teen with ADHD, that overwhelming feeling can come with something as simple as doing homework, or planning how to use weekend time.

Another concern is school projects, such as book reports, presentations-anything that will take more than a few hours to complete. The fact that it must be done in steps over a period of time adds to the problem. How do you help your teen address such issues?

For overwhelming nightly homework, help your teenager choose the first assignment to do. If possible, choose an assignment which they enjoy, find easy to do, or that is short. This will be faster to complete, and will help them feel a sense of accomplishment at completing the task, which can raise their level of confidence. When your child is working on an assignment, have him/her put everything else away, and simply concentrate on the task at hand. No distractions. This can make homework go much more smoothly for an ADHD child.

For larger projects, break down the larger project into its smaller steps, and schedule the entire project on a calendar. Perhaps you will want to keep the calendar out of your teen’s sight, so that the sight of the entire project doesn’t give them that overwhelmed feeling again! On a calendar that your teen has access to, write down one item at a time on the date it needs to be completed. This way, he/she has only one item to concentrate on-not a bunch of tasks over a large period of time. After they have completed the task on the calendar, you can mark it off as finished, and add another task.

To help a teen manage weekend time, assist them in making out a schedule. First, schedule time for things which must be done, such as chores and homework. If they have outings with friends or groups, put those into the schedule at the proper times. Helping your ADHD teen get into the habit of planning and allocating their time is a skill they will use for the rest of their lives. Helping them do it now will make it easier for teenagers when they go away to college.

If you have a teen or other child with ADHD and have any tips for the rest of us, please let us know in the comments!

Check out Mental & Emotional Health for other good tips.

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October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. It’s the perfect time to talk with your teen about the dangers of finding themselves involved in a relationship with violence or the potential for violence. According to the website Choose Respect, 1 in 11 high school students report being the victim of physical dating abuse, and about one in four teens reports verbal, physical, emotional, or sexual abuse each year.

Following is the text of the Teen Dating Bill of Rights:

Accept responsibility for myself and my actions.
*********************************************************************************

Be sure to talk with your teenager (whether male or female), about violence in relationships. Have them be watchful about any treatment or attitudes which make them uncomfortable from a boyfriend or girlfriend. Getting into inappropriate relationships can become a pattern. Help your teens know how to set boundaries, and be aware of the behavior of those with whom they have relationships.

For more on emotional issues, visit

Mental and Emotional Health

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Our ungenerous-to-a-fault president has, once again, told us where his priorities stand-he will authorize more spending for the war, but not for our children’s health. President Bush has-as promised-vetoed a bill which would have expanded the coverage of the State Children’s Health Insurance Program(SCHIP).

SCHIP is a joint state-federal program which subsidizes health coverage 6.6 million people, mostly children, whose families earn too much to qualify for Medicaid, but not enough to afford their own private insurance coverage. Democrats (and many Republicans) had passed the bill, which would add $35 billion over five years. This would have allowed four million additional children to be covered by the program. The expansion would have been funded by raising the federal tax on cigarettes to $1 per pack.

The president’s reasons for vetoing the bill were that it was too costly, took the program too far from its original intent of helping the poor, and would entice people to switch to government insurance coverage from private insurers. He argued that the plan would be a move toward socialized medicine, by expanding the program to higher-income families.

House Democratic leaders plan to try to override the veto. The Senate approved the bill with enough votes to override the veto, but the House will need some 15 more votes to get the required 2/3 majority they need to override Bush’s veto.

We should all hope and pray that the required number of votes will be attained. This is an extremely important program for our children and teens. Contact your Senators and Representatives to let them know that you support this bill. Let them know that we are tired of a president who favors war spending over the health of our children.

For more on this issue, go to:
Media Critiques

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One of the front page stories in today’s Atlanta Journal-Constitution is very relevant to this blog. It tells the story of what one family went through to get their teenage son into an intervention program, and how this program changed the entire family.

At age 16, Bubba Brocard, of Cobb County, Georgia, had become a menace. He punched holes in walls during outbursts of rage. He got drunk and belligerent one day, high and aloof the next.

“He was totally out of control,” John Brocard said. “He was using marijuana, was drinking alcohol, lying, stealing and manipulating us. He would verbally abuse me and cuss at me in front of my wife and challenge me to fight.

