Parenting Teens

…that we send all the boys screaming and hiding their eyes, or at the very least make them squirm in their seat uncomfortably. Today, we’re going to talk about periods.

Peppermist: Whats a period mom? (Like she doesn’t know!)
Me: The dot at the end of a sentence. (Ha take THAT!)
PM: I thought that was a comma! (in Mock shock!)
Me: No, that’s when you bleed every month. (can’t best me!)
PM: Oh. Hey - what do boys get, if girls get a comma? (sly…)
Me: Uh.. (…crap)
PM: I know. Boys get EXCLAMATION POINTS.
Me: *headdesk*

Yes - that’s an actual snarky conversation one day after health class. My kid is AWESOME. *L* And yes, we’re gonna talk a little bit about menstruation and how to broach the subject with your girls. Whether you call it your little friend, your monthly visitor, your Aunt Flow, getting unwell, “Nancy” (don’t ask me why we called it Nancy. When I MET a little girl named Nancy we went back to Aunt Flow - much to her relief!) or any other subtitle - it’s a fact of life. It happened to you, and it will happen to your little girl, too. And what’s worse, is that her attitudes about it, and how she feels about the natural process of her body will only be 50% guided by you. The rest of the (mis)information will come from her peers.

As with everything - I encourage you to TALK TO YOUR CHILD. This is the utmost in importance, because it can be a scary thing, this first period. To find yourself suddenly bleeding, for days, it’s hard to believe that nothing is wrong, that it’s supposed to happen this way.

There are a LOT of useful books and tools out there to help you talk to your daughters if your squeamish about it too, so there’s no excise for having it be a surprise to your pre-teen/teen. If you can’t quite bring yourself to broach The Talk, then check these out:

My first Period Kit & DVD
Dr. Chrustal de Freitas understands how awkward these little “chats” can be, and how parents often get tongue-tied or dance around the details due to embarrassment. Based on her own experience with her daughters, she’s designed the My First Period Kit and DVD to help facilitate discussion about the first period. The goal is to help you share the essential information with your daughter and set a solid foundation for open and healthy discussions. It has accurate, age-appropriate information, and the kit includes some gifts as well.

It includes:
- A 99 minute DVD with the healthy Chats for Girls seminar to watch with your daughter, plus an age-appropriate helpful The birds and the Bees with Ease!”
- Pretty Pad Purse that can slip easily into your daughter’s backpack
- Full Color Parent Guide
- Trendy Butterfly Bracelet
- Handy Quick Reference Card to help tackle Frequently Asked Questions.

My Little Red Book
I saw the editor of this book on the Rachael Ray Show, and have been waiting for this entry to point you all in it’s direction. Mortified by her own first period experience, 18 year old Rachel Kauder Nalebuff decided to get together a collection of first time stories so that the girls out there know that they are not alone. The stories are told by a variety of women from all walks of life, and Rachel hopes it helps “get the conversation Flowing!”

And as we recently celebrated Earth Day, here’s a couple of alternatives to the conventional pads and tampons for you and your daughter.

Luna Pads have gotten a lot of great reviews, and are washable/reusable pads and liners, in a variety of sizes, shapes and fabric patterns, including an ‘intro’ kit for girls and teens.

The Diva Cup: used to collect rather than to absorb the menstrual flow, this alternative is perfect for all activities and ends the hassle of pads and tampons. PLEASE be sure that your daughter is COMFORTABLE with her own body first. This cup is washable, reusable, and is reportedly very easy to use as well. The site covers all the frequently asked questions you can think of, and holds a wealth of information.

There are also a bunch of other books on Amazon - books by American Girl that talk about puberty and taking care of your body, The Care and Keeping of You, among many others. The point is - as always - don’t be afraid to talk to your daughters. It’s a natural thing, and doesn’t have to be scary at all, if your open and honest and let them know what to expect.

Alright boys - you can come back now!

I’m really on my soapbox this morning, so I just have to blog about it! I found this article online at the Athens Banner-Herald, a local paper here in Georgia. Apparently, parents of kids at Malcolm Bridge Elementary School in Oglethorpe County, Georgia, are up in arms over their children seeing a video with a scene depicting childbirth.

