Parenting Teens

Have you been following the controversy over nude pictures of 18-year-old “High School Musical” star Vanessa Hudgens? Seems nude photos of her have been leaked on the internet. Miss Hudgens has apologized for the photos, saying the following:

I want to apologize to my fans, whose support and trust means the world to me. I am embarrassed over this situation, and regret having ever taken these photos. I am thankful for the support of my family and friends.

What’s been interesting to read are some of the comments made about Miss Hudgens and the photos. Over at iVillage, the comments have run gamut from “She’s 18 years old, and these photos were done in private, so get over it!” to “Her career with Disney is over.” One of my favorite comments gave the opinion that “the world is not such an innocent place any more.”

What would your feelings as a parent be if a friend of your teen had nude photos on the internet? What if your own teen did? Personally, if my almost-17-year-old daughter has to apologize for nude pictures of her appearing on the web when she’s 18, it better be one “heck” of an apology!

It’s true that the world is not such an innocent place any more. I don’t necessarily think that’s a good thing. And I firmly believe that, whether or not they are considered legal adults, not all 18-year-olds are capable of making good decisions. These are the same 18-year-olds that are calling us from college because they need money, or they need mom to do their laundry next week! They’re having trouble with their coursework, and they need tutoring. We worry whether or not they’re living on pizza and cheeseburgers and never eating a green vegetable!

Sure, some of them are more mature than others. And if you think your daughter is capable of handling the kind of attention that comes with published nude photos of herself, and you’re okay with that-that’s up to you. Personally, I’m going to be here mourning that “more innocent” world we have lost-just for a little while!

teens, teenagers, Vanessa Hudgens, High School Musical, teen behavior, parenting, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

I used the picture above only because I couldn’t find anything dealing with the expenses of juniors, or with high school expenses in general-but whew! Do you sometimes feel your middle or high school age teen is bankrupting you? My daughter’s a junior this year, and we’ve never put out so much money in our lives!

First, as she’s a member of the marching band, we had to lay out $150.00 in band fees, as well as buying shoes, gloves, etc. Then, there’s the expense involved with the upkeep of her clarinet (we won’t go into what we paid for it three years ago), and what seems to be the almost constant buying of reeds for it. Then, as the marching band appears at all the football games, there’s the expense of buying two tickets for each home game for myself and her dad (we rarely go to away games, mainly to save money!). Then there’s the annual band trip, which will be to Disney World next spring, and which involves the outlay of several hundred dollars more. And none of this includes upkeep or anything else involving her bass guitar, which she plays in our church band and in jazz band at school, once the marching season’s over.

But enough about instruments. There’s still plenty of other expenses. She’s also on the academic team and the math team. Upcoming overnight trips for these two teams to compete will involve at least spending money, and some of the money for the travel expenses as well, since these teams don’t receive enough money from the school system to pay expenses. The jury’s still out on how much we will put into these two activities by the end of the school year.

On top of everything else, her academic team adviser is putting together a student trip to Germany, which will take place at the end of the school year, but we have to start making monthly payments of about $250.00 a month on it now. No, this trip isn’t absolutely necessary, but we’re determined to send her. She’s had several invitations to go on overseas trips since starting high school, but we haven’t been able to afford them and we’re determined to send her on this one.

Oh, yeah, then there’s the upcoming homecoming dance for which she’ll need a dress, shoes, and her hair and nails done! Then, in the spring will be her prom-involving another outlay of precious cash for finery. And, lest I forget, she came home yesterday with the news that she needs to buy her class ring this year-in order to get her cap and gown for next year’s graduation free.

And her birthday’s almost here, which involves a party, not to mention gifts! It’s a good thing she’ll be getting that cap and gown free next year! Her prom date for next year can plan to pick her up at the poorhouse! It’s where we’ll be living by the time her junior year is over!

teens, teenagers, school expenses, high school juniors, high school seniors, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

High school is so much more complicated now than when I was a teenager! My 16-year-old daughter begins her junior year this Monday, August 13. Of course, things really got started about three weeks ago, when she received her schedule for the upcoming year. Almost none of the classes were classes that she had requested.

This past spring, she had spent a couple of weeks working out her schedule for the coming year. She had talked with her teachers, her counselor, counselors at a couple of the colleges she’s interested in attending-she had really covered all the bases! I was proud of all the work she had put into it. Then, the official schedule arrived in the mail. It was all wrong!

