Parenting Teens

Do you know anything about the dropout rate in your local school system? Do you have a daughter who may be in danger of dropping out of high school?

The National Women’s Law Center has a new report titled When Girls Don’t Graduate, We All Fail: A Call To Improve High School Graduation Rates for Girls

The statistics truly are alarming. The report states that 1,000 high school students drop out of school each hour in America. This means that 30% of the class of 2007, or 1.2 million students are estimated to have dropped out of school last year.

Also according to the report, one in three boys, and nearly 50% of some racial and ethnic groups will not graduate with a diploma in four years of high school. Among girls, one in four overall will not graduate from high school. One in two Native American girls will not graduate; four in ten African-American girls, and nearly four in ten Hispanic girls do not graduate each year.

The study gives the following recommendations for dealing with dropout prevention:

* Combating sexual harassment in schools. Both boys and girls report that they drop out in part because they do not feel safe at school. Download a fact sheet on sexual harassment for schools or for students.
* Providing better support for pregnant and parenting students. Pregnancy and parenting responsibilities play a significant role in many girls’ decisions to drop out of school.
* Ensuring equal access for girls to career and technical education classes. These classes provide training for high-skill, high-wage jobs. Offering career education programs that emphasize the link between academic work, college success, and careers has been proven to reduce dropout rates.
* Ensuring equal access for girls to after-school programs, including athletics programs. Studies have shown that participation in after-school programs improves graduation rates and academic achievement.

Do you know anything about the dropout rate in your local schools? Even if you don’t have teens at risk of dropping out, you should be concerned. We’re raising the generation who will, one day, be in charge of things and, hopefully, taking care of us!

Volunteer to help in efforts to curb dropout rates. Our teens and the rest of society will be better for it.

For more on parenting, see Parenting The Adopted.

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Are your teen’s teachers male or female? Does that question ever come up for you? Do you consider whether your student is getting good role models from both sexes?

Nationally, the number of male teachers in classrooms is declining, especially in elementary schools. According to Scholastic,
in 1980 about 17 percent of teachers in elementary school classrooms were male, compared with 14.2 percent today. In secondary schools, the number of men in classrooms has dropped from just over 50 percent in 1980 to less than 40 percent today.

The National Education Association (NEA) puts the percentage of male teachers nationwide at a 40 year low. And, according to NEA president Reg Weaver, the scarcity of male teachers is unfortunate, given the high divorce rate and men increasingly absent from the home. He says that male teachers are increasingly needed as role models for children.

“…one of the reasons colleges of education find it difficult to attract men into the profession (is) because of the outdated notion that teaching is a woman’s profession,” Weaver said. “And that could not be further from the truth.” The perception of teaching as a woman’s profession is still there, as is the reality of low pay and men needing to be breadwinners. However, more reasons than those are also part of the decline.

According to Steve Peha, president of Teaching That Makes Sense, Inc., other factors are more important. Many male teachers go into administrative positions to be more upwardly mobile. Others may not like being one of the few male teachers in a school, where they experience loneliness. And many feel threatened in a society where parents are likely to bring sexual misconduct charges at the drop of a hat. “I’ve had plenty of principals admit to me in private that they just don’t want to deal with men in the primary grades at all,” Peha says. “It’s not prejudice, it’s politics. They know that women in those positions will be more readily accepted by parents.”

It’s our children who lose because of these attitudes, most especially, perhaps, the boys. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, in 2006, 12.9 million households were headed by single parents, with 10.4 million of those headed by single mothers. Boys need role models in a society where men may increasingly be absent from the household on a full-time basis.

As a single mother who raised a daughter alone for several years, I can also attest to the fact that girls need good male role models. My daughter had the best in my father and my brother, but I also appreciated the male teachers that she did have in her elementary school years, and I continue to be grateful to the positive male role models in her high school.

This is an issue to think about, as well as to encourage young men who have an interest in teaching to pursue that interest. Male teachers are in high demand, and there is a very real service that they provide-not just by being teachers, but by being role models for those who need them.

For information on homeschooling, visit Mom Is Teaching

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Do you have a teenager with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)? Does he or she often feel overwhelmed. For most of us, the feeling of being overwhelmed comes along with a big project or some kind of stressful event. For a teen with ADHD, that overwhelming feeling can come with something as simple as doing homework, or planning how to use weekend time.