The show is a 1997 episode of “Reading Rainbow” called “On The Day You Were Born.” According to the article, teachers have been showing this video every year since it was aired in 1997. It is part of the school’s approved curriculum. The video is part of a section of lessons on family changes, and depicts a real family of five dealing with the expected birth of a new child.

I haven’t seen the video, but the article describes the controversial(!) scene as real, and not a dramatization. The mother is shown from the side dressed in a hospital gown, and no private parts are revealed. Following the birth, the doctor holds up the newborn for the camera.

Some parents were outraged that their children had been shown this video. One mother called it “disgusting” and thought that parents should have been notified that it would be shown. The teachers who showed the video wrote a letter home to the parents, apologizing for any issues it had caused.

What is wrong with these people?! Since when is childbirth disgusting? I’m the proud mom of a 17-year-old. I remember her birth as though it were yesterday. There was nothing disgusting about it. I’ll grant you, there were moments in there when I wasn’t exactly having fun, but I certainly didn’t find it repulsive. And just look what I have to show for it!

I’m genuinely amazed by the attitudes of some people. What kind of examples are we setting for our children by making so much fuss over something which is a normal, natural part of life? I wonder what that mom will say if her child asks if she found his/her birth “disgusting?”

I realize this has nothing in particular to do with teenagers, but I’ve seen parents of teens with the same strait-laced attitudes. Let’s lighten up here, people!

For more on younger children, go to
Parenting Children

parenting, childbirth, school curriculum, sex education, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

For once, I’m going to recommend a book that I haven’t even read yet! Based on Newsweek’s interview with author Diana West, The Death of the Grown-up sounds like a fascinating book. Here’s a reprint of the interview:

NEWSWEEK: First, can you clarify how you are defining the term “grown-up�??
Diana West: What I’m mostly trying to define is the change in attitudes toward growing up. Reading Lionel Trilling, I was struck by what he saw. He noted the complete eradication of the notion of making a life with a beginning, middle and end. That would be the sea change, that aspiration has disappeared. It used to be a reflexive action to reject your growing years. People were expected to grow out of adolescence and lose certain traits such as the self-absorption, lack of identity and striving of a young person to find himself. We as a society no longer expect to find ourselves, it’s become an open-ended process.

Can you give an example of how you see adults behaving like adolescents?
Recently, the New York Times Style section’s lead story was about how “The Boys in the Band are in AARP�? [American Association of Retired People], about retired men starting garage bands. It’s like a morphing of what was once considered countercultural with the most mainstream, middle-class, stalwart members of the community. That kind of image really encapsulates the phenomenon and shows how society thinks that it is completely unremarkable.

So are we really talking about the death of the adult male?
Where womanhood stands today is deeply affected by the death of grown-up. I would say the sexualized female is part of the phenomenon I’m talking about, so I don’t think they’re immune to the death of the grown-up. Women are still emulating young fashion. Where sex is more available, there are no longer the same incentives building toward married life, which once was a big motivation toward the maturing process.

You write that “it was during the period of peace, prosperity and bright futures that followed World War II that the adult began to ape the adolescent.�? Do you think the experience of war is necessary for the maturing process?
I wouldn’t say war is a necessary experience, though it certainly is a transformative experience. The question is, what is the formative experience to make a perpetual adolescent? When you talk about the postwar period, the vast new affluence is a big factor in reorienting the culture to adolescent desire. You see a shift in cultural authority going to the young. Instead of kids who might take a job to be able to help with household expenses, all of a sudden that pocket money was going into the manufacture of a massive new culture. That conferred such importance to a period of adolescence that had never been there before.

Hasn’t there always been a culture clash between generations?
The main difference is that the counterbalance has been lost. When you come up with the latest outrage that seems to shock people—something like kids freak-dancing at the prom—the adults tend to retreat, talk amongst themselves, wring their hands, but never exercise the power they have as mentors and parents and teachers. They never instruct kids in basic civility, in basic male-female relationships. You lose your power when you don’t exercise it. The adults today have no confidence. I remember being at a high-school party, and at 12 o’clock the mother comes into the middle of the room and blows a police whistle and says, “Thank you for coming, goodnight.�? What parent would do that today? It’s the same thing with the spring-break syndrome, where kids are planning expensive trips, going out unchaperoned, they are drinking, debauching, absolutely running amok, yet the parents say, “I can’t do anything about it.�? Parents have abdicated responsibilities to give in to adolescent desire.