Both she and I spent another couple of weeks talking with teachers and her counselor again. Turns out, her schedule had been mixed up with that of another girl, who has the same first name, and whose last name has the same three first letters. Getting it straightened out was a nightmare! But we finally had it.

Then, for the past two weeks, she had band camp for marching band. The school has a new band director. There was a new camp schedule, new music to be learned, new rules to learn and follow, etc. Then, the weather threw its two-cents-worth into the mix, gifting us with record high temperatures. The band was unable to practice on the football field, where they needed to be, which necessitated more schedule changes-resulting in drop-off and pick-up times which threw our carefully worked out schedule into more disarray.

Finally, we had made it through these last three weeks, exhausted and with our minds reeling from all the changes. Last night was open house, when we were able to meet her teachers. First, there was a general assembly with the principal introducing himself and new teachers. Then, there was an amusing little play by the school theater group, detailing the major policies of the school-dress code, no food and drink in the classrooms, no cell phones, no MP3 players, etc.

After assembly,we fought our way through the mob to get a copy of her final schedule, and then to go meet her teachers. The schedule was still wrong! So, we were off to the counselor’s office, where she made a couple of final (hopefully!) changes to my daughter’s schedule. We then met her teachers, who all seem to be nice and helpful, thank goodness!

This semester, my daughter’s taking Advanced Band, Advanced Physics, Advanced American Literature, and Trigonometry. After the past three weeks, that schedule should be a breeze!

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A wonderful website I ran across called Dads and Daughters, is about just that-the relationship between dads and daughters, and how dads can nurture and strengthen that relationship. They have a great quiz that lets a father assess his relationship with his daughter.

They also offer the following tips:

1) Listen to girls. Focus on what is really important–what my daughter thinks, believes, feels, dreams and does–rather than how she looks. I have a profound influence on how my daughter views herself. When I value my daughter for her true self, I give her confidence to use her talents in the world.

2) Encourage her strength and celebrate her savvy. Help my daughter learn to recognize, resist and overcome barriers. Help her develop her strengths to achieve her goals. Help her be what Girls Incorporated calls Strong, Smart and Bold!

3) Urge her to love her body & discourage dieting. Growing girls need to eat often and healthy. Dieting increases the risk of eating disorders. Advertisers spend billions to convince my daughter she doesn’t look “right.” I won’t buy into it. I’ll tell my daughter that I love her for who she is, not for how she looks.

4) Respect her uniqueness. See my daughter as a whole person, capable of anything—and make sure she knows that’s how I see her. My daughter is likely to choose a life partner who acts like me and has my values. So, treat her and those she loves with respect. That will help my daughter choose someone who respects and nourishes her long after she’s left my home.

5) Get physically active with her. Play catch, tag, jump rope, basketball, Frisbee, hockey, soccer, or just take walks…you name it! Help her learn all the great things her body can do. Physically active girls are less likely to get pregnant, drop out of school, or put up with an abusive partner. Studies show that the most physically active girls have fathers who are active with them. Being physically active with her is a great investment!

6) Get involved in your daughter’s school. Volunteer, chaperone, read to her class. Ask tough questions, like: Does the school have and use an eating disorder prevention or body image awareness program? Does it tolerate sexual harassment of boys or girls? Do more boys take advanced math and science classes and if so, why? (California teacher Doug Kirkpatrick’s girl students weren’t interested in science, so he changed his methods and their scores soared!) Are at least half the student leaders girls?

7) Get involved in your daughter’s activities. Volunteer to drive, coach, direct a play, teach a class—anything! Demand equality. Texas mortgage officer and volunteer basketball coach Dave Chapman was so appalled by the gym his 9-year-old daughter’s team had to use, he fought to open the modern “boys’” gym to the girls’ team. He succeeded. Dads make a difference!

Help make the world better for girls. This world does hold dangers for our daughters. But over-protection doesn’t work, and it tells my daughter that I don’t trust her and her abilities! I can work with other parents to demand an end to violence against females, media sexualization of girls, pornography, advertisers making billions feeding on our daughters’ insecurities, and all “boys are more important than girls” attitudes.

9) Take your daughter to work. Participate in every April’s official Take Our Daughters to Work® Day and make sure my business participates. Show her how I pay the bills and manage my money. My daughter will have a job some day, so I need to introduce her to the world of work and finances!