Another concern is school projects, such as book reports, presentations-anything that will take more than a few hours to complete. The fact that it must be done in steps over a period of time adds to the problem. How do you help your teen address such issues?

For overwhelming nightly homework, help your teenager choose the first assignment to do. If possible, choose an assignment which they enjoy, find easy to do, or that is short. This will be faster to complete, and will help them feel a sense of accomplishment at completing the task, which can raise their level of confidence. When your child is working on an assignment, have him/her put everything else away, and simply concentrate on the task at hand. No distractions. This can make homework go much more smoothly for an ADHD child.

For larger projects, break down the larger project into its smaller steps, and schedule the entire project on a calendar. Perhaps you will want to keep the calendar out of your teen’s sight, so that the sight of the entire project doesn’t give them that overwhelmed feeling again! On a calendar that your teen has access to, write down one item at a time on the date it needs to be completed. This way, he/she has only one item to concentrate on-not a bunch of tasks over a large period of time. After they have completed the task on the calendar, you can mark it off as finished, and add another task.

To help a teen manage weekend time, assist them in making out a schedule. First, schedule time for things which must be done, such as chores and homework. If they have outings with friends or groups, put those into the schedule at the proper times. Helping your ADHD teen get into the habit of planning and allocating their time is a skill they will use for the rest of their lives. Helping them do it now will make it easier for teenagers when they go away to college.

If you have a teen or other child with ADHD and have any tips for the rest of us, please let us know in the comments!

Check out Mental & Emotional Health for other good tips.

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The past week saw two more incidents involving school shootings or potential shootings by teenagers. On Wednesday in Cleveland, Ohio, 14-year-old Asa Coon shot two students and two teachers, before killing himself. Police are currently reviewing surveillance videos, trying to find out how the teenagers was able to enter SuccessTech Academy alternative school, while armed with two revolvers.

The teen also, apparently, had made threats the previous week, which went unheeded, along with other warning signs from the troubled boy. Asa Coon had been suspended the Monday before the shooting for a fight, but fellow students said that school personnel had not done anything about threats he had made the previous week to blow up the school and stab students. Rasheem Smith, 15, a classmate, said, “I told my friends in the class that he had a gun and stuff. We talked to the principal. She would try to get us all in the office, but it would always be too busy for it to happen.”

Asa’s older brother, Stephen Coon, 19, was arrested the day after the shooting for theft and parole violations. And an arrest warrant was issued for his mother, Lori Looney, for obstruction of justice, after she lied to police about the whereabouts of Stephen.

The second incident occurred in Philadelphia. There, police were able to prevent a planned attack at Plymouth Whitemarsh High School by another 14-year-old boy. The teenager had amassed an arsenal of including knives, swords, about 80 pellet guns-and a rifle bought for him by his mother. The mother, Michele Cossey, has been arrested and charged with providing a firearm to a minor, and contributing to the corruption of a minor.

Her teen son was arrested late Wednesday and told police he had been planning a “Columbine-type attack” on the high school. The boy’s parents had taken him out of middle school and homeschooled him for the past 18 months, because of bullying.

These are yet two more tragic and shameful incidents which plainly illustrate the ways in which we are failing our children. Failure to communicate with our teens, and failure to take action when signs of trouble or violence are seen has tragic consequences. Please stay in touch with what’s going on with your teenagers! If you see ANY signs of problems, take them seriously, and get help for your child. It can save grief and lives-including those of your teenager and yourself.

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October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. It’s the perfect time to talk with your teen about the dangers of finding themselves involved in a relationship with violence or the potential for violence. According to the website Choose Respect, 1 in 11 high school students report being the victim of physical dating abuse, and about one in four teens reports verbal, physical, emotional, or sexual abuse each year.

Following is the text of the Teen Dating Bill of Rights:

Accept responsibility for myself and my actions.
*********************************************************************************

Be sure to talk with your teenager (whether male or female), about violence in relationships. Have them be watchful about any treatment or attitudes which make them uncomfortable from a boyfriend or girlfriend. Getting into inappropriate relationships can become a pattern. Help your teens know how to set boundaries, and be aware of the behavior of those with whom they have relationships.

