Parenting Teens

One of the front page stories in today’s Atlanta Journal-Constitution is very relevant to this blog. It tells the story of what one family went through to get their teenage son into an intervention program, and how this program changed the entire family.

At age 16, Bubba Brocard, of Cobb County, Georgia, had become a menace. He punched holes in walls during outbursts of rage. He got drunk and belligerent one day, high and aloof the next.

“He was totally out of control,” John Brocard said. “He was using marijuana, was drinking alcohol, lying, stealing and manipulating us. He would verbally abuse me and cuss at me in front of my wife and challenge me to fight.

“His constant outbursts of anger and rage scared his older sister and younger brother to the point they were afraid to be around him. His mood affected our whole household and our marriage.”

Bubba’s parents, John and Fair Brocard, were so desperate to save him, and their family, that they arranged for Bubba to be kidnapped in the middle of the night at their home, and taken to an intervention program. The program is named in the article, so if you’re interested in it, please go to the link above. The purpose of this post isn’t to support or point out any one program, but to have you read the story of the Brocards.

It’s a remarkable story that led to the complete turnaround-not only of the Brocard’s son, who is now 25 years old, graduated from high school and college, and has a good job-but of his parents, who now run their own non-profit organization to help other families with troubled teens.

Read the article. You’ll get a lift, as well as, possibly, some inspiration, if you’re in a situation like the Brocards’. If any of you readers have serious problems with teens, please let me know about it. I can point you in the direction of some specific programs, if you’d like.

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The following is a guest article by Randy Kimbrell, who has written many articles on alcoholism, its effects, and treatment.

Teenage alcohol abuse has become a huge problem in the United States. It affects every socio-economic level, all races, colors, and national origins. As a disease, alcoholism is more “equal opportunity” than almost anything else in this country.

The average age that a child in the United States begins drinking on a regular basis is just shy of age 16. That’s 5 full years before the legal drinking age! So when do they take their first drinks? Even younger: age 11 for boys and age 13 for girls. Those are staggering—and sobering—statistics.

The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism has done several studies on teenage alcohol use and abuse, and found that youngsters who begin drinking before age 15 are four times more likely to become alcoholics than those who abstain until the legal age.

Adolescents who drink are far more likely to demonstrate aggressive behavior than their non-drinking counterparts. They get into more trouble with the law, may get arrested, and even sent to jail. Society’s patience with juvenile offenders has already worn thin and many young people are now being tried as adults for the crimes they commit. The best years of a young person’s life could be spent behind bars because of their drinking problem.

The young person may develop psychiatric problems like anxiety, depression, or even clinical depression. He or she may “act out”, raging against parents, teachers, or other authority figures.

And speaking of parents, they are the single biggest influence on whether or not a teen begins or continues drinking. When children, especially young children, witness drinking and a favorable view of alcohol consumption in their home, they are far more likely to become underage drinkers and eventually abuse alcohol.

On the other hand, when parents regularly communicate their negative beliefs about teen drinking, enforce behavior rules in the home, and monitor their children’s activities and whereabouts, the children have a much better chance of staying out of trouble.

Family also has a link in that alcoholism or other dependency issues seem to have a genetic “thread”. If a parent has or has had dependency problems, his or her children are at much greater risk for their own issues. However, if the parent has reached sobriety and is open about the struggles he or she went through, it can help the children resist the pressure to drink.

Peer pressure can also have an effect on an adolescent’s decision to begin drinking. While much has been written about peer pressure, and its effect should not be minimized, study after study has shown that parental involvement carries much more weight.

Teenage bodies and brains are still developing, and drinking at that age has a much more negative effect than on an adult. The abuse of alcohol by teenagers is insidious, and many times adults who don’t want to believe their children would “do that”, find out too late that they already have. Parents, teachers and social workers need to remain alert to the signs of alcohol abuse in teenagers.

Intervention is possible for anyone. But for a teenager who is abusing alcohol, it’s a must.

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If you are the parent of a child of any age, particular teenagers and preteens, you are probably concerned about drugs. And you should be. Drugs are rampant today. You can’t read a newspaper or watch a local TV newscast without seeing and hearing stories involving arrests for possession or selling of drugs, or crimes committed by people who were drug users.

