Parenting Teens

So, remember the other day, when I encouraged other parents to go support their kids at concerts, even band concerts, even when they were in high school? And remember how I preened because I’d been to almost every one of my kids concerts? And you were all like “oh give me a break, no one’s that’s perfect!”? Yeah, remember that?

Yeah. That. Now? I’m having an f’in Monday.

You see, there are SOME concerts I don’t go too - namely those that involve Honor Band/Choir in cities farther then 20 minutes away. I have good excuses, of course - I go to ALL THE OTHER ONES, we have a dog with separation anxiety that can’t be left alone, there’s my other kids to think of, the car isn’t in tiptop condition and some trips I just don’t trust it on, no really I don’t want to chaperon a bunch of kids that aren’t mine, that you won’t let me beat throw off the bus throw things at, you know, like punches help ensure good behavior, in my own way, of course. (Oh stop, I’m kidding. Sort of.) Point is, there are a lot of reasons why I usually skip those long distance concerts. (Though, to be COMPLETELY honest, had someone paid my way? I’d have happily gone to the ones two years ago in Spain/France. Just sayin’.)

Well, it’s time for Honor Choir, and my 14 year old daughter (naturally) made it, and it’s in Homer this year - a two hour drive away. The permission slip came home last week, I signed it, and returned it - forgetting that this time? ALL THE INFO WAS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PERMISSION SLIP. The permission slip that was just turned in. That had all the info on it. Like time, place, bus info, etc. Yeah. THAT permission slip.

Which brings us to this morning.

In typical Monday fashion, I drug The Girl out of bed, with force and grumbled words and muttered threats, and sent her on her way for breakfast at Papa’s, and a ride to high school. I sent the youngest down after that… and got the phone call at 7:45am, just moments after The Girl had walked into her school.

My daughter. In tears. Honor Choir. Bus gone already. Mom, we forgot. Mom I don’t know what to do! Mom…

Ugh. I’ve been doing this parent thing for over 16 years now, and I’d NEVER EVER NOT ONCE fucked up a field trip. Not even the early morning bus rides. I make sure I have secondary parents to call and make sure we don’t sleep through the alarm, I set more then one alarm, sometimes I even STAY UP ALL NIGHT just to make sure my baby gets on that bus at some god awful hour in the morning, in the dark, to see some wonderful Alaskan thing or another, to sing with other schools, to play instruments with them, whatever. I NEVER FORGET.

I forgot.
And she was crying.
And I was crying.
Oh, the tears!

So, I asked the secretary if I were able to get the girl child to Homer, if they’d let her sing? They called the teacher’s cell phone, and no answer. They were dubious. We were dubious. My decision was already made. I told the girl to wait there, I’d be there in a minute. I called the sister (yes, more tears!) and woke her up, and got her to take the dog for the day. I called the Papa to let him know what was going on, and assured him that the car would make it even if I HAD TO PUSH IT. And if you knew the size of that last hill? You’d realize what a feat that would be! I grabbed the laptop in case I had to stay because they wouldn’t let her on the bus, and I had drive her home too. I grabbed a coat, put on my shoes (sandals, no socks) my bra (impressive, I know) and dashed out the door.

Without even COFFEE first.

The girl and I, we had fun on the way down. We reasoned that even if they don’t let her sing by some EVIL TWIST of ass-biting MONDAY type fate, we would spend the day together in homer, laughing and chatting and giggling as we always do when we’re out and about. We chatted, and giggled, and threatened to “Keel you. keel you ded. like with a rock or sumpin!” (Don’t ask - it’s a teenager thing! It’s on a sticker, apparently. It’s also hysterical when you’ve only had 2 hours of sleep and are on an emergency road trip. And have the mind of a teenage boy. Trust me.)

We had almost gotten to Homer, I was making pretty damn good time. (Going Exactly The Speed Limit. Honest. (ha!) Though we did mysteriously hit a time warp that had us making the 1.5-2hr trip in just 1hr 15 minutes or so…) I called Mom to make sure I knew how to get to the high school, then I called the high school to get notice to our Choir teacher that I was coming, she WOULD be there - just an hour late or so. Everything was looking up! They couldn’t possibly tell her she couldn’t sing once she got there. It was going to be OK!

I am driving slowly through Homer, looking for the right turn off for the school, and hey! what’s that? Oh yes. SIRENS AND SHINY LIGHTS. Behind me. Following me. Pulling. Me. Over.

Crap.

As slowly as I was going - it was 10 miles over the limit (25mph? I the middle of town? SRSLY Homer?!), my taillight was out, AND he caught me trying to slip on my seatbelt without him seeing me. Heh. Heh. Heh. He was a nice guy, and I got ticketed for the lack of seat belt, and warned for everything else, AND he gave me directions to the school.

Right across the street.
I KNOW RIGHT? Almost in the clear. ALMOST.

