Parenting Teens

Do you have a teenager with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)? Does he or she often feel overwhelmed. For most of us, the feeling of being overwhelmed comes along with a big project or some kind of stressful event. For a teen with ADHD, that overwhelming feeling can come with something as simple as doing homework, or planning how to use weekend time.

Another concern is school projects, such as book reports, presentations-anything that will take more than a few hours to complete. The fact that it must be done in steps over a period of time adds to the problem. How do you help your teen address such issues?

For overwhelming nightly homework, help your teenager choose the first assignment to do. If possible, choose an assignment which they enjoy, find easy to do, or that is short. This will be faster to complete, and will help them feel a sense of accomplishment at completing the task, which can raise their level of confidence. When your child is working on an assignment, have him/her put everything else away, and simply concentrate on the task at hand. No distractions. This can make homework go much more smoothly for an ADHD child.

For larger projects, break down the larger project into its smaller steps, and schedule the entire project on a calendar. Perhaps you will want to keep the calendar out of your teen’s sight, so that the sight of the entire project doesn’t give them that overwhelmed feeling again! On a calendar that your teen has access to, write down one item at a time on the date it needs to be completed. This way, he/she has only one item to concentrate on-not a bunch of tasks over a large period of time. After they have completed the task on the calendar, you can mark it off as finished, and add another task.

To help a teen manage weekend time, assist them in making out a schedule. First, schedule time for things which must be done, such as chores and homework. If they have outings with friends or groups, put those into the schedule at the proper times. Helping your ADHD teen get into the habit of planning and allocating their time is a skill they will use for the rest of their lives. Helping them do it now will make it easier for teenagers when they go away to college.

If you have a teen or other child with ADHD and have any tips for the rest of us, please let us know in the comments!

Check out Mental & Emotional Health for other good tips.

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I belong to several groups dealing with parenting teenagers. The other day, the subject of discrimination against the mentally handicapped came up in one of those groups. One mother of a young teen in middle school brought up the report by her daughter that the word “retard” was used all the time by students at her school. Students apparently used the word as an adjective and as a derogatory remark against other students.

This member has a two-and-a-half year old nephew who has Down’s Syndrome. Her daughter is very close to her cousin, and was angered and hurt by the casual use of this word among her fellow students. We were all upset that this word would be used so callously by young teens. The girl’s parent felt that, since their school district sent all mentally handicapped students to one particular school, the causal use of this word was a result of these students not being exposed to their peers with mental disabilities. I have other ideas.

I place this squarely with the parents of students who would use such hurtful and derogatory remarks. As parents, we have a responsibility to teach our children to have compassion for others and to respect their feelings. The use of such words is, to me, a clear example that parents have not taught their children such compassion. Now, I realize that children can pick up on a word used by a peer and repeat it, sometimes not realizing how hurtful it can be. But such word use does not, originally, come from a vacuum. Children pick up on parents and other family members who do not have care and compassion for others. They will mimic not only words, but actions.

As a group we discussed this mother going to the school administration and/or the counseling office and requesting that the children receive some sensitivity training in this area. I’d suggest the same thing to any of you who have teens or any age children in a school where this type of thing goes on. It won’t stop all of the children from using such hurtful words, but it will reach some, who will realize that they are hurting the feelings of others. And be sure that you talk with teens, and any age children, about compassion and respecting others’ feelings.

The above Youtube video is a heartfelt speech by a high school student with a mentally handicapped sister. He talks about how he has learned more about life and love from his sister than from any classroom. Watch it, and share it with your teens. It has some very valuable lessons.

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