Parenting Teens

If your teenager is anything like mine, then you never see them without a cell phone nearby. Even if they have the ringer on silent, at some point - several points - during the day you’ll hear the steady taptaptap as another message is sent out to their friends about who they’ve seen, what they’ve heard, and what are we going to do tonight?

(The same thing we do every night, Pinky - try to take over the world!) (Wow, that previous paranthetical aside totally made me old, didn’t it? Sigh. Pinky and the Brain, kids. Educate yourself! )

Now, if your a hip parent (and I TOTALLY AM, though my lameness increases with each declaration of my hip status. This parenting thing is CONFUSING!)you text your kids, too, and your kids send you back messages filled with abbreviations and acronyms that you don’t understand. It’s ok. We’ve all been there and know there’s a learning curve. The Webopedia is even here to help with a list of 1,125 entries of what your kid might possibly be trying to tell you.

For the most part, it’s pretty easy to pick up - which is good, especially with the teenage “sexting” that’s going on, and how dangerous it is. If you happen to get a random text that was accidently sent to you (what? it happens!) and you don’t know what it means, Fox Atlanta has a list of some things you may want to be on the lookout for - just to make sure your kids are playing it safe. These are the top 50 text acronyms that all of us should know:

1 8 Oral sex
2 1337 Elite
3 143 I love you
4 182 I hate you
5 459 I love you
6 1174 Nude club
7 420 Marijuana
8 ADR Address
9 ASL Age/Sex/Location
10 Banana Penis
11 CD9 or Code 9 Parents are around
12 DUM Do You Masturbate?
13 DUSL Do You Scream Loud?
14 FB F*** Buddy
15
16 FMLTWIA F*** Me Like The Whore I Am
17 FOL Fond of Leather
18 GNOC Get Naked On Cam
19 GYPO Get Your Pants Off
20 IAYM I Am Your Master
21 IF/IB In the Front or In the Back
22 IIT Is It Tight?
23 ILF/MD I Love Female/Male Dominance
24 IMEZRU I Am Easy, Are You?
25 IWSN I Want Sex Now
26 J/O Jerking Off
27 KFY or K4Y Kiss For You
28 Kitty Vagina
29 KPC Keeping Parents Clueless
30 MorF Male or Female
31 LMIRL Let’s Meet In Real Life
32 MOOS Member Of The Opposite Sex
33 WYCM Will You Call Me?
34 MOS Mom Over Shoulder
35 MPFB My Personal F*** Buddy
36 NALOPKT Not A Lot Of People Know That
37 NIFOC Nude In Front Of The Computer
38 NMU Not Much, You?
39 P911 Parent Alert
40 PAL Parents Are Listening
41 PAW Parents Are Watching
42 PIR Parent In Room
43 POS Parent Over Shoulder or Piece Of Sh**
44 PRON Porn
45 Q2C Quick To Cum
46 RU/18 Are You Over 18?
47 RUH Are You Horny?
48 S2R Send To Receive
49 SorG Straight or Gay
50 TDTM Talk Dirty To Me

How many did you know? Pay attention to you kids - give them reasons to type out PAL and PAW more often, and as I ALWAYS stress - TALK TO YOUR KIDS.

In text speak, if you have too.

“RU SRS? GTYR, YG! 143.”

(Are you serious? Go to your room, you’re grounded! I love you.)

We’re rounding out our PSAs today with the Family Map from At&T. With summer on us, and the kids off and running every which way, it’s harder than ever to keep track of everything we need to do, where we all need to be, and keep in contact with each other. AT&T understands that, and the lovely Sarah wrote to tell me a little bit about their FamilyMap.

Some of the features of the new wireless application is that it makes it easy to locate a family memeber’s phone via web browser - PC or Mobile style. It’ll let you see their whereabouts, as well as surrounding landmarks like schools and parks. You can also use the apps ’schedule checks’ which alerts parents at specified times via text or e-mail, which will tell them where their kid is, even while they’re driving so that it doesn’t distract them.