“His constant outbursts of anger and rage scared his older sister and younger brother to the point they were afraid to be around him. His mood affected our whole household and our marriage.”

Bubba’s parents, John and Fair Brocard, were so desperate to save him, and their family, that they arranged for Bubba to be kidnapped in the middle of the night at their home, and taken to an intervention program. The program is named in the article, so if you’re interested in it, please go to the link above. The purpose of this post isn’t to support or point out any one program, but to have you read the story of the Brocards.

It’s a remarkable story that led to the complete turnaround-not only of the Brocard’s son, who is now 25 years old, graduated from high school and college, and has a good job-but of his parents, who now run their own non-profit organization to help other families with troubled teens.

Read the article. You’ll get a lift, as well as, possibly, some inspiration, if you’re in a situation like the Brocards’. If any of you readers have serious problems with teens, please let me know about it. I can point you in the direction of some specific programs, if you’d like.

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The following is a guest article by Randy Kimbrell, who has written many articles on alcoholism, its effects, and treatment.

Teenage alcohol abuse has become a huge problem in the United States. It affects every socio-economic level, all races, colors, and national origins. As a disease, alcoholism is more “equal opportunity” than almost anything else in this country.

The average age that a child in the United States begins drinking on a regular basis is just shy of age 16. That’s 5 full years before the legal drinking age! So when do they take their first drinks? Even younger: age 11 for boys and age 13 for girls. Those are staggering—and sobering—statistics.

The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism has done several studies on teenage alcohol use and abuse, and found that youngsters who begin drinking before age 15 are four times more likely to become alcoholics than those who abstain until the legal age.

Adolescents who drink are far more likely to demonstrate aggressive behavior than their non-drinking counterparts. They get into more trouble with the law, may get arrested, and even sent to jail. Society’s patience with juvenile offenders has already worn thin and many young people are now being tried as adults for the crimes they commit. The best years of a young person’s life could be spent behind bars because of their drinking problem.

The young person may develop psychiatric problems like anxiety, depression, or even clinical depression. He or she may “act out”, raging against parents, teachers, or other authority figures.

And speaking of parents, they are the single biggest influence on whether or not a teen begins or continues drinking. When children, especially young children, witness drinking and a favorable view of alcohol consumption in their home, they are far more likely to become underage drinkers and eventually abuse alcohol.

On the other hand, when parents regularly communicate their negative beliefs about teen drinking, enforce behavior rules in the home, and monitor their children’s activities and whereabouts, the children have a much better chance of staying out of trouble.

Family also has a link in that alcoholism or other dependency issues seem to have a genetic “thread”. If a parent has or has had dependency problems, his or her children are at much greater risk for their own issues. However, if the parent has reached sobriety and is open about the struggles he or she went through, it can help the children resist the pressure to drink.

Peer pressure can also have an effect on an adolescent’s decision to begin drinking. While much has been written about peer pressure, and its effect should not be minimized, study after study has shown that parental involvement carries much more weight.

Teenage bodies and brains are still developing, and drinking at that age has a much more negative effect than on an adult. The abuse of alcohol by teenagers is insidious, and many times adults who don’t want to believe their children would “do that”, find out too late that they already have. Parents, teachers and social workers need to remain alert to the signs of alcohol abuse in teenagers.

Intervention is possible for anyone. But for a teenager who is abusing alcohol, it’s a must.

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Much has been made recently about increasing weight problems among children and adolescents. Now, a new study from Morehouse School of Medicine in Atlanta warns that high blood pressure is rising among children and teens.

The study, which will be published in the American Heart Association Journal, Circulation, was led by Rebecca Din-Dzietham. Ms. Din-Dzietham says, “This is a major public health problems. Unless this upward trend in high blood pressure is reversed, we could be facing an explosion of new cardiovascular disease cases in young adults and adults.” Increases so far have been small-just one percent for early hypertension and 2.3 percent for full-blown hypertension. However, those numbers translate into hundreds of thousands more children developing what often becomes a chronic, lifelong condition.

How do you help combat high blood pressure in your children and teens? Small, common-sense measures. Make sure your kids are eating a healthy diet-one low in fat and salt. Just the opposite of what most kids (especially teens) like to eat, right? In addition, make sure your kids get regular exercise. These can be the two most important things you can do for your child.