You quote the cultural critic Neil Postman (“Amusing Ourselves to Death�?) saying that prior to literate adulthood, “everyone shared the same information environment.�? Could we be seeing a return to that today, with the Internet allowing everyone access to the same information?
I think the Internet comes late to the game. It magnifies the ideas. The Internet is not a cause of the death of the grown-up, but maybe an extension, in the sense that it opened up the boundaries of accessibility to information. But so much of what we consider to be sophistication is just exposure, not really experience or achievement. This sort of exposure can be jading but not enriching.

What I hear you saying is that kids have become more adult in their behaviors just as adults have become more childlike. Is it the death of the grown-up, or the end of childhood?
It’s kind of like a blending that ends up yielding neither one nor the other. There is this sense of wanting to stay young, wanting to stay open, unformed, not wanting Lionel Trilling’s shaped life. You see quite a number of men and women aping the young in terms of everyday clothing, 10-year-olds and 50-year-olds are wearing chunky athletic shoes, T shirts and shorts, and they’re looking the same. It used to be a mark of passage when boys stopped wearing short pants. There’s not really a popular culture that’s geared toward adults. Will it stay with us forever? Will it be something we look back on as a funny blip? I don’t know, but I think it is something new.

I agree with most of the things Ms. West says in this interview. And I believe that one of the reasons for the erosion of parental authority over teenagers is that parents seem “less grown-up” to their teens that my own parents seemed to me. It often does seem that, when I was a teen, no matter the size of the kid, you could tell parent from child merely by the clothes they were wearing. Now, my daughter and I tend to wear the same styles-mostly jeans and tops.

However, clothes are only an outward sign. I think one of the biggest problems is this fear that many parent seem to have to really discipline their kids. Adolescents have become a group with a lot of power, while parents seem to have less authority over them. And parents need to take back that authority.

I can’t wait to get my copy of this book! How do you feel about your authority over your children? Does it seem to you that teens and adults have become more “blended” and that the lines are becoming blurred? Is this a bad or good thing? Let me know how you feel.

teens, teenagers, adolescence, parental authority, Diana West, The Death of the Grown-up, teens and authority, parenting teens, parenting teenagers, parental responsibility

Suspended Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick has apologized to everyone affected by his actions in running an illegal dogfighting ring-especially kids who idolize him. Here’s an excerpt from a Forbes article, quoting Vick’s statements following his guilty plea in federal court Monday:

Michael Vick stood behind a podium, all alone. His amazing speed and quickness was of no use in this predicament. He couldn’t scramble away from trouble with one of those nifty moves. All he could do was apologize. And ask for forgiveness. And start “bettering Michael Vick the person, not the football player.”

Looking somber and speaking without notes, Vick said Monday he was taking full responsibility for his actions after pleading guilty to a federal dogfighting charge in Richmond, Va.

He could go to prison for one to five years.

“I offer my deepest apologies to everybody out there in the world who was affected by this whole situation, and if I’m more disappointed with myself than anything it’s because of all the young people, young kids that I let down, who look at Michael Vick as a role model,” he said.

Vick canceled a Tuesday morning radio appearance on “The Tom Joyner Morning Show”. Host Tom Joyner said Vick’s advisors suggested that the football player shouldn’t talk at this time because someone “might take any part of our interview out of context.”

Vick called dogfighting “a terrible thing,” said he initially lied to the NFL and his team about it because he was ashamed, and apologized specifically to all those he deceived about a gruesome dogfighting ring: commissioner Roger Goodell, Atlanta Falcons owner Arthur Blank, coach Bobby Petrino and his teammates.

“I need to grow up,” Vick conceded

Michael Vick does, indeed, need to grow up. The sad thing is that, at age 27, he should already be grown up enough to know better than this. The fact that he isn’t is a sad commentary on the state of those who do their growing up (at least physically) in the public eye.