Here’s a video of how one mom uses the Map to help keep her family organized:

Now, when I told MY teens about the application (Which I can’t demo for ya’ll, as I don’t have AT&T service) they felt it could open the door to MOM SPY, which of course I explained is my right AS a mom. It’s in the fine print. So, as with everything, I encourage you to talk to your kids about it and set some mutually acceptable guidelines for what you’ll use the application for exactly. And most importantly, respect their feelings on the matter.

If you’d like to try FamilyMap, AT&T is offering a 30-day free trial*, then the application is available for $9.99 (2 phones) or $14.99 (up to five phones) per month. Note that AT&T FamilyMap privacy standards ensure that all users on an account will receive a text message when their phones first become locatable through the service, as well as periodic reminders that their phones can be located. An account owner has the option of notifying a phone every time location information is requested.

(*Users must cancel free trial of AT&T FamilyMap within 30 days or be automatically subscribed at a cost of $14.99 or $9.99 per month depending on plan. Customers can cancel from the “My Accounts” portal on their handset or by calling AT&T Customer Care.)

So, if your interested, be sure to check it out if your on AT&T, and be sure to let me know how it goes! Tell ‘em I sent ya.

Back in the day, I remember how riske it was to snap a picture of myself in my nightshirt and shorts to give to my boyfriend to keep while I was away for the summer. Sure, he’d never seen me in said nightshirt before, and we’d not done anything past a bit of tonsil hockey, but it was the ‘remember me’ type of naughty that I knew he’d appreciate. Also, I knew mom wouldn’t notice or care about a picture where I was basically completely covered in when she went to pick them up from the developers.

Yeah, back in the day we had to send OUT our pictures for developing! Someone in another state would know all our faces and activities - before we even knew how good or bad the pictures we had taken were. With poloroids, it was instant gratification, and I’m sure some bewbs and butts showed up during the course of the camera’s picture taking life. But now?

Now everything is digital. Instant gratification of decent pictures that you can control completely - or so it seems.

You see, Sexting is the new word for sending naughty pictures - from saucy to erotic, from pg to x - via text message to your significant other. The problem with such things is that it doesn’t always stay within the confines of your boyfriend/girlfriends phone. For instance, one 20 year old male, a few years ago, got his 17 year old girlfriend at the time to pose for a picture on his phone. His next girlfriend located it, and sent the picture to the 17 year olds parents. You know what happened then? The 20 year old was charged with child pornography, and now much register as a sex offender! All because he had a nude photo of an ex girlfriend sent from his phone.

Yeah, it’s that serious. While taking a naughty picture seems harmless, many authorities are using the fullest extent of the law to punish such things as it usually involves teenagers - I mean child pornography? That’s harsh, folks. Some more stories:

– An Ohio teenager sent nude pictures of herself to a boyfriend and when they broke up, he sent them to other high school girls, who harassed Jesse Logan. The ordeal sent her into a spiraling depression.

In July, 2008, Logan hanged herself in her bedroom. She was 18.

– A 19-year-old Polk County man was accused of sending naked pictures of himself on his cell phone to a 14-year-old girl’s cell phone. Ronald Eugene Steward made his first appearance before a Polk judge this week and was ordered held under $105,000 bail.

– Over the weekend, Pinellas County middle school teacher Christy Lynn Martin, 32, was arrested on allegations she sent naked pictures of herself to the cell phone of a 14-year-old boy, an eighth-grader at Azalea Middle School, where she worked.

She was released this week after posting $20,000 bail.

So what do we do? Well, the obvious is that we need to talk to our kids - let them know what could happen, and what kind of limits we expect them to adhere too when taking pictures on their phones - swimsuits ok? Not ok? All covered up, all the time? ABSOLUTELY NO NUDITY EVER - better safe than sorry, right?