If you have teens who are resistant to the diet-and-exercise routine, try providing them with an opportunity to speak with someone-a friend or relative-who suffers from high blood pressure. If they can talk with someone about the problems they have with the disease on a day-to-day basis, they just might pay attention!

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According to a new study from the University of Chicago, the drop in prescribing antidepressants has led to an unprecedented increase in the rate of suicide among children. Between 2003 and 2004, the suicide rate among Americans under age 19 rose 14%, the largest one-year change since the government began keeping such statistics in 1979. The rise followed a sharp decline in prescribing antidepressants, such as Prozac, Zoloft, and Paxil, after parents and physicians began being warned about the drugs from the Food and Drug Administration(FDA) and other agencies.

According to Robert Gibbons, a professor of biostatistics and psychiatry, who did the study, the data suggest that for every 20% decline in the use of antidepressants, an additional 3,040 suicides per year would occur. Thomas Insel, the director of the National Institute of Mental Health, said,

We may have inadvertently created a problem by putting a ‘black box’ warning on medications that were useful.” He added, “If the drugs were doing more harm than good, then the reduction in prescription rates should mean the risk of suicide should go way down, and it hasn’t gone down at all — it has gone up.”

Although the drop in use of antidepressants has not been proven as the cause for the increase in suicide rates, experts say that the evidence leaves few other plausible explanations.

Personally, I find these statistics alarming for two reasons: 1)have we taken away treatment that many children needed to prevent suicide, and 2)are we raising a generation who are dependent on antidepressants? Neither scenario is very heartening. Mental illness is taking a toll on our children, as well as adults. Are we doing everything we need to do to combat it? Or, is there something more that we, as parents, could do to help our children?

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Is your college-bound teen a broke student who’ll be living on ramen noodles? A fast-food junkie who’ll subsist on cheeseburgers and pizza? Did you pay for the college meal plan? CosmoGirl! has some great tips for healthy eating in college-no matter what meal plan your student will be following. Here’s a list of ten of them:

1. If you must eat candy, pick one that lasts longer. A minute sucking on a Jolly Rancher is better than popping Skittles nonstop!

2. Put your portion of potato chips or cookies on a plate or napkin, instead of eating them straight out of the bag. This helps you judge how much you’re eating.

3. Try having a healthy snack on hand during study sessions-fruit, trail mix, roasted almonds, high-fiber cereal. It’ll keep you away from the vending machines with all their sugary choices.

4. Have late-night fast food cravings? Try keeping things like chicken noodle soup, low-fat microwave popcorn, or peanut butter in your dorm room. Concentrate on how nice it will be not to have to get in your car and go out late at night.

5. Look over all the cafeteria food, instead of grabbing the first thing you see that looks good. You might miss something just as good (and healthier) on the other side of the room!

6. Choose darker foods over lighter ones-red sauce instead of creamy sauce, sweet potatoes rather than white potatoes, spinach instead of iceberg lettuce. Usually, the deeper the color of the food, the healthier it is.

7. Instead of taking dessert the first time through the cafeteria line, go back for it afterwards, if you’re still hungry.

8. Don’t skip meals. Try to have breakfast within an hour of waking up. Then, make it a point to eat every three-to-five hours, depending on your class schedule.

9. Go light on the frozen coffee drinks. Most are full of empty calories, and are high in fat. Have plain iced coffee with skim milk, and add your own sweetener or sugar.

10. When you eat out, choose the food that seems the least processed. Grilled chicken is healthier than salty deli meats. Fresh mozzarella is better than mozzarella sticks.

Share these tips with your college-age teen. Better yet, let him/her know you will be following them too! It can be a shared activity, and healthy for both of you.

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If you are the parent of a child of any age, particular teenagers and preteens, you are probably concerned about drugs. And you should be. Drugs are rampant today. You can’t read a newspaper or watch a local TV newscast without seeing and hearing stories involving arrests for possession or selling of drugs, or crimes committed by people who were drug users.

Drugs are on school campuses from elementary school to college. Don’t be fooled into thinking that it isn’t happening in your child’s school. So, what can you do to help prevent your child from having problems with drugs? Active Parenting Publishers, which offers many great publications on parenting, has a poster with the following ten roles parents can play in preventing problems with drugs, sexuality, and violence. Please visit their site. They offer many great books and other tools for parents, kids, and teachers.

