Parenting Teens

One of the front page stories in today’s Atlanta Journal-Constitution is very relevant to this blog. It tells the story of what one family went through to get their teenage son into an intervention program, and how this program changed the entire family.

At age 16, Bubba Brocard, of Cobb County, Georgia, had become a menace. He punched holes in walls during outbursts of rage. He got drunk and belligerent one day, high and aloof the next.

“He was totally out of control,” John Brocard said. “He was using marijuana, was drinking alcohol, lying, stealing and manipulating us. He would verbally abuse me and cuss at me in front of my wife and challenge me to fight.

“His constant outbursts of anger and rage scared his older sister and younger brother to the point they were afraid to be around him. His mood affected our whole household and our marriage.”

Bubba’s parents, John and Fair Brocard, were so desperate to save him, and their family, that they arranged for Bubba to be kidnapped in the middle of the night at their home, and taken to an intervention program. The program is named in the article, so if you’re interested in it, please go to the link above. The purpose of this post isn’t to support or point out any one program, but to have you read the story of the Brocards.

It’s a remarkable story that led to the complete turnaround-not only of the Brocard’s son, who is now 25 years old, graduated from high school and college, and has a good job-but of his parents, who now run their own non-profit organization to help other families with troubled teens.

Read the article. You’ll get a lift, as well as, possibly, some inspiration, if you’re in a situation like the Brocards’. If any of you readers have serious problems with teens, please let me know about it. I can point you in the direction of some specific programs, if you’d like.

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The following is a guest article by Randy Kimbrell, who has written many articles on alcoholism, its effects, and treatment.

Teenage alcohol abuse has become a huge problem in the United States. It affects every socio-economic level, all races, colors, and national origins. As a disease, alcoholism is more “equal opportunity” than almost anything else in this country.

The average age that a child in the United States begins drinking on a regular basis is just shy of age 16. That’s 5 full years before the legal drinking age! So when do they take their first drinks? Even younger: age 11 for boys and age 13 for girls. Those are staggering—and sobering—statistics.

The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism has done several studies on teenage alcohol use and abuse, and found that youngsters who begin drinking before age 15 are four times more likely to become alcoholics than those who abstain until the legal age.

Adolescents who drink are far more likely to demonstrate aggressive behavior than their non-drinking counterparts. They get into more trouble with the law, may get arrested, and even sent to jail. Society’s patience with juvenile offenders has already worn thin and many young people are now being tried as adults for the crimes they commit. The best years of a young person’s life could be spent behind bars because of their drinking problem.

The young person may develop psychiatric problems like anxiety, depression, or even clinical depression. He or she may “act out”, raging against parents, teachers, or other authority figures.

And speaking of parents, they are the single biggest influence on whether or not a teen begins or continues drinking. When children, especially young children, witness drinking and a favorable view of alcohol consumption in their home, they are far more likely to become underage drinkers and eventually abuse alcohol.

On the other hand, when parents regularly communicate their negative beliefs about teen drinking, enforce behavior rules in the home, and monitor their children’s activities and whereabouts, the children have a much better chance of staying out of trouble.

Family also has a link in that alcoholism or other dependency issues seem to have a genetic “thread”. If a parent has or has had dependency problems, his or her children are at much greater risk for their own issues. However, if the parent has reached sobriety and is open about the struggles he or she went through, it can help the children resist the pressure to drink.

Peer pressure can also have an effect on an adolescent’s decision to begin drinking. While much has been written about peer pressure, and its effect should not be minimized, study after study has shown that parental involvement carries much more weight.

Teenage bodies and brains are still developing, and drinking at that age has a much more negative effect than on an adult. The abuse of alcohol by teenagers is insidious, and many times adults who don’t want to believe their children would “do that”, find out too late that they already have. Parents, teachers and social workers need to remain alert to the signs of alcohol abuse in teenagers.

Intervention is possible for anyone. But for a teenager who is abusing alcohol, it’s a must.

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If you are the parent of a child of any age, particular teenagers and preteens, you are probably concerned about drugs. And you should be. Drugs are rampant today. You can’t read a newspaper or watch a local TV newscast without seeing and hearing stories involving arrests for possession or selling of drugs, or crimes committed by people who were drug users.

Drugs are on school campuses from elementary school to college. Don’t be fooled into thinking that it isn’t happening in your child’s school. So, what can you do to help prevent your child from having problems with drugs? Active Parenting Publishers, which offers many great publications on parenting, has a poster with the following ten roles parents can play in preventing problems with drugs, sexuality, and violence. Please visit their site. They offer many great books and other tools for parents, kids, and teachers.

1. PARENTS AS ROLE MODELS Be a positive role model. Children learn best by example.

2. PARENTS AS EDUCATORS AND INFORMATION RESOURCES Be informed about drugs, sexuality and violence–and talk with your child.

3. PARENTS AS POLICY-MAKERS AND RULE-SETTERS Make rules–for example, “No use of illegal drugs by anyone in the family, and no use of alcohol or nicotine by anyone under the legal age”–and enforce them.

4. PARENTS AS STIMULATORS Encourage your child to take part in hobbies, school activities and sports. Get involved. Play fun family activities.

5. PARENTS AS CONSULTANTS AND EDUCATORS ON PEER PRESSURE “Just say no” is easier said than done. Teach your child to resist peer pressure without feeling foolish.

6. PARENTS AS MONITORS & SUPERVISORS Set and enforce curfews; know where your children are.

7. PARENTS AS COLLABORATORS WITH OTHER PARENTS Join with other parents to gain support and new ideas. There’s strength in numbers.

