Parenting Teens

Here’s what’s going on at some of the dad blogs I visit regularly:

All About Fatherhood has a new dad blogging-Aaron! Go over and welcome Aaron to 451 Press and read his take on fatherhood!

Divorced Dads Matterhas an interesting post about momblocking-what it is, and how it affects dads. Check it out and see if you agree!

DaddyZine has a funny story about kids and their daddies playing in the backyard! Take a look and get a laugh!

Freaked Out Fathers has a great video about the annoyance of cell phones at the movies. Go over and get a look!

Inside Fatherhoodis featuring an educational post about the origin of Father’s Day. Click over and get your history lesson for the day!

fathers, fatherhood, parents, parenting, parenting teens, parenting teenagers, dad blogs

In the fine, old tradition of getting dad a necktie for Father’s Day, USA Weekend has published a guide to buying neckties! The article wasn’t really aimed toward buying neckties as gifts but-hey!-if you’re going to buy dad a tie, use this guide to get him one he might actually wear! Here are 5 of their tips:

1 Go for classic elegance. For a job interview, a wedding or a first date, “you can’t go wrong with a simple dark tie,” Rapoport says. “It can be solid or have a small pattern in it. You can even wear it in the summer, with a khaki suit. You don’t need to dress loudly to make a statement.”

2 Play with color. Ocean shades and pastels are hot this season, says Gregg Andrews, fashion director at Nordstrom. “We’re seeing light blue, aqua and sapphire blue, even lavender and lilac,” he says. “They look great with light shirts and can pop against a deeper-toned shirt.” Tip: Take your shirt to the store with you to test-drive ties. For Father’s Day: “Look at his [wardrobe] colors; if he doesn’t wear brown, don’t get an earth-toned tie.”

3 Pay attention to proportion. “Younger, hipper dressers may go for skinny ties, but they only work if the suit has a narrow lapel,” Rapoport says. “The widest part of the tie should be about the same as the widest part of the lapel.” The knot also should match, but “unless you’re a hip-hop mogul, avoid an oversized tie knot.”

4 Avoid flashy prints. Subtle pin dots and stripes are fine. (If you’re matching a pinstriped suit, try a wider stripe.) “If you want a tie that reflects a hobby or a profession, it should be understated,” Andrews warns. “Nobody needs a tie with a big golf club on it.”

5 Vary fabrics. “You can always wear a silk tie,” Rapoport says. “But if I’m at a summer wedding, it’s completely appropriate to wear a nice cotton seersucker or madras tie with a cotton suit.” Whatever the material, always check how a tie knots. It should have one pleat (the “dimple”) and no corners or sharp edges.

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A wonderful website I ran across called Dads and Daughters, is about just that-the relationship between dads and daughters, and how dads can nurture and strengthen that relationship. They have a great quiz that lets a father assess his relationship with his daughter.

They also offer the following tips:

1) Listen to girls. Focus on what is really important–what my daughter thinks, believes, feels, dreams and does–rather than how she looks. I have a profound influence on how my daughter views herself. When I value my daughter for her true self, I give her confidence to use her talents in the world.

2) Encourage her strength and celebrate her savvy. Help my daughter learn to recognize, resist and overcome barriers. Help her develop her strengths to achieve her goals. Help her be what Girls Incorporated calls Strong, Smart and Bold!

3) Urge her to love her body & discourage dieting. Growing girls need to eat often and healthy. Dieting increases the risk of eating disorders. Advertisers spend billions to convince my daughter she doesn’t look “right.” I won’t buy into it. I’ll tell my daughter that I love her for who she is, not for how she looks.

4) Respect her uniqueness. See my daughter as a whole person, capable of anything—and make sure she knows that’s how I see her. My daughter is likely to choose a life partner who acts like me and has my values. So, treat her and those she loves with respect. That will help my daughter choose someone who respects and nourishes her long after she’s left my home.