For more on emotional issues, visit

Mental and Emotional Health

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I’ve posted several times before on the importance of communicating well with your teenager. However, this is one subject of which I think we can never really get enough!

During the teen years, children are making the dramatic transition to young adulthood. There is probably no other stage of childhood at which parents and children have more trouble communicating feelings. The child who once came to you with troubles, who liked getting hugs and kisses is now remote and uncommunicative. At the same time, a parent’s feelings toward a teen are becoming more complicated. You have pride in your child’s accomplishments and his becoming more independent, but at the same time, fear of your changing relationship, sadness at the end of his childhood, and frustration over losing some of your control over him.

Parents have preconceived ideas about what their teenager is or should be. This leads to many problems. A teenager is engaged in the process of becoming separate from mom and dad.

One good example of that struggle is appearance. Clothing, hairstyles, and makeup of which mom and dad don’t approve can be a major source of discord. A good rule of thumb to follow is that, if you can accept what

you

consider to be less-than-acceptable appearances in informal, everyday situations, it can give you some leverage in getting your teenager to dress more acceptably on more formal occasions.

By harrassing your teen about less important things like length of hair and style of dress, you allow more important issues to get lost in the shuffle. By respecting and accepting your teenager’s individuality in matters such as hair and dress, you help keep tension and strain between you at a lower level, allowing you to communicate more easily about the important things.

In short-don’t sweat the small stuff! Keep communications lines open for discussing really important issues!

For info and tips on communicating with younger children, check out:
Parenting Our Children
Parenting Toddlers

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The chances are good that your teen or tween has a cell phone. According to Linda Barrabee, a wireless market analyst for The Yankee Group, 56% of 13-to-17-year-olds have cell phones, compared to just 5% in the year 2000. What are kids doing with all those phones?

Originally, cell phones were used to make calls in case of emergency. A car broke down or you were stuck at a meeting somewhere. Cell phones eliminated the need to make sure you had quarters for the pay phone, and that you could find a pay phone when you needed one! Great idea, right!

That was until teenagers became one of the primary markets for cell phone manufacturers. Now you can do anything with a cell phone. Not only can you make calls and send text messages, you can take pictures, surf the web, play video games, watch movies and music videos (although those tiny screens are murder!). The cell phone has become a mini-computer-much smaller and easier to carry than a laptop.

My 17-year-old uses her cell phone primarily for texting friends. By paying an extra ten dollars per month, she gets unlimited texting. That’s actually a bargain, considering the amount of texting she does. She does use it to stay in touch with me when she’s at afterschool activities, on school trips, or just out shopping. She does that with actual phone calls. I just can’t get into texting. Call me an old fogey, but all those text abbreviations bug me (bff-best friend forever, idk-i don’t know). I just prefer to use whole words!

However, with cell phones being put to so many uses these days, some parents are becoming concerned about the kinds of things their kids have access to on them. At home, you can monitor your kids’ computer usage and block sites that you don’t want them to visit. It’s not so easy on their cell phones.

More and more cell phone manufacturers are seeing the need to give parents some control over what their kids have access to via a phone. Erinn, over at Parenting Our Children has a review of a new phone that allows parents to decide when the phone will be on and what features kids will be allowed to use.

If your tweens and teens carry cell phones, you might want to look into any controls that your company or phone allows you to have over your kids’ phone usage. These days, strangers have access to your kids via their cell phones. And that’s not a good thing.

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I belong to several groups dealing with parenting teenagers. The other day, the subject of discrimination against the mentally handicapped came up in one of those groups. One mother of a young teen in middle school brought up the report by her daughter that the word “retard” was used all the time by students at her school. Students apparently used the word as an adjective and as a derogatory remark against other students.

This member has a two-and-a-half year old nephew who has Down’s Syndrome. Her daughter is very close to her cousin, and was angered and hurt by the casual use of this word among her fellow students. We were all upset that this word would be used so callously by young teens. The girl’s parent felt that, since their school district sent all mentally handicapped students to one particular school, the causal use of this word was a result of these students not being exposed to their peers with mental disabilities. I have other ideas.