We got her to the school, I turned off the car, hopped out of said car, and walked real fast (I don’t run. Ever.) inside, and checked in, getting her into the theater with the Choir at 9:20am, not even a full hour late. Whew. They assured me she could ride the bus home, pointed me to the bathrooms, and the nearest coffee shop, and after a hug and exchange of lunch money with the girl, I walked out.

And couldn’t see my car. It wasn’t where I’d left it. Ummmmm… yeah. Shift the gaze over, and hey, there it is, nestled all gently, bumpers sweetly kissing, the Big Ass SUV that was parked across the way from me.

I KNOW, RIGHT?!

Apparently, I had neglected to put the damn thing in park, and it went on a nice slow little roll, until it bumped bumpers with the BASUV about 30 feet behind it. Whoops? So I checked it out - no scratch, no paint, just a rubber to rubber kiss, so I did the natural thing. Jumped into my car and got the hell outa there!

Straight to the coffee shop - driving a very careful 25 mph WITH my seatbelt on, where I settled down with an IV bag of Mocha, a blueberry muffin, and Scooter - my Laptop. I discovered that what once was free wi-fi all over the Homer Area, now cost at least $5 for 4 hours of use. I grumbled, paid my $5, and then? It wouldn’t. even. load. my email. OMG so slow.

It was time to give up. After I finished my coffee, I decided not to bother going around for photo ops - though I did take the one above at the Top Of The Hill, because oh so pretty! - and headed home. Driving the speed limit. (mostly.) With my seatbelt on. Singing at the top of my lungs to stay awake. Jittery from the coffee. Only to get home, get lunch, get my dog, eat and GO TO BED.

The End.

Happy ‘effin Monday, ya’ll. May Karma treat you Kinder than me!
(and you can bet she won’t miss the damn bus TOMORROW. Don’t mind me - I’ll be sitting at home, wrapped in bubblewrap, just in case.)

Ok, first off - how is it the middle of October already?! I mean, I know my parents (in one of their infinite moments of delusion!) used to complain that the years went by faster and faster as you got older, but this is ridiculous! People are talking about Christmas already, for heavens sake! We just HAD Christmas! Harumph. (I hear you laughing, Nana…)

Anyway, a couple of days ago was the my daughter’s first High School Band Concert. Now, I know I’ve bitched about band before, but I’m the first to admit that I’m glad we’ve made it through to the high school years, where they actually sound good almost all of the time! No clarinet squeaks, better music choices, leadership, ensembles and drumline - which we’ll get to in a moment.

Don’t they look nice?!

It was a relatively short concert, as it was only the high school band instead of both jr. high and high school - Mrs. S. teaches both. Along with the music choices, and the talent of the band, something else stood out to me that night - something a lot less pleasurable.

The audience. Or more exactly, the LACK of audience.

All through Grade school and Jr. High, it’s standing room only - friends and family, and random people with nothing better to do then count clarinet squeaks pile into the gyms, the auditoriums, the venues in order to support their children as they struggle to find their musical footing. At this weeks high school concert - their were more kids on the stage than people in the audience. Maybe it’s because high school kids drive themselves, but that’s no excuse. It’s really not.

I get a ton of referrals for people asking what their parental responsibility is for their teenagers. First and foremost, you are responsible to raise them well, to discipline them when called for, and to love and support them in every endeavor they choose to take on - every one of them. If you want your kids to make wise choices, then you have to be willing to put your money where your mouth is - or in this case, your ass in the auditorium seat - and support those choices, 100%.

You think those kids didn’t notices the empty seats? You think they didn’t notice who’s parents are there, and who’s aren’t? One teenager actually said in passing to mine “Oh! you’re mom is here! She’s always here, though, isn’t she? I forget that. Mine never are.” It was said matter of factly, but the look in her eyes betrayed the real thoughts behind it.

I’ve had my considerable behind shoved into many an uncomfortable seat over the years. Concerts and programs and plays and more concerts… I’ve sat through hours upon hours of practice leading up to the events, as well as more hours then I can count watching the performances too. I know we’re busy, we’re trying to support our kids in any number of ways - but don’t you think that being there is much more important than that extra hour of work? Don’t you think that showing up would mean more to them than having an extra gift come the holidays?

Times are rough all over right now, but trust me, the two hours spent in support of your teenager will go far in shaping the person they are to become. So its time to get off our asses, record Heroes like every one else in the audience did (or come to my house and watch it since I DID record it) and support your teenagers. They may act like it’s no big deal, but it is. They’ve just been trained to accept you won’t be there.

Surprise them.
Surprise yourself.
It’ll be worth it, to both of you, I promise.