Vick, just like Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, and lots of other celebrities-whether they be in sports, acting, whatever-seem to believe that, somehow, the rules don’t apply to them. They are under some impression that, because they are young, talented, and rich, they can pretty much go out and do anything they want and not pay the consequences. And they are finding themselves in legal and career troubles because of it.

Talk with your children and teens about they Michael Vick situation. Point out to them that their actions have consequences, and that they must take responsibility for themselves. They will grow up to be better adults because of it.

Michael Vick, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Atlanta Falcons, Michael Vick plea, teens, teenagers, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

I’m very happy to announce that Parenting Teens now has parenting forums! I’ve been working on these forums for a while now(amongst other writing chores), and they are now ready for the general public!

Although they are administered by me through the Parenting Teens blog, they are not just for parents of teens. There are categories available for parents who have children of every age-baby through college age. There are also Just For Moms and Just For Dads categories, as well as areas for different types of families and for school issues.

These forums are something I have long wanted to do, and I am very excited about them! You can access the forums at any time by using the link in the “About” box just to the right of this blog, or by going to http://www.parentingteensblog.com/forums/ . So, please, drop by the forums, register, and return often to chat with other parents about parent and child issues. See you there!

parent forums, parenting forums, parents, parenting, moms, dads, children, kids

Over at NewScientist.com I came across an interesting report titled Instant Expert: Teenagers. This report provides useful information on the changes which occur during the teen years-such as changes in social behavior, risky activities such as drug abuse, etc.

What I found most interesting is that it’s also humorous! Here’s an excerpt:

Adolescents are known to be moody, insecure, argumentative, angst-ridden, impulsive, impressionable, reckless and rebellious. Teenagers are also characterised by odd sleeping patterns, awkward growth spurts, bullying, acne and slobbish behaviour. So what could be the possible benefit of the teenage phase?

Most other animals - apes and human ancestors included - skip that stage altogether, developing rapidly from infancy to full adulthood. Humans, in contrast, have a very puzzling four-year gap between sexual maturity and prime reproductive age. Anthropologists disagree on when the teenage phase first evolved, but pinpointing that date could help define its purpose.

I’m not sure they meant this to be funny but, to me, that question about what the possible benefit of the teenage phase could be is hilarious! Check out the entire report. It might help you make sense of your teenager’s behavior-to some extent!

teens, teenagers, teen behavior, teenage behavior, hormones, adolescence, adolescent behavior, risky activity, parenting teens, parenting teenagers, NewScientist.com

Today, I’d like to use Parenting Teens to spread the word about a wonderful program called YouthBuild, USA. The following information about their programs is taken directly from their website:

In YouthBuild programs, low-income young people ages 16–24 work toward their GED or high school diploma while learning job skills by building affordable housing for homeless and low-income people. Strong emphasis is placed on leadership development and community service.

All YouthBuild students are poor and many have had experience with foster care, juvenile justice, welfare, and homelessness. Participants spend 6 to 24 months in the full-time program, dividing their time between the construction site and the YouthBuild alternative school. Community- and faith-based nonprofit organizations sponsor most programs, although some are sponsored by public agencies. Each YouthBuild program raises private and public funds to support itself. Primary support comes from the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development through a dedicated federal line item.

Because a comprehensive approach is called for, the YouthBuild program has gradually and inevitably become a number of things at once:

An alternative school, in which young people attend a YouthBuild school full-time on alternate weeks, studying for their GEDs or high school diplomas. Classes are small, allowing one-on-one attention to students.

A community service program, in which young people build housing for homeless and other low-income people, providing a valuable and visible commodity for their hard-pressed communities.

A job training and pre-apprenticeship program, in which young people get close supervision and training in construction skills full-time on alternate weeks from qualified instructors.

A leadership development and civic engagement program, in which young people share in the governance of their own program through an elected policy committee and participate actively in community aff airs, learning the values and the life-long commitment needed to be eff ective and ethical community leaders.

A youth development program, in which young people participate in personal counseling, peer support groups, and life planning processes that assist them in healing from past hurts, overcoming negative habits and attitudes, and pursuing achievable goals that will establish a productive life.