5) Get physically active with her. Play catch, tag, jump rope, basketball, Frisbee, hockey, soccer, or just take walks…you name it! Help her learn all the great things her body can do. Physically active girls are less likely to get pregnant, drop out of school, or put up with an abusive partner. Studies show that the most physically active girls have fathers who are active with them. Being physically active with her is a great investment!

6) Get involved in your daughter’s school. Volunteer, chaperone, read to her class. Ask tough questions, like: Does the school have and use an eating disorder prevention or body image awareness program? Does it tolerate sexual harassment of boys or girls? Do more boys take advanced math and science classes and if so, why? (California teacher Doug Kirkpatrick’s girl students weren’t interested in science, so he changed his methods and their scores soared!) Are at least half the student leaders girls?

7) Get involved in your daughter’s activities. Volunteer to drive, coach, direct a play, teach a class—anything! Demand equality. Texas mortgage officer and volunteer basketball coach Dave Chapman was so appalled by the gym his 9-year-old daughter’s team had to use, he fought to open the modern “boys’” gym to the girls’ team. He succeeded. Dads make a difference!

Help make the world better for girls. This world does hold dangers for our daughters. But over-protection doesn’t work, and it tells my daughter that I don’t trust her and her abilities! I can work with other parents to demand an end to violence against females, media sexualization of girls, pornography, advertisers making billions feeding on our daughters’ insecurities, and all “boys are more important than girls” attitudes.

9) Take your daughter to work. Participate in every April’s official Take Our Daughters to Work® Day and make sure my business participates. Show her how I pay the bills and manage my money. My daughter will have a job some day, so I need to introduce her to the world of work and finances!

10) Join with other fathers. When I share my commitment to make the world respect and nurture our daughters, I’ll be amazed at how many other fathers agree. We can learn a lot from each other. And we can have a lot of influence when we work together by becoming a member of (or renewing a membership in) Dads and Daughters. Encourage other fathers to join, too

Check out the site, and share it with all the dads and daughters you know!

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I have a guest columnist today-my 16-year-old daughter, Sarah. She’s going to be talking about her relationship with her stepfather. To me, the relationship looks pretty darn good, but I promised to stay out of it-other than to give this brief intro. So, without further ado, here’s Sarah to give you her thoughts.

My dad first came into my life when I was six years old. Of course, technically, he’s my stepdad, but I’ve always thought of him as just dad, ’cause he’s the only father I’ve ever known. My biological dad dropped out of our lives when I was one year old, so I don’t remember him.

My mom was going to college at the time and Richard (my dad) was one of her friends. She had a bunch of college friends who came over for study groups and stuff (mostly other parents who had gone back to college like her), so I was used to that. I liked Richard, but I didn’t think much about him other than that.

Then, after awhile, he started to come over for dinner on nights when there wasn’t any study group. And sometimes, he’d stay to watch movies with us. He’d talk to me and play with me, and I started liking him more. At some point, I started wondering if he’d be my dad.

My mom had told me that, someday, she might get married, and I’d have a dad. I hadn’t really thought about it much, though. As far back as I could remember there’d never been a dad in my life. I had my grandpa and my uncle, who both did lots of things with me, but, in our house, there had always been just my mom and me.

Then came the first time mom asked if it was okay if Richard came to a school program with us. I think it was an awards ceremony. I said sure, and asked her straight out if he was going to be my dad. I remember her saying, “Well, he and I have been talking about that, and we’d like to sit down and talk about it with you, too.” So, after that awards program, we all came home, sat down with bowls of ice cream and talked about becoming a family.

At that point, Richard and my mom had been friends for two years, and had been dating for a year. I was eight years old. They asked how I’d feel if Richard moved in with us, and became my dad. They told me I didn’t need to call him “dad” unless I felt comfortable doing it. But he’d live with us and come home every night just like my mom did. He’d be around to play and do things with me, and help me with my homework (of course, he’d been doing those things already).

I was happy having a dad at home with us, but nervous, too. It changed some things between my mom and me, and that was hard to adjust to, at first. Luckily, they were both there to talk with me, and to ask me how they could help. My mom also took me to a child psychologist for a few months. She was really cool and helped me see things differently.