I place this squarely with the parents of students who would use such hurtful and derogatory remarks. As parents, we have a responsibility to teach our children to have compassion for others and to respect their feelings. The use of such words is, to me, a clear example that parents have not taught their children such compassion. Now, I realize that children can pick up on a word used by a peer and repeat it, sometimes not realizing how hurtful it can be. But such word use does not, originally, come from a vacuum. Children pick up on parents and other family members who do not have care and compassion for others. They will mimic not only words, but actions.

As a group we discussed this mother going to the school administration and/or the counseling office and requesting that the children receive some sensitivity training in this area. I’d suggest the same thing to any of you who have teens or any age children in a school where this type of thing goes on. It won’t stop all of the children from using such hurtful words, but it will reach some, who will realize that they are hurting the feelings of others. And be sure that you talk with teens, and any age children, about compassion and respecting others’ feelings.

The above Youtube video is a heartfelt speech by a high school student with a mentally handicapped sister. He talks about how he has learned more about life and love from his sister than from any classroom. Watch it, and share it with your teens. It has some very valuable lessons.

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How do you feel about the sagging pants trend among teens? My daughter and I were in the grocery section of the local Wal-Mart about a week ago, and saw one young man whose boxer shorts were almost totally revealed. We manged to hold back our giggles until we had rounded the corner into the next aisle, but then we almost collapsed! The guy’s green, blue, and white plaid boxers had us in stitches! I found myself wondering if he had bought them in Wal-Mart, so that at least they were getting some free advertising!

Seriously, if I want to see your underwear, I’ll be bold enough to walk up and ask you! Yahoo! News reports that some municipalities are now “cracking down” on crack-revealing pants and shorts. I had read about this in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, and considered myself all for it.

Now comes the news that many people consider these laws racial stereotyping aimed at blacks. One African-American shop owner asked if the laws would also go after plumbers and construction workers whose pants sag. Fine by me. I don’t care anything about seeing their underwear (or anything else they have) either.

Even the ACLU is getting in on this, as evidenced by the following: “In Atlanta, we see this as racial profiling,” said Benetta Standly, statewide organizer for the American Civil Liberties Union of Georgia. “It’s going to target African-American male youths. There’s a fear with people associating the way you dress with crimes being committed.”

I’ve seen plenty of youths other than African-Americans wearing these saggy pants. The issue is the saggy pants themselves, not the color of the skin underneath them. This is just a very unattractive and disrespectful trend. As for associating this with crimes being committed, it’s widely reported that this particular fashion statement originated in prison. What, exactly, does that say?

I’m not so sure new laws are needed though. Don’t most cities and towns already have laws dealing with indecent exposure? Shouldn’t we just be enforcing those?

Personally, I hope the saggy pants trend ends soon. As I said earlier, if I want to see your underwear, I’ll ask. Otherwise, just assume I’d rather see you with your pants on.

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One of the front page stories in today’s Atlanta Journal-Constitution is very relevant to this blog. It tells the story of what one family went through to get their teenage son into an intervention program, and how this program changed the entire family.

At age 16, Bubba Brocard, of Cobb County, Georgia, had become a menace. He punched holes in walls during outbursts of rage. He got drunk and belligerent one day, high and aloof the next.

“He was totally out of control,” John Brocard said. “He was using marijuana, was drinking alcohol, lying, stealing and manipulating us. He would verbally abuse me and cuss at me in front of my wife and challenge me to fight.

“His constant outbursts of anger and rage scared his older sister and younger brother to the point they were afraid to be around him. His mood affected our whole household and our marriage.”

Bubba’s parents, John and Fair Brocard, were so desperate to save him, and their family, that they arranged for Bubba to be kidnapped in the middle of the night at their home, and taken to an intervention program. The program is named in the article, so if you’re interested in it, please go to the link above. The purpose of this post isn’t to support or point out any one program, but to have you read the story of the Brocards.

It’s a remarkable story that led to the complete turnaround-not only of the Brocard’s son, who is now 25 years old, graduated from high school and college, and has a good job-but of his parents, who now run their own non-profit organization to help other families with troubled teens.

Read the article. You’ll get a lift, as well as, possibly, some inspiration, if you’re in a situation like the Brocards’. If any of you readers have serious problems with teens, please let me know about it. I can point you in the direction of some specific programs, if you’d like.