A long-term mini-community, in which young people make new friends committed to a positive lifestyle, pursue cultural and recreational activities together, and can continue to participate for years through the YouthBuild Alumni Association.

A community development program, in which community-based organizations obtain the resources to tackle several key community issues at once, strengthening their capacity to build and manage housing for their residents, educate and inspire their youth, prevent crime, create leadership for the future, and generally take responsibility for their neighborhoods.

YouthBuild USA was founded as the Youth Action Program in East Harlem in 1978 by Dorothy Stoneman (now president). In 1984, it became citywide in New York and, in 1990, became nationwide as YouthBuild USA. Since those beginnings, the program has had many successes and has become a valuable source of lifebuilding skills for many teens, as well as providing helpful resources for low-income families. Success stories of some of the program participants can be found on the page titled Stories of Transformation.

Check out this site to see all the wonderful things they’re doing, and to find out if there is a chapter near you. This can be a wonderful resource for teens in general and, especially, for teens experiencing problems.

YouthBuild, YouthBuild, USA, troubled teens, programs for troubled teens, community service, job training, youth development, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

A new study from Johns Hopkins Children’s Center talks about the sexual health of teenage boys. The survey of boys ages 15-19 shows that boys who can talk more openly with both parents about their sexual health are more likely to see a doctor for preventive care.

This should send a strong message to all parents about the health of their teen sons. Prevention of sexually transmitted diseases is all about acting responsibly. And where do teen boys learn about sexual responsibility? From both fathers and mothers.

The study also showed that boys with stereotypes about masculinity promoted thinking that seeking medical care is a sign of weakness, and that those types of beliefs could be a risk factor in and of themselves.

Talking with your teen about sexuality can be one of the most difficult things a parent of a teenager can face. It’s not easy, particularly if your own parents had difficulty talking to you about the subject.

But think about how much you love your son, and about how you’d feel if something happened to him that you could have helped prevent by talking with him. Both fathers and mothers should talk with their sons about sexuality and how to protect themselves. Boys can gain very different perspectives on sexual relationships from their fathers and mothers. Those different perspectives are very important to good and safe sexual relationships.

Do you, or have you, talked with your teenage son about sexual health? I’d love to know how you dealt with it, and how it worked out for you and your son.

teen boys, teenage boys, sons, teenage sons, parents, parenting, parenting boys, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

I found the following study results at New Scientist:

Celebrity worship may play an important part of growing up, suggest the results of a UK study.

Star-struck teens are generally emotionally well-adjusted and popular, with their celebrity interests forming a healthy part of adolescent development and bonding, say psychologists from the Universities of Leicester and Coventry.

However, those with extreme celebrity fascination, are likely to be lonely children without close attachments to friends or family, suggests the new study.

John Maltby and David Giles surveyed 191 English schoolchildren between the ages of 11 and 16. They found that those who avidly followed celebrities’ lives were the most popular.

For about 30 per cent of the children, gossiping about favourite celebrities with their peer group took up much of their social time. These children were found to have a particularly strong and close network of friends and to have created a healthy emotional distance from their parents.

“As children grow up, they start to transfer their attachment from parents to their peers. Celebrities start to take on the hero status role that their parents formerly fulfilled when the children were younger and it seems to be a healthy part of development,” explains Maltby, who led the study.

“The main function of celebrity attachments in adolescence may be as an extended social network - a group of ‘pseudo-friends’ who form the subject of peer gossip and discussion,” he told New Scientist. “The ongoing subject of celebrities’ lives can provide a valuable bonding tool among their friends, while enabling them to be emotionally autonomous from their parents.”
Mildly pathologic

Evolutionary psychologist Francisco Gil-White, from the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia, says humans have a biological predisposition towards recognising prestigious individuals and acting sycophantically towards them. “In the ancestral environment, prestigious individuals would be followed by people who wanted to gain information about successful living,” he says.

“Modern-day children who follow celebrities may be more popular because they are using this inbuilt mechanism to determine who and what is ‘cool’,” he suggests.