10) Join with other fathers. When I share my commitment to make the world respect and nurture our daughters, I’ll be amazed at how many other fathers agree. We can learn a lot from each other. And we can have a lot of influence when we work together by becoming a member of (or renewing a membership in) Dads and Daughters. Encourage other fathers to join, too

Check out the site, and share it with all the dads and daughters you know!

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I have a guest columnist today-my 16-year-old daughter, Sarah. She’s going to be talking about her relationship with her stepfather. To me, the relationship looks pretty darn good, but I promised to stay out of it-other than to give this brief intro. So, without further ado, here’s Sarah to give you her thoughts.

My dad first came into my life when I was six years old. Of course, technically, he’s my stepdad, but I’ve always thought of him as just dad, ’cause he’s the only father I’ve ever known. My biological dad dropped out of our lives when I was one year old, so I don’t remember him.

My mom was going to college at the time and Richard (my dad) was one of her friends. She had a bunch of college friends who came over for study groups and stuff (mostly other parents who had gone back to college like her), so I was used to that. I liked Richard, but I didn’t think much about him other than that.

Then, after awhile, he started to come over for dinner on nights when there wasn’t any study group. And sometimes, he’d stay to watch movies with us. He’d talk to me and play with me, and I started liking him more. At some point, I started wondering if he’d be my dad.

My mom had told me that, someday, she might get married, and I’d have a dad. I hadn’t really thought about it much, though. As far back as I could remember there’d never been a dad in my life. I had my grandpa and my uncle, who both did lots of things with me, but, in our house, there had always been just my mom and me.

Then came the first time mom asked if it was okay if Richard came to a school program with us. I think it was an awards ceremony. I said sure, and asked her straight out if he was going to be my dad. I remember her saying, “Well, he and I have been talking about that, and we’d like to sit down and talk about it with you, too.” So, after that awards program, we all came home, sat down with bowls of ice cream and talked about becoming a family.

At that point, Richard and my mom had been friends for two years, and had been dating for a year. I was eight years old. They asked how I’d feel if Richard moved in with us, and became my dad. They told me I didn’t need to call him “dad” unless I felt comfortable doing it. But he’d live with us and come home every night just like my mom did. He’d be around to play and do things with me, and help me with my homework (of course, he’d been doing those things already).

I was happy having a dad at home with us, but nervous, too. It changed some things between my mom and me, and that was hard to adjust to, at first. Luckily, they were both there to talk with me, and to ask me how they could help. My mom also took me to a child psychologist for a few months. She was really cool and helped me see things differently.

That was eight years ago and, now, it seems Dad has always been in my life. He’s been here for me through everything. We’ve done lots of great things together. I spent two years racing junior dragsters, with Dad as my pit crew and mechanic! I think that was the most fun we’ve had together-so far!

He tells me that his favorite memory, up to this point, was the time I was talking to some other kids in an elementary school class. I pointed to him and said, “There’s my dad!” He says that’s the proudest moment of his life.

There’s no doubt in my mind that he’ll always be there for me. His not being my biological dad doesn’t matter. He’s here when I need something, and when I just want to talk. Those are the important things.

dad, dads, fathers, stepfathers, daughters, teens, teenagers, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

Dear Abby is teaming with the Federal Citizens Information Center to provide a Health Information Packet celebrating National Women’s Health Week, May 13-19. The kit consists of publications usually offered separately by the FCIC, but are being offered in a packet for the first time. The kit contains publications on the following conditions and topics:

*Allergies
*Asthma
*Cholesterol
*Depression
*Diabetes
*Food Safety
*Heart Disease
*High Blood Pressure
*Listeria
*Mammography
*Sleep Disorders
*Smoking
*Strokes
*Sunscreens
*West Nile Virus

The kit is free, and is available for order at the above link, or by calling 1-888-878-3256. This is great information for all women (including moms!) and some of it could be useful for teen daughters as well! Order yours today!

This is a wonderful read for parents of teen and pre-teen girls. Stressed-Out Girls: Hleping Them Thrive In the Age of Pressure by Roni Cohen-Sandler deals with the stresses girls face today, and how parents can help them cope.

In this excellent book, which gives a lot of practical advice, Dr. Cohen-Sandler discusses how girls experience stress differently than boys:

• In general, girls report far more school-related stress than do boys. They believe that to be successful, they have to be extraordinary in every area of their lives: academic, social, extracurricular, and appearance.