That was eight years ago and, now, it seems Dad has always been in my life. He’s been here for me through everything. We’ve done lots of great things together. I spent two years racing junior dragsters, with Dad as my pit crew and mechanic! I think that was the most fun we’ve had together-so far!

He tells me that his favorite memory, up to this point, was the time I was talking to some other kids in an elementary school class. I pointed to him and said, “There’s my dad!” He says that’s the proudest moment of his life.

There’s no doubt in my mind that he’ll always be there for me. His not being my biological dad doesn’t matter. He’s here when I need something, and when I just want to talk. Those are the important things.

dad, dads, fathers, stepfathers, daughters, teens, teenagers, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

Continuing with my focus on dads, I’d like to share the following quotes with readers. They come from many different sources (authors, actors, generals, etc.); some are serious, some humorous. But they all have something great to say about fathers! For more great quotes, you can visit Don’t Quote Me.

*Confucius (551-479 BC), (K’ung Fu-tse) Chinese philosopher
“The father who does not teach his son his duties is equally guilty with the son who neglects them.”

*Bill Cosby (1937-) U.S. comedian and actor
“If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.”

*Sheldon Glueck (1896-1980) U.S. (Polish born) professor and criminologist
“The most effective guard against delinquency is a father who is at the same time both strict and loving.”

*Billy Graham (1918-) U.S. evangelist
“A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society.”

*Kent Nerburn U.S. educator and author
“It is much easier to become a father than to be one.”

*William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English playwright and poet
“It is a wise father that knows his own child.”

*Mark Twain (1835-1910), (Samuel Clemens) U.S. author
“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.”

*Alice Walker (1944-) U.S. author
“It no longer bothers me that I may be constantly searching for father figures; by this time, I have found several and dearly enjoyed knowing them all.”

*Red Buttons (1919-2006), (Aaron Chwatt) U.S. actor
“Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.”

*Douglas MacArthur (1880-1964) U.S. statesman and military leader
“By profession I am a soldier and take great pride in that fact, but I am also prouder, infinitely prouder, to be a father. A soldier destroys in order to build; the father only builds, never destroys.”

[/tags]dads, fathers, quotes, dad quotes, father quotes, Confucious, Bill Cosby, Sheldon Gleuck, Billy Graham, Kent Nerbern, William Shakespeare, Mark Twain, Alice Walker, Red Buttons, Douglas MacArthur, parenting teens, parenting teenagers[/tags]

Blogging isn’t all about moms, or just parenting in general. There are some really good blogs out there written by and for dads. Here’s a sampling of some of the ones I’ve found.

*Divorced Dads Matter-Divorced Dads Matter is a site started by a typical father who was, and is still, constantly amazed at the prevailing social view of father’s as secondary parents and the court systems approval of this attitude. Divorced Dads Matter seeks to offer support, information, and a voice for good fathers that simply want to love and be a meaningful part of their children’s lives.

*DaddyBlogger-Advocating Shared Parenting and Step-Parents

*Daddy Zine-
One-time boy wonder turned father figure, the publisher of Daddyzine came up from the mean streets of Normal, Illinois.
Days he raises his daughter, nights he traffics in 18th & 19th century first editions and manuscript material. Given this conflation of roles, he writes rather in the spirit of Hannah More and shall attempt herein to express his ideas in terms adapted to the meanest understanding.

*Freaked-Out Fathers-Welcome to a place where you can kick back and chuckle. That’s pretty much my intention for this blog. I’m a Dad, my best buds are Dads, I often coach parents (some of whom are … Dads!) - so I know that occasionally you Dads need:

* info about fathering that helps you do it more intentionally and effectively,
* conversation with other blokes about the trials, frustrations and challenges of being a Family Guy,
* and a damn good laugh!

*Cubicle Dad-
I’m busy just trying to balance my family, work, my plans to stage a coup in a Third World Country, dealing with my mental health…and trying to get out of this damned cubicle some.