However, about eight per cent of the children surveyed were fanatically devoted to their celebrity “friends”. These children felt they had an intense personal relationship with the famous person, describing them as “soul mates”.

This type of celebrity worship was seen by the psychologists as more problematic and mildly pathologic. These children were lonely individuals with few friends, but also less attached to their parents.

“Intense attachment to celebrities was best predicted by low levels of security and closeness. It may be that intense relationships with celebrities develop during times of stress, or for individuals who are lonely or isolated, or lack social skills,” Maltby suggests.

Journal reference: Personality and Individual Differences (vol 36, p 813)

In light of the recent behavior by Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, and other celebrities who have, typically, been teen favorites, all this is pretty disturbing. I’d hate being the parent of a celebrity! However, if I’d been the parent of any of these young ladies while they were still in their teens, you can bet that a lot more discipline would have been introduced into their lives. And none of them would have lasted a day around my own mother, who firmly believed in spankings!

Who do your teens idolize? What do you think of their choices? Share with the rest of us!

celebrities, teen idols, New Scientist, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, teen discipline, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

Tracey over at Paris Hilton Watch is doing a great job keeping up with all Hilton’s latest antics. As a parent, however, I felt a strong urge to say something after hearing about Paris’ latest woes.

Hilton was recently sentenced to 45 days in jail after being caught driving on a suspended license, for the second time. Apparently, upon hearing that she would be required to spend all of about 23 actual days in jail (taking into account time off for good behavior, which I wouldn’t bet on with Paris Hilton), and spending it in a “special needs facility” separated from the general inmate population, poor Paris had a nervous breakdown! She immediately started a petition asking for a pardon from Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger (who reportedly said that he had not seen a petition, but that he had more important things to do, anyway)!

The most upsetting thing to me about all this is that there are still teen and preteen girls out there who still see Paris Hilton as a role model, and haven’t figured out that (even though she’s 26 now), most teens and preteens are more mature than Paris!

Apparently, this childish woman has NEVER learned that her actions have consequences, that she is not above the law, and that she must be responsible for herself. Parents, please, teach your children right from wrong. Teach them that they must pay for their mistakes.

Make them think that they are special, yes-but not so special that they can get away with things for which everyone else must take responsibility. Don’t let them reach the age of 26 thinking that money, fame, or anything else puts them above the law. The last thing we need is any more Paris Hiltons out there!

Paris Hilton, parents, parenting, Arnold Schwarzenegger, teens, teenagers, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

This is a wonderful read for parents of teen and pre-teen girls. Stressed-Out Girls: Hleping Them Thrive In the Age of Pressure by Roni Cohen-Sandler deals with the stresses girls face today, and how parents can help them cope.

In this excellent book, which gives a lot of practical advice, Dr. Cohen-Sandler discusses how girls experience stress differently than boys:

• In general, girls report far more school-related stress than do boys. They believe that to be successful, they have to be extraordinary in every area of their lives: academic, social, extracurricular, and appearance.

• Compared to girls, boys report being less invested in school. They feel less connected, are less likely to feel successful, and have fewer worries about college.

• Although all teens report being burdened by too much homework and tests, girls are 55% more likely than boys to say they pressure themselves to get good grades and do well in school.

• Girls are also more stressed-out as they go through their school days because of social stress: they constantly monitor their relationships with peers and teachers.

• Heightened worries about appearance—body image, clothing choices, and make-up—further exacerbate the daily stress of teen girls.

• Whereas boys express stress more directly, girls keep their stress hidden.

In addition, she talks about the high levels of stress girls suffer:

• The majority of girls report feeling “too much�? or “way too much�? pressure to get good grades.

• More than 2/3 of girls in middle school say they “usually�? or “always�? pressure themselves to succeed. By high school, that number rises to _.

• Almost 2/3 of girls in middle school and 3/4 of girls in high school believe the amount of free time they have is “too little�? or “not nearly enough.�?

• Nearly 2/3 of girls in middle school and high school report that the amount of homework they get is “too much�? or “way too much.�?