It’s important that you talk to your teen so that they understand the ramifications. Just because they think it won’t happen to them, doesn’t mean it can’t happen at all. Kids get jealous (adults too!) and vindictive, and things go wrong. The only actions that we have complete control over is our own - so play it safe.

Leave the naughty pictures to the poloroids.
(Yes, I know they’re no longer in production. That’s kinda the point!)

Back in the day, ya know, when I was a teenager, struggling to walk too and from school in 29 foot high snowdrifts, uphill BOTH ways, barefoot with only a scrap of fabric for a coat and newspaper for socks, and mittens spun from the fluffy shed fur of the neighbors cat… and don’t forget being sick as a dog and possibly bleeding to death because hello, only ACTUAL UNCONSCIOUSNESS was good enough to let you stay home - back in the day we NEVER missed school! EVER.

(That sound you hear? My mother’s snort, coupled with rolling eyes, that I can practically see, since she drove me to and from school every single day until I got my own car and drove myself the whole 2 blocks to the high school.)

Since we live in Alaska, though, you know the roads HAVE to be bad if we shut down. After all, we’re not places like oh, Seattle, or other places that shut down when there’s like TWO INCHES of snow. In fact we SCOFF at your two inches, and wave about our snow-angles in multiple FEET of snow, as we brush off the cars, put them in 4 wheel drive, and go on about our days.

This morning, I got a text from my son, who I’d let stay with his friends last night, knowing they’d be driving into school this morning from beyond the bus routes. One of said friends’ mom is a bus driver, and the busses are running on a 2 hour delay this morning because of road conditions.

You see, after our Deep Freeze? We’re now sweltering in 36F degree weather! Things are suddenly MELTING! (Like the ice in the hoses to my washer - YAY LAUNDRY!) There’s the dulcet sounds of water dripping from the roof, and a thin sheet of ice coats the packed snow, and Mario Bros. sounds from the bedroom as the youngest awaits her fate. With a 2 hour bus delay, do I let her stay home, or make her go…

After the first text message from my son, I drug my weary behind out from bed to load up the local radio station online so I could hear for myself. Seems the buses may be running 2 hours behind, but the SCHOOLS THEMSELVES are starting ON TIME, for those children who’s parents take them in, or they walk, or drive themselves.

Interesting. So I passed this little nugget of information on to my son, and since his two possible rides were stuck out there with parents not letting them drive, he’s pretty much SOL - snow/ice day home for him! He made off lucky, and I made sure he knew that I “was not happy!” about it. Truth be told, I didn’t mind so much. With roads that bad, I’d rather the boys not risk it. But shhhh. Don’t tell him that!

Then the text alert on my daughters phone started going off. And off. And off. And off. The messages were flying fast and furious - who was delayed, who had to go to school, who’s parents were driving, who had convinced their parents to let them stay home… Before I knew it, I had Peppermist (the child previously known as ‘the girl’) out here with a wailing cry.. “but MOOOO-OOO-OOOM, I’d be all ALONE”

(That sound was MY snort, coupled with MY eyes rolling. Inorite? I am my mother’s daughter..)

You see, in the time it took for my daughter to get up, pee, and walk to the living room, she already knew that 5 of her 6 friends were staying home, and the last text message arrived confirming the 6th was as well the minute she sat on the couch. Yeah. THAT fast.

A couple calls were made - there were other kids I was supposed to pick up this morning as my dad was supposed to head out of town, though he didn’t go anywhere either because of the roads and was waiting for me to appear to steal his car so he could laugh at me. Gee thanks, dad! Finally, we Mom’s and Nana’s just collectively tossed up our hands. Screw it. The kids could stay home. All of them.

Once again the text messages FLEW, just before the snoring started up again.

All of this brought to mind something my Dad always said when we were young - the 3 fastest forms of communication are: Telephone, Telegraph, and Tell-a-Woman. After this morning, I think I can safely amend that to “Telephone, Telegraph, and Text-a-Teen.”

I’ve talked a little bit about my kids and their cell phones before, and couldn’t help but smile when Sarah, from AT&T emailed last week, asking if I was the kinda cool mom who uses text messages to communicate with her kids - answer? YES.