8. PARENTS AS IDENTIFIERS & CONFRONTERS Know how to identify drug use and other problems and confront your child when necessary.

9. PARENTS AS MANAGERS OF CHILDREN’S HEALTH Don’t delay–seek medical help if you suspect your child is engaged in unhealthy behavior. Trust your instincts!

10. PARENTS AS MANAGERS OF THEIR OWN FEELINGS Don’t blow up; don’t give up. You’re not guilty.

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Recently, I ran across an article in the Atlanta Journal-Constitutionwhich brought a controversial issue up again for me. Should high school athletes by randomly tested for drugs? In my opinion, yes.

The story focused on the recent death of a high school quarterback in Georgia, who died in a car accident. The 17-year-old student was legally drunk and had cocaine in his system the night of his accident.

For many parents of teenagers, this brings up the issue of who is truly responsible for their children. I understand that issue. Being the parent of a 16-year-old myself, I feel that it is, ultimately, my responsibility to regulate my daughter’s behavior. That being said, however, when a child is representing the school by taking part in school-sponsored activities, I feel they have the responsibility to make sure the students representing them are doing so in a dignified and legal manner.

My daughter is not an athlete, but she does represent the school in marching band, as well as on the math and academic teams. If the school system decided to require drug testing for these activities, I would have no problem with it. No, I’m not in favor of taking away freedoms from our teenagers or anyone else. But I am in favor of teaching kids responsibility and, in my mind, showing them the consequences of participating in an illegal activity falls directly into that category.

The consequences for positive drug tests by schools mentioned in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution article were as follows:

First offense: mandatory follow-up testing and drug counseling with the student’s parents

Second offense: suspension from activity or sports for 30-45 days

Third offense: suspension from activity or sports for a year

I can promise you that, as a parent, the consequences I would hand out would be more severe. What about the rest of you out there? Do your teens participate in sports or activities where drug testing is required? Do you feel drug testing for school sports or other activities should be mandatory? Let me know how you feel.

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In February, 2006, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez announced the creation of the Justice Department’s Comprehensive Anti-Gang Initiative, designed to support law enforcement combating violent gang crime, while also promoting prevention efforts to discourage gang involvement. As part of the initiative, in May 2006 the Department provided anti-gang resources for prevention, enforcement, and offender reentry efforts to six sites across the nation: Los Angeles, CA, Tampa, FL, Cleveland, OH, Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX, Milwaukee, WI, and the “222 Corridor” that stretches from Easton to Lancaster in Pennsylvania.

The Anti-Gang Initiative has made strides in the original six sites. Recently, the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention reported Gonzalez’ announcement of the expansion of the Comprehensive Anti-Gang Initiative to include four additional sites: Rochester, NY, Oklahoma City, OK, Indianapolis, IN, and Raleigh-Durham, NC. Each site will receive $2.5 million in additional grant funding to combat gang violence.

Strategies will address the following areas:

*Prevention-will support prevention efforts like the Gang Reduction Program, which focuses on
reducing youth-gang crime and violence by addressing personal, family, and community factors
that contribute to juvenile delinquency and gang activity

*Enforcement-will help support enforcement programs focusing on law enforcement efforts on
the most significant violent gang offenders

*Prisoner Re-entry-will work with faith-based and other community organizations to create
reentry assistance programs that will provide transitional housing, job readiness and placement
assistance, along with substance abuse and mental health treatment to prisoners re-entering
society.

Read more about the Comprehensive Anti-Gang Initiative and the progress that has been made at the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention website.

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Do you have any idea how prevalent drugs are in your teenager’s high school or middle school? Do you know what kinds of drugs are most popular among students? This came up for me when I recently heard about an undercover drug operation in a county adjacent to the one in which we live. Apparently, after a six-month ongoing investigation, 11 students at this particular school were arrested and had a total of 26 charges filed against them.

The police were invited to the school by the principal, who had received multiple complaints from parents, students and community members about the possibility of drugs in the school. The drugs involved were marijuana, cocaine, Xanax, methadone, and a variety of painkillers, including Soma, Vicodin, Lortab, and Percocet. Now, having been a social worker who has worked in both hospital and rehab settings, I recognized the names of all these drugs. There’s some heavy-duty stuff here! And most of it is prescription drugs, which I know are on the rise as far as drugs of choice.

After hearing about this school, I called my daughter’s school principal. I asked about reports of possible drug use or abuse in my daughter’s high school. He was extremely uncomfortable responding to my question and, though he admitted that he had had “some” complaints about possible drug use, he said he was “unable” to give me any idea how many reports there had been, and whether they had been investigated. I then proceeded to call the school superintendent’s office. I was handed over to the public relations officer who, basically, gave me the same non-information as the principal.

I finally called the local sheriff’s office. The officer who was directed to answer my questions made a not of the questions I had, promised to do some research and get back to me. After two days, I haven’t received a phone call or an email. I promised myself that I would give her a week and then call back. This lack of information bothers me to no end. I realize that the community wants to give the impresssion that things are going great in the schools, but when we are all willing to admit that there is a problem, I dislike being given the runaround.

For some USEFUL information on drugs among teenagers and in schools, you can go to Teen Drug Abuse. They have statistics, information on various drugs, and lots of other information. Try calling your school principal, school board’s office, etc., regarding drug use in your teen’s school. See if you are given any more concrete information than I was. I’d really like to hear about what kind of information you are given.

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