Drugs are on school campuses from elementary school to college. Don’t be fooled into thinking that it isn’t happening in your child’s school. So, what can you do to help prevent your child from having problems with drugs? Active Parenting Publishers, which offers many great publications on parenting, has a poster with the following ten roles parents can play in preventing problems with drugs, sexuality, and violence. Please visit their site. They offer many great books and other tools for parents, kids, and teachers.

1. PARENTS AS ROLE MODELS Be a positive role model. Children learn best by example.

2. PARENTS AS EDUCATORS AND INFORMATION RESOURCES Be informed about drugs, sexuality and violence–and talk with your child.

3. PARENTS AS POLICY-MAKERS AND RULE-SETTERS Make rules–for example, “No use of illegal drugs by anyone in the family, and no use of alcohol or nicotine by anyone under the legal age”–and enforce them.

4. PARENTS AS STIMULATORS Encourage your child to take part in hobbies, school activities and sports. Get involved. Play fun family activities.

5. PARENTS AS CONSULTANTS AND EDUCATORS ON PEER PRESSURE “Just say no” is easier said than done. Teach your child to resist peer pressure without feeling foolish.

6. PARENTS AS MONITORS & SUPERVISORS Set and enforce curfews; know where your children are.

7. PARENTS AS COLLABORATORS WITH OTHER PARENTS Join with other parents to gain support and new ideas. There’s strength in numbers.

8. PARENTS AS IDENTIFIERS & CONFRONTERS Know how to identify drug use and other problems and confront your child when necessary.

9. PARENTS AS MANAGERS OF CHILDREN’S HEALTH Don’t delay–seek medical help if you suspect your child is engaged in unhealthy behavior. Trust your instincts!

10. PARENTS AS MANAGERS OF THEIR OWN FEELINGS Don’t blow up; don’t give up. You’re not guilty.

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In one of my recent web searches for news involving teenagers, I ran across a lot of disturbing news stories. One article, on Tennessean.com, involved a woman who was being held responsible for a number of teenagers drinking at her home. Here’s an excerpt:

Claudia D. Allen, 45, pleaded guilty to contributing to the delinquency of a minor on Tuesday, though she says she never condoned underage drinking. Allen had also been charged with violating the state’s liquor law for purchasing alcohol for a minor, but that charge was dropped.

Officer Brent Rose said he received a call on April 1 from a neighbor of Allen’s who suspected there were minors drinking at her home. Rose stated in a report that he arrived at Allen’s home, 2205 Winder Circle, and observed six teenagers, including her 17-year-old daughter, drinking on the back deck with her.

“There were two half-cases of Bud Light and a couple of mixed drinks,” Rose told The Tennessean. “There were around nine to 12 kids there.”

Rose said several of the teens ran toward a fence when they saw him. He caught two. Another officer found girls inside Allen’s home with alcoholic beverages, according to Rose.

The woman was sentenced to five days in jail, a year of probation, and fined $500, all the while protesting that the officer had lied, that she had never condoned the teenagers drinking, that someone else had brought the beer to her home, etc. A neighbor had called the police.

Parents drinking with their underage kids is disturbing enough. But the comments that this article received were even worse. Following is just a sampling of the comments.

“Another holier-than-thou, can’t keep his nose in his own business neighbor. I love you freakin’ moralists that have nothing better to do than condemn others. Kids are going to drink, we don’t need to condone it but we don’t need to act like it is a capital offense either. Any neighbor of mine who steps across the property line yelling and screaming at my guests best have packed a lunch, he is gonna be in for a long day.”

“This cop is a real *hole. This is harassment. And the neighbor needs to mind his own damn business.”

“You guys are judgemental losers. You were probably big goobers in high school and have painful memories of being left out by the kids who were having fun. Obviously you can’t handle your liquor if you think a 12-pack’s gonna get 10 kids drunk. Cop is a jerk, too, and the neighbor needs to get a life.”

This is but a small sample of the wonderfully enlightened and intelligent comments which were left by readers. Underage drinking being allowed by parents? And these people think those who put a stop to it were the ones in the wrong?

This is one of those “I don’t know what the world is coming to!” moments!

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