Parenting Teens

Because I’m good enough, smart enough, and GOSH DARN IT, people like me!

Ahem. Being as I’m not your ‘normal’ mother by oh so many standards, sometimes it’s nice to find out you’re doing something right from a completely anonymous source. It’s even better when that source happens to be a teenager themselves, and they talk about how to parent them. Even better when you realize that hey - I already DO that - when they issue a challenge to parents everywhere.

Its nice to know that I totally rock.

Zen, over at Teens On Parenting, has a very interesting take on parents. She and her friends are open and honest when they give their parenting critiques and tips. After all - who better can tell you what your teenager is thinking then another teenager? Their blog was born out of an irritation with their peers’ constant complaining about how parents just don’t understand.

(And that’s SO not a new complaint, ya’ll… it existed even before DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince made it immortal with a fresh beat.)
(…what do you mean “DJ WHO?” Fresh Prince! You know, that oh so hunky Will Smith, back when he was still a geek…)
(..stop looking at me like that. I am not old.)

They are correct - it’s helpful to hear what kids their age have to say about parenting. One of the keys to understanding our kids is to listen to them, and their peers. And also, as Zen points out, to complain with them.

I’m good at this one. Take the other day, for instance. I pick up my son from work, and he kicks me out of the driver’s seat, because he’s practicing for his driver’s test next month and all. I give in with nary a fight, because he bribes me with a large diet coke. (Or rather, his manager does, because they love me. Whatever. I had caffeine!) He puts the car in gear, and takes off, and I already know. It’s been a LONG day at work for him. So I wait.

Boy: F’in M. (his other manager.)
Me: Rough day?
Boy: Dude. Corporate is coming. We had to clean stuff I didn’t even know EXISTED in the store!
Me: Oh man.. I know! I hated Corporate raids…
Boy: Hands and knees, mom! I was on the floor on my HANDS AND KNEES!
Me: Toothbrush or minibroom?
Boy: …you had to use a toothbrush?
Me: Dude. I know, right? Tile grout, behind the backwash sinks.
Boy: (smirks, laughing) I had to clean the oven beneath the oven. I didn’t even know that oven EXISTED until they pointed it out.
Me: Red light. Red light. RED LIGHT!
Boy: I see it! Gawd, mom.
Me: So - you the only one stuck on hands and knees?
Boy: Nah. All of us worked our asses off. M even cleaned.
Me: So, really can’t be too pissed at him then, right?
Boy: (glare, smirk) Shut up. I still hate him.
Me: Yeah, and? I hate kids. But I have this dirty oven at home….
Boy: (laughs) Shut up.
Me: I win.
Boy: I know. Dammit.

That’s a minor example, but you know - it works with all kinds of things. Kids don’t want us to FIX things, not right off, and especially not the little things. If we hover in helicopter style, we never give them the chance to work out issues on their own. This is why they complain to their friends - because their friends will complain with them first, then maybe offer a solution later. Why can’t we do the same? It wasn’t so long ago that we had teachers that pissed us off, things that we thought were unfair, co-workers that drive us insane (one of the MANY reasons I love working from home - no co-workers!) and even grownups that piss us off. We just need to remember that, find some common ground, and throw an understanding complaint their way. Our kids are smart - a gentle - subtle! - nudge at times is all that’s needed to help them find their own solution to any problem.

We’re not here to FIX things for them, as much as we want too. We’re here to help them learn to fix things themselves. Otherwise they’ll never leave home, and who wants THAT?

But, before he goes, since I know he knows how and all… I gotta get that not-so-little brat to clean my oven for me.