1. PARENTS AS ROLE MODELS Be a positive role model. Children learn best by example.

2. PARENTS AS EDUCATORS AND INFORMATION RESOURCES Be informed about drugs, sexuality and violence–and talk with your child.

3. PARENTS AS POLICY-MAKERS AND RULE-SETTERS Make rules–for example, “No use of illegal drugs by anyone in the family, and no use of alcohol or nicotine by anyone under the legal age”–and enforce them.

4. PARENTS AS STIMULATORS Encourage your child to take part in hobbies, school activities and sports. Get involved. Play fun family activities.

5. PARENTS AS CONSULTANTS AND EDUCATORS ON PEER PRESSURE “Just say no” is easier said than done. Teach your child to resist peer pressure without feeling foolish.

6. PARENTS AS MONITORS & SUPERVISORS Set and enforce curfews; know where your children are.

7. PARENTS AS COLLABORATORS WITH OTHER PARENTS Join with other parents to gain support and new ideas. There’s strength in numbers.

8. PARENTS AS IDENTIFIERS & CONFRONTERS Know how to identify drug use and other problems and confront your child when necessary.

9. PARENTS AS MANAGERS OF CHILDREN’S HEALTH Don’t delay–seek medical help if you suspect your child is engaged in unhealthy behavior. Trust your instincts!

10. PARENTS AS MANAGERS OF THEIR OWN FEELINGS Don’t blow up; don’t give up. You’re not guilty.

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A new study reported at Web MDshows that teen self-injury, such as cutting, may be more common than previously thought.

The study was headed by Elizabeth Lloyd-Richardson, of the Brown University medical school and the Miriam Hospital in Providence, RI. She and her colleagues surveyed 633 students at five U.S. high schools about coping with difficult social and emotional problems. The survey focused on deliberate (but not suicidal) self-injuries, such as cutting, hitting, burning, and biting.

Around 46% of the students reported some form of self-injury within the past year. Past estimates had put the number at only 4%! That’s a huge difference! Moderate to severe self-injury was reported by 60% of the self-injurers.

The most common types of self-injury were biting, hitting, cutting, and burning skin. The most common reasons given by the teens for self-injury were “to try to get a reaction from someone,” “to get control of a situation,” and “to stop bad feelings.” Interventions to stop teen self-injury should promote other ways of coping with their problems, handling stress, and communicating with others, note the researchers.

Self-injury is, apparently, a much more common problem than originally thought. Do you have a teen who you suspect is hurting her/him self? Watch closely for signs of frequent and/or regular injuries, particularly of the types just discussed. Also, observe your teen for signs of stress, lack of communication, etc.

If you suspect your teen is hurting her/him self, seek help immediately. Call your doctor or community mental health center, or, if you’re not sure where to turn, talk to your teen’s school counselor for recommendations.

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A new University of Georgia study, published in the August, 2007 issue of Communications Research has found that the more exposure middle school students have to anti-smoking ads, the more likely they are to smoke! Talk about an opposite effect!

Hye-Jin Paek, an assistant professor at the University of Georgia, and co-author of the study, along with Albert Gunther from the University of Wisconsin-Madison, found that many anti-smoking ad campaigns have the opposite effect on teenagers. She says that they backfire because they encourage the rebellious nature of youth. “They don’t want to hear what they should do or not do,” she says.

According to Paek, peer pressure has the most direct effect. She says that ads should focus on convincing teens that their friends are listening to anti-smoking warnings.

“Rather than saying, ‘Don’t smoke,’ it is better to say, ‘Your friends are listening to this message and not smoking,”Paek said. “It doesn’t really matter what their peers are actally doing.”

Do any of your teens smoke, or have they tried smoking? What do you feel would be the best way to reach teens on this issue?

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The House debates today on funding for abstinence education programs, according to the San Francisco Chronicle. Abstinence programs across the country, such as Virginity Rules received their first cut in financing since 2001, this past June. So far, $176 million in funding has survived, up to the debates today. Will that funding be cut further?