Well, we all already knew I was cool, anyway.

My son uses his phone and texts on a ‘whatever, ok, fine’ sorta basis. My daughter, of course, is attached to her cell phone with an umbilical cord of need, because OMG what if someone forwards something and she BREAKS THE CHAIN and HOW will she EVER get KISSED if THAT happens? Let alone know what her friends REALLY think of her! (Describe me! Hot, Sexy, Nice, OMGUGLY - send to all friends, see who rly loves you!) It’s not only my actual teenagers either - it’s all the teens that I’ve acquired by default too. I have more teenagers numbers on my phone then adults, I think, and they text me Every. Single. Day.

Oh yes. Every forward (Remember the good ole days of chain letters, and email fwds?!) is received no less then 5 times, interspersed with “Hi mom! Dinner time? Come get me!” messages. My poor little phone is overworked and underpaid - well, not really, since I spend a mini-fortune for unlimited texting, because it’d be a MAJOR fortune to pay per message! Since my phone doesn’t demand that I delete my inbox every 20 messages or so, (and my kids’ DO! ha!) I delight in showing off my message totals to them daily. This morning? 1393 in the inbox and 1179 in the outbox.

Not only am I cool? but look at the difference there - that’s how may forwards that I broken the chain. MUHAHHAHA! Maybe that’s why I haven’t been kissed in so long…

Anyway, the reason for Sarah’s message, was to point out a survey done by AT&T recently, that shows Texting is the new way for parents to communicate with their teenagers, without the teens feeling like we’re pushing. The survey even suggests that asking your kids where they are and when they’ll be home via text is less likely to receive eye rolls and grumblings and get you an actual answer! Or at lest, if they do roll their eyes at your poor texting skills, you can’t SEE it, or HEAR it in their voices. SCORE!

At the base level, texting is wildly popular with teenagers. Why shouldn’t you join in the fun? They don’t feel hounded, they can zap you a reply quickly, and they know that you are thinking of them. Trust me - despite their protestations, they WANT to know you are thinking of them! It also isn’t as embarrassing to them as it might be when their friends are nearby and hear you desperately trying to get them to say they love you. In public. In front of their friends. Ha! They can text “ilu2″ (I love you too) faster then fast, and their friends are none the wiser!

Sarah also included a couple links for the parents who aren’t so text savvy as myself, with some fun How Too information for the timid texting parent. There’s the video below, which makes me laugh every time I see it because CLEARLY that child is not old enough to be texting - and also, the mom’s a dork. Check it out:

Also, part of the AT&T Text2Connect program had Dr. Ruth Peters, a clinical psychologist and parenting expert (Wait! Don’t run away! Trust me!) working together to help aid parents and teens communicate through texting. There’s a great PDF that is worth the read - if only for the list of acronyms that you might find yourself trying to decipher!

We all want to communicate better with our teenagers - that’s a given. Teenagers can often be surly beasts that merely grunt aloud, making it more difficult then we expected. Why wouldn’t we take every opportunity to get an ‘ilu2′ from our kids, as well as an non-invasive way to keep tabs on what they’re doing, who their with, and when they’ll be home so we can breathe again?

So text your kids. Even if you end up like that guy on that commercial - pushing your budget meeting to another day just so you can spend more time texting your family (I LOVE that commercial!) - you won’t regret it, I promise.

l8r!

PS: Oh yes. I used a glitter graphic. I am SO COOL! (Stop laughing, kids.)

Alright. I’m not gonna lie. The best part about giving my teenagers cell phones has nothing to do with the fact that I can check in randomly and see if they’re behaving, or that they can let me know right off the bat if plans change. No, the best part about giving my teenagers cell phones, is the threat.

I gave it to them, I can take it away.
A lot like that oh so important thing called “life”.