• Compared to girls, boys report being less invested in school. They feel less connected, are less likely to feel successful, and have fewer worries about college.

• Although all teens report being burdened by too much homework and tests, girls are 55% more likely than boys to say they pressure themselves to get good grades and do well in school.

• Girls are also more stressed-out as they go through their school days because of social stress: they constantly monitor their relationships with peers and teachers.

• Heightened worries about appearance—body image, clothing choices, and make-up—further exacerbate the daily stress of teen girls.

• Whereas boys express stress more directly, girls keep their stress hidden.

In addition, she talks about the high levels of stress girls suffer:

• The majority of girls report feeling “too much” or “way too much” pressure to get good grades.

• More than 2/3 of girls in middle school say they “usually” or “always” pressure themselves to succeed. By high school, that number rises to _.

• Almost 2/3 of girls in middle school and 3/4 of girls in high school believe the amount of free time they have is “too little” or “not nearly enough.”

• Nearly 2/3 of girls in middle school and high school report that the amount of homework they get is “too much” or “way too much.”

Other helpful topics include how stress for girls worsens over time, and what parents and teachers can do to recognize and help alleviate stress. Although many parents and educators endorse the book, some of the most telling comments come from the girls themselves. One girl wrote “I am currently reading your book Stressed Out-Girls, and I love it! I am probably one of the busiest and most stressed-out girls in my class. Being senior class president, the head of 2 clubs, varsity tennis captain, and taking eight classes in school (not to mention trying to get into college!) the word “pressure” is nothing new to me. I often take on too much, and find it hard to say “no” when asked to do something. I barely made it through Junior year, because I took on too much and had a huge mental breakdown. My grades went down and I wish I could just start over again.”

This book can really open your eyes to the sources of stress for your teenage daughter! Together, my daughter and I sat down and realized there were sources of stress of which she was not even aware! I’d recommend the book for any parents of teen and pre-teen daughters. If you’re a mom, it can also be an eye-opener to some of the sources of stress in your own teenage years!

stress, teen stress, teenage stress, teen girls’ stress, teenage girls’ stress, Stressed-Out Girls, Roni Cohen-Sandler, Ph.D., parenting teens, parenting teenagers, teen girls, teenage girls

Is your teen into video games? Does he/she spend a lot of time playing them at the video game console or at the computer? My daughter spends a fair amount of her free time with her Wii. She’s been into video games forever-since my younger brother gave her his Super Nintendo set years ago. She still has that Super Nintendo console, along with a Playstation, Playstation 2, Gameboy Advance, Gameboy DS, PSP, and, of course, her Wii. (For great Wii information, visit Tim over at Wii Rally.)

Does all this gaming confuse you? Being a self-confessed, life-long nerd myself, I hate to admit this, but it confuses me! I haven’t been into video games since waaay back when the old Atari systems were out. My nerdery (I love that word!) falls into the category of things like Star Wars, Star Trek, sci-fi, horror, writing fan-fiction, etc. It’s not that I’m not interested in gaming. It’s just that-between work, home, and my other interests-I don’t have the time to really get into gaming. After all, gaming takes time. I know this from my daughter, and from friends who play. You don’t just pick up a controller and immediately become a superhero!

Back in late November, I wrote about standing in line with my daughter for twelve hours to get a Wii console. Friends thought I was crazy, especially since the weather was really cold and windy that night. I may not be into gaming myself, but I feel a certain kinship with those who are into them. After all, nerdery is nerdery, despite the different genres into which it falls.

I have stood in long lines in my lifetime to get into Star Wars movies, sci-fi conventions and various other nerd-related functions! I still wear Starfleet and New Republic pins as jewelry. Where the living rooms of other women my age are tastefully and sedately decorated, I have sci-fi movie posters framed on my living room walls! I drink my coffee out of a Pitch Black coffee mug, with a picture of Vin Diesel as Richard B. Riddick on the side of it.

I watch Twilight Zone marathons. I collect all types of sci-fi toys-figures, ships, puzzles-and other memorabilia. Other women get flowers and candy on Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, etc. I get the latest Star Wars toys, and gift certificates to the local bookstores, where I can browse the sci-fi sections to my heart’s content. My mother once told me that I had never grown up. Sorry, mom, but I just grew up differently!