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In California, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has just signed a new law forbidding minors to use electronic devices while driving. This includes pagers, PDA’s, laptop computers and-yes-cell phones. Here is the gist of Senate Bill 33:

Beginning July 1, anyone under age 18 will be prohibited from using a cell phone, laptop, PDA, pager or two-way messaging device while driving in California. Traffic officers, however, will not be allowed to pull over drivers simply because of a cell phone infraction

The fine for a first offense will be $20 and, for each additional offense, $50. Similar laws are in effect in 15 other states: Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Illinois, Maine, Maryland, Minnesota, Nebraska, New Jersey, North Carolina, Rhode Island, Tennessee, Texas, Virginia, and West Virginia, as well as Washington, D.C.

Here are some statistics from a Seventeen Magazine survey of 16-and 17-year-old drivers:

61%

Number of teens who admit to risky driving habits
46%

Share of the risky drivers who say they text message when driving
51%

Share of the risky drivers who say they talk on cell phones while driving
40%

Number of teens who exceed the speed limit by 10 mph or more while driving

Do you have teens who drive? How do you feel about these laws?

Personally, I’m all for them. My daughter just turned 17,and I’m all for anything that gets her home safely. She’s a good, careful driver, but if she got on a cellphone with one of her friends while driving, I know she would be distracted. Our rule is that she has to pull over and park to use her cell phone, and that she’s only allowed to do that in an emergency.

Electronics have made communication much better and easier, but they can be yet another headache for parents of teenagers!

[teens, teenagers, cell phones, teen drivers, teenage drivers, adolescents, cell phones and driving, Arnold Schwarzenegger, parenting, parenting teens, parenting teenagers[/tags]

The following is a guest article by Randy Kimbrell, who has written many articles on alcoholism, its effects, and treatment.

Teenage alcohol abuse has become a huge problem in the United States. It affects every socio-economic level, all races, colors, and national origins. As a disease, alcoholism is more “equal opportunity” than almost anything else in this country.

The average age that a child in the United States begins drinking on a regular basis is just shy of age 16. That’s 5 full years before the legal drinking age! So when do they take their first drinks? Even younger: age 11 for boys and age 13 for girls. Those are staggering—and sobering—statistics.

The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism has done several studies on teenage alcohol use and abuse, and found that youngsters who begin drinking before age 15 are four times more likely to become alcoholics than those who abstain until the legal age.

Adolescents who drink are far more likely to demonstrate aggressive behavior than their non-drinking counterparts. They get into more trouble with the law, may get arrested, and even sent to jail. Society’s patience with juvenile offenders has already worn thin and many young people are now being tried as adults for the crimes they commit. The best years of a young person’s life could be spent behind bars because of their drinking problem.

The young person may develop psychiatric problems like anxiety, depression, or even clinical depression. He or she may “act out”, raging against parents, teachers, or other authority figures.

And speaking of parents, they are the single biggest influence on whether or not a teen begins or continues drinking. When children, especially young children, witness drinking and a favorable view of alcohol consumption in their home, they are far more likely to become underage drinkers and eventually abuse alcohol.

On the other hand, when parents regularly communicate their negative beliefs about teen drinking, enforce behavior rules in the home, and monitor their children’s activities and whereabouts, the children have a much better chance of staying out of trouble.

Family also has a link in that alcoholism or other dependency issues seem to have a genetic “thread”. If a parent has or has had dependency problems, his or her children are at much greater risk for their own issues. However, if the parent has reached sobriety and is open about the struggles he or she went through, it can help the children resist the pressure to drink.

Peer pressure can also have an effect on an adolescent’s decision to begin drinking. While much has been written about peer pressure, and its effect should not be minimized, study after study has shown that parental involvement carries much more weight.

Teenage bodies and brains are still developing, and drinking at that age has a much more negative effect than on an adult. The abuse of alcohol by teenagers is insidious, and many times adults who don’t want to believe their children would “do that”, find out too late that they already have. Parents, teachers and social workers need to remain alert to the signs of alcohol abuse in teenagers.

Intervention is possible for anyone. But for a teenager who is abusing alcohol, it’s a must.