There are some 700 abstinence education programs across the country. Eleven state health departments rejected abstinence education this year, while three states passed laws that could affect abstinence education in schools. This past spring, a comprehensive study of abstinence education programs found no sign that it delays sexual activity among teens. According to this article, however, teens are abstaining from sex more, and using contraceptives when they do not abstain.

Through a combination of less sex and more contraception, pregnancy and birth rates among American teenagers as a whole have been falling since about 1991. Texas, however, has seen the smallest decline despite receiving almost $17 million to promote abstinence.

I, personally, have no problem with abstinence being taught. However, I do believe that it should be taught alongside use of contraceptives, and other alternatives. How do you readers feel? Do you think abstinence education works, and should it be funded by the federal government?

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Recently, I ran across an article in the Atlanta Journal-Constitutionwhich brought a controversial issue up again for me. Should high school athletes by randomly tested for drugs? In my opinion, yes.

The story focused on the recent death of a high school quarterback in Georgia, who died in a car accident. The 17-year-old student was legally drunk and had cocaine in his system the night of his accident.

For many parents of teenagers, this brings up the issue of who is truly responsible for their children. I understand that issue. Being the parent of a 16-year-old myself, I feel that it is, ultimately, my responsibility to regulate my daughter’s behavior. That being said, however, when a child is representing the school by taking part in school-sponsored activities, I feel they have the responsibility to make sure the students representing them are doing so in a dignified and legal manner.

My daughter is not an athlete, but she does represent the school in marching band, as well as on the math and academic teams. If the school system decided to require drug testing for these activities, I would have no problem with it. No, I’m not in favor of taking away freedoms from our teenagers or anyone else. But I am in favor of teaching kids responsibility and, in my mind, showing them the consequences of participating in an illegal activity falls directly into that category.

The consequences for positive drug tests by schools mentioned in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution article were as follows:

First offense: mandatory follow-up testing and drug counseling with the student’s parents

Second offense: suspension from activity or sports for 30-45 days

Third offense: suspension from activity or sports for a year

I can promise you that, as a parent, the consequences I would hand out would be more severe. What about the rest of you out there? Do your teens participate in sports or activities where drug testing is required? Do you feel drug testing for school sports or other activities should be mandatory? Let me know how you feel.

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Does your teen or ‘tween wear glasses? These days, it is more stylish to wear eyeglasses. With all types of frames (many of them designer) available, glasses can be considered a great fashion accessory!

A poll of kids ages seven to 16, conducted in the UK by the College of Optometrists, reports that Harry Potter and Johnny Depp are making it cool to wear glasses! Telegraph.co.uk reports on the study, in which Harry Potter(the fictional character portrayed by Daniel Radcliffe in the movies) and actor Johnny Depp were the top role models for kids-with Depp being particularly influential to teens.

Others named as influential in the poll included Elton John, the Queen, Bill Gates, Tony Blair, and Anne Robinson(of “Weakest Link” fame).

If you have a teen or any other age child who needs glasses or contacts, a great site to visit is All About Vision. They have a wealth of information regarding vision problems, eye diseases, glasses, contacts, laser surgery, and many other subjects involving the eyes and vision. They have separate sections dealing with children and teens.

Let your kids know that wearing glasses is no longer just for geeks!

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A new study from Johns Hopkins Children’s Center talks about the sexual health of teenage boys. The survey of boys ages 15-19 shows that boys who can talk more openly with both parents about their sexual health are more likely to see a doctor for preventive care.

This should send a strong message to all parents about the health of their teen sons. Prevention of sexually transmitted diseases is all about acting responsibly. And where do teen boys learn about sexual responsibility? From both fathers and mothers.

The study also showed that boys with stereotypes about masculinity promoted thinking that seeking medical care is a sign of weakness, and that those types of beliefs could be a risk factor in and of themselves.

Talking with your teen about sexuality can be one of the most difficult things a parent of a teenager can face. It’s not easy, particularly if your own parents had difficulty talking to you about the subject.

But think about how much you love your son, and about how you’d feel if something happened to him that you could have helped prevent by talking with him. Both fathers and mothers should talk with their sons about sexuality and how to protect themselves. Boys can gain very different perspectives on sexual relationships from their fathers and mothers. Those different perspectives are very important to good and safe sexual relationships.

Do you, or have you, talked with your teenage son about sexual health? I’d love to know how you dealt with it, and how it worked out for you and your son.

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