I don’t believe that, if you’re a true nerd, you ever grow out of nerdery. You just grow into new ways of expressing it. It’s in my daughter’s very blood and, although she’s not as much into Star Trek as I would like, that’s one of the things I love most about her. She’s not afraid of labels-of being called a nerd! For a 16-year-old girl, that’s a wonderful thing. I’m proud of her.

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Today, April 24, is Equal Pay Day. New research by the American Association of University Women shows that the gap in pay between men and women has continued to widen. According to the study, which reviewed U.S. Department of Education data on 19,000 men and women:

For every dollar a man earned in 1994, a woman made 80 cents. By 2003, the gap had widened: Women earned 69 cents.

According to experts interviewed, part of the reason for the pay gap is still the lower number of women in math and science careers. According to the Department of Education, in the year 2000 about18% of undergraduate engineering majors and 39% of math majors were women. Even when men and women have similar degrees, women were more likely to be teaching in their chosen industry, whereas men tended to be in the business side of the industry.

Go to their website to learn more about Equal Pay Day and the reasons behind the wage gap. Talk with your teenage daughters about career choice and the fields in which they can earn more money. Urge them to take a good look at careers in math and sciences.

Fields where women earn at least 5% more than men:

*Sales engineers
*Radiation therapists
*Financiald analysts
*Tool and dye makers

College Majors with Higher Starting Salaries for Women:

*Petroleum engineering
*Physics
*Journalism

Most families are no longer the traditional family unit, where the man is the sole breadwinner. Most single-parent families are headed by women and, in two-parent families, both parents are likely to work. Women making less money than men is no longer simply an issue to become outraged over, it’s something which simply does not make sense.

Equal Pay Day, American Association of University Women, U.S. Department of Education, equal pay, gender differences, pay gap, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

Thanks to Char over at Weary Parent for pointing me toward this story. Awhile back, I posted on the HPV vaccine and the controversy over whether it should be required for tween and teen girls.

Now, the folks at Connect with Kids have posted a story: Should Boys Get the HPV Vaccine?

HPV (human papilloma virus) is a sexually transmitted infection, which is the cause for cervical cancer. Because of this, the Centers for Disease Control have recommended that girls ages 9-26 get the new vaccine. But, wait a minute… HPV also causes cancer in men, even though it’s less common. In males, the virus can cause penile and anal cancer (and genital warts), as men get older. The HPV vaccine can protect males from these. And it can also help protect girls, who get HPV from their male sexual partners.

So far, the FDA has approved the vaccine only for girls, although studies are being conducted on its use for boys. However, some doctors already give the vaccine to young male patients. “I think it’s extremely safe. I prescribe a lot of it in my practice and no one has had any adverse side effects that I know about,” says Dr. Scott Parry of Intown Primary Care in Atlanta.

What about you parents of tweens and teens? Do you feel your sons should get this vaccination as well as your daughters, when it is approved for boys by the FDA? Chime in and let me know how you feel!

HPV, human papilloma virus, HPV vaccine, Weary Parent, Connect with Kids, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

The debate over the vaccine for human papillomavirus(HPV) rages on. I haven’t joined the fray until now, mainly because my fellow 451 Press blogger, Erinn over at Parenting Our Children has had a couple of recent posts on it, and I didn’t want our blogs to overlap. Today, however, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported that the Georgia state senate approved a bill yesterday which would require that girls in Georgia who are entering the sixth grade be vaccinated against HPV. As a resident of Georgia, I decided it was past time for me to enter the fray.

To begin, U.S. Representative Phil Gingrey of Georgia (an OB/GYN and father, as well as a member of Congress) makes a good point in his Editorialin the same paper. Decisions about healthcare should be the responsibility of parents. He believes the Georgia Legislature should not take such a decision away from families. So do I-to a point.

However, I also noted some good point made in the replies to the paper’s Online blog. Among them:

*Nikki’s comment: …”I don’t think anyone wants to have to say to their adult daughter later in
life, ‘You might have avoided this terrible disease if I’d not thought that
getting vaccinated for it would make you promiscuous.’ …This vaccine isn’t
going to make anyone more or less likely to engage in sexual behavior, but it
will reduce the chance that your daughters will develop cancer.
I think that makes this a no-brainer.”

*JJMB’s comment: “This is a slam dunk. No brainer. One shot to prevent a common cancer.
Talk about a miracle.”

Now, of course, there are also a lot of good arguments the other way. Some of them, like Congressman Gingrey, are concerned with turning over too many rights to the government-always a concern. Some of them are religious. Some are concerned over side effects-also always a concern. Many make the tired old argument that giving girls this vaccine is saying to them “Go out and have all the sex you want!”