This is just a sampling! Visit these guys blogrolls for even more great blogs on fathers!

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“One night a father overheard his son pray:
Dear God, Make me the kind of man my Daddy is.
Later that night, the Father prayed,
Dear God, Make me the kind of man my son wants me to be.”
Author Unknown

When you write a parenting blog as a woman (especially as a woman who was a single parent for several years), it can be easy to come across as being from a mom’s point of view most of the time. I’ve had several people tell me that’s true of my blog. So, with Father’s Day coming up on June 17th, I wanted to try and make up for some of that by focusing mainly on fathers during the upcoming two weeks.

One website that I’ve come across that I really like is My Hero. One of the site’s features is titled Family Hero: Father Figures. It talks about some famous father figures and what they do to help children. In addition, it has statements and essays from children and teens talking about their own fathers or father figures. Probably my favorite feature about this site, though, is that it provides a chance to participate. Anyone can create a web page about their heroes-be it fathers, father figures, or anyone else a person chooses.

Share this site with your teens, as well as your younger children. It gives them a chance to pay tribute to the father, or father figure, in their lives!

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Coming up with fun summer activities to do with your kids changes a little when they’re teens or tweens. For the most part, they no longer like to do crafts with popsicle sticks or make their own treats with little faces done with raisins and cherries! It can be a challenge.

Family activities with teens can be fun for the whole family. So far, in the week-and-a-half that my 16-year-old daughter’s been out of school, we’ve managed to fit in two family movies-Shrek The Third and Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. Both were great movies, although I didn’t really like the third Shrek as much as I did the first two. We’re also looking forward to Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, and a few other movies which are coming out this summer.

Concerts are another great thing to do with teens. Find an artist or band you can all agree on seeing. If you never agree on these kinds of things, give a little. You might find that you enjoy some of the same music your teen likes! This Saturday, June 2, my daughter and I will be attending Starfest 2007, a concert presented by Atlanta radio station Star 94. Their lineup this year includes headliners Daughtry, as well as Dashboard Confessional and Augustana. I, personally, could do without Dashboard Confessional and Augustana. I love some of their songs, but am not particularly dying to see them in concert. I did become a big fan of Chris Daughtry during last year’s American Idol, though, so I’m definitely looking forward to seeing him.

Later this summer, we’ll be seeing last year’s American Idol winner, Taylor Hicks and, probably, attending this year’s American Idol concert. In the spirit of giving a little, she’s also accompanying me to a concert whose lineup includes Def Leppard and Journey.

We’ll be enjoying a two-week trip to visit my father, brother and sister-in-law, which is always fun for us. We get to lie around, relax, and just talk and enjoy one another’s company! My sister-in-law is big on antiquing, so we’ll probably do a little of that, as well. Trips to visit grandparents or other family members can be fun activities for teens, as well as younger children.

Summer’s also a great time to catch up on reading. We’re both looking forward to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, and we’ve been to the library and stocked up for the next two weeks.

We’ll also be going on a couple of hikes with Dad and probably some short trips like the zoo and the aquarium, since we all love animals. Activities with teens can be a bit more of a challenge but, if everyone’s willing to give a little, they can be easier to find and a lot of fun!

[tags]Shrek The Third, Pirates of the Caribbean, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Harry Potter, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Daughtry, Dashboard Confessional, Augustana, American Idol, Chris Daughtry, Taylor Hicks[/tags

Yesterday was my father’s 78th birthday. While my brother and sister were both there for it, I won’t get to see my dad for another couple of weeks. So I decided to make today’s post about my dad. In keeping with the fact that this blog is about parenting teens, I’m going to talk about some memories of my dad from my teen years.

When I was 15, my dad took me to get my learner’s permit. It took the patience of a saint to teach me to drive. My dad didn’t have the patience of a saint! (How many of us do?) However, he did have the experience of having taught my older sister to drive just six years earlier. I remember all those times when I know he wanted to swear at me. And I can remember a few times when he actually did! Despite the rough spots, learning to drive from my dad is a pleasant memory. At the time I was learning, he owned a 1972 Plymouth Satellite. If you want any more information on that check out William’s blog over at Automotive Blogger. He does some great stuff on cars! I’d love to have some of you comment about what kind of car you learned to drive in, and your memories of learning to drive.