Oh yeah - drum line. I’m doomed. My 9 year old watched their performance in AWE. “OMG MOM THAT WAS SO AWESOME!” Drums. Somehow, I think in a couple of years? I’ll be missing the squeak of the clarinet…

Selling out concerts, that is! Now that ugly rumors of 14-year-old Miley Cyrus’ pregnancy have proven to be a hoax, she can concentrate once more on her upcoming tour. Those pregnancy rumors that abounded online were found to spring from an altered story from J-14 magazine.

The story had been modified to contain a supposed quote from Miley, which read “I’m going to take good care of my baby, I’ve already gained seven pounds. I was in real shock when it happened accidentally, I went a little to [sic] far. I’m sorry to all of my fans.”

The magazine was quick to deny any involvement in the rumors about Miley. Editor-in-chief Janet Giovanelli said, “Miley is an intelligent, respectable role model for young girls, and we at J-14 pride ourselves on presenting our readers with credible stories and information. This story is completely fabricated!”

So, now that that nasty rumor is history, Miley is back to her tour. For those parents who may be asking, “Who the heck IS Miley Cyrus?”, she plays the fanatically popular Hannah Montana on the Disney Channel’s TV show of the same name. I took the time to watch a couple of episodes.

The show is fairly innocuous. Miley Cyrus plays Miley Stewart, a teen who leads a double life. By day, she’s an everyday schoolgirl. By night, she’s a pop star. Her father is played by Miley’s real-life dad, country singer Billy Ray Cyrus. Is this confusing enough for you? Good. I’d hate to be the only one!

The show has proven to be a big hit for Disney. Disney has been very successful at turning out teenage singer/actresses-Lindsay Lohan, Hilary Duff, etc. And, personally, I don’t find Miley any worse (or any better) than the rest of them.

And her show is, apparently, carrying over well to the concert stage. On her tour, titled Best of Both Worlds, Miley sings onstage as both herself and her Hannah Montana character. And the tickets are going like hotcakes! ‘Tweens and teens can’t seem to get enough of Miley/Hannah. Shows are reportedly selling out within minutes.

So, if you have kids who want to see the show, good luck getting tickets! If you have kids who are going to the show, and dragging you with them-try to relax and enjoy it! The best thing about Miley is that, at least, she’s a better role model for your kids than lots of others out there!

Miley Cyrus, Hanna Montana, Disney Channel, Best of Both Worlds, Billy Ray Cyrus

Coming up with fun summer activities to do with your kids changes a little when they’re teens or tweens. For the most part, they no longer like to do crafts with popsicle sticks or make their own treats with little faces done with raisins and cherries! It can be a challenge.

Family activities with teens can be fun for the whole family. So far, in the week-and-a-half that my 16-year-old daughter’s been out of school, we’ve managed to fit in two family movies-Shrek The Third and Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. Both were great movies, although I didn’t really like the third Shrek as much as I did the first two. We’re also looking forward to Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, and a few other movies which are coming out this summer.

Concerts are another great thing to do with teens. Find an artist or band you can all agree on seeing. If you never agree on these kinds of things, give a little. You might find that you enjoy some of the same music your teen likes! This Saturday, June 2, my daughter and I will be attending Starfest 2007, a concert presented by Atlanta radio station Star 94. Their lineup this year includes headliners Daughtry, as well as Dashboard Confessional and Augustana. I, personally, could do without Dashboard Confessional and Augustana. I love some of their songs, but am not particularly dying to see them in concert. I did become a big fan of Chris Daughtry during last year’s American Idol, though, so I’m definitely looking forward to seeing him.

Later this summer, we’ll be seeing last year’s American Idol winner, Taylor Hicks and, probably, attending this year’s American Idol concert. In the spirit of giving a little, she’s also accompanying me to a concert whose lineup includes Def Leppard and Journey.

We’ll be enjoying a two-week trip to visit my father, brother and sister-in-law, which is always fun for us. We get to lie around, relax, and just talk and enjoy one another’s company! My sister-in-law is big on antiquing, so we’ll probably do a little of that, as well. Trips to visit grandparents or other family members can be fun activities for teens, as well as younger children.

Summer’s also a great time to catch up on reading. We’re both looking forward to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, and we’ve been to the library and stocked up for the next two weeks.

We’ll also be going on a couple of hikes with Dad and probably some short trips like the zoo and the aquarium, since we all love animals. Activities with teens can be a bit more of a challenge but, if everyone’s willing to give a little, they can be easier to find and a lot of fun!

[tags]Shrek The Third, Pirates of the Caribbean, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Harry Potter, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Daughtry, Dashboard Confessional, Augustana, American Idol, Chris Daughtry, Taylor Hicks[/tags

In an editorial titled Rockin’ on with the next generation in today’s Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Keith Still asks a question of interest for parents of teens and children of all ages.

What is an appropriate age for a kid’s first concert? I’m not talking about outdoor music festivals where the air’s relatively fresher and the decibel levels decrease as you move away from the stage, but acts that are playing in big indoor venues or small clubs? Does the size of venue or the age of the act change your answer?