Other helpful topics include how stress for girls worsens over time, and what parents and teachers can do to recognize and help alleviate stress. Although many parents and educators endorse the book, some of the most telling comments come from the girls themselves. One girl wrote “I am currently reading your book Stressed Out-Girls, and I love it! I am probably one of the busiest and most stressed-out girls in my class. Being senior class president, the head of 2 clubs, varsity tennis captain, and taking eight classes in school (not to mention trying to get into college!) the word “pressure” is nothing new to me. I often take on too much, and find it hard to say “no” when asked to do something. I barely made it through Junior year, because I took on too much and had a huge mental breakdown. My grades went down and I wish I could just start over again.”

This book can really open your eyes to the sources of stress for your teenage daughter! Together, my daughter and I sat down and realized there were sources of stress of which she was not even aware! I’d recommend the book for any parents of teen and pre-teen daughters. If you’re a mom, it can also be an eye-opener to some of the sources of stress in your own teenage years!

stress, teen stress, teenage stress, teen girls’ stress, teenage girls’ stress, Stressed-Out Girls, Roni Cohen-Sandler, Ph.D., parenting teens, parenting teenagers, teen girls, teenage girls

Web MD has an interesting article concerning a study done by a Harvard graduate student, who analyzed data collected from approximately 15,000 teenagers. The teens were interviewed in 1995 and again in 1996. The title of the piece is Teen Virginity Pledges: Can They Work. According to the study, apparently not very well!

In the first survey, 13% of teens said they’d taken a virginity pledge. A year later, 53% of them said, “What pledge?”

Now, this could point to a need to conduct more studies on memory in teenagers! But I don’t think so! It sounds more like selective memory loss. Apparently, those teens who were already sexually active or had become sexually active were more likely to retract their virginity pledges.
The article goes on to talk about sex-education and religion, and the roles they play in how teenagers report sexual activity. The entire article is available at the above link. It’s a good read, so drop in.

However, I was more interested in getting some feedback from readers. As the parent of a teen, have you tried a virginity pledge with your son or daughter? What was the result? Do you think that a virginity pledge is something that teens would uphold? I’d like to know what other parents think of virginity pledges-whether you feel they’re a good thing, and why or why not?

parenting teens, parenting teenagers, teen sexuality, virginity pledges, WebMD, sexually active teenagers, teen sexual activity

One of the questions currently making the rounds of Dear Abby is the following:

DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old high school senior. Last summer I lost my virginity. Since then I have slept with six guys. Do you think my future husband will be seriously upset about it, even though he will probably have been out there more than I have?

I guess I want to know whether you think I have become free-spirited or just promiscuous. — POSSIBLY PROMISCUOUS IN MURFREESBORO, N.C.

DEAR POSSIBLY: What I think is less important than what YOU think is appropriate behavior. And if you were comfortable with what you have been doing, you wouldn’t have written me.

If you continue on this path, you are in for trouble. The first thing that comes to mind is whether or not you know how to protect yourself from an unplanned pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease. If the answer is no, then you need to see a doctor or visit a Planned Parenthood clinic and learn about the real “facts of life.” These include being checked for any STD you might have already been exposed to.

In addition, you say that in the last seven or eight months you have slept with six different men. At the rate you’re going, in another six months that number could double, and by the time you are 25, the total could be close to 100. That is not what people refer to as “free-spirited.” It definitely is what they call promiscuous. So, please take a break from men for a while and think carefully about how casual sex could affect your future

I agree with Abby 100% on this one! Obviously, this girl is not comfortable with her own behavior, or she wouldn’t be questioning it.

What about your teens-both girls and boys? Have you talked with them about their sex lives lately? This goes for teens of legal age, as well as those who are underage. Are they sexually active? Are they comfortable with the way they are behaving, and with how they are expressing their sexuality?

This is an important issue, as it can affect the way they handle relationships for the rest of their lives. This type of issue can be very difficult to address, even with older teens, but find a way to do it. It can take away some of the constant worry you feel as a parent.

teen sexuality, teen relationship, teens and sex, parenting teens, parenting teenagers, Dear Abby, sexuality, sexual relationships

The Associated Press has published an informative article regarding obesity surgery among U.S. teenagers. Essentially, it states that the number of teenagers having obesity surgery has tripled in recent years. The story is based on a study appearing in the Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine.