As far as my opinion on this goes, let me say first that I have a 16-year-old daughter who will definitely be given this vaccine. I’m concerned about side effects, yes,-but I was also concerned about side effects when she had all her normal childhood vaccinations. I’m basically with the contingent that doesn’t see what all the fuss is about. This vaccine can help prevent my daughter getting cancer. I’ve known people who died of cervical cancer. My own mother died of lung cancer. If I can do anything to help prevent my child from getting cancer- Well, like JMMB said, it’s a no-brainer.

I’m also not normally in favor of giving away our rights to the government. But, wait a minute. Aren’t these also our children’s rights that we’re talking about? Don’t they have the right to be given any protection available from a deadly disease? There are many parents out there who simply don’t keep up with things like this. So, what about the girls whose parents never find out about this vaccine? Also, having worked with a lot of children and families, I’ve seen first-hand that there are parents out there (divorced parents, never-married parents, and even parents who are married) who will oppose a medical treatment just to spite the other parents. You know the type. Those parents who turn their children into weapons on their battlegrounds.

So, what should the argument really be about? The rights of parents to make decisions about their children? The rights of children to be protected from this disease? Are they the same argument? Let me know how you feel about the HPV vaccine and the other issues I’ve raised.

Here are some other blogs discussing the same issue:

*Char at Weary Parent
*Gayla at Gayla’s Place
*Sarah Collins Honenberger at Read White Lies
*Angela at Herpes Simplex Help

HPV, HPV vaccine, human papillomavirus, human papillomavirus vaccine, Atlanta Journal-Consitution, Georgia, Georgia State Legislature, Phil Gingrey, teen healthcare, teens, teenagers, parenting, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

Exactly what is hooking up? Author and journalist Laura Sessions Stepp in her new book Unhooked
writes that hooking up “isn’t exactly anything.” It may “consist entirely of one kiss, or it can involve fondling, oral sex, anal sex, intercourse or any combination of those things. It can happen only once with a partner, several times during a week or over many months. … It can mean the start of something, the end of something, or the whole something.”

In this new book, Stepp (who also authored Our Last Best Shot: Guiding Our Children Through Early Adolescence) examines the cultural practice of “hooking up.” She does this by following three high school girls and six college women through a year of their lives, chronicling their sexual behavior.

None of these girls are women date, form long-term relationship or, actually, any serious relationship of any kind. Instead, they “hook up.” The partners in hooking up agree that there will be no commitment or feelings. According to Stepp, college women say that they are too obsessed with academic and career success to have time for a real relationship. High school girls say that lovey-dovey relationships are “yucky.” Stepp wonders (as do I and, in my opinion, any other parents who want their children to have a happy life) how these girls will learn to establish and sustain long-term, intimate relationships.

I want my daughter to, eventually, have a life partner, someone with whom she can share the rest of her life, not just the physical and sexual aspects. Of course, I know that there will be some number of shorter relationships before that happens, but if she engage only in “hooking up,” how would she find out what longer-term, committed relationships are like. Indeed, how would she find out anything about a man other than physical characteristics?

This book looks as though it will raise any number of questions. Did you practice any “hooking up” when you were younger? Would you want your daughter or son to engage in hook-ups exclusively, rather than having long-term, committed relationships? Do you think hooking up would be an acceptable behavior earlier on in life, if your son or daughter later developed longer, more intimate relationships?”

I’m dying to know what other parents out there with high school and college age kids think about this. Get back to me on this one, everyone!

Laura Sessions Stepp, Unhooked, hooking up, hook-ups, teens, sexual behavior, teenagers, parents, parenting

Ever watch “The Gilmore Girls” with your teen? My daughter and I have loved the misadventures of Lorelai and daughter, Rory, from the beginning. (By the way, AmyD does a great job of covering the show and it’s stars over at Watching Gilmore Girls. Give it a read and you’ll love it!) We have a close relationship, similar to the show’s characters, although we have yet to reach the rough patches they have. I’m sure it will come, though. Every relationship has them.

Anyway, since school is closed for bad weather in our area, we’re planning a “Gilmore Girls” kind of day. We have some movies picked out-one of the “Star Wars” movies, “Driving Miss Daisy” and one other-yet to be chosen-movie. We may also watch a couple of “Gilmore Girls” episodes on DVD. We’ve already planned to order pizza for lunch. We have a supply of popcorn and candy laid in.