Once I learned how to drive, however, I had it made. My father was an auto mechanic for most of his working life. My father not only helped me pick out my first car (which was a 1974 Chevrolet Vega GT, yes, one of those rustbuckets!), he was always on hand to change my oil and fix the car when anything happened. Some of my fondest memories are of helping my father fix the car. He got to pass along some of his expertise and I actually learned a few mechanical things!

My dad and I have both always had strong political opinions. When I was a teenager, I began to be a lot less shy about voicing my opinions. My dad and I usually disagreed. I can remember some very interesting debates that stopped just short of shouting matches about immigration, the Vietnam War and lots of other things. Some of those debates were started by the TV show “All In The Family” which we always watched together. If you’ve ever watched it, you know that it often had politics involved.

I think my fondest recollection of my dad from my teen years involves “Star Wars”. When I became a teenager, I discovered horror and science fiction books and movies, and I’ve been into both of them ever since. My dad never understood the attraction. But he did take me to see “Star Wars” when it was released in 1977. I was a few months shy of my sixteenth birthday and I took a friend with me (she really didn’t see the attraction either). To save you working the math, that makes me 45 years old! My dad sat through it, since the movie theater was about a thirty-minute drive from home and he really didn’t want to drive home and then come back. His pronouncement after sitting through the movie which is MY favorite movie of all time? “I don’t know why anyone would want to sit and watch a movie full of tin cans!” (Referring to the ships and the droids!). I found this hilarious then, and I still find it hilarious today!

I’ll stop here, because I have so many recollections of my dad from my teen years that I could write a book. Fathers are so important to all kids, including teenagers. I can’t imagine those years without my dad, and I’m happy to say that we have an even closer relationship now, despite the fact that there’s more physical distance between us. I’d love to hear from some of you about memories of your fathers, especially from your teen years!

If you want more on fatherhood, visit Dave at All About Fatherhood.

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“For a boy to reach adulthood feeling that he knows his father, his father
must allow his emotions to be visible-hardly an easy task when most
males grow up being either subtly or openly taught that this is not
acceptable behavior. A father must teach his son that masculinity and
feelings can go hand in hand.”

Kyle D. Pruett, professor and child psychiatrist, in The Nurturing Father(Warner Books, 1987). After 20 years, this quote is still timely and, in the case of many men, still a difficult thing to do, especially with teens.

This book is still an exceptionally good, and highly recommended, book for fathers to read. Pruett based this book on his findings in a five-year study of 17 two-parent families, in which the father was the primary caregiver. This book is highly supportive of fathers and talks about the ways in which fathers can and should share their emotions with their children. It was Pruett’s conclusion in this book(and most of us will agree) that father’s nurture well, but differently.

As a father, how do you feel you relate to your teenage son? How your own father related to you will, no doubt, be a large factor. Although men showing emotion has become more acceptable, it is often still not easy to incorporate this into parenting, especially when your sons become teenagers.

To a large number of men, there is still something almost taboo about showing emotion, even occasionally. Men must be strong and unyielding-providers and protectors. However, letting your teenage son know that showing his emotions is okay is especially important during the teen years.

Teenage boys too often suppress their feelings, which can lead to depression and behavior problems. Teen boys need outlets for their emotions, and who better to give them an outlet than their fathers. Let your teenage son know that it is acceptable to you to cry when he’s unhappy, to vent when he’s angry, to show his happiness when he’s feeling good.

Often, it is not easy to model this type of behavior for your teen son, especially if your own father did not model it for you. Reading The Nurturing Father can be a good beginning to helping your teenage son toward a more healthy outlook-and to being a good father to his own children one day.

fathers, sons, teenage sons, father-son relationships, teen emotions