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Much has been made recently about increasing weight problems among children and adolescents. Now, a new study from Morehouse School of Medicine in Atlanta warns that high blood pressure is rising among children and teens.

The study, which will be published in the American Heart Association Journal, Circulation, was led by Rebecca Din-Dzietham. Ms. Din-Dzietham says, “This is a major public health problems. Unless this upward trend in high blood pressure is reversed, we could be facing an explosion of new cardiovascular disease cases in young adults and adults.” Increases so far have been small-just one percent for early hypertension and 2.3 percent for full-blown hypertension. However, those numbers translate into hundreds of thousands more children developing what often becomes a chronic, lifelong condition.

How do you help combat high blood pressure in your children and teens? Small, common-sense measures. Make sure your kids are eating a healthy diet-one low in fat and salt. Just the opposite of what most kids (especially teens) like to eat, right? In addition, make sure your kids get regular exercise. These can be the two most important things you can do for your child.

If you have teens who are resistant to the diet-and-exercise routine, try providing them with an opportunity to speak with someone-a friend or relative-who suffers from high blood pressure. If they can talk with someone about the problems they have with the disease on a day-to-day basis, they just might pay attention!

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Have you been following the controversy over nude pictures of 18-year-old “High School Musical” star Vanessa Hudgens? Seems nude photos of her have been leaked on the internet. Miss Hudgens has apologized for the photos, saying the following:

I want to apologize to my fans, whose support and trust means the world to me. I am embarrassed over this situation, and regret having ever taken these photos. I am thankful for the support of my family and friends.

What’s been interesting to read are some of the comments made about Miss Hudgens and the photos. Over at iVillage, the comments have run gamut from “She’s 18 years old, and these photos were done in private, so get over it!” to “Her career with Disney is over.” One of my favorite comments gave the opinion that “the world is not such an innocent place any more.”

What would your feelings as a parent be if a friend of your teen had nude photos on the internet? What if your own teen did? Personally, if my almost-17-year-old daughter has to apologize for nude pictures of her appearing on the web when she’s 18, it better be one “heck” of an apology!

It’s true that the world is not such an innocent place any more. I don’t necessarily think that’s a good thing. And I firmly believe that, whether or not they are considered legal adults, not all 18-year-olds are capable of making good decisions. These are the same 18-year-olds that are calling us from college because they need money, or they need mom to do their laundry next week! They’re having trouble with their coursework, and they need tutoring. We worry whether or not they’re living on pizza and cheeseburgers and never eating a green vegetable!

Sure, some of them are more mature than others. And if you think your daughter is capable of handling the kind of attention that comes with published nude photos of herself, and you’re okay with that-that’s up to you. Personally, I’m going to be here mourning that “more innocent” world we have lost-just for a little while!

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According to a new study from the University of Chicago, the drop in prescribing antidepressants has led to an unprecedented increase in the rate of suicide among children. Between 2003 and 2004, the suicide rate among Americans under age 19 rose 14%, the largest one-year change since the government began keeping such statistics in 1979. The rise followed a sharp decline in prescribing antidepressants, such as Prozac, Zoloft, and Paxil, after parents and physicians began being warned about the drugs from the Food and Drug Administration(FDA) and other agencies.

According to Robert Gibbons, a professor of biostatistics and psychiatry, who did the study, the data suggest that for every 20% decline in the use of antidepressants, an additional 3,040 suicides per year would occur. Thomas Insel, the director of the National Institute of Mental Health, said,

We may have inadvertently created a problem by putting a ‘black box’ warning on medications that were useful.” He added, “If the drugs were doing more harm than good, then the reduction in prescription rates should mean the risk of suicide should go way down, and it hasn’t gone down at all — it has gone up.”

Although the drop in use of antidepressants has not been proven as the cause for the increase in suicide rates, experts say that the evidence leaves few other plausible explanations.

Personally, I find these statistics alarming for two reasons: 1)have we taken away treatment that many children needed to prevent suicide, and 2)are we raising a generation who are dependent on antidepressants? Neither scenario is very heartening. Mental illness is taking a toll on our children, as well as adults. Are we doing everything we need to do to combat it? Or, is there something more that we, as parents, could do to help our children?

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