You see, while my son loves his phone, he could live without it and knows that. My daughter though - oh she is connected to her phone by an umbilical cord of desperate need. She MUST have her phone. She MUST have the ability to text. She’ll simply DIE without it, because OMG WHAT IF SOMEONE FORWARDS A MESSAGE AND SHE BREAKS THE CHAIN?!

Inorite?! She’ll NEVER get kissed at if THAT happens!

This, as you can imagine, has become a very, very important bargaining tool.

Me: Hey, go start that load of laundry, will ya?
Her: Uh, no?
Me: Uh, lemme see your cell for a minute…
Her: FINE, mom. (stomps off to start said laundry.)

Isn’t that beautiful? It works for loading the dishwasher, letting the dog in and out, cleaning up her room, going to pick up something from her aunt’s house, and even being nice to her sister sometimes, though that one still needs a little work. Another cell phone related ploy that works? “Boy, it sure would suck if your brother could talk to your BFF - also his girlfriend - on HIS phone, and YOU couldn’t…”

It has also proved to be an amazing alarm clock for the kid, saving my voice box. The Girl decided that people should record their ring tones for her, and asked for a wake up alarm from me. I gave it to her - in the loud piercing voice that usually is reserved for the 18th OMG YOU ARE LATE GET UP wake up call of the morning. Now, at 6:30am, it never fails to make me laugh to hear my voice from her room repeating “Get the fuck up NOOOOOW!”

Even better? I then hear of it repeating across town, as that ring tone has been passed around to all of the teenagers, even the ones who’s mom’s are of the ‘wake them gently’ persuasion.

Maybe that’s why they’re all using the lovely “Bitch stop calling me!” ring tone for my calls…

Of course, it also allows phone calls like this when she checks in after school:
Her: Mom! I’m going home with MK today, just in case you forgot.
Me: Ok. I remembered. Have fun!
Her: Yeah, so your boyfriend can stay a little longer!
Me: Yay!
Her: Have happy sex, mom! Bye!
Me: (Cracks UP) Behave. Bye!

Don’t you wish you had MY kids?!
(And for the record - I have no boyfriend. Just in case you were wondering. Heh!)

The chances are good that your teen or tween has a cell phone. According to Linda Barrabee, a wireless market analyst for The Yankee Group, 56% of 13-to-17-year-olds have cell phones, compared to just 5% in the year 2000. What are kids doing with all those phones?

Originally, cell phones were used to make calls in case of emergency. A car broke down or you were stuck at a meeting somewhere. Cell phones eliminated the need to make sure you had quarters for the pay phone, and that you could find a pay phone when you needed one! Great idea, right!

That was until teenagers became one of the primary markets for cell phone manufacturers. Now you can do anything with a cell phone. Not only can you make calls and send text messages, you can take pictures, surf the web, play video games, watch movies and music videos (although those tiny screens are murder!). The cell phone has become a mini-computer-much smaller and easier to carry than a laptop.

My 17-year-old uses her cell phone primarily for texting friends. By paying an extra ten dollars per month, she gets unlimited texting. That’s actually a bargain, considering the amount of texting she does. She does use it to stay in touch with me when she’s at afterschool activities, on school trips, or just out shopping. She does that with actual phone calls. I just can’t get into texting. Call me an old fogey, but all those text abbreviations bug me (bff-best friend forever, idk-i don’t know). I just prefer to use whole words!

However, with cell phones being put to so many uses these days, some parents are becoming concerned about the kinds of things their kids have access to on them. At home, you can monitor your kids’ computer usage and block sites that you don’t want them to visit. It’s not so easy on their cell phones.

More and more cell phone manufacturers are seeing the need to give parents some control over what their kids have access to via a phone. Erinn, over at Parenting Our Children has a review of a new phone that allows parents to decide when the phone will be on and what features kids will be allowed to use.

If your tweens and teens carry cell phones, you might want to look into any controls that your company or phone allows you to have over your kids’ phone usage. These days, strangers have access to your kids via their cell phones. And that’s not a good thing.

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