I love these kinds of days. They make me so glad I’m my own boss and can work or not, as I choose. When you’re able to have times like this with your teen, cherish them. They’ll be great times and great memories for both of you.

Gilmore Girls, parenting teens, teenagers, parents

Recent mother-teen daughter conversation, 10:00pm, typical weeknight:

Teenage Daughter(TD): Mom, I have to stay after school for a club meeting tomorrow. I need to be
picked up at 5:00..

Mom: Why am I only hearing about this now?

TD: Cause I forgot ’til just now. And I need $20.00 for club dues.

Mom(sighs as she reaches for her purse): It’s always something. Here’s 20 bucks. I’ll talk to my boss
in the morning and arrange to leave 30 minutes early to pick you up.

TD: Oh, I need to be at school 30 minutes early in the morning. Have to see my counselor.

Mom(feeling tension creep up the back of her neck): Have you done something?

TD: Yeah sure, Mom! I just need to talk to her about college applications.

Mom(feeling the tension moving up into her skull): Okay, I’ll set the alarm back, so we can be there.

TD: Oh, and I almost forgot- Tomorrow’s the last day to order yearbooks. I’ll need a check for $75.00.

Mom(getting exasperated and feeling headache setting in): What!? Now, this has to have been coming
up for weeks! Why didn’t you tell me about it before now!?

TD: ‘Cause I forgot! The order form’s been in the bottom of my backpack. I just picked up another
one today, ’cause I figured it’d be easier than trying to find the original.

Mom(signing check): You have GOT to get better organized! Okay, okay! Here’s a check. Don’t put it
in your backpack, or you’ll never see it again!

TD: Thanks, Mom. Oh, and just so you know ahead of time, we have a band trip this Saturday. We’ll
be gone overnight. I have to get packed and pay $25.00 for it on Friday. And I’ll need some
spending money, too.

Mom(sarcastically, and with splitting headache now): Thanks for all the notice. Is there anything you
don’t need money for?

TD(sighing): Mom, you’re so overly dramatic! This stuff isn’t expensive! Next week, we have to buy
prom tickets. Now, my dress and getting my hair styled-that’s going to be expensive!
Not to mention a manicure! Oh, and the pictures! And then there’s next fall, when I need a new
clarinet!

Mom(helpless and defeated): I’m going to bed. Wake me when you graduate! Here’s a signed check
made out to you. Just call and find out what my balance is and write it in. Here’s a savings
withdrawal slip that’s already signed, too. Just withdraw everything! Here’s my credit cards.
Don’t spend everything at the mall or you won’t have any money left for lunch! If you need any
more money between now and graduation, you’ll just have to call dad!

TD(giving me a hug): ‘Night, mom, and thanks! You know, that’s one thing I really love about you.
Your terrific sense of humor!

Do any of your conversations with your teens sound like this? Let me know, so we can commiserate!

teens, teenagers, parents, parenting, parenting teenagers, financial issues

Is your teenage daughter sexually active? Does she use contraceptives? It’s a difficult thing for parents of teen daughters to think about, but not thinking about it could turn out to be even more difficult-both for parents and daughters.

A study appearing in the January issue of The American Journal of Public Health suggests that 86% of the decline in teen pregnancy rates resulted from improved contraceptive use. The authors of the study, Dr. John Santelli and colleagues, concluded that the study raises serious questions about the value of the federal government’s funding of abstinence-only education programs that prohibit information about the benefits of condoms and contraception.

Personally, as the parent of a teenage daughter, I’ve long questioned the value of those programs. Yes, I’d prefer that my daughter not have sex without being in a serious relationship. But I’d prefer even more that she protect herself from unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease like HIV.

We cannot prevent our teens from having sex. It is a natural, normal part of being human. It will happen-with or without our consent or approval. Isn’t it more important that our teens be protected from pregnancy and disease than that our personal ideas of morality be upheld?

Have you talked with your daughter about sex, relationships and contraceptives? If not, do it right away. If she is sexually active, see to it that she has an examination by a gynecologist and has access to contraceptives. You can, and probably will, discuss your personal objections to her behavior many times. First, see to it that her life is protected.

teens, teenagers, parents, parenting, teen pregnancy, teenage pregnancy, teenage sexuality, American Journal of Public Health