According to the study, the number of obesity surgery among teenagers had tripled from 2000-2003, reaching 771 surgeries among teens in 2003. Also, they report that the surgery appears to be slightly less risky in teenagers than in adults, with teens having shorter hospital stays than adults following surgery. Increased surgery among teens is, at least partially, attributed to publicity about celebrities having the surgery. They do provide the caveat that surgery should be a last resort for teens.

Of the 11 responses which had been posted when I read the article, almost all of them were something along the lines of parents being more responsible for their teens’ eating and exercise habits. The people who responded felt that teenagers watch too much TV and play too many video games while stuffing themselves with junk food.

I wholeheartedly agree with the idea that kids these days do not get enough exercise and eat too much junk food. These facts are evident everywhere around us. I was disturbed that both the study and the AP’s article talked about surgery tripling among teenagers without going into the reasons why it had tripled. There were a few quotes from a teenage boy who had undergone the surgery. That was it.

Where are the reasons? Did the teens simply feel they were too overweight? Had they tried other approaches to losing weight? How many approaches, and how long did they try? How did they reach the decision to have surgery?

Also, how about some information from parents whose children have had the surgery? Obviously, with the exception of teenagers over 18, the parents had to have given their consent, since either they or their insurance plans had to pay for it! What convinced them to allow their children to undergo surgery? To what did they attribute their teens’ obesity? Too much eating and too little exercise? Or did some of these teens have medical problems which made losing weight any other way too difficult or even impossible for them?

While this article was informational in some ways, it left out what I felt was a lot of pertinent information. I can certainly see teens who have medical problems with losing weight undergoing the surgery. But are some teens and parents simply taking this as an easy out, rather than undergoing diet and exercise programs?

I’d like to hear from any parents and teens out there with opinions on this.

obesity, obesity surgery, teen obesity, weight, weight problems, parents, parenting

I couldn’t let this week pass by without mentioning National Eating Disorders Awareness Week. Eating disorders affect millions of people each year, including a disturbing number of teenagers. As someone who has struggled with eating disorders, I know firsthand the anguish and difficulties that can go along with them.

As a teenager, I suffered from binge eating-recurrent episodes of compulsive overeating. In my twenties, I did a complete 180-degree turnaround and suffered from anorexia nervosa-self starvation and excessive weight loss. At nearly 5 feet, 8 inches tall, I weighed only 100 lbs. at one point! My body image was terrible. No matter how much or how little weighed, all I saw was fat! I look back at pictures of myself now, and realize that I was skin and bone at one point, but I couldn’t see it.

I was helped by a combination of mental health counseling and good nutritional counseling. I learned to look at the state of my health, rather than the look of my body. Having learned so much from those days, I’ve tried to put it to the best use as the parent of a daughter.

Basically, I’ve never made weight an issue with my daughter. We talk about health rather than weight. We discuss healthy eating and exercise habits, as well as healthy body image. When we look at teen and fashion magazines, we discuss whether the models look healthy, and what both my daughter and I should do to maintain healthy weight.

After years of walking and using a “Gazelle” for working out, I joined “Curves” a few months ago. I’ve been really enjoying the program. The variety of exercises done in 30-second increments helps avoid boredom, and the complete workout in 30 minutes makes it easy to fit into my schedule. Recently, my daughter asked to join with me. She doesn’t feel she’s overweight, but she wants to do some tightening and toning. I’m really looking forward to it, as time we can spend together doing something worthwhile!

National Eating Disorders Awareness Week’s website offers tons of information on the different types of eating disorders, how you can get involved in educating the public on them, different types of treatments, and many other aspects of eating disorders. It also offers ways to improve body image and offers you a chance to register with their Parent and Family Network to receive updates.

If you suspect your child or teen has an eating disorder, make an appointment with a doctor right away. Eating disorders are often deadly diseases and, even when they are not, they cause lifelong physical and emotional problems. Make sure you are proactive in dealing with them.

eating disorders, binge eating, anorexia nervosa, National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, exercise, healthy eating, Curves, teens, teenagers, parents, parenting