Now, obviously this doesn’t apply only to teenagers. If a parent is really into music and enjoys going to concerts, they’ll probably take their kids to a few before they hit their teen years. Personally, I think that this, like many other things, depends not only on the act or the venue, but on the maturity of your kids.

When my daughter was not quite three years old, I took her to see “Barney the Dinosaur” in concert. She reminds me to this day that she turned out all right in spite of that dreadful experience! Of course, she doesn’t remember how hard she was laughing, clapping and singing along! However, I guess she’s entitled, as a teenager, to forget the embarrassing parts!

When she was 13, I took her to see Hanson. She had grown up right along with them and was dying to see them. Surprisingly, she still loves Hanson. She has seen them in concert three times now. She’s also seen Snow Patrol, Hinder and several others. She and I go to concerts together. The last concert we saw was last year’s “American Idol” winner, Taylor Hicks. We plan to see Chris Daughtry next month.

But, as some commenters to Keith Still’s question pointed out, it’s not really the bands or singers, but the behavior of the audience, which calls into question whether kids should attend. One mom recalled taking her 8-year-old son to a Jimmy Buffet concert and losing all credibility with him, when she tried to convince him that the haze of smoke hanging over the crowd was “just cigarettes”. There have been alcohol sales at some of the concerts my daughter and I have attended together-and some bizarre behavior by some of those who were drinking. However, so far we haven’t run into anything really bad.

So far, the question of her attending a concert alone with friends has not come up. When it does, I’m sure I’ll question her very closely about who’s performing, where they’re performing, who she’s going with, how late they’ll be out, etc., etc., etc. My worry is not so much the drinking or drugs. I know my daughter’s opinion of all that and I know her friends pretty well.

My fear is of how the other people at the concert will be acting-both with and without the benefit of alcohol and drugs. My question is not do I trust my daughter and her friends. It’s can they take care of themselves when faced by problems with other people.
I’d probably let her go, along with instructions to phone me at prearranged times and let me know she’s okay. After all, in less than two years she’ll be eighteen-not really much older, but able to go anywhere without my permission. I just wish I could trust other people as much as I trust her.

How do you feel about your teens and concerts? Do you attend concerts with them? Do they go to concerts on their own with friends? At what age do you think it’s appropriate for them to attend a concert? I’d really like some input on this question!

Snow Patrol, Hinder, Taylor Hicks, Chris Daughtry, American Idol, concerts, Atlanta Journal-Constitution, parenting teens, parenting teenagers

I was just reading a column in the local paper on our local radio stations, when I remembered a discussion I had with several other bloggers. Paul, over at Toybender, started it by mentioning that he had heard a Hanson cover of the song “Optimistic.” Several other bloggers chimed in with comments about not knowing Hanson was still around.

This struck a chord with me (pun not really intended), because my 16-year-old daughter and her best friend have been die-hard Hanson fans over these many years. Now, when they first started out I (probably like many others) thought they were three cute kid brothers who sang a catchy little song called “Mmm-Bop.” For a long time after that I never gave them any thought. Then, two years ago, my daughter found out their latest concert tour was coming to a city near us.

Despite my misgivings about spending several hours at a SRO concert filled with screaming teenage girls, I finally agreed to take my daughter and her friend. It turned out to be a significant event in more than one way. For one thing, I found out that those little kids from Hanson, having grown up somewhat, could do some really good rock covers (as well as some pretty good songs of their own). Not that they’re going to replace the Rolling Stones any time soon but then, nobody’s going to do that!

But the really great thing about all this (yes, this is what I’ve taken this long and winding path to tell you) was that myself, my daughter,and her friend all had a really good time together! I shared one of my daughter’s favorite things and had a really good time doing it! This taught me a few things about myself, both as a parent and as a person.

1) Be willing to try things with your kids that they enjoy doing. It may seem
like a big sacrifice in the beginning, but you might find out (as I did) that,
rather than a drudge, it will turn out to be something fun.

2) If there’s something you haven’t done in a long time, give it another try.
Even if you didn’t like it before, you may find it has changed or
(pleasant surprise) you may find that YOU have changed!

3) And, probably most important of all, you CAN learn things from your teen.
Although you’re the parent and, supposedly, the one with the experience
in most things, you’re still not too old to learn from your teenager.

Let me hasten to add here (just in case anyone who knows my daughter should run across Mom’s blog and, heaven forbid, think that Hanson is the only musical interest she has) that my daughter also listens to OutKast, The Killers, Aerosmith and John Mayer among others. We’ve developed a system, when we’re in the car, of taking turns choosing which CD or radio station to listen to. I’ve developed some great new musical interests, and I’ve developed a closer bond with my daughter.

What could be better than that?

music, teens, teenagers, Hanson, concerts