Parenting Teens

(Homecoming Bonfire, 9-19-08)

So. Homecoming is this weekend, and you know what THAT means… Exactly. SHOPPING. (what were YOU thinking?!)

Now, sometimes I quite enjoy shopping. When it’s Christmas time and I’m searching for just the right thing to make my family smile, when it’s a special birthday, or just a quick ‘i love you’ moment to help make someone’s day… those are times I don’t mind the press of the crowds and the multitude of faces, or even the fat lady that walks around on my knees all day making them ache. (I really should have a talk with her, you know!)

But then.. then there was last Friday night, and The Homecoming Shopping Excursion! Since The Girl’s BFF (no, not Jill! MK!) is going with my son, it was decided that a joint shopping trip was needed, so that they could make sure they looked fabulous, and also because I told them they could help pick out The Boy’s outfit too. Color the teenagers happy! I should have known better.

You see, not only was it a Friday night in our small town where there’s only one real clothing store to speak of until our Walmart is built and finished… it was also Dividend Day. Dividend Day is quite simply the day where all Alaskan’s who signed up for direct deposit of their Alaska Permanent Fund Dividend, suddenly had money in their pockets and a determination to spend it all RIGHT NOW.

I know. I’m an idiot. But, it was the one night that both girls could shop together, so I braved the wilds Of the Myer de Fred, with two giggly teenage girls in tow.

It was packed, but there were also racks upon racks of things that were 60% off, which made Mama happy, as we began our search. First, neither girl was certain what size they wore, in ANYTHING, or what they were looking for other then “Something… (gestures vaguely) …pretty.” It took four trips to the dressing room with multiple items each, where they shared the room and whispered to me to come check and discarded outfit after outfit. I also was the one in charge of making things work. (Hello, Tim Gunn!) I went back and forth between the racks, remembering where in the Sea of Sale that we found each item, in order to find the next size up, or the next size down, or no remember this one came in PURPLE too, can we try THAT one? Because changing the color would make it fit, rather then changing the size. Srsly.

There was a lot of laughter, giggling, grumbling, muttering, and even an excited squeal or two - one from me, as they declared something PERFECT at LAST! - and an infinite amount of patience so as not to beat down those who were just as eager to find that Perfect Something To Spend Their Money On. Also me.

Then after the dresses, there was 5 minutes spent picking out the boys outfit (because I am that good! And also, boys are easy.), on to the jewelry counter for accessories, hosiery for tights, and then… shoes.

OMG the shoes. These were too girly, they make me walk like a girl and I hate walking like a girl (this would be the one wearing PINK head to toe..) those are too sporty, these too big, those PERFECT but too small, those too tight, those OMG my feet would DIE, those perfect, but not in black (which I insisted on so that they could be use for concerts this year, too. Mama ain’t no dummy!), these ones are… you get the drift.

It also took three and a half HOURS, people. 3.5 HOURS! The last hour and a half? The Shoes. Finally, we were able to get out of there, with two very happy hungry freshman girls, and one exhausted and hungry mama. We made a pit stop at Taco Hell, and then it was home at last, where they naturally had to try everything on, AGAIN. Fortunately, they were still happy, though I came to one, very important conclusion through this experience:

I shoulda had all boys. It would have been SO much easier!

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How do you feel about the sagging pants trend among teens? My daughter and I were in the grocery section of the local Wal-Mart about a week ago, and saw one young man whose boxer shorts were almost totally revealed. We manged to hold back our giggles until we had rounded the corner into the next aisle, but then we almost collapsed! The guy’s green, blue, and white plaid boxers had us in stitches! I found myself wondering if he had bought them in Wal-Mart, so that at least they were getting some free advertising!

Seriously, if I want to see your underwear, I’ll be bold enough to walk up and ask you! Yahoo! News reports that some municipalities are now “cracking down” on crack-revealing pants and shorts. I had read about this in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, and considered myself all for it.

Now comes the news that many people consider these laws racial stereotyping aimed at blacks. One African-American shop owner asked if the laws would also go after plumbers and construction workers whose pants sag. Fine by me. I don’t care anything about seeing their underwear (or anything else they have) either.

Even the ACLU is getting in on this, as evidenced by the following: “In Atlanta, we see this as racial profiling,” said Benetta Standly, statewide organizer for the American Civil Liberties Union of Georgia. “It’s going to target African-American male youths. There’s a fear with people associating the way you dress with crimes being committed.”

I’ve seen plenty of youths other than African-Americans wearing these saggy pants. The issue is the saggy pants themselves, not the color of the skin underneath them. This is just a very unattractive and disrespectful trend. As for associating this with crimes being committed, it’s widely reported that this particular fashion statement originated in prison. What, exactly, does that say?

I’m not so sure new laws are needed though. Don’t most cities and towns already have laws dealing with indecent exposure? Shouldn’t we just be enforcing those?

Personally, I hope the saggy pants trend ends soon. As I said earlier, if I want to see your underwear, I’ll ask. Otherwise, just assume I’d rather see you with your pants on.

teens, teenagers, adolescents, teen fashions, teen trends, saggy pants, teenage boys